WE’RE EATING, AND I spend the whole time trying to think of ways I can make Brad feel better. But just as we are leaving, he walks right up to the waitress, who is in the middle of serving another table, and whispers into her ear. She pulls a pen from her cash belt and writes on her notepad. Smiling, she folds a piece of paper and hands it to Brad. Why? Why does he do this? And now I’m back to wanting to kick him in the nutsack. What an asshole.
I push the door open before he has a chance to catch up, and I try to go out before him but he tugs on my elbow and holds the door for me, and we walk through together.
‘Don’t ever walk away from whoever is watching you—no matter what,’ he tells me. Like he’s annoyed that I walked away from his flirting.
‘Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to stick around to see the after show? No thanks. So what time does she get off?’
‘Who? What are you talking about?’
‘Oh my god.’
He stops dead, and I take a step further before I realise he’s stopped. I turn around and find him with his arms folded across his chest, his feet planted in a wide stance which just makes his muscles and the width of his shoulders stand out all the more as he is shadowed from the street lamp. I feel that all familiar tingle start and my mouth goes dry. I have that fight or flight feeling coursing through me. My head is telling me to run because of the way my body is reacting. It won’t end well. I need it to stop.
‘Why are you stopping?’ I ask incredulously.
‘Because I’m sick of this shit, Maiya.’
‘What are you talking about?’
He moves into my space and crowds me in. I sidestep and hit the window of a storefront. He comes closer still.
He gestures between us. ‘This shit.’
He comes so close our noses touch, and then his lips softly press against mine. And without thinking about it, I’m kissing him back. His hands come up to either side of my face, and he’s so gentle. I open for him, and I hear a grumble in his chest as his tongue slides along mine. He tastes so good. And I don’t want the moment to end. I press my hands against his chest and grip his t-shirt, pulling him closer. That warm feeling starts, and I can’t bear it. Before I even realise what I’m doing, I’ve pushed him away. I already feel the loss of him, and I want to pull him back to me, but I hate that feeling inside. The way he makes me feel. I can’t. I just can’t.
‘I’m sorry,’ I confess because I really am. And I don’t know how to explain it to him. But he holds his hands up in a surrendering motion,
‘No, I’m sorry.’ He offers me his bent arm so I thread mine through and we walk back to the compound in silence. Everyone is in bed or on guard when we get back, so the house is basically deserted. We go straight up to the bedroom, and I grab my pj’s from my bag and head into the bathroom.
I notice a very obvious blood stain in my pants when I undress, and I’m overcome with a feeling of dread. I don’t know what to do. Should this happen in pregnancy? Is it normal? What the hell do I do? Do I see a doctor? Shit. I throw on clean pants and my pj bottoms—to hell with the top. I need to google.
Brad stiffens when he sees me—on instant alert. ‘What’s wrong? You look pale?’
‘I need to google. Can I use your phone? Do you have service?’
He checks and asks again. ‘Here, what’s wrong?’
I take it and type the words pregnancy and bleeding. I don’t answer, but he looks over my shoulder as I write.
‘Shit, is it bad?’
I still don’t answer as a picture of a very pregnant belly fills the phone screen and the words bleeding/spotting/miscarriage all stand out from the paragraph. Brad takes the phone from my hand, and I watch his lips move as he reads it entirely.
‘Sit down,’ he tells me, pulling up the chair. I sit. ‘Is there a lot?’ I look at him puzzled. Barely able to take in what is happening. ‘Maiya, are you bleeding badly?’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘I don’t know?’ I tell him honestly.
‘Fuck, we need a doc.’ He presses the screen, and it lights up with Jared’s name. The phone rings, and I hear his grunt on the other end.
‘Jared, man. We need a doc right away. Maiya’s bleeding.’ He hangs up and a couple of minutes later Zoe, Jared, and Devon all crowd the room. I’m lying on the bed. Curled in a ball. My stomach cramping now.
‘Brad?’ Devon speaks. ‘What’s going on?’ Zoe is checking me all over. For wounds. And I suddenly realise that no one knows. He’d kept his word and not told any of them. But now it is too late for that.
‘Fuck, Zoe. We need a doctor, a… a… what’s the word? Fuck.’
‘I’m pregnant,’ I announce. And as if time stands still, I see everything in slow motion. Jared dials a number on his phone, Devon’s face crumples, and Zoe moves away as the most painful abdominal pain I have ever felt rips through my stomach like someone is raking a serrated blade through it. I cry out, and Brad moves into my line of sight. He’s speaking, but I can’t hear what he’s saying. I’m crying. The pain is so bad. I close my eyes and the next thing I know, there’s a woman in the room demanding everyone leave, and that I take off my bottoms. I shake my head no, and I try to crawl away. I hold my hand up to ward her off. No.
‘Stop. You need my help, and I cannot help you if you don’t allow me to at least take a look.’ I look down to where I am lying, and I see red. The top sheet is soaked through. I cry out for Brad, and he’s there in a second. Holding my hand.
‘It’s okay, Sweetheart—you’re gonna be okay. Just let the doctor take a look at you, okay?’ He pulls up a sheet from the bottom of the bed and throws it over me.
‘You should leave the room while I examine her,’ the doctor tells Brad, and he starts to get up.
‘Nooo, please I don’t want you to go.’ He swallows hard and looks at the doctor for an okay. She nods.
‘I’m going to need you to slide off your panties and then bend your legs at the knee, putting the bottoms of your feet together and letting your knees fall to the sides. Okay?’
I do as she asks. Whatever she is doing has nothing on the crippling pain I feel in my stomach.
‘Okay, let your legs relax. I want to examine your stomach now. Do you know how far along you are?’ I shake my head, blowing out a breath and I tense up, ready for her to press on my stomach. When she does, the pain is all-consuming, and I pass out.