Thursday, November 24
(Kate)
Shelly was here at Keller's place bright and early this morning, groceries in hand: a turkey, a tofurkey for me, and all the fixings. I didn't realize it before, but she loves to cook.
After the turkey's in the oven and everything else is prepped, Shelly, Duncan, and I head to Grounds for some coffee. It's closed today, so we have it all to ourselves. Perks of knowing the staff. We all crowd around the fire and talk about how Keller is going to deal with the weekend ahead. He's at the airport picking up Stella. Melanie is headed to Seattle to spend the holidays with her family and arranged it so that she had connecting flights in Minneapolis going out and returning so she could fly with Stella both ways. This is such a big step for Keller; Stella's never visited him here before.
Shelly is still in shock about Stella. Duncan told her last night at Keller's urging. I tried to ease the shock. "I never would've believed it, either," I told her. "It's really something you have to see to believe." Stella is like a world unto herself. A world where I'd like to live forever.
Keller texts us twice to tell us there are delays with the flight and that he's running late. Then at ten thirty the door to the apartment swings open, and there she is: sweet, little Stella whose giggles fill the air. Shelly and I are making a pumpkin pie in the kitchen. Stella makes a beeline for Duncan on the loveseat. "Uncle Duncan!" she squeals in delight.
He pulls her into his lap and wraps his arms around her. "How's my favorite Stella?" He tickles her.
Her giggles escalate. "No tickles, Uncle Duncan."
He kisses her cheek and loosens his grip.
"Where's Kate?" she asks. "Daddy said Kate's here."
Duncan indicates my whereabouts with a thumb over his shoulder. "I see how I rate, kid," he good-naturedly mutters.
Stella squeals again when she spots me.
I wave. "Hi, sweetie."
She races toward me, hands raised over her head. I scoop her up and hug her tightly against me. I bury me face in her wild ringlets. She smells clean and pure like the air after a rainstorm. She pulls back so she can look at me. "We have a surprise for you."
"You do?"
Keller's carrying in bags from his Suburban. He sets them down just inside the door and scratches his head. "Yeah, it's the funniest thing, but we ran into somebody at the airport..."
Just then, Gus walks through the door.
Stella claps. "Surprise!"
"Holy sh—" realizing I'm holding Stella I switch gears. "Oh my God, what are you doing here?"
He's wearing his lazy grin and shrugs. "Would you believe that I was just passing through?"
I set Stella down and run to him. He wraps me up in one of his big Gus hugs that I've missed so much. "No."
He kisses the top of my head and reaches over and playfully nudges Keller's shoulder. "It was his idea."
"You planned this?" I'm still in shock.
The look on Keller's face is bright and loving. He shrugs.
I look back up at Gus. "How?"
He smiles. "Your boy here called me last week from your phone. You were sleeping." He winks at Keller. "We've been talking a lot this past week. I'd be worried if I were you, we've got quite a bromance brewing. And did you know the dude has beanbags in the back of his Suburban? Beanbags. That's the coolest thing I've ever seen. I may be in love with him myself, Bright Side."
Stella is wrapped around Keller's leg. "What's a bromance, Daddy?"
Gus starts laughing, releases me, and offers his big hand to Stella. She takes it without hesitation. Kids have always loved Gus. "Tell me some more about this turtle of yours, Stella. I'm curious, what does Miss Higgins eat?" The two of them walk toward the loveseat to finish a conversation they no doubt started on the ride here. I know Gus; he's giving me time to talk to Keller.
I wrap my arms around Keller's neck and whisper in his ear, "Thank you, baby."
"I love it when you call me that." He kisses my neck. "You're welcome. He needs time with you, too."
I look around the room. "This is so perfect." It's then that I notice Shelly is standing in the kitchen and looks like she's going to have a stroke. Her eyes are wide. Shock has taken over every feature on her face. I think our visitors have just become too much for her.
I clear my throat and call out, "Hey, Gus?"
He looks up from his conversation with Stella. She's sitting on the loveseat between him and Duncan. I wish I had a camera handy. "Yeah, Bright Side, what is it? I'm learning some seriously important sh—" he smiles when he catches himself about to curse, "stuff about turtles right now."
