Chapter Thirty-Two

Travis

I didn’t want to go back to the ranch. I also wished that I didn’t do this camping experience with Harper. I wanted to go back in time and tell her that it was a bad idea. It wasn’t that it had been bad. Quite the opposite. It had been good. Too good. My heart felt heavy as we rode back in silence. I always knew that this thing with Harper, whatever it was, was going to come to an end. It had, however, come sooner than I wanted it to.

As we got back, we made our way to the stables to put the horses back and to unload. We climbed off, and I saw Harper looking sadly at Thunder.

“He’s going to miss you,” I said to her although I wasn’t sure if I was talking about the horse or myself anymore.

“I’m going to miss him too.”

“You’ll get your own horse though.”

She nodded. “Yeah, but it’s not going to be the same.”

“Nah, it will be great. You’ll see. You’ll develop a great relationship with the new horse and when you’re out riding, you can tell him all about Thunder.”

She smiled. “I’ll do that. Hey, I was thinking, you saved me twice now. You know that? Once in the storm and once with that boar.”

“A boar?”

We turned around to see Mike and Allison standing there. They seemed concerned.

“Oh, hey guys,” I said. “Yeah. There’s a wild boar on the loose. We were lucky to get away. Thankfully Harper is good in times of emergency. Can you imagine if Jackson was there? He’d probably try to hunt it.”

Mike chuckled. “He would’ve. Anyway, we’re going to have to get a few guys to go over and hunt the boar, or at least chase it away. We can’t risk having guests getting attacked on rides. But, boar aside, did you have a good time?”

I grinned. “It was great. And Harper here finally got to experience what it’s like to sleep under the stars.”

“Didn’t you bring a tent?” Allison asked.

Harper chuckled. “We did, but it was so nice outside. It was great. And we were lucky enough not to get another storm. How was everything here?”

“Oh, it was fine. We did a lot of cleaning after the storm and did a few indoor activities. Jackson kept to himself. I think he finally understands that what he did was wrong. He hated that he missed out on the final ride. I think us telling him that he can’t go is what made him finally realize that he shouldn’t have done what he did.”

I sighed. “Poor guy. I keep moving between feeling sorry for him and hating him.”

“I think we all do. So, tonight we’ll do a final dinner with everyone. That’s all that’s really left on the schedule. We’ll do something early so that everyone can have an early night. Harper, maybe meet us I the dining hall at around five.”

Harper nodded. “Five sounds great. Do you need me for anything until then?”

“No, you just go and relax.”

“I think I need a shower first and foremost. I’ll see you all later,” she said and walked away.

I watched in silence as she walked away, forgetting that Mike and Allison were watching me. When I turned to look at them, I just shook my head and continued with the horses.

“You okay?” Allison asked.

“Fine.”

“Was it horrible? Sounds like you had a good time but was she only saying that?” Allison probed some more.

“No,” I said. “It was amazing. Incredible. We had the best time out there. That’s the problem.”

“You could go and see her again, you know,” Mike said.

“Nah. Different cities. Anyway, she doesn’t want anything serious from this.”

“I’m sorry, man. For what it’s worth, it was nice seeing you happy,” Mike said.

I wanted to have a proper shower too, so I decided to walk back to the house. It was good to clear my head and to try and put everything into perspective. I’d gone after Harper knowing that nothing was going to come of it, so I wasn’t sure why I was so upset. She was a great girl, but there was no future with us. I pushed the thoughts away as I walked, trying instead to think about all the things I had to look forward to. I still had my book to write, and I had to prepare some more lectures for work. I wasn’t the sort of professor who liked to just wing it when I was up there in class. I always prepared and always arrived with a solid plan. I was going to be very busy. When I got to the house, I climbed in the shower and tried desperately to scrub my emotions away. Then I sat down at my desk and stared at my computer. I wanted to do some work before the dinner that evening, but the more I tried to work, the less the inspiration came to me. Perhaps things would be different once the group had finally gone home. I could do what I had intended to do all along. They’d been a huge distraction, but it would all go back to normal the next day.

Eventually, I closed my computer and headed out again. There was still a bit of time before dinner, but I couldn’t sit at the desk any longer. So I walked back to the ranch, taking the long route and wondering what to do with myself. When I ended up at the guest house, I knew that it wasn’t by mistake.

