Epilogue
Hailey
It was a beautiful day for a wedding in Miami, and having a beach wedding was expected when you were in such a beautiful location. I had dreamed of getting married on the beach my whole life and couldn’t believe that it was actually happening.
Matt and Mandy, of course, were standing up for us and they were all that we needed by our side. We had talked a lot about the wedding and had decided together to take the plunge before we had the baby. I was four months along at that point, but due to my slim figure, I still wasn’t showing very much, so I was able to get the dress of my dreams and not cause the scandal that Caleb’s parents were worried about. People would eventually find out, of course, but by then we would be married for five months, and it wouldn’t matter so much.
Caleb had been right about his mother: she was just over the moon about everything. She was thrilled that her son had a partner who could tame his wild ways, and the fact that she had a grandchild on the way just tickled her pink, mainly because she was sure that we were going to have a little girl.
I was waiting in the beach house Caleb’s family owned, in a room set aside for me and Mandy. Our parents had flown in from Europe for the wedding and had been absolutely stunned to find out that I was getting married and having a baby with the Caleb Harris the famous pro-golfer. They were thrilled in the end after the shock wore off. I was doing well in my career, and well, who wouldn’t be happy to find out that their daughter was marrying a wealthy man?
I stood in my gown looking in the mirror when Mandy came in the room. “I have your earrings,” she said as she came over to me.
“Thanks,” I said, taking them from her.
“You look so beautiful, Hailey, and no one would ever guess you were pregnant.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” I was so happy, but I also felt jittery. I couldn’t believe that the day had finally come that I was about to marry Caleb. It was all just so hard to believe, but I was accepting my fate as a happy bride and soon-to-be mother.
“How do you feel?” Mandy asked me.
“I’m nervous.”
“Really? Well, you wouldn’t be the first bride to say that. Everything really is going to be okay. Caleb is a great man, mainly because he loves you so much. He would do anything for you, Hailey. That man will spend his entire life doing whatever he can to make you happy.”
I smiled as I glanced at myself in the mirror again. The dress was absolutely gorgeous. Vera Wang had done well for me, and she had been willing to do it during our massive time crunch. There were certainly benefits to marrying a celebrity. Or maybe I was a celebrity now, too. Just thinking about it made me smile.
“I know. I’m not nervous because I have doubts. I guess I just can’t believe it’s all happening so fast. It’s crazy you know?”
“Oh, I know. The baby part was truly shocking for me. I can’t believe you kept it a secret from me for so long.”
I laughed, “Well, I was pretty freaked out and didn’t know what to do.”
“It’s okay; it all worked out and now look at where you are. You are in love and about to embark on a pretty incredible life.”
“Yes, I am.”
Mandy looked down at the designer watch that hung delicately from her wrist. I had given it to her as a maid of honor gift. She looked up at me and smiled. “It’s showtime.”
Now, I was very excited. I was about to walk down the aisle and marry the man of my dreams and, oh, was he dreamy.
“I’m ready,” I said.
We left the room and made our way to the patio doors. I looked outside to all our guests seated in chairs facing the ocean. It just all looked so beautiful. The company that had decorated had done a magnificent job. I could see Caleb standing in the front with the pastor and Matt. He was just standing there, waiting patiently for me.
Mandy opened the doors and the wedding music started to play. I watched as she made her way down the porch and then eventually down the aisle. Matt met her halfway and then brought her to the front. They looked good together, and I hoped that their friendship would one day blossom into something else.
It was my turn now, and my heart was beating through my chest. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I was there at the beach house about to get married, and my little baby was right there with us. It was going to be the start of a whole new life, one that I had never even known of or dreamt of before. A few months ago, I would have laughed if someone told me that I would be married and have a baby that year. I had not even considered such things a few months ago – it hadn’t even been a thought in my head. But there I was; so much had changed in such a small amount of time that it was hard to keep up.
I made my way outside, and everyone stood up from their seats. I delicately walked down the stairs, careful not to slip. I made my way towards the aisle and then walked slowly down it. I looked at my guests as I passed and enjoyed all the happy looks around me. I faced forward and met Caleb’s gaze, and his never wavered from mine for a minute. He looked so in love with me, and I felt exactly the same way.
I walked to the front of the aisle and stood there before him, before the man I was going to call husband for the rest of my life. He came to my side and kissed me on the cheek. The pastor got into his speech, and all I could do was look into Caleb’s eyes and feel all the love that he had for me there. When it came time for us to kiss, he stepped before me and placed his lips gently against my own. But no, that would not be good enough for our first kiss as man and wife. I grasped his neck and pulled him in further, and our kiss grew more passionate. There were some hollers around us, and we laughed as we parted.
