SOFIA SOL

I smirk, “Wouldn’t you like to know,” broken sticks and dried leaves crunching under my feet.

He tries to grab it from me, but I dodge him.

“What is it, tarot cards and candles?”

I laugh, “No!”

“Then what is it?”

“Just take the picture and get it over with!” Setting it down behind a tree I embrace the knotted trunk as Luke frames the shot, holding his phone up.

“Hug it!”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“Look like you enjoy it!”

Closing my eyes I rest my cheek against the wood and inhale the sweet smell. A couple shutter clicks sound off, heard easily in the quiet out here. When it sounds like there won’t be more, I glance over and see Luke staring at me with a deep frown, camera slowly drifting to his side. My heart quickens and I brush myself off. “Got it?” I ask, bending to pick up the bag and walk to him.

“Yeah,” he nods, voice hoarse. Clearing his throat, we resume the hike. “What’s in the bag?”

My body is awake now, chest tense. I’d love to hold his hand but that’s never going to happen. After a few steps I shrug, “Lunch.”

He ducks under a branch. “You brought yourself lunch?”

I throw it at him and he catches it against his chest. “Open the damn thing, Jeez!”

Peeling the paper back, he peers inside, shoving his hand in so he can dig around the contents. He rolls the bag closed again and side-eyeballs me with appreciation and suspicion. “When did you get these?”

“Don’t worry, they’re still fresh.”

“When?”

“After breakfast.”

“Where?”

Exasperated, I throw my hands up and stop walking. “Is it really that crazy I got us lunch so we don’t starve up here? I didn’t wanna hike all the way up, get hungry, and then have to walk allllllll the way back to eat.”

Luke steps closer, his expression quiet. “Yeah, it really is that crazy.”

His gaze is intimate, unwavering, and it robs me of speech. I want to kiss him so badly. I need to touch him. My entire adult life I’ve never checked that impulse when I was attracted to someone, but this is Luke. He’s not some stranger in a town I’ll never visit again, who I don’t give a shit about.

I like to take control.

This whole not knowing what to do, how to act, with all these feelings I have for him.

It’s…vulnerable.

I don’t know how to be that.

Holding his look I’m silently begging him to take a chance.

I want to touch you. Please make the first move. I’m aching for you.

He frowns and hands me the bag. “Thanks for getting these.”

“No problem,” I mutter on a frown. “Stop giving me grief over it.”

A crooked smile slowly curves his lips. “You got my favorite sandwich, Soph. If I didn’t give you a hard time about that, we wouldn’t be us.” He walks away.

Gripping the bag tightly with my fist, I stay my pace, following him rather than joining him so I can chew my lips to pieces in private. We hike up the mountain, silent for a long time, leaves occasionally rustling as creatures dive into better hiding places. They’re good at it, too. The only wild animals I get to see are birds bouncing from branch to branch, chirping and adding peace to an otherwise shitty situation.

“Wanna climb these boulders, Soph?”

“Hell yes!”

“Here, give me the bag.” I hand it over and he sets it down in a nook of stone. “You first.”

I begin the climb. Keeping my expression blank and focused, I hide that I’m purposefully arching my ass up, stretching in sensual ways in my reaches to the next stone. The boulders are easy to grip onto, like fine sandpaper, and these boots have been resoled recently. The only thing we Ciphers spend money on is tread, our bike tires and the soles of our boots. They must remain thick for our safety.

On the highest rock I wait for him, watching his muscles do the work.

God, he’s so…motherfucking sigh.

“Look at this, huh?” he grins as he stands up, admiring the view with me. “Great idea to hike, I’ll give it to you.”

“This is flat enough that we could eat here.”

He glances to the stone and agrees with me. “I’ll get the food.”

Lowering myself I dig out my phone and cross my legs. “I’m going to call my dad.”

“Okay!”

My parents told me that when they were younger, you wouldn’t be able to get a signal in mountains like this, but the world realized when you’re in the middle of nowhere, you just might need to call for help during an emergency. Satellite towers were installed across our nation, and I can’t believe it took so long.

With my focus split by watching Luke climb, I dial Dad’s phone and wait for the rings to stop. “Sofia, where are you?”

Surprised, I blurt, “Tyler asked me to do a job, I’m with him in Arizona.”

“He did? What job?”

Pausing to think of the imaginary job, I realize I’ll just use Sean as the excuse. “We found a guy who might be good for the club.”