Stella giggles at him.
I point to the kitchen. "You remember my friend, Shelly?"
He looks back over his shoulder. "What's up, Shelly? Good to see you again."
Her face is bright red. I've never seen her embarrassed like this. She raises her hand and sheepishly waves. "Hey, Gus. Good to see you again, too."
He's fully turned in his seat to face her now. "I must say that I've never seen anyone toss a sidewalk pizza with such commitment and precision as you did the last time I saw you. I never got to commend you."
Her face is buried in her hands. "Of course, you would remember that." She's still embarrassed about throwing up in front of everyone.
Gus isn't mean-spirited. He's actually being complimentary. He grins. "No, I'm serious. You go for distance. It was impressive. Ride the lightning, my friend." He reaches over and slaps Duncan on the back. "You're a lucky dude."
Shelly mumbles, "Oh my God, I want to die."
I join her in the kitchen and put my arm around her waist. "He wouldn't tease you if he didn't like you. And as gross as it may sound, he was impressed. He's a boy."
Since Grounds is closed, we go back in and gather around the fireplace while the food is cooking. Gus and Keller are on either side of me on the loveseat. Stella is on Keller's lap, and Shelly is sitting on Duncan's lap in a chair next to us.
Gus, as always, is curious about everyone. He asks lots of questions. Of course everyone else is curious about him too, so he fields almost as many questions as he asks.
"So, why do you call Kate 'Bright Side?'" Shelly asks.
He looks at me and then back to her. Then back to me. And back to her. He points at me. "Have you met the girl?"
Everyone looks at me, and their smiles are endearing. It makes me feel good.
Gus continues. "She's the poster child for positivity. She's a freaking ray of sunshine. She doesn't just look on the bright side...she lives there."
"Huh, I always thought I lived in the world of sunshine and rainbows?" I tease.
He shrugs. "Same difference. Sunshine and rainbows is a horrible nickname though."
Everyone laughs.
"Bright Side does have a dark side, though," Gus warns. "Don't get her started on stick figure family stickers on cars, because she's loathes them. She gets irate—"
I interrupt, because I really do hate them. "That's because they're stupid. I don't need a pointless representation of your family staring at me while I'm sitting at a stoplight behind you. And I can't help but wonder how truly imperfect your family is if you feel the need to perpetuate it on your window for the world to see. I always suspect they're hiding dysfunction behind the façade. Hypocrites."
Gus laughs like he's just proven his point. "See. And she despises Facebook."
"Facebook is the decline of civilization as we know it. It's creating a distorted view of reality. What happened to preferring the company of flesh and blood? People don't realize how important face-to-face human contact is anymore. It's all about numbers and 'likes' and too much information. Do I care that you had a Diet Coke and a bag of Sun Chips while you watched a rerun of CSI last night? No, I don't fu— I don't care. Give me some substance. The entire sphere of your all-encompassing 'friends' family doesn't need to be privy simultaneously to the mundane details of your life...your sad, internet-centered life. I want to have a conversation with you tailored specifically to us. I don't want it streamed, real time, for the world to share in. Facebook is stifling social development. It's suffocating social skills—"
Gus butts in, laughing, "Okay, okay, Bright Side." But he's also nodding. It says, True that, or maybe it's, Amen. It's agreement. He hates social media just as much as I do.
And for good measure, he says, "And don't ever play cards with her. She cheats."
I gasp at the accusation. "I do not," but I'm giggling by the end of my pathetic defense and everyone knows it's an admission of guilt.
Gus nods, grinning. "She does. Trust me."
After dinner, I go outside with Gus so he can smoke a cigarette and we can watch the sunset. Gus takes my hand in his and smiles. "It's showtime."
It's what Gracie always said. I smile and whisper, "It's showtime."
The sunset is bright orange. Brighter than I've seen it in a long time, almost like it's trying to show off for us. To prove to us that sunsets can be pretty in Minnesota, too.
When we return back inside, we all retreat to Grounds again.
