NICHOLAS

Madison, Bucky and I turn a dark corner on a sandy path, and nearly collide into two guys. The one standing has his back to us and the other is on his knees blowing him, hands digging into a narrow, naked ass.

The receiver hears our surprise approach, looks back, locks eyes with me and cries out, “Nicholas! Holy shit!”

I step back in shock.

Matthew pulls his pants up in a hurry, the other guy leaping upright, wiping his lips as blue eyes dart between me and my thunderstruck best friend. “Oh fuck, is this your boyfriend?”

With barely a whispered, “Can you just go now?” Matt zips and buttons up, staring into darkness.

The guy hurriedly takes off. I blink at him as he glances back once and breaks into a run.

Maddie runs her hand down my arm. “Nicholas?”

Slack-jawed, I stutter, “What the fuck, Matt? I mean, what the fuck?!!”

“It’s not what it looked like.”

Shouting, “Oh, you weren’t just getting blown by that guy?” I take two steps forward. “Don’t lie to me!”

Matthew covers his head and starts to cry. I mean, really fucking wail. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! Don’t hit me! Please don’t hit me!”

I blink at him, confused, guilty, pissed, and all of it is intense. I glance to Madison, searching for help, and she motions for me to go to him.

Pulling my sobbing friend into my arms, I tell him, “Hey hey hey, stop it. I’d never hit you, are you crazy? Why’d you even say that? I’m not disgusted, you idiot! I’m fucking stunned. What the hell, Matt? I mean…why…the fuck…didn’t you tell me you were gay? Or, are you bi? What is going on here? I’m lost, buddy, explain it to me!”

His tears don’t stop though. My best friend, practically my brother, is shaking with sobs, literally wilting, knees buckling so badly it’s a struggle to hold him up.

Tightening my grip, I glance to Madison whose arms are crossed, head down as she watches. She gives me a sad but encouraging nod.

“Matthew, cut it out, man. I still love you. I’m not ashamed of you! And I’d never hit you, ever! Stop crying! You’re okay. It’s gonna be alright, cut it out.”

It’s like he can’t hear me.

The guy is a wreck.

Dead weight in my arms.

We kneel to the ground because he’s too heavy this way and I don’t have the energy after realizing he’s been withholding this secret from me.

After what seems like forever he runs out of saline, just whimpers. I sit back on my heels and let him go. He won’t look at me, one arm wrapped around his head to cover his face. “I’m so sorry, Nicholas.”

“Yeah, me too. I wish you’d have told me.”

“I wanted to. So many times.”

Frowning pretty hard, I’m chewing the inside of my lip with confusion. The years are sliding by me and even as I look back I can’t pinpoint where I could have suspected he was into guys. Not all gay men are flamboyant. Everyone knows that—but not only does he come off as masculine, his interest in women was convincing.

“You were really good at hiding this, Matt.”

“Yeah,” he croaks.

I force a tense laugh, “Come on, you fucker. Look at me.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t!”

Peeling his forearm down I joke, “And here I thought you were asking about Zoe’s virginity because you want to pick that cherry.”

He bursts out laughing, and shakes his head, glancing over to meet my eyes for the first time since he saw us walking up. “She’s safe around me.”

“Guess so.” I drag a hand through my hair, trying to get my brain around this. “Did you think I’d stop being your friend?”

He nods, wiping his face. But, glancing to Madison, he grimaces with fresh pain. She hurries over and squats down by us, touching his shoulder as she reassures him, “You get to love who you love, don’t you know that? You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Tell that to my father!”

I stare at Matt. “That’s why he was beating you? He knew you were gay?”

Sniffling, he nods, “Yeah.”

Dumbfounded I croak, “That’s what he was doing?”

“He thought he could beat it out of me.”

Madison whispers, “Well, no wonder you hid it.” Glancing to me, she gently explains, “And why he thought you were going to hit him. A father’s approval is just as important as a mother’s—even more so for a boy.”

Matthew painfully laughs, “No shit,” locking onto me and holding my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you. I couldn’t! I just couldn’t.”

“It’s okay!”

His face is twisted up as he looks up at the moon. “Things are going to be different now.”

“Yeah they are! You’re going to get laid more, that’s for sure.”

He blinks back to me, then laughs under his breath, shaking his head.

I’ve got tears in my own eyes now that the shock is wearing off. I can’t believe he felt he had to hide the truth of who he was, from me all these years I’ve known him. All the memories we’ve shared. All the times he told me about some girl he’d been with just to make it appear that he was like me.

I grab him and hug him. “I love you, man. You should never be ashamed of who you are. I support this, completely. Hear me?”

He starts weeping again—a lifetime of hidden shame released. It’s not going to evaporate in ten minutes.

I glance to Madison and she’s got liquid eyes, too. She shakes her head and sighs, petting Bucky who is patiently sitting with us.

I smack Matthew’s back and stand up. “C’mon, let’s go get some food. That guy’s already eaten, but I’m starving.”

Matt’s sobs turn to laughter, and he struggles to rise up. I grab his arm and pull him to standing, as Maddie adjusts Bucky’s leash.

We head back to her place for some delivery. The walk is quiet for a while until she starts telling us a story.

“Did you know this was designed by the same man who designed Central Park in New York?”

We listen as she compassionately describes a distracting subject. After a while of not having the attention on him, Matt starts to look not so broken. He glances to me and I jog my chin to her as I throw my arm over his shoulder, “Hey, did I tell you I asked Madison to be my girl?”

“You did?”

“Yep.”

Her smile is shy as she meets my look.

Matt says, his voice raw, “You’ve never had a girlfriend, Nicholas.”

“That’s because I hadn’t met her yet." Dropping my arm I cross over and take Maddie’s hand, lacing our fingers and giving hers a squeeze. “Weirdest twenty-four hours.”

Matt sheepishly mutters, “Ya think?” Staring ahead he sniffles and after bit of a silence, asks, “What’re your brothers and sister going to say?”

“That you’re an idiot.”

He throws me an awkward smile. “You can tell Zoe she’s safe. But Wyatt and Nate--”

Laughing I cut him off, “—I give you full permission.”

He chuckles, and we all look forward to food and explanations.