HOWARD LEAVING IS the catalyst for everyone getting up and going to bed. Even though today has been all kinds of fucked up—Maiya and I weren’t. We’ve crossed that line. And I didn’t need to tell anyone here because it was obvious the minute she entered the room. I’d marked her as mine. Sure, Jared’s eyes shot my way in a ‘what the fuck?’ look. But the fact remained, I’d marked her. Nothing anyone could say or do now. I’d claimed her as mine. No one in the pack can dispute the fact she’s human and knows too much. Because she’s mine.
I lead Maiya by the hand up to the bedroom. Jared wants me to go over security with those on guard duty, and I have to make sure all my portable cameras are set up. Everywhere. Brody is monitoring from his place for the night. He has all our numbers on speed dial. Howard was over there too by the sounds of it.
We get in bed, and I pull Maiya over so her head is resting on my chest. Her sigh of contentment makes me smile. I didn’t realise just how much I wanted her until she gave herself over to me. I’m not an idiot, I know this isn’t the end of all her problems, but it’s a huge step in the right direction, and I’ll be fucked if I let her face her demons alone again.
‘How are you feeling?’ I ask her.
She looks up at me with a small smile on her lips. ‘After today?’
I nod.
‘Is it really bad if I say I feel great? After everything that’s happened today?’
I chuckle, and it comes out more like a dirty laugh.
‘No, beautiful. It doesn’t. I know what you mean.’ I have to admit, thinking about her, out there, shooting a gun like a pro, turns me on. But at the time I wanted to get her the fuck out of there, and I was filled with panic and adrenaline. ‘Where’d you learn to shoot?’
She shrugs her shoulders,
‘I played video games, that’s all, I’ve never fired a real gun until today. The first shot I took nearly had me on my ass—the kickback was a shock.’
‘Seriously? You learned to shoot like that playing games?’
She giggles, nodding.
‘Yep. It’s true.’
‘Well, fuck me. You’d never know. You’re an awesome shot, sweetheart.’
‘Thanks,’ she says sleepily. It’s been a long ass day.
‘Goodnight, sweets.’ I think she must already have dropped off because her breathing has changed. I hold on tight to her and close my own eyes.
I wake up to Maiya thrashing around and mumbling in her sleep. Fuck. I shake her a little, but she doesn’t wake. Her arms and legs are being thrown out in every fucking direction, and she’s fighting against the covers. I get on the other side of the bed, and I whip her up into my arms and walk her into the bathroom. I won’t watch while she’s reliving her torture. It worked before, so I step us both in the shower and turn the water on. I keep it warm instead of cold like last time, hoping the water alone will wake her. Her eyes open, and for a few seconds, she’s disoriented and scared.
‘Hey…hey, it’s okay… you’re okay, sweets.’ I see recognition flash in her eyes, and she pushes against my chest to let her down. I do, and I watch her break again. I’m not sure what she needs or wants from me right now, so I just crouch there while she sobs her heart out. Fuck, if it doesn’t break my heart. I move to give her a reassuring hug, but she brushes my touch off like it’s painful for her. It hurts a little. I hate it, but she’s hurting, and that’s what I need to keep in mind. It’s not personal—it’s the memory of her nightmare. I don’t leave though.
‘What can I do?’ I ask. ‘Just tell me what you need?’
She sucks in a huge breath and shakes herself. Like she’s had enough and is telling herself to stop it.
‘I’m sorry, Brad… I just… it feels so real you know?’ I reach out to her, and she takes my hand. Thank fuck. ‘I just… I don’t know. I’m a mess… will it ever stop? The nightmares?’
We dry off and sit on the bed.
‘Anything you want to talk about, no matter how bad, we can talk about it, okay?’
Inside I’m screaming, ‘don’t tell me, don’t tell me.’ It’s going to tear me up hearing the details. But if that’s what she needs to move on in the healing process then that’s what I’ll give her.
‘I would have kept the baby even though… you know,’ she says shrugging her shoulders. ‘But I guess we wouldn’t be where we are now if I’d still been pregnant.’
‘What makes you say that?’
She’s wrong. I wanted her anyway, and I think she’s forgotten that.
‘Because who wants to be with someone carrying someone else’s kid?’
‘I didn’t care that you were pregnant,’ I tell her honestly.
‘But it would have been kitsune, Brad.’
‘Half! And that didn’t matter either.’