Shelly asks, "Why don't you and Gus sing something for us. I saw his guitar case."
Gus never goes anywhere without his guitar. He's had it for years, and it's seen hundreds of hours of attention and play. It's always by his side.
Gus looks at me. "What do you say, Bright Side?"
Stella claps her hands. "I want to hear Kate sing again."
Keller joins her. "Me too." It makes me smile.
Gus returns with his guitar case in one hand and something else I haven't seen in months in the other.
Shelly looks at the cases and asks him, "You play violin, too?"
He shakes his head and sets them down on the table behind us. "Nope." He looks pointedly at me.
I sigh. "Gus."
"I had Ma ship it to me this week so I could bring it to you. It should be here with you. You should play it." It's a dare.
Everyone's eyes are on me.
"You play the violin?" Keller asks.
Gus shakes his head. "Oh no, she doesn't play. She slays that instrument. I've never seen anyone as talented as Bright Side. Seriously. She kills it." There's pride in his eyes.
Shelly narrows her eyes at me. "What else are you hiding from us?" And the light bulb goes off. "Oh my God, it's you!" she shrieks.
Keller and Duncan look confused. "It's her, what?" Duncan asks.
She's pointing her finger at me and waving her other hand in the air like some crazed fan. "It's you! It's you playing violin on 'Missing You.'"
Gus smiles. "The one and only."
Keller and Duncan are still confused. "What's 'Missing You?'" Keller asks.
"It's only the most amazing song on the radio right now. It's the acoustic song Gus played at the concert," she answers haughtily, as if they should just know this. The song has gotten a lot of airtime on the college station this past week. It was released as the second single off Rook's album. "You have to play it," she begs.
"What do you say? Just once for old time's sake?" Gus asks, raising his eyebrows.
Stella claps again. "Play, Kate, play!" she cheers.
I can't say no to that.
The violin feels cold in my hands. It's been months since I've played, but when I tuck it under my chin, it becomes part of me, like I haven't missed a day. It's comfortable and grounds me. After I rosin the bow, I pull it softly across the strings. It brings me to life. I nod at Gus. "I'm ready."
There's concern etched across his face. "You sure?"
"Yup. Maybe Grace is listening?" Everyone's letting us have this private moment.
He smiles. "I'm sure she is." He looks up. "Gracie, this one's for you."
I stand and lean back against the arm of the loveseat. Gus takes a seat directly in front of me on the edge of the coffee table. Everyone else stays where they were. You could hear a pin drop it's so quiet. Even Stella hasn't let out a peep. She's leaning back against Keller's chest, his arms wrapped around her.
There's an unspoken language when Gus and I play together. It's always been that way. We hear and feel music the same way. Communication flows back and forth through the music, one reacting to and feeding off the other. Words are spoken with eyes and subtle nods.
He strums his guitar twice letting me know he's ready. I nod and slowly drop into the melancholy intro. I close my eyes and let it flow through me, the violin a natural extension of me and my emotions.
Gus joins in, his guitar soft and his voice gentle. His voice is reassuring. It always has been. You almost believe that nothing bad could ever happen when you listen to Gus sing. It takes me away. I've always loved that.
As the last few words leave Gus's lips, and he strums his last few chords, I'm left to play out the rest alone. As I draw my bow across the strings for the last note, I open my eyes. The expression on Gus's face is proud and reverent. "That's my girl."
I smile.
Stella begins clapping wildly again. "Play again, Kate. Play again."
She's beaming at me when I look into her bright blue eyes. Keller's matching blue eyes are shining a few inches above hers. "You never cease to amaze me, Katie."
God, I love him.
I look to Shelly and Duncan. Shelly's mouth is agape. "What the heck, Kate? Why didn't you tell us you played? You're phenomenal." She's floored.
I shrug. "I don't play anymore. My sister loved to listen to me play..." I trail off. The rest is unspoken. I told Duncan about my sister the night we talked after the concert. I'm sure he told Shelly.
She nods in understanding.
Gus claps his hands. "We can't stop now. Stella wants an encore. What's next, Bright Side?"