I knocked on the door, and when I walked in her room, I saw Harper lying on the bed. I smiled at her.

“Hey, just thought I’d come and see how you were doing. Did you have a nice shower?”

She smiled. “Yeah, it was great. Not exactly the same as showering by a stream, but it was good. I feel tired now that I’m back, which is strange because while we were out there, I felt like I had so much energy.”

“Yeah, I feel the same. Mind if I join you?”

She scooted over and patted the bed beside her. “Of course not.”

I climbed onto the bed and lay next to her. I took her hand and stroked it with my thumb. “So, you’re leaving tomorrow. Did you have a good time?”

“I have never wanted to do something less in my life,” she said. “And yet, despite that, I have honestly had the most amazing experience. It was, indeed, the most life-changing thing I have ever done. I thought it was going to be so stupid. I thought I was going to hate being outdoors, but I’ve loved it. And I’ve opened up aspects to my personality that I didn’t even know where there. I’m very interested to see how I feel about things when I get back. I assume I’ll get back into it pretty easily, but I’m hoping I don’t forget it too quickly. Or ever.”

“It’s good to hear that,” I said. “You know it’s rare for you to experience something so life-changing. I mean, most people come and have a lot of fun and that’s it. You can see that they haven’t really gotten the essence of the place. It’s different with you. I can see that. My father would’ve been so pleased. I know he would’ve loved to have met you. He always wanted city people to come over and really feel the ranch the way you did. It was his goal to have people appreciate ranch living a bit more.”

She smiled. “That’s nice of you to say. He sounds like a very cool man.”

“Oh, he was. So, other than the ranch, is there anything else you’re going to miss from here?” I asked. I suddenly wanted to know how she felt about me.

“Thunder. I’m going to miss Thunder.”

“Of course. Anything else.”

She pretended to think it and she nodded. “Allison’s food.”

“Naturally. That all?”

“Jackson.”

I laughed. “Well, maybe the two of you can meet up after this.”

She giggled. “No thank you. Ah, I’m going to miss you, Travis,” she finally admitted.

“I’m going to miss you too. So, did you ever expect the two of us to get together?”

She shook her head and offered me a bittersweet smile. “Not at all. I never intended to have a fling with you.”

“So is that what it is? A fling?”

She sighed. “I guess so. I don’t really know what else it could be. Unfortunately I think that this is just the way that it has to stay. You and I are very different, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. We’re from different worlds and whatever this thing is that we have, well, it won’t work out in the real world. I do have strong feelings for you, more than I thought I would, but I’m not going to set myself up for disappointment.”

“You really shouldn’t place so much stock in background, you know,” I said.

“I know, but I’ve had trouble with this sort of thing before. Maybe it wasn’t with a cowboy, but in a way it was the same thing. Different backgrounds. It didn’t work out and led to hurt. I don’t want to do this again. I went into this with you knowing that it would never last. Just a holiday romance, and nothing more. It’s sad in a way, but it’s been incredible, and I will never forget what I had with you.”

I considered telling her the truth then but decided against it. She knew who I was as a person, even if the part about me being a cowboy wasn’t true. Other than that, I had told her everything there was to know about me, and shown her my real self. My profession was nothing more than a title. It didn’t define me. But Harper wasn’t interested in that. She wanted a fling with a cowboy; that was what she wanted. And if she was so prepared to just throw it all away without even trying when there was nothing I could do about it. I also wasn’t going to set myself up for disappointment and hurt.

“I understand,” I finally said to her. “I’ve had the best time with you though. I’m really glad that Jillian’s boyfriend broke up with her for a little while so that you could come with.”

She giggled. “I’m glad too. They’re at least back together now so I don’t have to feel bad about being glad about their break up.”

I looked at Harper and smiled. I hadn’t planned on being with her again. I figured it would be too hard. On the ride back home I had already told myself that our time together was over. But having her beside me and knowing that we still had some time to kill before dinner was too much for me to resist. I wanted to be with her again, even if I knew it was for one last time.

“I want to be with you again,” I said. “I mean, we still have an hour until dinner.”

She chuckled. “An hour? I’m so hungry. I definitely need something to keep my mind off the food.”

I noticed that a small tear had fallen down her face, so I wiped it away and kissed her.