Chapter Thirty-Four

Travis

“Today is the day we celebrate as a nation. We urge you to wave your flags high and rejoice. Happy Independence Day to all!”

I lay in bed looking through my phone, as endless videos and announcements made their way through the social media stream. Everyone was celebrating, just as they always did on the Fourth of July each year. It was a day I usually loved. I loved walking around my street seeing the flags that now adorned every house and every car. It was a day where everyone came together as one, and a day that always made me wish that every day could be Independence Day.

But this time I wasn’t in the mood for celebrating. I wanted to go back home, but I had promised Mike I would stay for the month and I didn’t want to let him down. Now that the group had gone, there wasn’t all that much for me to do. I could now spend time on my book like I had always planned to do and catch up on all the work that I wanted to get done before going back. Now that I had the time for it, I found myself unable to do anything. I kept staring at the screen willing the words to come. Or I found myself scrolling through websites for research and then realizing I had been reading without taking anything in. It was obvious why I couldn’t concentrate, and I knew that as long as I was out here, I would always have her on my mind. I wondered if I would always think about Harper when I came to visit now. As amazing as our time had been together, I had now tainted the place with her memories.

I put my phone away and lay there for a while longer. It was early afternoon and I’d been avoiding leaving my room. Instead of working on my book every day, I’d spent most of my time working on the ranch. Mike and Allison told me that I didn’t have to but I wanted to keep busy, and I knew that they were grateful for the help. There was still a bit of work to be done after the damage from the storm, and I didn’t want Allison to have to do it. They’d mentioned Harper once but I’d shrugged it off and they hadn’t brought it up again. I was grateful for that because the less I spoke about her, the better. Today there was going no work. Allison had made me promise that I wouldn’t do anything that day. They never worked on July fourth. Instead, we were all going to have a barbeque, and enjoy the fireworks. While they didn’t set any off themselves, they could still see them from the ranch. That was the nice thing about the countryside: there were no tall buildings or smog to get in the way.

I finally got out of bed and made my way outside. Allison and Mike were already there, and a selection of snacks lay on the table. They smiled when they saw me.

“So, your last day,” Allison said. “At least you’re ending it off with a bang.”

I laughed. “Literally. When do the fireworks start?” The moment I said that, we heard a small one go off in the distance. “Wow, already?”

“Oh yeah, they start early here, and they’re going to be going all evening. I think they get more and more extravagant as the night goes on.”

“Well, I’m glad I chose this as my last night here. It’s a good way to end things.”

“Have you had a good time? I can’t believe it’s been a month. Time went so fast.”

“I know. It was a very quick month. And yes, I’ve had a great time. It was nice to get involved more this time and not to just come as a visitor. It’s going to be kind of weird going back. Although I’m sure I’ll settle in easily again. It’s always a bit strange when you come back from a holiday.”

Allison chuckled. “Not that you’ve had much of a holiday. You’ve been working so much. It was good to have you here with the group. A big help. And it gave me a chance to take a bit more of a back seat. I liked concentrating on the food.”

“Oh trust me, Allison, everyone liked that you concentrated on the food. Even me. You’re an amazing chef.”

She grinned. “Thank you for saying that. Speaking of, I need to finish off some of the food in the kitchen. I’ll bring out some more lemonade when I’m done.”

“Can I help you with anything?” I asked.

“No way. You can sit and relax for a change.”

“Thanks, Allison.”

And she left, another firework went off in the distance.

“Ah, I’m actually going to miss this,” I said to Mike. I expected him to say that he was going to miss me too but when I turned to look at him, I saw that he was grimacing.

I frowned. “Uh, what’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “You know, Travis, I really expected more from you. I know I don’t always show it but I really do look up to you. You’ve always gone after your dreams and there is something to be said for that. But I’m not so sure anymore. In fact, I think you’re a coward.”

“What? What are you talking about?” I couldn’t believe his sudden change of tone with me. What the hell had I done wrong now?

“A coward,” he mumbled again.

“A coward? Why? Because I don’t live here anymore? You’re the one that just told me that you’re proud of me for going after my dreams. So why has that suddenly changed? Anyway, I’ve already agreed to come out more than once a year to help out. So what else am I supposed to do to get you to stop thinking badly of me? I thought the two of us had finally made amends. I had a great time with you here and I honestly believed that you had a good time with me too. Clearly I was mistaken.”

He sighed. “I had a great time with you, but it has nothing to do with you going back to the city. I’m fine with that, and I really am proud of you. You really have to believe me, Travis. I’m not angry at you for leaving this place. I know you love it but I know you had a different path to take.”

“So what’s your problem then? Why are you calling me a coward if you’re so proud of me?”

“It’s got nothing to do with your career choices. My problem is that you finally met the woman of your dreams and you just let her go. You’ve been moping around ever since she left. And don’t tell me that you offered to help me on the ranch because you wanted to. I know that you only did that so that you could keep yourself busy. I know that all you’re doing is trying desperately not to think about her. If you think you’re fooling us then you’re wrong.”

I could feel the heat rising to my face. “Harper? What has that got to do with anything? Anyway, you know very well that Harper and I wouldn’t work. We’re too different.”

“Uh, how exactly are you different? You’re so similar. She’s from New York City, you’re in Washington. She would fit into your high-powered big city life perfectly. What’s the problem? I don’t get it. I know it would be a bit of a distance problem but it’s not the end of the world. You’re hopping from city to city for work often anyway. If you really wanted to you could make it work. I don’t see why it has to be such a big deal. It’s pretty obvious that you’re in love with the girl. And I think she’s in love with you too.”

I looked down and sighed. “Well… uh… Harper sort of thinks I live here.”

“Here? What do you mean?”

“I never told her where I was from or what I did for a living. She just assumed that I was from here and I just went along with it. I mean… I didn’t lie to her… I just… well, I just omitted the truth. That’s all.”

“That’s a lie.”

“I guess. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I think Harper was just after me because she liked that I was this cowboy out here living his dream. I don’t think she ever wanted it to be anything more. Anyway, she fell for me as a cowboy, so who knows what she would really think about me if she knew the truth. Maybe she would never have gone for me at all. She might be in love with me, but she’s not in love with the real me. She’s in love with this idea she has of me.”

Mike groaned. “Are you kidding me? I cannot believe I’m hearing this. So, let me get this straight. You’ve spent so much time in the past few years trying to define yourself as anything except a cowboy. And now, just when this real identity might help you, you’ve run the opposite way. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have met a woman like that? And you’ve just gone and thrown it all away because you’re worried she might not like the real you. Do you even know who the real you is anymore?”

I gulped. “Uh… I don’t know, Mike. I thought I did.”

“Well better you figure it out, because it sounds to me like you have no idea what you want or who you want to be. When, truthfully, all the answers are clearly in front of you.”

“It’s easy for you to say. Things were easier for you.”

He laughed. “You really think so? If you really believe that you clearly don’t know me well at all. God dammit, Travis, I had to work damn hard to get Alison. And I’m still working hard. We love each other so much but it doesn’t mean that everything is easy. If you’re not prepared to work for something then you don’t deserve it at all.”

I was just about to say something else when Allison walked in with a tray of snacks and lemonade for us. We both changed the subject. It was my last night here and I didn’t want to end things off on a bad note. I knew that Mike wasn’t being horrible to me. He was just looking out for me as a brother and a friend. I hated how right he was too. Had I really just ruined the one good thing I had going? Was it too late to get Harper back? Why hadn’t I gotten Harper’s number? Why had I been such an idiot? The fireworks were getting louder now and I was glad to have something else to concentrate on.