Chapter Thirteen

Travis

It was the end of another busy day out on the ranch. I forgot how tiring it was to be out in the sun all day. It was tiring in a very different way than when I worked on the computer all day or when I spent hours of my time in a classroom. It was the sort of tired that made you feel good about yourself. Your whole body ached, but in the best possible way. Other than helping out with the tour group, I was also doing my best to help out around the ranch. There was more to be done than I realized and I knew that Mike was not the sort of guy to ask me for favors.

Now, I was sitting at the small desk, trying to work on my book. I had promised myself that I would at least get some of my book done even though my time was now mostly taken up by ranch work. It meant having to put aside a few hours each night, but I was hoping that it would eventually all accumulate into a decent amount of work. I had been working on the idea for this book for quite some time now, and I was desperate to finally get it together. The book was important to me, and it was not a dream I was ready to let go.

The internet connection was driving me a little crazy though. Not only was it super slow, but every now and again it would lose connection completely. I was getting more and more agitated by it, especially because of the limited amount of time I had set for myself. At this rate, it was going to take me forever. I couldn’t help but feel amused at my annoyance though. I had complained for ages about my brother not having the internet. Every time I came over to the ranch, I would tell him that he needed to get himself sorted out. I would lecture him for hours about how the internet was an integral part of keeping up with the changing trends in society. He didn’t seem interested at the time, but he’d been pretty proud this time around to show me that he had finally listened to my requests. Until now, I hadn’t realized how sweet it was that he had actually done that for me. I knew he couldn’t care less about the internet, so this must’ve all been for my benefit. And now that I had the internet, I was complaining about the fact that it was too slow. Did I always have to complain about something? No wonder the guy got so annoyed with me.

I worked a bit more on the book, but after a while, I got too frustrated and decided to call it a night. I had done a bit of work, and it was better than nothing at all. Anyway, I wasn’t in the mood for it. I was still thinking about what Mike said about me finding a good woman. He was very lucky to have Allison, and I was glad to see that he realized it. I couldn’t help it when my thoughts naturally drifted toward Harper. I never planned on thinking about her, but my mind always seemed to wander there despite my intentions. She really was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She looked like she could be a model if she wanted to. She had that natural look of beauty that was still there even when the makeup wasn’t. The more she relaxed into this new environment, the more attractive I found her. At first, I’d been intrigued by her because she’d seem not to fit in at all, but now I found myself melting each time I looked at her. For someone that seemed so adamant that she didn’t want to be there, she sure seemed to fit in well. It was funny really, considering how I had always felt about this place. Maybe I liked her because she was a city girl like me who found herself being pulled by the country even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself. Just like me.

The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if I shouldn’t pursue Harper after all. I wasn’t sure what was stopping me in the first place. It wasn’t like she was all that different to me or like this would have to be a onetime fling if it happened. I wasn’t really a full-time rancher out in Texas. I was a city boy, and if things were to work out with her, I could easily make a plan to see her. We didn’t live in the same city, but it didn’t mean we couldn’t make it work. I felt conflicted. I needed to get out and clear my head.

My brother’s house wasn’t far from the ranch. It was a fair distance to walk, but it was doable. I decided to take a walk there to get some fresh air and then walk back. I never walked when I was back home, and I knew it would do me good. It was what I used to do when I was younger. Whenever I felt sad or angry, I would go for a long walk to the ranch, see the animals, and walk back. It had a calming effect on me. Over the years I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it. Maybe this was something I could take back with me. Walking out in the city wasn’t nearly as calming as walking out here, but perhaps it would still do me good.

As I walked out, the air greeted me with a cooling embrace. Midday was always so hot here, but the mornings, afternoons, and evenings were beautifully cool. It was actually the perfect time to be outside, and I was glad that I had made the decision. The more I walked, the better I started to feel about everything. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about Harper, but I was willing to at least see where it goes and perhaps find out a bit more about her. The two of us got along fairly well, but I actually knew very little about the girl. I just knew that she had an affinity for good clothes and that she was surprisingly good on a horse. I liked that about her. Those were two very different attributes to have, but the contrast made me excited. I liked a girl that didn’t confine herself to the norms. I liked people that kept me on my toes. I was sick to death of the same boring people coming in and out my life. My previous girlfriends had never made me want to settle down. I wasn’t yet sure what it felt like to meet someone that made you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I would ever meet someone like that. Maybe it just didn’t happen for everyone. I knew Harper wasn’t that person of course, but she at least made me think that it was possible.