Even though the pain in my lower back is building to a deep, intense throb, I have to admit I'm enjoying myself. Even if I never pick up my violin again, I want to play right now. I whisper in his ear.
"Sure. We haven't played that in a long time. You sure you can keep up with me?" he taunts.
I wink. "I'll try. Shelly will know this song."
Gus turns to Shelly. "Bright Side and I went to a music school together growing up. She was two years behind me, but she always kicked my—" he looks to Stella before he continues, "butt—"
Shelly interrupts. "Wait. Don't tell me you guys went to The Academy in San Diego?"
"Yeah," Gus says.
"What's The Academy?" Duncan asks.
"It's only one of the most prestigious private secondary music schools in the country. Virtually impossible to get into, and they only accept the most talented applicants." She shakes her head and looks at me. She's smiling. "How did I not know this about you?"
I shrug.
Gus continues. "So, senior year one of my final projects was to cover a song that was on the charts at the time, something popular, but we had to put our spin on it. Turn it upside down and make it our own, unrecognizable. I, of course, enlisted the help of my talented friend," he points to me and I roll my eyes, "to help me out. The song was hard-driving rock, and Bright Side, because she's a freaking musical genius, turns it into this slow, melodic ballad with this unworldly violin arrangement."
"Don't let him fool you," I add. "Gus rewrote the whole song for acoustic guitar, I just added the violin. It was all his idea."
"Let's play it. They can judge for themselves."
So we do. And it's not until the chorus that I see recognition flare in Shelly's eyes and a grin emerges. She knows the song.
Keller hums along softly in Stella's ear as he rocks her. She's wearing her sleepy Keller eyes. By the song's end, she's out cold.
Shelly's still grinning. "That was astounding. I don't know what else to say. Just. Astounding."
Gus stands and takes an exaggerated bow. "Gracias."
I tip my head. "Thank you, m'lady."
Duncan pats Shelly's leg. "We'd better get going, or your mom will have a conniption. We're already five minutes late."
Shelly sighs. "Yeah, you're right." She frowns. "This is just so much more fun than familial obligations."
Duncan kisses her on the cheek and gently urges her off his lap. "You're right about that. But your parents are expecting us. Let's go."
Shelly drags her feet, and by the time they leave the pain is almost unbearable. It's been ratcheting up over the past hour but in the last five minutes, it's reached a new level I've never felt before. It's pain that brings nausea and blurred vision with it. While Keller's putting Stella to bed, I excuse myself from Gus and head to the bathroom to take my pain meds. I sit on the floor while I fumble with the cap on my pill bottle, because I don't feel steady enough to stand. My field of vision is constricting, and when I feel my head meet the tile floor with a blinding crack, everything goes black.
(Keller)
I'm starting to worry. Katie's been in the bathroom for ten minutes, and I haven't heard any movement or noise.
Gus throws back the rest of a beer. "Where's the john, dude? Bladder's full."
I point toward the door. "Katie's in it."
Gus knocks quietly on the door. "Bright Side, hurry up, I gotta take a piss. You've been in there a long time. You dropping some friends off at the pool?"
I would laugh if I wasn't worried, but there's no response from the other side of the door. My heart is racing. I don't want to worry Gus unnecessarily, but I can't shake the feeling that something is very wrong. I knock. "Katie, babe, are you okay in there?"
Silence.
I slowly urge the door open, but it meets resistance. I cringe and push on it, squeezing through the opening. "Oh, shit."
Gus is on the other side. "What's wrong? Bright Side?"
Katie is crumpled on the floor against the bathroom door. Her pills are scattered everywhere. There's vomit on the floor, and it's spattered with blood. I pull her up into my lap so Gus can open the door. She's passed out cold, but she's still breathing. "Call 911."
His head appears around the door, and when he sees her, there's nothing short of terror in his eyes. "Holy fuck." He's got his cell phone out and dialing 911 before I can ask again.