Silence for a beat, then, “Tell me about him.”

“We checked him out. I like him. His mother told us he doesn’t fit in here, the way we don’t fit in anywhere but home.” Luke sits next to me and plants the bag between us. “He’s sharp, street-smart, works out at his house, in shape but not trained for combat. He’s—”

“You interested in this guy, Sofia?”

“Am I interested in him?” I repeat, because it took me off guard. Luke locks onto me and I avoid his eyes, picking at the torn cotton around my bare knee. “No, that’s not why I’m asking. He’s cute, really cute, but he’s not my type.”

“I see.”

Giving him all the details about Sean, I use the word ‘we,’ a lot and never name Luke aloud. I finish with, “So, that’s it. We warned him he’d have to pass a lot of tests if you decided to try him out, and that everyone would vote. Is that how it would go down?”

Dad sucks airs through his teeth, thinking. “Yeah, that’s about right. Been a long time since we had fresh blood in this house. I’m interested.”

“Yeah?” I hit Luke’s thigh and smile. “Dad, I said you’d call him if you were going to give him a go. That it would be you personally, since you’re our President. And you’d give him a password so he knew it was really you, that the first stage was in motion. You have a piece of paper?” I really want him to start writing because I can just picture his pause as I hit him with Luke’s joke.

“No, but I can remember it.”

Bummed, I mutter, “Ah, alright…you ready?”

Luke covers his mouth, silently laughing.

“I’m ready.”

“Tickles.”

Silence, then. “I’m going to kill you for that.”

“What’s wrong? You don’t love our cat?”

“You’re getting back at me for sending Luke away.”

My smile wavers, volume dropping. “That’s the password.”

“Fine. I’ll pay my dues,” he grunts. “His name is Sean? We’ll have to change that. Too soft for a Cipher.”

“Agreed. I’ll text you his number now.”

“Soph, we okay?”

Glancing to Luke, I mutter, “Of course we’re okay.”

“You know I love you, right?”

Swallowing I stare into an image of my father, can see the look in his eyes as if he was right here. Hurts to be mad at him, but it’s my fault. “I love you, Dad. I’m uh, sorry about all of this.”

“Me too. I’ll wait for that text.”

“Bye.”

“Bye baby.”

We hang up and Luke pulls out his phone, thumb hovering as he realizes the text can’t come from him. He hands me the phone, eyebrows drawn as I copy down the number and send it.

“You said we were there, but he doesn’t know you’re with me, does he?”

“He thinks I meant Tyler.”

“Ah,” Luke mutters. “Great.”

“Can we just enjoy our day?”

He tears into the bag, and hands my club sandwich over. “Yeah, nothing’s changed. I just hated the reminder.”

Something has changed.

For me.

Luke chows down on his roast beef the same way I eat my club, big bites and messy fingers. I asked for extra mayo and mustard, the way we both like it. That stuff squishes out in all directions, and it’s delicious.

He pops the top on a new bottle of water and hands me the first one, opening his next. I’m settling into the awkwardness of spending time with someone I wish I could sit closer to, touch his leg against mine, but can’t. Feels like Luke is miles away, not a foot and a half.

“I was thinking about what Santosh said about a divorce. What’s going on with your cousin that you think it’s him?”

“Who knows if what she said is real.”

“If it is.”

Drinking a few gulps, I set the bottle between my crossed legs. “She described his place, vaguely, sure, but it’s only him I could imagine when she said those things. And I know he got married to his wife without telling anyone he was going to do it.”

“Your parents did that. You always loved that they eloped.”

And your father was my Dad’s best man.

“Yeah, but Ben isn’t like my Dad. He’s tight with everyone in Atlanta, always at the events, and they do weddings mostly at my grandparents’ house. It’s a big deal. Uncle Jaxson and Aunt Rachel live away from the city on a ranch, too, but even they did the big hoopla, Cocker-style. So that makes me wonder.” Taking a bite and chewing it down, I think about the situation and explain, “I was talking with Hannah after Ben eloped, on the phone, and she told me that all of the cousins who are closest to Ben, our group, don’t like it. They think it’s fishy, but he tells them they’re crazy and that he loves her. Which he might. But that doesn’t mean it’s the type that lasts. Could be other reasons? I don’t know.”

“No other divorces?”