I was so lost in thought that I almost didn’t see Jillian. She was standing outside the guest house, leaning against the wall. She looked lost in thought, but when she saw me, she seemed pleasantly surprised and waved me over. I wondered where Harper was.

“Hi, Jillian.”

“Hey, Travis. Good to see you. What are you doing out here?”

“Oh, I thought I’d take a bit of a walk. Clear my head. There’s nothing quite like being out in this fresh air to make you really think straight. Especially in the evenings. I feel better already for it.”

She looked me strangely. “You still think like that even though you live here? Wow, I thought only us city folk feel this way.”

I chuckled. I still got a bit of a kick every time someone mentioned that I lived here. I thought I was an obvious ‘city boy,’ but clearly I wasn’t. “I think everyone feels this way. It’s good to be out here.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. And it’s good to have company. Uh… well… oh never mind…”

“What? What did you want to say?” I asked. “Is everything okay? Did you need something?”

“Well, I’m not sure what’s better for my eyes. This view or you,” she said and then she chuckled. “Sorry, that was a bit over the top. But… well, you really are a very good-looking man, Travis.”

I was completely taken aback. Was she flirting with me? I had not seen this coming at all, and I wasn’t sure how to react. “Uh, well… thank you. That’s very nice of you to say. I’m not sure what to say back.”

She chuckled. Oh, she was definitely flirting with me. This surprised me. I didn’t see myself as her type at all. “And modest. There’s nothing like a good-looking man who doesn’t realize how good-looking he is. You tick all the right boxes, you know. That doesn’t happen very often. Want to go for a walk somewhere where nobody can bump into us? Somewhere a lot quieter than this. If you know what I mean…”

“Oh… well… actually, I’m just taking a walk by myself. No offense or anything. I just feel like being alone. Clearing my head and all that. But… uh… thank you.”

“Oh, well, that’s embarrassing,” she said. “I wish I hadn’t said anything now. Nothing like a rebuttal to make you feel terrible about yourself.”

I felt terrible. I didn’t mean to turn her down, but I also didn’t want to lead her on. I sighed and shook my head. “I’m so sorry, Jillian. Please don’t feel bad. I really appreciate you asking me. I think you’re great. You’re absolutely gorgeous, and you seem like a lovely person. But… I’m not just interested right now. I’m so sorry. I’d rather just be honest with you.”

“Well, honesty is good. It’s not often you meet a man who is honest. This is very embarrassing though. I’ve been thinking about asking you out since I arrived and now I really wish that I didn’t say anything. Some thoughts are better left in the head.”

“Please don’t be embarrassed at all. It doesn’t mean things have to be weird between us now. I’m so glad that you asked me. If anything, it’s boosted my ego…like, a lot. And everyone likes an ego boost. So, thank you for that.”

She laughed. “Well, that’s good then. So, do you have a girlfriend? Or a wife hidden away at the house or something that we don’t know about? Is that why you’re so uninterested?”

I considered just lying and telling her that I had a girlfriend to spare her feelings, but I didn’t want to start a rumor that wasn’t even true. “I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment.”

“Hmm… are you gay?”

I laughed. “No. I don’t have a girlfriend, and I’m not gay.”

“Okay then. You’re just not into me. I get it. I’m such an idiot. I’ve just made a bad situation even worse. What is wrong with me?”

“You’re not an idiot. I’m just… well… I guess you’re not my type. And I really don’t mean that in an offensive sort of way. Honestly, Jillian, I think you’re gorgeous. But there’s just nothing there. I’m all about finding that spark. That is important to me. No matter how perfect the person might seem. I’m sorry. I’m the one that feels like the idiot now.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault at all. I put you in a bit of a strange position here. Please don’t say sorry. I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. I’m sorry for being so forward like that. I’ve just had a bad day, and I guess I didn’t know what to do with myself. I probably shouldn’t have asked you out anyway. I’m sorry.”

“Bad day? Are you okay?” I got the distinct impression that there was something going on with Jillian but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Allison had said the same thing to me. Like she was running away from something.

She nodded. “I’m fine. Nothing to worry about. But I think I’m going to go back inside if you don’t mind. I’ll… I’ll see you around. Don’t worry. This doesn’t have to be awkward,” she said. She offered me a smile and then walked off, and I was sure that I heard her crying.

I felt like such an idiot. Jillian was lovely; what was wrong with me? But I knew what was wrong. Jillian was a great girl, but she wasn’t the one that I was interested in. I was interested in her best friend. I wondered now if I had blown all chances of ever being with Harper. If Jillian had her sights on me then I wasn’t sure if Harper would be interested at all. I sighed. I wasn’t so sure if going on this walk had been such a good thing after all.