From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: February 4, 2009 2:38 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Toast and Superman

Ruby,

Still here. They’re telling me I can leave in three days. We’ll see.

I’m going to worry about you “almost dying.” Who else would send me pizza materials? :]

You’re celebrating toast? I’m shaking my head right now. Find some vegetables or fruit at least.

What did you need to take medicine for and what kind of surgery did you have? Don’t think I didn’t notice you being vague again. That never means anything good.

When I’m the one entertaining you and it isn’t the other way around, that’s sad as hell. There’s nothing new or interesting happening over here. Last night, some of the men in my tent talked about who would win in a fight, Superman or Jesus, for an hour. I couldn’t sleep, and I ended up thinking about that for too long.

Did you have to push back all your dress/costume making and sewing stuff?

More Ax pics attached. She’s one of the few things making me smile here.

-A

P.S. At least put some cream cheese on your toast. Calories, girl.

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 5, 2009 5:05 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: RE: Toast and Superman

Aaron,

Still there?

I walked downstairs twice today. That’s an improvement. I’ve had two pieces of toast with butter and some chunkier soup. Happy? :)

I’ll make sure to leave a note in my imaginary will that someone in my family keep sending you pizza materials in the case of my demise.

…I was being vague on purpose. How you could tell through a message is a little amazing, to be honest. I don’t usually tell everyone about my health, but that’s only because I worry people will react the same way my family does, and like I said, it isn’t that it isn’t great but… I sound like a whiney baby. I had a heart disorder. I had surgery for it a few years ago. I’m fine now. :)

Superman versus Jesus. I’ve never paired them up. (It’s blasphemy, but Superman would win, wouldn’t he?) My brother told me when he’d have trouble falling asleep, he’d stay up counting all the aircraft that flew over the camp. Have you done that before?

All my designs on my own were moved back or canceled. You should have read some of the rude messages I got from a few of the skating moms that were “understanding.” You’d figure that I intentionally got sick and wanted to miss out on making money. My alteration work through the dry cleaner had to go through someone else, and my aunt with the bridal shop… she chewed me out. I’m trying really hard not to think about how much money I lost, but it’s hard and it makes me panic. I felt really bad about letting everyone down. When I give someone my word, I try to keep it.

Thank you for the pics of Ax. I’m going to print out the one of her on top of the big tractor tire and frame it. It’s beautiful.

Hope the mosquitoes and mice are treating you well. :)

-Ruby

P.S. I put butter. Real butter, not the fake stuff. Good?

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: February 8, 2009 12:45 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Sometimes I wonder

Ruby,

Still here….

You’re being vague again, Rube. A heart disorder and you had surgery? If that’s all you want to tell me, it’s all right. I know it isn’t my business. But if you do want to tell me, I’d like to know. I searched for heart problems and there’s… a lot of them. Kind of wish I wouldn’t have done that now.

At this point, I hope you’ve walked further than just downstairs and eaten more than soup. The Internet was down for a little while and we got sent out on a patrol.

Make sure whoever inherits me sends books too.

^^^You know I’m messing with you, yeah?

Superman all the way… but some guys put up some good points on Jesus to be fair. We’re both going down if it’s blasphemy. Down, get it? Heh.

The aircrafts constantly going over the camp is unreal. You have to learn to zone them out, otherwise you’d never stop counting them or get sleep. They’re always there. Literally always.

Do you have money saved? Can you borrow some from your family if you needed? Tell those moms to leave you alone. If you cough all over their dresses, you’ll get their kids sick… then they can’t skate. Your aunt has no business giving you hell over not being able to work on dresses for her. Didn’t you say she already makes you do a lot more than you should?

I’m keeping the mosquitoes fed and Ax is keeping the mice away. She tries to play with them.

-Aaron

P.S. Stress isn’t good for you recovering. Just saying.

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 9, 2009 11:11 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: How did you do tours without my e-mails? Kidding.

Aaron,

I’m sorry for not telling you everything. It’s a touchy subject. I guess I just didn’t want you to think of me any differently. Not that you would, but… I’m sorry. I had no right to expect that. If you were the one who’d had surgery, I would want to know everything too.