She looks at me with a small frown. ‘The pack wouldn’t have allowed you to be with me.’
‘Sweetheart, you are really misjudging my pack and me. We care. We have feelings just like anyone else. And I’m telling you now, if that baby had come into this world, it would have been treated like one of us, just like you are.’
That brings tears to her eyes. Fuck. ‘Maiya, I’m sorry.’
She shakes her head. ‘Don’t be. It’s just… I really thought about what it would be like to have someone rely on me, you know? To love unconditionally.’
‘I do, and I’m sure that one day we can try again.’
‘Try again?’
Fuck! Am I being insensitive here? Shit. I hate all this stuff. I always say the wrong shit. Better to make jokes and fool around. I nod. ‘When you’re ready, you know, in time? If that’s what you want?’
‘Honestly, I wasn’t sure what you wanted from this… us.’ She shrugs again.
‘Okay, well let me clear that up for you. When a wolf finds his life mate, he marks her. That mark is his bonding scent. It stays for life. So any other male knows that you’re my bonded mate. It often happens before we even realise it.’
‘So yours could come along one day?’
I laugh because she’s not following. ‘You’re it, sweetheart.’
‘I am? But you said marking and bonding and whatever—’
‘Maiya, you’re my mate. You’re it for me—for life.’
Her eyes widen, and she bites her bottom lip in a small smile. ‘Really?’ She’s grinning now.
‘I swear. You’re it for me.’
‘Well then, you’re it for me, too.’ She smiles, and it lights up her whole face.
‘Well, thank fuck for that because if I weren’t, there would be a string of dead men if you ever dated.’ I joke, but I’m fucking serious. It was hard enough before I bonded with her. I can’t even think about that shit now. Nope.
‘You want to try and sleep some more?’ I ask her because she looks tired. It’s been a long day and will no doubt be another long day tomorrow.
‘Yeah okay.’ We get into bed, and she scoots right across and lies with her back to me so I can cuddle her from behind. Spooning. Of course, my head goes straight into the gutter, and my little head gets all excited. Motherfucker. So, I grit my teeth and close my eyes, waiting for her to fall back asleep so I can move. I stick my arse out a little so I have more room. Jesus.
***
Maiya
When I wake up, Brad isn’t in bed. I peek at the clock and realise I’ve really slept in. On the small table, over by the door is a plastic tub and a glass of orange juice. With a small post-it note attached to the lid.
‘I didn’t want to wake you, but wanted to bring you breakfast in bed, Brad x’
That’s so sweet of him. I lift the lid and inside is a croissant, a pain au chocolat, some strawberries and grapes. He’s paid attention to what I like. My stomach growls in appreciation, and I sit on the bed and eat. When I’m done, I get dressed and go in search of him. It’s the first time I’ve really ventured out alone. I find Brody and Howard sitting at the table in the kitchen—they stop talking when I walk in, and I’m in two minds if I should just turn around and walk back out. But I don’t.
I lift my head and ask, ‘do either of you know where Brad is?’
‘Yeah, he’s on guard duty today. He’ll be back in a few more hours,’ Brody says with a smile.
‘Okay, thanks.’
‘The girls are down there in the sitting room if you want to head that way?’ Howard says. I don’t know if he’s being kind or just wants rid of me. I decide I’d rather have company than be cooped up in that room alone. I find them slouched on a huge sofa watching Bridget Jones Diaries.
‘Hey, come and sit,’ Zoe insists.
I smile. She’s such a nice person—helps everyone and defended her friend when I was being more than horrible. I guess that’s loyalty. Family.
‘Sooooo, you and Brad, eh?’ Zoe says, grinning.
‘Have you had that chat yet?’ Devon asks. I smile. I can’t help it. I nod, and she says, ‘Thank God because we all knew already.’
‘How?’
‘Ummm, you did have the chat, right? About mates and wolves?’
‘Yeah. He said we’re bonded, and all other males would know.’
‘Well, try all other wolves because we smell it too,’ Zoe says, laughing.
‘Did he go all ‘I man—you woman’ yet?’ Devon asks, and I laugh, shaking my head. ‘Jared did. Jeez, he was like, ‘you’re my female. I will take care of you, blah blah… all because he didn’t like me going to work.’