“I will love you forever,” he said to me.
“As will I,” I whispered.
And just like that, we were man and wife. We held hands as we made our way back down the aisle towards our future.
SEAL’D SHUT
By Ivy Jordan
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2017 Ivy Jordan
Chapter One
SAWYER
“You really need to bring all that shit back with you?” John leaned against my truck and peered inside. I hefted a suitcase over the bed of it and huffed from the effort, then took another bag and repeated the process.
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t have that much, really. A suitcase, a duffel bag, and one box with some personal memorabilia in it. Most men who came out of the Navy didn’t even have that much, though, and I knew it was strange to hold on to everything the way I did. I couldn’t decide what to part with. It was a decision better made in the comfort of my home, where I could decide what stuck out and what fit in.
“Jesus, it’s gonna be a shitshow when you leave,” John said. “Who the hell is gonna keep the newbies in line?”
“You,” I said, and raised an eyebrow. I pushed the sleeves up on my shirt and pulled the gate up on the bed of the pickup after yanking the bungee cord over the stuff to ensure it wouldn’t fly out. “That’s supposed to be your job, isn’t it?”
“I guess.” John shook his head and backed up from the truck.
I cast a final look at my stuff. A suitcase, a duffel bag, and one box. Six years in this shit, and I had less to show for it than when I’d gone to summer camp for a week in high school. Part of me was grateful that I got to leave most of what happened behind. The SEALs didn’t make for pleasant memories.
“Where are you headed?” John asked.
I thought about it for a minute. I had a few options, none of them guaranteed to pan out in my favor, but I knew the smartest decision would be to go where most of my old friends were. “Probably Austin.”
“See if you can get any sympathy?” John snorted a laugh. That damn laugh had tormented me in all our time overseas, creeping up like some unexpected pest; it was just a snort, a harsh bark, something I couldn’t escape from but could always hear coming. “Stick around, tell them about the war. They’ll usually throw a meal and some money your way.”
“You know I can’t stand that shit.” I sat up against the side of my truck and took my cap off, wiping the sweat from my brow. “It’s wrong, exploiting ourselves for that kind of bullshit.”
“Ain’t wrong if they’re thankful, if they want to, you know?” John shrugged. “Maybe it’s you who feels awful. You don’t think you deserve a free meal, Sawyer? You did a tour with the SEALs. You’ve earned a fuckin’ cheeseburger.”
I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t like that, and he knew it, and I knew it. I wouldn’t turn down free food, but I wouldn’t make a beggar of myself either. “Austin’s just the best bet for me. I don’t really have a plan. Might as well go there.”
“No plan? Most guys are achin’ to get back to a family.”
“You know I never married.” I shoved my cap back onto my head and pushed the bill forward. “Anyway, I should get going. It’s been good serving with you, John.” Even with his snorting laugh, I valued his company and his friendship.
“Well, shit, you sure you don’t want to stick around?” John spat off to the side and sat up a little. “I mean, I know you don’t have any tours coming up, but you could still hang around the barracks.”
I couldn’t be more determined to leave. I didn’t know what the future held, but I knew better than to stick around here much longer. The place ate at me. Knowing what I’d done in my time serving, knowing what I hadn’t but should have, it all came to the forefront of my mind here. Going to Austin would be a step in any other direction, and that felt right.
“Nah,” was all I said. “I think I’d do best going back.”
“Shit,” he said. I knew he’d miss having someone to clean up after his shit and take care of the recruits, but couldn’t bring myself to care too much about it. Caring was what got us all into these messes in our tours. “Well, good luck out there.”
I had one more night to spend in these barracks. Technically I could have stayed in an apartment with some of the other SEALs, but I didn’t want to see my comrades when I went to take a shower. I preferred to keep them at a distance. Besides, I liked seeing new recruits come in and not know what the hell to do about a SEAL being in their bunker. They always acted a little scared of me.
In the end, the other SEALs decided to sleep in the barracks, too, so there were a bunch of empty apartments and a bunch of SEALs taking up space where they didn’t belong.
Before I could go back to the barracks, I had one more meeting with my commanding officer. He went by ‘Chief,’ nothing else, and I’d long since forgotten his formal name. I stood outside his office toying with my lighter. I’d stopped smoking cigarettes a while back—the jitteriness that came with them was a luxury I couldn’t afford overseas. In the middle of a dangerous mission, that tiny amount of jitteriness could be the difference between life and death. Still, I liked to fiddle with lighters or shoestring or rubber bands. Busy hands, busy mind.