Here’s the story. I used to get dizzy and lightheaded when I was younger, and my heart would start beating really fast. I didn’t say anything for a while. Young and dumb, I know you know what I mean. :) I finally told my mom one day about it, and they took me to the doctor and did some tests. You’re not supposed to feel that way when you’re a kid, apparently. It turned out I have this syndrome called Wolff-Parkinson-White. To make a long story short, I had an extra electrical pathway between the upper and lower chambers of my heart. There’s a node that’s bypassed because of the pathway and it caused my heart to beat fast. I took a beta blocker for a while to deal with it, but a few years ago, I had surgery to fix it. Everything went fine. I’m okay. I should be okay from now on. My mom blamed herself for not knowing. Remember I told you her mom died before I was born? She had sudden cardiac death and the doctors think she might have had the same thing as me and never got treated for it. That’s why they all freak out over my health, even if it isn’t anything to do with the old ticker.

I hope you didn’t fall asleep reading that.

My mom and her husband have been taking turns coming home on their lunch break to check on me. I swear she takes better care of me now than she did when I was little (before my heart thing). She’d make me go to school even if I had something contagious back then. You’ll be happy to know I made it through a grocery shopping trip and only felt like dying the last half of it.

Pizzas and books. You got it. All romance. Lol.

(I know you’re messing with me. I think you’d miss me for the rest of your deployment if I wasn’t around, see the subject line.)

I guess the aircrafts don’t ever let you forget where you are, huh?

I have some money saved. I’ve been reinvesting most of it into ads in magazines and a couple of websites, and more expensive materials to work on. If I needed money bad enough, I could ask my mom or oldest brother, Sebastian. They’d let me borrow it with only a few snarky comments. The rude parents I can handle, but my aunt with the bridal shop is a different story. I got a voice mail from her the day before yesterday that made me cry. I couldn’t tell my mom or my dad (his sister) because they would’ve lost it. She pretty much told me she was going to be broke this month because I hadn’t finished the dresses she needed. I feel bad, but it wasn’t like I got sick on purpose.

I just thought about it, can’t you get malaria from mosquitoes?

Have you heard from your friends lately?

I want to ask about your leave, but since you haven’t brought it up again, I’m worried it didn’t work out.

-Ruby

P.S. I’m eating more. I’ve gained three pounds back.

P.P.S While I’ve been busy coming back from the brink of death, I started signing up for this dating website. I haven’t hit publish on my profile, but I will soon. Baby steps.

P.P.P.S. Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer this e-mail.

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: February 14, 2009 4:17 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: We’ll go with that.

Ruby,

You know your heart is the most important part of your body, don’t you? I get why you didn’t want to tell me, but I’m not going to treat you any different. Mostly :] I get your family being overprotective even more now. Your grandma dying from a heart problem doesn’t help anything either. What kind of surgery did you have to fix it?

Were you faking being sick when you were a kid and that’s why she made you go to school? Or did you genuinely feel bad?

I got this feeling I’d miss your e-mails even if I wasn’t on deployment.

No, you never forget where you are with Apaches flying overhead at all hours of the day.

I hope you don’t have to ask them for money, but I’m glad you have people you can reach out to for it. About your aunt… didn’t you tell me that she used to make those wedding dresses herself? Why didn’t she work on them while you were sick? I don’t know anything about the dress industry, but I know if someone couldn’t come into work at my dad’s business, he would pitch in. Don’t let her get to you. It sounds like she made a bad decision and wants to blame you for it. She isn’t worth crying over, Ru. Some people you can never make happy no matter how hard you try.

My first time in Iraq, they made us take anti-malaria pills that gave everybody messed-up dreams and constipation. Now they figured out it isn’t a big deal here, so we’re good. Mosquitoes are just annoying.

Both my friends e-mail me once a week. Not as much as you do. It’s more of them just making sure I’m alive than wanting to talk. Not like our e-mails.

If you think you’re eating enough, you probably still aren’t.

What site did you sign up for? What’s your profile like?

I haven’t heard anything more about my R&R leave again….

-Aaron

P.S. For real though, don’t cry over your aunt’s BS, all right? You didn’t do anything wrong.

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 15, 2009 10:55 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Friends

Aaron,

I know how important my heart is, smarty pants. Everyone else freaked out so much over the diagnosis, I couldn’t. Do you know what I mean? I’ll never forget hearing my mom crying in her bedroom or my older brother, Seb, blubbering to Jonathan (marine) about it in the kitchen while I eavesdropped. My dad flew to Houston right afterward, even though there wasn’t anything he could do about it. I felt so guilty over it. The surgery I had is a procedure called a catheter ablation. It’s with wires that are called catheters, with electrodes at the tip of each. They traveled through a vein into my heart and the electrodes emitted a radio wave that created heat and destroyed the extra tissue that caused the problems. I wasn’t even technically asleep during it, and I got to go home the next day. :) See? It wasn’t that bad.