We all laugh. The day flies by and before I know it we’ve watched two and a half films and ate through three large bags of sweets. I didn’t even feel sorry for it either. It is so nice having that time together. I stretch and yawn. How I’m tired, I have no idea because I literally haven’t done anything except shift my arse from one place to another. But I guess doing nothing is tiring. I’m just about to move when Brad appears in the doorway. He sees me and immediately looks guilty—for what, I’m not sure.
‘Hey, sweetheart. Didn’t realise you’d be in here?’
‘Clearly,’ I tell him folding my arms across my chest and raising my eyebrows in question.
‘Am I up?’ Devon asks.
‘Errr yep, that’s what I’m here to tell you.’
‘You’re going on guard duty?’ I ask, shocked as hell.
‘Guard duty? No, I’m going to finish the bitch who gave birth to me.’ Then looking at Brad, she asks, ‘Did she talk then?’ He tilts his head to the side and widens his eyes as if she’s just given his secret away. Clearly, he doesn’t want me to know that’s what he’s been doing all day. The fact that he’s covered in blood and stinks of it obviously hasn’t entered his head yet. Honestly. Devon walks around the sofa, so I follow.
‘Catch you in a bit,’ Zoe says waving but not turning from the television. I walk through the door right after Devon,
‘I’ll be back in a while. I can meet you here if you wanna stay with Zoe,’ Brad says.
‘Nope, I’m good. I’ll go with Devon.’ Devon looks over her shoulder and makes a goofy face at me. Even after everything that’s happened between us, I know damn well she’ll have my back with this.
‘Maiya,’ he says like he’s telling me off.
‘Don’t Maiya me! I want to go.’
‘No!’
I raise my brows. ‘Really? You wanna stick with that answer or would you like to phone a friend? ‘cause I’ll tell you now, it’s incorrect.’
‘Maiya, we can talk about this later. Right now, I have pack business to deal with. I’ll be a while, and then we can talk, okay?’
Do all men not have a stupid filter? I mean, when I’m going to say something, I process it and think, no, that’s stupid, I shouldn’t say that. Why can’t men seem to do that?
‘Huh, so pack business has nothing to do with me?’
‘What? That’s not what I said.’
‘No, it’s what you implied, and it’s bullshit, Brad. I have as much right to deal with her as all of you—just because I’m not in your pack…’
‘You are in my pack!’
‘Good, so pack business involves me.’
‘Fuck me.’
‘Not right now. I’ve got pack business, but maybe later, okay?’ I hear Devon snort a laugh up ahead, and I can’t help but smile. Today, I feel a lot more like myself. Brad looks up at the ceiling and rolls his eyes.
‘Fucking smart ass,’ he says grumpily I follow Devon down the stairs to the basement. I’d been down here already, and Brad hadn’t liked it then either. Maybe I’m sick in the head, but it felt good to inflict pain after what they’d done to me, and I’m not going to apologise for it. I walk down the narrow corridor to where she is being kept. The stench of burned flesh hits my nose, bringing back a flood of memories with it. The pain. The laughter. The jeering. All of it floods back. My step falters, and I swallow the lump trying to rise in my throat. I will not give myself over to this, not now, not again, not ever. Devon keeps on walking. But Brad notices my hesitation.
‘Sweetheart—’
‘Brad, don’t even try. I’m going in there, so please don’t try and convince me not to.’
He holds his hands up in surrender. ‘Think I’ve gathered there’s no point trying to convince you to do anything you don’t want to, but… just wait a sec, okay?’
‘Okay, what’s up?’
He takes a deep breath before he starts. ‘She’s a mess in there, and I…’ he fidgets closes his eyes and then looks me directly in the eye. ‘Just know that I did this… that I worked on her because—’
‘Because she deserves it?’ I interrupt.
‘Yeah, she does, but I’ve never worked a woman before. I just want you to know that before you go in, okay? It’s not something I really want you to see.’
I grab his face in my hands. ‘Brad, remember the day you found me?’
He nods with a look on his face like he may be sick. ‘Just remember that, every time you look at her and feel bad because she’s a woman.’
‘That’s not what I meant, Maiya. I meant that I don’t want you to think I’m a bastard that treats women like they treated you. Because the only reason I did this was because of what she did to you.’
‘Brad, evil doesn’t have a gender, and you don’t need to explain any of this to me. The situation is fucked up, yes. The fact this happened at all is fucked up, but the fact I’m falling for you—’
His lips smash against mine, and he lifts me up into his arms. We fall against the wall, and he’s kissing me with such hunger that I moan into his mouth. My hands are everywhere, and I want him so badly.