I'm rocking her back and forth now, brushing the hair out of her face. It's matted with a wet, reddish-brown liquid. I start whispering in her ear, and I can't stop, "You're okay, Katie. You have to be okay. This isn't it. Don't leave me. Not today. You can't leave today. I love you. I love you."
Gus brings me out of my trance. "What's your address, dude?" As I tell him, he repeats it into the phone. Returning the phone to his pocket, he grabs a towel off the rack and wets it in the sink and begins to gently wipe Katie's face and hairline. He looks me in the eyes, waiting. He's looking for answers.
I tell him what I know. "Katie has cancer."
All the air rushes out of his lungs, and he falls back against the wall behind him. The tears come in a torrent. "No. No. No." He's trying to deny it away. "This can't be happening again."
"Again?" I ask at the same time there's a knock at the door and Gus struggles to his feet to answer it.
Paramedics charge in, and I grudgingly release Katie to their care. I don't want to let her go because I'm afraid I'll never get her back. I tell them everything I know and give them her medication bottle. They have her hooked up to an IV and loaded in the ambulance in minutes. Gus rides with her.
After I wake Stella and load her in the Green Machine, I drive faster than I've ever driven in my life. The hospital is in Minneapolis. Stella is fast asleep in the seat next to me. I'm not a religious person, and I've never said a prayer in my life, but during the entire drive, I find myself pleading aloud, "Please dear God, please give her more time...please don't take her yet...I need her here with me...Gus needs her...Stella needs her...Shelly needs her...Clayton needs her...I love her so much...please, please, please."
Stella is sleeping in my arms when we find Gus in the ER admittance room. He's filling out paperwork. I slump down into the chair next to him. "How is she?"
His eyes are red and swollen. "She's stable. They're examining her now. Said they were going to call her doctor, the one that prescribed the medication."
I sigh and hug Stella to me. Her head's resting on my shoulder, and she's limp in my arms, heavy with sleep. I set Katie's bag in the chair next to me and with one hand I search for her wallet. When I find it, I pull out her ID and insurance card and hand them to Gus.
After finishing the paperwork and taking it to the admittance desk, he returns. "There's no news yet. I'm gonna run outside, I need a cigarette. Come and get me if something changes."
I nod. He looks how I feel: hopeless, helpless, and tense.
Gus returns ten minutes later and after what feels like an eternity, the doctor greets us. "Family of Kate Sedgwick?"
Gus jumps to his feet. "Yes."
"Kate is stable. We've moved her to PCU room 313. She'll need to stay with us overnight for observation. The trauma to her head resulted in a mild concussion. We spoke to her oncologist, Dr. Connell, and as I'm sure you're already aware, Kate has recurrent and metastatic ovarian cancer—"
"What?" As I start to question the doctor, Gus holds up his hand gesturing for me to keep quiet. I do. He obviously knows this part of Katie's history. I don't.
The doctor continues, "—which has spread to other organs, her lungs and liver. Kate is in the advanced stages, the equivalent of Stage IV, inoperable and unlikely to respond to treatment. Kate's chosen to forgo any such treatment and has opted for pain and symptom management. She wants to be kept comfortable, and that's what we, and her oncologist, Dr. Connell, are trying to do."
Gus speaks first. "How much time does she have left?"
"Although we cannot predict a precise amount of time, Dr. Connell tells us two months, maybe three. The cancer is aggressive. The progression over the next several weeks will be dramatic."
I watch Gus swallow the lump in his throat, and he nods. "Can we see her now? Room 313?"
The doctor nods. "Yes. I'm sorry."
I follow Gus, because right now I can't focus on elevators and directions. I have a firm hold on Stella; she's the only thing tethering me to reality. I'd get sucked into the black hole of complete despair if I let go.
Katie looks so small in the big hospital bed. She's still hooked up to the IV, which I assume is distributing some intense pain medication. Her eyes are open, but they look hazy, groggy. A bruise is blossoming beneath the surface of her left cheek, and there are stitches along her cheekbone where she must've hit the bathroom floor. She raises her hand a few inches above the bed in a wave. "Hey, it's my three favorite people." Her voice is hoarse.