I didn’t fake being sick, thank you very much. That was both my brothers, lol. I was the good kid who never did that.

For the record, I’d miss our e-mails too.

I would rather chew my arm off than ask anyone for money, but I will if I have to. The last time I asked my older brother to let me borrow twenty bucks because I’d forgotten my wallet, he tried to tell me I’d borrowed thirty. I know he was just messing around, but that’s how all my family members are. They’ll tease me for it forever. It isn’t a hassle asking for favors. It’s just a pain in the butt.

My aunt used to make all the dresses herself that weren’t from a catalogue. It was her who taught me the basics. I guess I just feel like I owe her or something. She used to be really nice, but she stopped being so nice when I was about ten or eleven for some reason. I know you’re right about how I shouldn’t let her bother me, and I know she could’ve handled that situation differently so that they could’ve gotten finished, but I can’t tell her that. She wouldn’t listen and I would just piss her off more. I’m dreading calling her back. I’m a little sensitive. I cry over all kinds of things. Just yesterday I watched a video about baby elephants and cried. You’ve even made me cry before. I just didn’t tell you.

Constipation on top of already getting dehydrated back then? That sounds like a nightmare. At least you don’t have to take the medication anymore.

Want me to start writing down what I eat everyday so it can pass your approval?

……(Chirping crickets.)

I signed up for pairsmeet dot com. One of my friends has done the dating site game and said this one had the least amount of creepy guys. They ask a ton and a half of questions first, and I still haven’t gotten through them all. I got a free three-month trial. They ask things like how do you feel about kids, what’s your ideal date, put in order the traits most important to you… etc, etc. I’m kind of excited, but it might just be the caffeine I had today for the first time in weeks. There’s this free website another friend told me about… I don’t know about it though. It kind of seems sleazy.

I hope you still manage to get to take your time off. :) I hate to seem nosey, but how many months do you have left on your deployment now? 3?

-Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: February 16, 2009 12:08 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: RE: Friends

Ruby,

Wires going to your heart that release heat and kills heart tissue, no big deal.

I’m being sarcastic if you can’t tell. I’ll keep my mouth shut for now, but… I get it. You already have two brothers, you don’t need another one.

Don’t let your aunt upset you or make you feel bad. You didn’t do anything wrong. If she doesn’t get that, it’s her fault.

Send me a link of the baby elephant video. :] Don’t cry for me either, Ru. I can handle it all.

Better constipation than diarrhea resembling a busted fire hydrant. Once, a lot of us got food poisoning from bad meat in the mess hall. Imagine all those porta-potties being used to the max. You could smell them from a hundred feet away.

I wouldn’t mind a list of what you eat… Have you gained more weight?

Did you finish your profile? If you’re talking about the website I’m thinking of, don’t do it. Go to church. Volunteer at a hospital or an animal shelter or something. Don’t do that site.

They’ve told me I can still take my leave, but this isn’t the first time they’ve told me it was going to happen and it didn’t. If one of the guys here has a wife and kids and can get the leave to see them, I’d rather be the one who stays. I don’t want to be that selfish. I don’t have anybody who cries when I’m not around. I’ll be home in less than three months. I’ll live.

Are you feeling any better?

-A

P.S. A new picture of Ax is attached.

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 17, 2009 4:15 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Diarrhea like a trumpet

Aaron,

I don’t know what to tell you about my heart thing. So let’s settle on :) :) :). Thank you for caring. I promise I try to take care of myself. It’s rare I’ll get an arrhythmia in the future, but if it happens, they can fix it. I’ve lived so much of my life with everyone else making a big deal about it… making me worry and be more scared than I should have… making me double think everything I do.... I’m trying not to let it control me so much anymore. You should have heard my mom when I started taking aikido. Remember when I told you about how I’ve been to Disney a bunch of times with my family? For years I couldn’t get on hardly any of the rides because everyone worried. Even now, we go to take my niece and I only get on the little kid rides. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving, but I haven’t, for the same reason. I’ve built it up so much subconsciously that I’ve gotten scared to do things for the last ten-plus years that I think me as a kid wouldn’t have thought twice about.

I’m sorry if I make you feel like my therapist. Let’s continue.

My aunt is the biggest drama queen in the world. She genuinely kind of scares me, Aaron. My older sister and I think she’s bipolar. She left me a voice mail yesterday telling me she’ll “think” about giving me more work soon but she’s “really” upset with me. Honestly, I want to quit. I’ve wanted to quit for a long time now. I’m tired and her attitude bothers the hell out of me. I figure if I do quit, I can probably pick up more random work that I usually turn down to keep up with her projects. I’m going to think about it.