‘Hey, fucker, pack that shit in and get your asses in here.’ Jared yells from the room down the corridor. Brad smiles against my lips.
‘Bastard,’ he chuckles. But he lets me slide down his body and his cock rubs against me as my feet touch the ground. He steps away, adjusting himself and then leads me into the room. What I see doesn’t shock me. I guess after the way Brad acted, I thought maybe I would have to prepare myself.
Devon’s mother is tied to a chair in the middle of the room, right beneath her is a drain, and behind her is a table, well equipped with every kind of blade you could imagine. Some, have clearly been used, some haven’t. She’s not awake. I take a minute to just walk around her and look at the injuries she has. I would have thought that any human being who’d sustained injuries like this would be dead already. But I’d survived, only just, but I lived long enough for Brad’s blood to heal me. I was a fighter. I didn’t know it at the time. Brad and I were so complicated then. I’d wasted so much time on hate and self-pity. All because of this woman sitting before me. I pull her face up so I can see it clearly. I poke at her broken nose—everyone in the room seems to be giving me this time. No one speaks while I do it. I pull her hair back and notice that she has almost identical burns to me. I look over at Brad. He looks worried, but I smile. His smile changes his whole face as it lights up his eyes. I think he’d been seeking my approval. He didn’t need it. I knew what had gone on here. She was lucky though. I know these guys wouldn’t rape a woman, no matter what. So she’d been spared that much.
I step back into Brad, and his arms come around me. As he whispers into my ear, ‘You okay?’ I nod. His chin rests on top of my head. ‘You sure?’
‘More than sure,’ I tell him, squeezing his hand.
Jared, walks up and must have smelling salts because he does something and she jolts awake, her eyes wild running from one side of the room to the other, stopping on Devon, and then me. She sneers, ‘You lived?’
‘So did you, apparently’ I say.
‘That’ll be rectified in a few short minutes,’ Devon says.
‘Aww so soon?’ She laughs at Devon.
‘Maybe we can string it out a little bit, you know, so you two can have some mother-daughter time?’ Jared says.
‘Sure,’ Devon agrees, stepping forward. Jared and Brad exchange a look, and I’m not sure if they’re planning on staying or going. I think I’d prefer him not to watch. As if they’ve read my mind, they start to leave. Brad comes over and kisses me.
‘For fuck’s sake,’ Jared starts,
‘Fuck you! You’ve cockblocked me once already.’
‘What’s it like, dickhead? Told you I’d get my own back!’ Jared says shoving Brad out of the door and leaving Devon and me smiling at each other. Devon walks over to the table with all the blades and various other tools used for torturing. I feel a thrum of excitement flow through me. Maybe I am sick? People don’t get excited about this stuff normally, do they? Devon turns and hands me a knife. The next couple of hours are a blur. I know I do things that normal people wouldn’t even think about. But do I regret it? No. Not one bit. The final moments, I know Devon wants for herself. I’ve mutilated the kitsune and how she hasn’t died from blood loss alone is crazy, but she’s still breathing. Just.
‘Did Brad tell you how he watched her die?’
I nod because he had told me. He’d told me in detail so I’d know she was gone.
‘Well, not only did she turn on her daughter—she also had a twin who acted as a decoy for her. Killed herself on command. For her.’ Devon, says sticking the knife in her thigh and twisting.
‘You are more like me than you realise,’ her mother chokes out. Devon doesn’t hold her cool, she punches her, and her head snaps back. She could be dead. I check and feel a faint pulse. I shake my head. Devon pulls her head forward by her hair.
‘I am nothing like you. I will never be!’ With that, she drags the blade across her throat. Choking and gurgling fill the room. We stand until the drain at her feet has a river of flowing red, and her eyes stare blankly. Dead.
‘You okay?’ Devon asks
‘Yeah, I’m good.’ I tell her like I haven’t just been an accomplice to murder. Gone was the frightened pitiful girl who wanted to die. I’m done with feeling that way, and being a part of this makes me feel empowered. I guess I needed it to move on. Closure. And now I’m making new memories with Brad—slowly weeding out the shit that had been ingrained inside from my experiences with them. Right now, I feel great. We leave that room together, hand-in-hand, and I have no doubt that our bond will forever be strong.