I could hear Chief bitching at one of the newer guys. It went that way with them; the only way they could earn their keep was by listening to people yell at them nonstop. I remembered my first days of boot camp. I’d been screamed at and screamed at and screamed at until one day I finally screamed back and got hit so hard upside the head that I almost blacked out. Dissent wasn’t an option. We were soldiers, not visionaries. We put up with what they dished out, or we got sent home.
A few people had gotten sent home that first week. Years later, others, in caskets.
Finally, the man walked out of his office. His face looked white, teeth nearly chattering in his skull, and he gave me a nervous stare before sprinting down the hallway. I couldn’t imagine why he’d been yelled at, but it was always something stupid. Boots not shined enough, hair not to standard, a dirty room, even looking at a commanding officer funny, all were criteria for getting screamed at. Sometimes they’d get so close to you that you could feel their breath on your face.
I walked into his office. It was strange that he even had an office, strange to see him sitting down, and stranger that instead of standing up, he remained seated. Usually he liked to look down at people. I snapped to attention, and he nodded at me. “At ease.”
I stood for a second and then sat down. I would miss Chief more than most people here. He was an unassuming man, with mostly lanky limbs and a skinny face; it was easy to think little of him, or at least not think he’d be a force to be reckoned with. But Chief must have known that everyone thought he was a shrimp because he was the single most damning force in the entire Navy. I was more afraid of him than any of the jacked up SEAL captains that breathed down our necks during our beach training.
“We’ll be sad to see you go, Gains,” Chief said. He leaned forward a little, shifting his ass back in his seat. “Not a lot of men have your work ethic.”
“All of the SEALs do,” I replied. That earned me a smile and a little chuckle.
“They have to,” he said. He shook his head. “You know, we could use you up here. Probably could use you to train some of the new recruits.”
“I wouldn’t suit the job,” I said. “Honestly, I think I’d work ‘em too hard. I’m too used to what the SEALs could handle.”
“These men aren’t that,” he agreed. “Still. You don’t have another tour? You’d think they’d want you back.”
I shook my head and adjusted my cap. “No, I don’t think they would. Best they see me off now. Besides, I have things to be doing. A life to get on with.” That was a lie. I had no life—I was the type who joined the military to make something of myself. Now I faced the realization that the military made up all of who I was, and my identity outside of it was faded at best. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I couldn’t stay here.
Chief rolled his tongue in his mouth, and I suspected he had dip under his lip. We weren’t supposed to do it, but I wasn’t about to rat him out. “You know,” he said, “a lot of you SEALs, you get the wrong idea about things that happen.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“You go out, something happens to you, you misconstrue it. Get it all backwards from what actually took place.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” I said.
Chief leaned back in his chair, looking at me from over the tops of his glasses. “Uh-huh. Bet you don’t.” He ran a hand over his hair—it was too short to run a hand through it—and swallowed. “I’m saying it isn’t your fault, what happened with James.”
I pulled forward in my chair and started to stand. “I should get back to the barracks,” I managed. I didn’t want to talk about this, and I certainly didn’t want to try and ration through it with a man who I’d only seen screaming at new recruits.
“If you say so,” Chief muttered. He didn’t look angry or suspicious; I half expected him to bitch at me for blowing off his statement, but instead, he shrugged. “It was good serving with you, Gains. You let me know if you ever want to come back.”
I paused before I left. “Thank you,” I said. “But honestly, Chief, I think all I want to do is go back home.”
I walked back through the camp to get to the barracks. Recruits were running left and right with their freshly shaven heads like newly mowed grass. I could tell it had just happened because they stopped and looked at themselves in every reflective surface and had their hands on top of their heads whenever they got the chance. After they’d gotten their heads shaved but before they’d gotten their caps. This was a truly new group.
I remembered it all too well, when this was new. Before this had become my entire world for six years, I’d had one foot back in Austin. Back with my girlfriend, Stacy, and back with what I had left of a family. A job, a life. It had fallen away damn quickly. While I took a shower and got the last few things I owned put in a bag, I thought about whether or not to worry about Stacy.
She wouldn’t be in Austin, anyway. Six years had passed; she’d either be dead from a drug overdose or in some other city. She never could sit still for long.
I lay down in bed and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the other people in the barracks talk over one another, like Boy Scouts on a camp trip unable to shut up and go to bed because of all their excitement. That would wear off soon and give way to exhaustion, relief at the awful mattress on their backs. I closed my eyes.
I wouldn’t need to see Stacy. She wouldn’t be in town. If she was, I wouldn’t run into her. In any case, I prayed to anything that was listening that I could avoid her. I’d survived bombings, I’d survived gunfire, but I didn’t know if I could survive another round with Stacy Black.