Diarrhea? In a porta-pottie? No. Once, we were on vacation and we all got food poisoning. 8 people sharing two bathrooms. Never again. I almost threw up from the smell alone.

Har har har. I’m back up six pounds. Still feeling like road kill and I have zero energy but better. I have a few ice-skating dresses I need to finish that I’m going to try and survive through. Wish me the best.

No, still haven’t finished my online profile, but I will. What is with you and me going to church? Have you ever been to church? There’re no single guys there. I’m going to pretend I didn’t read your suggestion about volunteering at a shelter either. Now I know you’ve never done that before. Finding a decent guy is a lot harder than it seems. Half the time it feels like they’re all already in a relationship or they’re just scrubs or players. (No offense. You’re not a scrub or a player.)

I’m sorry, Aaron. That blows you can’t leave, but it’s really admirable of you to be so selfless. Most folks wouldn’t. I’m sure the next months will go by fast at least. Do you have anyone picking you up when you land? Am I jumping the gun by asking? You said you wanted to go on vacation, did you have somewhere in mind?

I’m feeling a lot better but still not anywhere near 100%. I pricked my finger ten times yesterday just sewing a few beads. That’s a record, and not a good one.

I can’t stand how cute Ax is. Has anyone started the paperwork to get her to the States?

-Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 17, 2009 11:50 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: [no subject]

Aaron,

I’m sorry for bothering you, but I want to throw up and I don’t know who else to talk to.

My mom told us all today that they found a lump in her breast and they’re going to do a biopsy. They think it might be cancer.

I want to cry.

That’s a lie. I’m crying right now.

-R

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 18, 2009 3:15 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Sorry

Aaron,

I’m sorry about that e-mail last night. You have enough things to worry about, and I’m supposed to be here for you, not the other way around. You were just the first person I thought of to tell.

Forgive me for crossing the line.

-Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: February 20, 2009 2:22 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Stop

Ruby,

You didn’t cross any line. Don’t apologize. We’re past being pen pals. I thought we went over this already? :]

I am so damn sorry about your mom. When are they doing the biopsy? Did she tell you out of the blue?

I’m going to respond to your first message.

No, I don’t have anybody coming to the base. It’s fine. I’m used to it. It’s funny you ask about a vacation because I just wrote back an e-mail about it. Max, Des, and I just started making plans last time I e-mailed to go to Scotland since I couldn’t get my RR. Max’s family is Scottish, and he’s been talking about going for years now; this deal popped up for a tour and he invited us to go along. His little sister, her friend, and another guy we all know are going too. The more people, the better the deal. Have you seen pictures of it or been there before? It looks amazing. We might stay at a beach house for a week after that in Florida, but it all depends if they can get the time off.

Are you one of those people who gets offended if someone asks their weight? What are you up to now? Hope everything is going okay and you’re feeling even better.

Why are you so against going to church? There’s got to be single guys you can meet there. Since you asked, it’s been a long time since the last time I’ve been to one. You’ve got to know I laughed at you writing “scrubs.” Haven’t heard that word since HS. I’d like to tell you you’re wrong about the guys being douches part, but… you aren’t. Some of the soldiers under me are all right, but the rest… I don’t know how they’ve made it to their twenties.

Haven’t heard anything about Ax’s paperwork, but we should get on figuring it out. It’s tricky because we’re not supposed to take animals back with us, but I know I’ve told you other soldiers have done it.

I’m really sorry about your mom again. Technology and medicine are improving…. And she has all of you to support her. You can’t expect the worst. I’ll be thinking of you all. Write me whenever you need. You’re past being shy with me, remember?

-Aaron

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 21, 2009 12:58 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: RE: Stop

Aaron,

You made me cry. I’ve been so much more emotional lately than usual, I didn’t think it was possible. Thank you for being so nice. I thought we were past being pen pals, but I didn’t want to assume how much I could share with you. I really enjoy talking to you. Like I said, you were the first person I thought of to write. (If my best friend or anyone else in my family ever saw me write that, they would kill me, so that’s something to think about.)

