Monday, November 14
(Keller)
It's cold today. My breath comes out in a fog, and I follow it down Main toward Three Petunias. I know I shouldn't bother Katie at work, but I picked up an extra shift at Red Lion Road tonight, and I can't wait until I get off work to share the good news with her. My entire body is still humming with the excitement of rebellion and self-fulfillment. It feels so good. Is this what it's like to be in control of your destiny? I feel powerful. And not like big-ego, dickhead powerful, but powerful like I've finally got my shit together.
The bell announces my arrival. I never noticed bells until the day I met Katie. The way she scorned them at Grounds was so adorable that I'm reminded of it every time I hear one ring now.
Shel looks up from the arrangement of flowers in front of her. She gives me an evil smirk, and I know I'm in for it. "Hey, Romeo."
I decide ignoring her attempts to embarrass me is the best way to deal with her. "Hey, Shel." The heat in my cheeks betrays me and her grin widens.
Katie turns at the sound of my voice. That reaction? It's addictive. A simple act that makes me so damn happy. I've only been apart from her since early this morning when she left for class, but after this weekend, a few hours feels like an eternity. "Hi, beautiful."
She smiles suggestively. "Hi, handsome. Couldn't stay away, huh?"
I shake my head as I walk behind the counter and wrap my arms around her. I can't stay away. Her skin smells like my soap. I love that, knowing she used my soap. In my shower. In my apartment. This morning. And now that I have her in my arms I can't resist kissing her.
Shel clears her throat. "Keller, I'm trying to run a business here. Keep it in your pants."
I smile, shrug, and bat my eyelashes innocently at her. "What?" I know she's just teasing us. After she got over the initial shock of seeing Katie and me together Saturday night, she gave us her blessing. Followed by a stern warning that she would "cut my fucking balls off" if I hurt Katie in any way.
I swore on my nuts that I wouldn't.
Shel eyes me threateningly and then a husky, but feminine giggle escapes. "I hate to say this because cute shit usually makes me nauseous as all hell, but you two are just too cute. I can't think of any other word to describe it. You're so fucking cute."
Katie pipes up, "Aw, Shelly, I don't want to be cute. Why can't I be badass, like you? You never call me badass, dude. It's kind of warping this delusional self-image I have going on in my mind." She laughs when Shelly rolls her eyes and doesn't answer the taunt.
I kiss the top of Katie's head again. "Oh, you are badass...and cute...and sexy—"
Shel interrupts quickly. "Okay, lover boy, that's enough. You'd better have a good reason for being here other than to feel up my coworker."
I smile at Katie in response. "I do. Can I steal her for a second?"
Shel nods. "Make it quick. And if I hear anything remotely sexual going on, I'm warning you now that I'm coming in. So, don't even think about it."
Katie salutes. "Aye, aye, captain."
"Thanks." I lead Katie into the back room and close the door, so we have some privacy.
She smiles up at me, but there's worry in her eyes. "What is it?"
"I met with my advisor today."
Her eyes widen with expectation, and I can tell that she's excited to hear what comes next.
My courage soars. "I changed my major."
Her smile becomes triumphant, and she jumps into my arms. "Oh my God! I'm so proud of you. Keller, you did it. You're doing it." She stops wiggling, drops from my embrace, and looks into my eyes. Her expression suddenly becomes very serious. "Are you okay with it? I mean, this is huge."
My nerves are ebbing, and calm is taking over now that I've said the words aloud. It's real. I nod.
"Have you told your parents?"
"No. I will this weekend. I want to tell them in person." I clear my throat. "Can I ask you for a favor?"
She doesn't hesitate. "Of course. Anything." Unconditional support is amazing. It makes me feel like Superman.
"Will you come with me to Chicago this weekend?" I don't know what I'll do if she says no.
She cups my cheek with her tiny hand. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" She's not turning me down. Maybe she wants to make sure I've thought this through.
"Yes. I'll break the news to them by myself, but it would make me feel better knowing you're nearby."
She nods her head. "Okay then, absolutely. I'll go."
Her support makes me feel like I can do anything. Anything. I feel stronger already. "Thanks."
"So, now that the decision's been made, what happens next?"
Now she looks worried again. I place my hands on her shoulders to offer comfort. "Changing majors means tacking on an extra year and a half; luckily I was already heavy on the English classes, so that helped. I dropped out of all my current classes that won't count toward my new degree."
She cringes. "Was that hard? I know it bothers you not to finish something you've committed to."
This girl knows me. She knows me. "Yeah, that was probably the only part of this that was hard. I hate leaving anything incomplete. It makes me feel like a failure."
She places her finger over my lips to quiet me. "You're not a failure. You changed plans. Huge difference."
When I smile, she drops her finger. "Thanks."
"What about your scholarship?"
"I don't know yet. My advisor is going to talk to Dr. Watkins, the head of the English department, to see what can be done. I wouldn't be surprised if I lose it. But if I do, there are always student loans, right?"
She nods. "Right." She pauses a moment and then repeats, "You sure you're okay?"
"Honestly, I don't think I've ever been more okay with my life than I am right now."
She's staring at me. I usually hate this kind of intense scrutiny, but when she looks at me like this, I feel alive. Like there's finally someone who sees me, the real me. The good and the bad, and I don't have to hide any of it. I don't have to be ashamed. I don't have to pretend. I can just be me, Keller Banks. She smiles her kindest smile and takes my hands in hers. "Damn. I'm in awe, dude. Seriously. You are doing it. You have officially taken back a huge part of your life. How does it feel to be such a badass?"
I shrug. "Pretty badass." My response is casual, but her words were like an adrenaline shot straight to my heart. My chest swells with pride and love.
She laughs, hugs me again, and her lips skim my ear. "You're so sexy when you're badass." It's the low, breathy whisper that drives me wild.
My hands run the line of her spine and come to rest on her hips while my lips paint kisses across her neck and up to her ear. "You have no idea what you're in for later. I hope you had a nap today, because when I get home tonight..."
She teases my earlobe with the tip of her tongue before answering. "Promise?"
"Cross my heart."