Gus tries to smile. "How're you doing, Bright Side?" He sits on the edge of her bed and takes her IV-free hand in his.
"Better now." She smiles.
I sit in the chair on the other side of her bed, Stella still asleep in my arms.
She looks at Stella and frowns. "I'm sorry you had to get her out of bed, Keller."
I rub Stella's back. "Don't worry about it. Stella's a deep sleeper. A freight train could pass through this room, and it wouldn't wake her."
Katie's still frowning, but the corners of her mouth are turned up. "She's so precious, Keller. You're so blessed to have her."
The look on her face is heartbreaking. She'll never have children. She'll never have what I have. It's not fair.
"When did you find out?" Gus is whispering. He doesn't want to upset her, but he has to ask.
"Right before I left to come to Grant."
He looks crushed. "But you said your check-up went okay?"
She nods.
"Why didn't you tell me the truth?" He's trying not to cry.
She squeezes his hand. "Because I needed to come here and you needed to go on tour. If I would've told you, what would've happened?"
He doesn't hesitate. "I would've canceled or postponed the tour to stay with you."
"Exactly. You would've put your dreams on hold, or thrown them away, to sit at home waiting for me to die. I want more for you than that. You've worked so hard, Gus. You deserve to be out there performing every night, making people happy with your music. Do you know how happy it makes me to know that you're out there living your dreams?"
He nods. "I know, but you're more important."
She shakes her head. "No, I'm not. Our friendship means more to me than you'll ever know. But life doesn't come with a guarantee, Gus. We had twenty years together. Twenty years. That's pretty amazing when you think about it." She smiles and her eyes sparkle. "And that friendship won't die with me, I know that. It will live inside you for the rest of your life. It's like a little piece of me gets to go on with you. And I want it to be one helluva ride. You have so many things to do, and people to meet, and someone out there to fall in love with, to have a family with. It's going to be beautiful. I don't want you to stop living your life just because I'm sick. But I promise to keep bugging you every day I can. Nothing needs to change. I still love you, and you still love me, I know that whether you're sitting here in this room with me or you're a thousand miles away."
The tears are streaming down Gus's cheeks. "Why? Why you? Why now?"
She shakes her head. "I don't know, dude. I guess it's my time. Maybe Gracie misses me as much as I miss her and she put in a request with the big man upstairs." She yawns and looks over at me. "Keller, you want to lay Stella in bed with me? There's room, she might be more comfortable."
Even though I don't want to let her go, Katie scoots over and I place Stella at her side. Stella doesn't wake but she snuggles into Katie's side for warmth and comfort. Katie smiles. "Thanks. I think I needed that." She kisses Stella's forehead and yawns again and looks at me. "I don't think I can keep my eyes open any longer. This is one hellacious cocktail they've got me hooked up to. Come here and give me a kiss."
I oblige, although I feel like I'm falling apart. How could this radiant woman be fading away before my eyes? "I love you, babe."
"I love you, too, baby." Her eyes shift to Gus, and she motions to him. "You too, come here."
Gus kisses her on the forehead. "Good night, Bright Side. I love you."
She mumbles, "I love you, too," as she drifts off to sleep.
I summon my courage and clap Gus on the back. "Come on, man, I'll buy you a cup of coffee."
We grab two scalding hot coffees from the vending machine on the second floor and return to Katie's room. Katie's free arm is wrapped around Stella, whose head is resting on Katie's shoulder in the crook of her neck. I can't help but smile looking at the two of them. I take a picture of them in my mind, carefully cropping out the IV and machines around them, just two sweet, sleeping faces in the frame, Katie's bruises hidden against the pillow.
Gus is smiling at them as he drops into a chair on the other side of the room. "She would've been the best mom."
I slide the other chair over to sit with him. "Absolutely."