The biopsy was done yesterday. They should have the results soon. Her husband and I went with her to get it done. She told me to stay home, but I wasn’t about to do that. It’s gotten all of us shaken up. We’re all so close, the idea of something happening to her…

I’m crying just thinking about it, and I feel like a jerk complaining when I know you’ve lost friends. I’ve never lost anyone, so that might be why I’m being this way… but how the hell do you come back from that? I don’t understand how anyone could ever be okay with it. I’m a mess. I’m sorry. Everyone was over for dinner on Tuesday, which should have been a sign because she never invites the whole family over for food during the week, and we were eating at the table when my mom suddenly busts out with “They found an abnormality in my mammogram. I already went for blood work and now I have to get a biopsy,” all while eating lasagna like it was nothing. I don’t think it’s ever been so quiet at the dinner table before and something tells me it never will be again. Usually everyone but me is yelling over each other to talk, and it was completely silent.

I’ve hijacked the conversation. Let’s get back to it before I cry again.

No, I’m not offended by the weight question. I’m just not going to tell you how much I weigh. :) I haven’t gained it all back. The costumes came out fine. I’ve done three more since then. I’m still really far behind on my day job work though. I’ve slept about 8 hours total over the last two days.

There are no single guys in church! What is this? The 1800s? Lol. Single men don’t go to church period, at least not any of the churches I’ve ever gone to. Give me a break. Do you know anyone who does? I bet not. I’m better off trying to pick up a single dad at my niece’s school. Now that I think about it, I could make a good stepmom.

The worst part of everything with my mom is that I know chances are she’s going to be fine, but I still can’t help but think of the worst every night as I’m lying in bed. It’s an endless circle. My little sister doesn’t want to talk about it. She went on this long rant about how she needed to be checking her breasts every month and not waiting until her yearly mammogram to make it happen. I wanted to kill her. It’s already done. There’s nothing we can do about it. Why did she need to comment?

Hijacking this conversation again. I’m sorry.

Can you get in trouble with the local government for trying to take Ax?

-Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: February 22, 2009 12:01 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Stop again

Ruby,

Don’t cry. I tell you things I don’t even tell my best friends. Don’t tell them I ever said that. :]

Any word on the biopsy?

Don’t feel bad about bringing this up with me. What happened to my friends… I’m all right talking about it. You’re close to your mom. You’re going to be upset. Look, if I really thought something was going to happen to her, I’d tell you how I’ve learned to deal, so I’m not going to say anything. Be strong for her right now and the rest of you all can lean on each other.

I’m always here to talk to if you want. You got IM or something? I have a Skype account I signed up for but never used.

That’s good to hear you’re getting back to work. Get your day job work done when you can. They can’t expect you to be better overnight. Have you talked to your aunt with the attitude problem?

There has to be a single man at church you can ask out. Come on. I’m not going to answer your question about knowing anyone who goes to church. What kind of guy are you looking to date anyway?

Imagining you as a stepmom made me laugh. You’d be too busy playing with the kids to be strict. Bet.

Your sister’s rant probably wasn’t what your mom wanted to hear. I got you. You’re worried about her because you love her. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no point appreciating something or someone after they’re out of your life. That always seemed pretty fake to me.

We can take Ax out of the country. We just need to make sure not to get caught is all. :]

Hang in there. Thinking of you all.

-Aaron

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 23, 2009 9:11 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Bet

Aaron,

You tell me not to cry, and then I cry more. It’s a curse.

She’s fine. The lump is benign. I’ve never been so relieved in my life. I cried when she told me the good news. It felt like a hundred pounds came off my shoulders and it wasn’t even me that’s sick.

You don’t have to call, I’m sure you have better people to call, but my number is 832-555-5555. My Skype IM name is… guess? RubyMars.

Look, I’ll e-mail you tomorrow. Right now I’m mopey for some reason and you don’t need that. I’m going to go cry a little now in relief. Maybe I’ll play some Duck Hunt to unwind. Nothing celebrates life like picking off innocent digital ducks.

-Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: February 24, 2009 10:04 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Sorry for the millionth time

Aaron,

I’m sorry for the e-mail yesterday. I feel like I’m halfway back to normal, but thinking of my mom being sick left me with the worst stomachache. It’s easy to forget how uncertain life can be. What you said about not appreciating people until they’re gone really struck home.

You asked what kind of guy I’d be interested in dating. I just want him to be mostly nice, funny, likes to do things with me, and be honest. And have a job. It’d be nice if he was taller than me, but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker if we were the same height. That’s not asking for much. What do you think? I know what I don’t want better than what I do.

If I were a stepmom, I wouldn’t have to be the disciplinarian. Get it? I’d win the kids over by being the one who plays with them and is fun.

Thanks again for putting up with my babbling and everything. I appreciate it.

I haven’t shared a joke with you in a while. Here you go:

What did the ocean say to the shore?

…nothing. It just waved.

Hope you’re okay. Give Ax a rub for me.

-Ruby