~ A ~
THE LETTER FROM SANG
Dr. Sean Green,
I don’t know how long I’ll be up here in this house and unable to see you unless you sneak in again. Before you left tonight, I wanted to tell you to take me with you. I wish I could tell you that right now. I’ll do my best to follow through with whatever the next step is.
Sean, you told me I should ask people directly how they feel.
Mr. Blackbourne suggested that I keep a journal to help. I can pass this to everyone with my questions, and you can ask me some, too.
I have so many questions. I don’t know where to start.
I’m afraid of what may happen if I disappoint any of you. After I upset Kota so badly, I can’t imagine what the rest of you may have gone through when discovering the plan and then agreeing to it. Sean, you did so without me knowing about the plan yet. You were sure before I was that you were okay with this and that it was what you wanted.
How did you know you wanted to?
I find the future hard to picture, especially at this moment. Who knows how long I’ll be up here?
But once I’m out, I want to focus on this. I want to help the others to get out of uncomfortable home lives, if they want to. If I’m out, the others should be, too. I know how anxious I was to be near you all. I couldn’t ask anyone else to stay at home in questionable situations.
I hope you’ll help me help them. I’ll do whatever it takes.
But where would we all go? I can’t imagine we’d all stay in your condo.
Do we all want to stay in the same house?
I miss you a lot, Dr. Sean. Right now I wish you’d crawl back into my window and stay. Too risky, I know.
I want to spend more time with you, too. I don’t know how. I want to make sure everyone is happy, and I don’t want one of you to feel I don’t spend enough time with him.
You told me once you wished you could spend more time with me. I want to make that happen. Somehow.
Also, I need to know anything you may need from me.
Perhaps in the future, we have to respect locked doors. Walking in on the others…I know everyone has gotten used to it. I’ll have to change to make everyone happy, but I can’t do it alone.
I won’t be able to see who is coming in the door. I have to assume whoever it is, he probably won’t be comfortable seeing me kissing someone else, even if everyone agrees they are okay with knowing I do so.
I’ll need everyone to forgive me if I back off when I hear someone coming. I’ll have to ask everyone to be respectful and let me break away.
And if the door is locked, let it remain that way, unless there’s an emergency.
Above all, I need to know how you feel and what you may need from me.
Is it fair to ask what I need? I’m not even sure what to say in answer to any of the questions I have.
I want this to work, because when I’m with you, and the team, I’m happy. I want to feel this way all the time.
It seems overwhelming in the moment, especially sitting here on this bed. I try to picture how Lily handles it and I can’t even start.
If you’re with me on this, though, I need to hear it, maybe even a few times. I try not to doubt, but sometimes it is very hard to believe someone like you, so incredible, so sweet and handsome, wants to be with me.
Am I the only one who has doubted?
Once I’m out, I’ll do anything you need me to do. I want to, because I can’t stop thinking about you.
I asked before how you felt about me. I want to ask again. I can’t help it. Is it normal to ask so many times?
I know I care very much. I enjoy being around you. Sleeping at your condo was fun. Just being around you…I want to do that more, as we don’t often get lots of time together. Maybe I can wait in your office between what you do at the hospital? I don’t mind waiting to see you.
I never pictured my future before, but now I can’t imagine it without you.
I love when you tease me about getting married.
I loved when you made a paper rose for me.
I didn’t love how you made me pretend to be a doctor in training, but I’ll never forget it. That and how you kissed me. For the first time. My first time.
Can’t wait to see you,
Sang
HIS LETTER:
Pookie,
When I first spotted you in the hallway at Ashley Waters, it was the best day ever and the worst.
I found the girl I knew I wanted to get to know. You were being bullied by McCoy, but I found myself so attracted right from the start.
It was horrible knowing you were a student. I wasn’t a teacher, but there was this pretend barrier between us. I was sure I’d see you in the hallways, pine after you for however long it took us to solve problems at the high school.
And then you talked to me.
You laughed.
You’re smart and sweet and beautiful.
All the beauty on the outside was echoed on the inside and I couldn’t stand it.
I told Owen that night I’d be in trouble. He tried to say I was full of nonsense.
I knew. I never believed in love at first sight, but I found it that day.
Nothing since then has been what I expected. The more you got involved with the group, the more I was sure you’d probably fall for one of them. I was afraid I’d find myself forever pining for a girl who saw me as a teacher and barely got to see the real me.
That was, until Owen told me he went to see Lily’s team. A team with several boys with one central girl.
A girl they all later married. Unofficially, but for them, that was their life.
He didn’t have to say so, but I knew when he talked about it that it was right for us.
Every time I spoke to you, Sang, every time we were together, you made me happy. You gave me the drive to be a better doctor, something I never really wanted for myself.
I became a doctor because I was supposed to. My mother had a plan for me and I reluctantly did it to please her.
And now I’ll be forever grateful, because you and the others are often at risk and need me. I don’t care about the job, or the money and security like my mother often talks about.
I want you safe. I want everyone healthy and happy.
I know you inside and out, Pookie. I could memorize the feel of your pulse. The way you look at me, those eyes make me want to stay by you.
I need you, Sang. In my life. I’m not so picky as to ask anything of you except to see me when you can.
I want to tell you something about how I feel. I should tell you in person. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. How I’ve fallen for you.
I want to wait to tell you when you can hear it. I’ll always tell you anything you want to know.
You’re free from your old house now. I’m sitting on Kota’s bed, listening to you laugh as you’re eating pizza with the guys downstairs. Later, we’ll be sleeping on the floor with the others.
This is how it should be now. Everything was wrong before.
Does it feel right for you, too?
I don’t want to pretend I’m okay with everything as if nothing bothers me. I think I’ll be a little jealous if I see the others kissing you. I’d appreciate if everyone kept it behind closed doors.
I may forget sometimes, but I’ll try.
I’d also love to be able to see you more. I’d love to take you on dates, anywhere you’d love to go.
I’d love to show you some of my own favorite places.
I know I’m busy. But seeing you more is what I need. It doesn’t have to be all the time.
Maybe now I can just call you and say good morning sometimes. Call me often. I love hearing your voice.
There’s a few questions I have for the others. Jealousy might be something we have to work on together. This won’t be easy. I don’t have a problem talking with anyone about this. I’m ready to talk about it.
I won’t pressure anyone, like Sang said, but this won’t work without all of us.
We’ve said we’d support each other no matter the final decision. I don’t know how we will end up.
Honestly, I don’t mind how. I’d camp in a tent all year long, as long as Sang and you guys were nearby.
Also, my parents. If things work out, I don’t think I could explain to them the truth.
I know many of us share this issue. Some of us may be facing this much sooner than later, especially if Sang will be staying at everyone’s houses regularly. Questions will be asked.
We need to be prepared.
But we can’t do any of this without being sure about ourselves.
We’ll also have to convince the Academy this is right for us.
Lily and her team can only help us so much. We have to figure the rest out for ourselves.
Maybe this notebook will help. If you’re in, then I hope you’ll write in this.
That’s all we really need, isn’t it? Just a confirmation that we’re all willing?
I’ll tell everyone, when they’re ready to hear it, how I feel about Sang, and how I want my family, my brothers, to stick together.
And Sang, Pookie, if you feel this is right, I’m in. I’m behind you.
With love,
Sean