Chapter Fourteen
Vanessa
I didn’t really know why I had agreed to go on a walk with Trethan. I knew what he’d been up to there at the Roasted Bison; he had told me so himself. I didn’t even know why I had gone down there in the first place, but there had just been something drawing me in.
And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, seeing Trethan on the mechanical bull was every bit as sexy as he said it would be. He’d been thrown not too long after I’d entered the place, but I’d seen enough of his performance to admire the way his muscles bulged as he shifted his weight, following the movement of the bull.
I giggled a little as we passed the public pool. The water was hidden behind its high wall, but I could hear the sound of the pumps humming through the night. “Remember that time we climbed over the fence and went swimming after-hours with Lana and Benny and all of them?” I asked.
Trethan snickered, as well. “We weren’t just swimming,” he reminded me. “We were skinny-dipping. And the sheriff’s face when he hauled us all out of the water was priceless.”
“Yeah, remember how he was like, ‘do you realize you’re all on video? You’ve basically just made a porno!’” I couldn’t seem to quit laughing, and Trethan wasn’t doing much better. “Whatever happened to Benny, anyway?” I asked when we had calmed down some.
Trethan shrugged. “No idea, honestly. I never really talked to him after I got into that fight with his cousin.”
I frowned, trying to remember. “His cousin, Eric? What fight was that?”
“You remember,” Trethan said.
I shook my head. “I don’t think I do.”
“Yeah, you do,” he insisted. “This must have been, what was it, sophomore year of high school? Maybe junior year. Eric was the one who said your eyes looked weird, remember? He was the one who said it was obvious you’d grown up on a ranch because you must have been kicked in the head by a horse a few times as a kid.”
I stared over at him. “Did he really?”
“You never knew about that?” Trethan asked incredulously.
“No!”
He looked pleased. “I guess I did my job pretty well, then.” He shrugged and looked away. “Not to make a big deal out of it, but I got a few good punches in and told him to never say anything like that ever again.”
“You fought someone because they said my eyes were weird?” I asked, not sure whether I should giggle or feel mortified.
Trethan shrugged, looking awkward. “Yeah,” he said. “I wasn’t going to let him get away with that.”
We walked in silence for a little longer. I kicked at a rock, sending it skittering off down the street. “Anyway, you were the one who looked weird junior year of high school. Remember, you shaved off all your hair?”
Trethan groaned. “Yeah, I remember that. Unfortunately, there’s photographic evidence of that, which I am never going to be able to live down.”
I snickered. “You thought you looked so cool, though.”
“I was a fucking idiot,” he said.
I grinned wickedly. “Yeah, especially because your head was all nicked where you cut yourself with the razor,” I said. “I still can’t believe you did it with disposable razors, all by yourself.”
“I didn’t want to pay for a haircut,” he said. “And, I didn’t think I could screw things up. Not that badly, anyway.”
We reached the edge of town and turned back to walk up Main Street. The streetlights guided the way along the cracked sidewalks. “That was a pretty common theme for you, wasn’t it?” I asked quietly, the words spilling out of me. “You just never thought that you could screw things up.”
Trethan sighed. “I really am sorry about that night.”
“That night,” I said flatly. “You don’t even have the balls to admit what you did, do you?”
To my surprise, he did look sheepish, ducking his head and scuffing his feet along the pavement. “I got pretty wrecked before I showed up at the motel to see you,” he admitted. “I smoked a few joints with Brent, and then I slammed back some rum.”
“I thought I loved you,” I said. Even now, I felt like I practically choked on the words. The emotions may have dulled in the intervening years, but they were definitely still there. “I was ready to give up my virginity to you that night. It was just some shitty motel room, but I rented it so that it would be just us, for the whole night. I wanted to give myself to you. And then you messed it all up.”
Trethan sighed. “I know I fucked up that night,” he said. “I had my reasons, though.”
“Oh yeah?” I snapped. “I mean, God, it’s not like I hadn’t seen you drunk before. Did you think it made you cool or something? You disgusted me, honestly. And what’s worse, you frightened me. You were acting totally erratically. You were trashed.”
“I know that,” Trethan said, and there was something raw in his voice, a hint of emotion that surprised me.
But I forged onwards. “I thought that night was going to be special. And instead, I lost all faith in you.”
There was a long silence. We had crossed through town again, and he turned us so we walked toward the ranch, rather than walking back into town. “I had my reasons,” he said again.
“Oh really?”
Trethan sighed. “I had a fight with my father,” he admitted. “Not that that was anything special; we were fighting a lot at that point. But that, on top of the fact that I knew I was about to lose you, was just too much. I thought you were going to go off to college and find some rich, intelligent dude and fall in love and get married and live out the American dream. I didn’t think I would ever see you again. And, I hated that.”
I looked over at him. “But my dad was here,” I pointed out. “You must have known I would come back, at least to visit. You would have seen me again.”
“But it would never be the same,” he said. “Once you met all those college people, you weren’t going to want to associate with some burn-out like me.” He shrugged. “And I knew I couldn’t hold you back from that. You’re such a great person, Vanessa, and you deserve better than what I could ever give you. So, I pushed you away that night. I never deserved to take your virginity.”