“Aunt Drew was divorced before she met Uncle Jake, I think? But that’s it. My family marries for love, real love, not some have-to-get-married-to-matter bullshit. I don’t think my dad or his brothers ever yearned for a ball and chain,” I smirk, knowing them. Luke and I chew for a bit, watching the forest simply exist, the way it does every day for centuries. Suddenly I remember, “Oh, you know what, maybe Uncle Jaxson wanted to be married early on. He knew my Aunt Rachel since they were eight-years-old. Loved her all the way since back then, but she moved away.”

Luke drinks down his water, and gasps for air with a satisfied smile. “Ben’s parents?”

“Yeah…wait. That’s right. Holy crap! It just came back to me how when we were little, playing at their ranch—that’s where I always stayed when we visited Atlanta—Ben used to say, when I find my wife…and then launch into these grandiose plans. Where they’d live. How they’d have a ton of babies. He’s been looking since he was a kid. Probably bought into the romance of his parents’ love story.”

“Wanted that for himself.”

I wipe my mouth on my arm, “Mmmhmm.” watching Luke finish his sandwich. He’s staring off, eyes distant as he thinks about my cousin, and what Santosh predicted. My eyes drop to the faded scar on his elbow. He fell the second time he rode his motorcycle—a 135 engine he could handle at age ten—it’s almost invisible now. But I’ll always know it’s there.

“Never thought I wanted to get married,” Luke confesses before taking his last bite.

“You say that like you’ve changed your mind.”

He locks eyes with me and his chewing slows. The stare narrows, dark fringe of lashes flickering once before they drop to his lap. Crumpling the wrapping, he balls it tight and prepares to throw it. “Dare me to litter?”

“You’d never do that.”

He gives a half-laugh and shoves it into the bag. “Nope, never would.” Bringing his knees up he locks thick arms around them and listens to the pine needles rustling. “Peaceful here. Atlas said he might ask you to marry him. What do you think about that?”

I choke on my last bite, coughing and turning red. Luke glances to me, watching with a cocked eyebrow. I wave my hand reassuring him that I’m not going to die today, and grab my water bottle to get the edges down my throat. “What do I think about that?” I rasp, voice raw.

“Has he done it?”

“You mean has he gotten me a ring and bent down and all that bullshit?”

“Yeah, that’s what I mean.”

Shoving my trash into the bag, I mutter, “No, he hasn’t.” Meeting his eyes, I hesitate, then confess, “Well, he brought it up, but not with all that stuff. He just said…” Under my breath I say, closing my eyes tightly for a second, “I can’t believe we’re talking about this right now, I hate it.” Luke is watching me like he wants to finish the story. Leaning back on my hands I shake my head. “Atlas was being stupid! He said that it ‘made sense,’ and I told him he was crazy. We argued for all of five minutes and then we dropped it.” He hasn’t taken his eyes off me. “You really think I’d marry Atlas?”

“I didn’t know.”

“Now you do.”

“You don’t love him?”

Huffing an ironic laugh I pick up the bag and throw it as far as I can. We watch it bounce down the mountain about fifty feet and get stuck on a fallen tree trunk.

Amused, Luke glances back to me. “Feel better?”

“Yes, actually.” Exhaling I throw my arm toward the litter. “We’ll pick that up on the way back down! I had to throw something and you’re too heavy.”

Luke grins, but drops his gaze to the boulder, smile disappearing. “Had to ask, Soph.”

“But why? I can’t believe you thought I’d want to! Can you really see me and Atlas happy for a lifetime? Would that have made it okay or something? If I loved him like that, then it wouldn’t matter that I’d…done what I did? You know me better than that. Sex has never meant love for me. Or for you! You’ve banged more girls on the road than I have guys.”

He nods, staring off. “Neither of us has ever fucked someone we were in love with before.” Turning his head, Luke’s gaze slowly travels around my face. “I wonder what that would feel like.”

My lips part. “Me too….I’ve been wondering that a lot, lately.”

We don’t break eye contact, goosebumps lifting to a new level. Luke stands and offers his hand to help me up. Normally he wouldn’t do that, and if he did, I wouldn’t take it. But today I rest my hand on his warm palm and watch his fingers wrap around mine.

He lets go, and kneels to climb down.

I ask, “We done…hiking?” because I have to say something, anything.

“Yeah,” he rasps, eyes on the rocks below. “Watch your step on the way down.”

My heart pounds in my throat.

I’ve already fallen.