His smile grows. "You should've seen her with her sister, Grace. She was amazing. I don't know how she did it. She took care of her sister every day. Don't get me wrong, Gracie was easy to love. But being someone's full-time caretaker is a lot of work, and Bright Side never once complained. Their mom was never around. Janice preferred the company of men to the company of her children." There's disdain and judgment in every word. "And even when she was around, she didn't take care of them. She had some mental health issues that required medication, but I don't know what was worse, Janice on her meds, or off. She also drank...a lot. And she was a big fan of coke." Gus pauses, shakes his head, and chuckles sardonically. "Bright Side's home life was a fucking nightmare. She took care of Gracie because her mom couldn't, or wouldn't. They spent a lot of time at our house. Ma and I always considered them family. And after her mom committed suicide—"
I interrupt. "Wait. Katie's mom committed suicide?"
"Yeah. She hung herself from a ceiling beam in her bedroom one night. Bright Side found her the next morning."
I rub my eyes with my palms; my head is starting to hurt. "Shit."
"Yeah, it was fucked up. Janice had been hitting the bottle hard for a few months and stopped taking her meds altogether. I guess it was finally too much, and she couldn't take it anymore. As bad as it sounds, I was kinda relieved for Bright Side and Gracie. It was like being let out of prison. They were free."
"She must've been bad."
He shakes his head. "You have no idea. Of course, my mom and I didn't find out about most of it until after Janice died. Bright Side got really drunk one night right after her mom died and told me everything...the drugs...the beatings." He sighs and tightens his fist that's resting on his thigh. "There's no way we would've let them stay with her if we'd known. Bright Side never said anything while Janice was alive because she was afraid that social services would come in and split up her and Grace. And she was probably right, because there was some bad shit going down. Bright Side took the brunt of it, especially the physical abuse, to protect Grace. God, I don't even want to think about it. It still makes me sick." He shakes his head. "We never knew." He takes a deep breath and continues, "Bright Side was just getting ready to graduate from high school when her mom died. She had a scholarship to go to Grant and play violin, and she gave it up so she could stay in San Diego and take care of Gracie. A week after the funeral she went to the doctor for a routine annual exam and found out after a series of tests that she had ovarian cancer, 'a serous carcinoma,' they called it. The next two months were brutal. They operated on her and removed it all. Then she went through a round of chemo. She and Grace stayed with us, and we took her to all her appointments. You don't know hell until you watch someone go through what she did. She lost her hair, and she was so sick with the chemo. She couldn't eat. She threw up all the time. She lost so much weight they had to hospitalize her just to feed her and get fluids in her. It was awful, but she never complained." He points at Katie. "She's a fucking fighter, that little woman. She had faith she was going to get better, and it was all worth it. And she worried about Grace, of course. But eventually, she did get better. She went back to work, and she rented a place for her and her sister. My mom wanted them to stay with us, but Bright Side said they needed to be on their own." He laughs. "You should've seen their place."
"She said they had an apartment."
He laughs again. "That's a stretch. It was a single car garage. They had a double bed that they shared, some boxes they kept their clothes in, and a card table. That's it. They fucking loved it." He laughs again. "Only Bright Side and Gracie could live in a fucking garage and think they were in paradise."
"Didn't their mom leave them any money?" This just keeps getting worse.
"Hell no, that's another thing we didn't find out until after Gracie died. Apparently Janice had been living off Bright Side and Grace's child support all those years. She never worked. Their old man left when Bright Side was a baby and moved back to England where he was from. I guess he met someone and started a family and forgot about the one he had in California. He never talked to Bright Side or Gracie, but he paid Janice a pretty penny to raise them. Janice just spent it all on herself. The guy's loaded, so paying her off was nothing to him. The money stopped when each of the girls turned eighteen, and Janice started getting deeper and deeper in debt. When Bright Side sold the house and her mom's car, it barely covered the debt Janice had racked up. Bright Side walked away with her van and the clothes on their back. She and Grace lived on what she made working in the mail room with me at my mom's advertising firm. It wasn't enough to get by, but somehow they did."
There's a surprise at every turn with this girl. "I never knew she had it so bad."
He huffs. "That's because it's Bright Side we're talking about. The girl never complains. She hates it when people feel sorry for her. I bet if you woke her up right now and asked her about her cancer she'd tell you that there's someone out there who's worse off than she is. That's Bright Side."