I was surprised by the raw honesty in his voice. I could never have guessed that this was the real root of why he’d shown up so trashed that night; I’d imagined he’d just been having a little too much fun with Brent and hadn’t bothered to think about what the consequences might be.
I frowned, shoving my hands into my pockets. “You might as well have taken my virginity, whether you deserved it or not,” I admitted. “Instead, I gave it up to some stupid guy at college who never called me again. If anyone didn’t deserve it, it was that guy.”
Trethan made a sound that might almost have been a laugh, but he still looked introspective. Finally, he shook himself a little. “So, do you think you’ll really stay in White Bluff?”
I shrugged, trailing my hand along the railing of the wooden bridge that led toward the Lazy J. I paused, staring down into the dark creek, as though it might hold all the answers. “I don’t know. There has to be some way to get the funding I need to get the gallery going. And, if I can get the gallery going, then of course I’m going to stay here. It just seems like a perfect idea, a way I could both use my degree and also give back to the community that raised me.”
Trethan hummed in agreement and looked over at me. I could tell he planned on saying something, but whatever it was, it got lost on his lips. He reached up and slowly brushed back a lock of my hair, looking almost as though he was caught in a trance. Slowly, he lowered his head and kissed me.
The kiss was deep and languid, fueled by years of emotion. He sucked gently at my lower lip and then slid his tongue into my mouth, stroking it gently along the edge of mine. His arms encircled me, a warm counterpoint to the cool night air. For a moment, it felt as though time had frozen around us, or as if we’d been transported back to what we used to be, years before.
But there was too much feeling behind the kiss for that theory to ring true.
I pulled away from him before things could go too far, and Trethan winced. “Sorry,” he said. “I know you probably regret doing that.”
“I don’t, actually,” I said simply. “But I’m not ready to go back to anything approaching a romantic relationship at the moment.”
“Because you still don’t trust that I’ve changed,” he said, looking away, his expression pained. His mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “Because you really are better than me. Even if you didn’t find your rich college guy, you still know that you could do better than someone like me.”
“Hush,” I said, the word soft but heavy in the night’s air. “It’s nothing to do with you, not really.” I paused, taking a breath in and exhaling it slowly, still feeling as though my lips were tingling, but I knew I couldn’t let myself give in to pleasure, not yet. “I’ve always thought you were a great guy,” I told Trethan, hoping he could hear the truth in my words. “I’ve always thought that you were better than you gave yourself credit for. And I know that my father believes in you, too. He sees your true potential.”
“But,” Trethan said flatly.
“But,” I agreed. I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair. “I’m not sure what I want right now. And, that’s not fair to you. Or rather, as much as I want to say that I’m staying here in White Bluff, I don’t really know where the future is going to take me. It could be that I don’t find the funding for the gallery, that I can’t make that happen. And if I have to leave White Bluff, we’re going to have to get over one another all over again. That was hard last time; I can only expect that it would be even more difficult if we had to do it again.”
“You’ll find some way to fund it, though,” Trethan said confidently. “I know you, Vanessa. When you put your mind to something, there’s nothing that can stop you.”
“Then I need to put my mind to it,” I said, stepping away from him so that there was more distance between us so that I wouldn’t close that gap and nestle into his strong arms and resume kissing him. “I need to focus on that, Trethan. I don’t need any distractions right now, and a relationship would be a distraction.”
He was silent for a long moment. “I want to take you on a date,” he said finally. He held up a hand. “Not tomorrow. Not even this week. And, I promise, it’ll be nothing too stressful.” He frowned. “What if we went on a picnic, on the Fourth of July? Remember, we used to always do that?”
I fell silent, considering it. Then, I sighed. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” I said, as much as I wanted to agree to the idea.
“Come on,” Trethan pleaded. “It’ll be casual, more like a meeting of friends than an actual date. And I’ll do all the planning for it, so all you’d have to do is show up. That’ll give you plenty of time to focus on your gallery. I won’t bother you again until the Fourth.”
“You don’t bother me,” I said automatically.
“I won’t distract you,” he corrected. “I’ll stay totally out of your way.”
I bit my lower lip, but it was the hopeful look on his face that I couldn’t ignore. “Okay,” I finally agreed. Then, I grinned, remembering that one date that we’d been on, more than half a decade ago now. “But if you show up with fast food this time, I at least expect you to bring me something I like.”
Trethan laughed, as well. “Don’t worry; it won’t be fast food this time.” He paused. “I’m actually a pretty decent cook these days, I’ll have you know.”
“Oh, that’s a bold statement,” I said teasingly. “You’re going to have to impress me now.”
He leaned in close to me, and I thought he was going to kiss me again. But he paused, with his breath ghosting over my lips, his dark and serious eyes staring down into mine. “I’ve learned quite a few ways to impress a woman, or at least ways to leave her wanting more,” he said seductively. Before I could respond, he pulled away and tipped his hat to me. “Well, I’m off home for the night. I trust you can get yourself to bed on your own.”
I watched him as he walked away. “See you soon!” I called after him. Then, I turned back toward the creek and slumped against the railing. I had no idea what I’d gotten myself into. And when I started walking again, my panties were decidedly damp.