Chapter Ten
Shawn
Throughout the course of the next week, Dalilah came over a lot, but I rarely saw my mother.
I supposed I was happy with that, but even if I wasn’t, there wasn’t much that I could do about it. So I might as well just be happy with what I had.
Now that Dalilah had me alone though, I couldn’t help but notice her willingness to assure me that she was the only one for me; that she was the only person on the planet that I could really trust.
In a way, I felt that she was right, especially in light of what had happened with my stepmom, my dad and Valerie. But in another way, it really bothered me.
So, after one comment too many, I finally asked, “Why do you say that, Dalilah?”
She seemed confused at first. “Because…it’s true? I would think that you, of all people would realize that.”
Usually, I liked the fact that Dalilah was so direct, but today, not so much. “What are you talking about? I’m the one who ended things with them…”
Dalilah gave me a slight attitude before she answered, “I would think that you’d be able to understand that…” She glowered at me. “Seriously, I have been here almost every day since you moved out and I have yet to even meet your mother.” She tilted her head to the side, almost as though she was mocking me and demanded, “And have you ever even heard from your stepmom, who you seem to think you are so close to?”
I went to refute her claims but stopped short, not exactly being able to defend either one of my mother-figures, my stepsister, or my father, even though he hadn’t even come up.
“Well…” I said carefully,, “no, but that’s just because I pushed them away. I wouldn’t contact me either after treating Valerie the way I did.” I did have to admit that I was beginning to feel a little bit guilty for saying what I did to her. The more time that passed, the more I felt that perhaps I really had taken it out on her too harshly.
Dalilah barked a laugh. “What? Are you serious? She deserved every word you said. She is horrible to you. She can’t even stick up for you with your father and she reaps all of the rewards…” She raised her eyebrows as though she was wondering why this was even an argument. “They’re only dragging you down. You’re an adult. This is your life. It shouldn’t be dictated by people who don’t even care about you.”
I was uncomfortable with what she was saying, but wished that I felt more strongly about it as I rebuked, “They care about me!”
“Oh yeah? Well, who has been the one helping you fight your demons for the past three years and who came over to help you get settled into your mom’s house?” She reared her head back as though she had just thought of something. “Who has helped you to do pretty much everything you have needed to do since moving out?”
“You,” I answered truthfully. “But…”
“There’s no buts about it!” she bellowed before she softened her voice and stared at me with conviction. “If you care about me, then I want you to forget about them.”
“What?” I demanded, now feeling extremely angry. “No! They’re my family…Valerie was my best friend.”
However, my outburst did not seem to soften her resolve. “She was your best friend,” Dalilah responded with a thoughtful nod, “and it’s hard to let go, but I think that her actions speak for themselves.”
“She tried to talk to me, Dalilah! She didn’t abandon me.”
“Yes, but after only one bad conversation, she dropped you and you haven’t heard from her after that,” she responded, now glaring at me as though angry that I wasn’t able to see it from her point of view. Her voice lowered. “This is exactly how master manipulators do it. They make you feel like you are special, sometimes for years and then they kick the chair out from underneath you, just when you need their support the most, only to have you crawling back to them, just so they could do it to you again.”
I thought about saying something to the contrary, since I was getting angry at the accusations she was making against my family; but then, I saw a tear fall from her eye and my heart melted. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry…” she said, roughly swiping the tear away. “I just went through the same thing with my mother and sister…I just don’t want to have to watch you do the same thing. I dealt with their abuse for years, until I realized I had enough and moved in with my dad.”
Now, I couldn’t help but feel bad for her, So, instead of being angry, I placed my arms around her and brought her closer to me. “I’m sorry…” I answered, now feeling terrible.
“It wasn’t until I started living with my father that I truly understood the extent of what they were doing. I saw the same thing happen to you with your family and so…that’s why I pressed you to move out. I thought it would be good to get away from everyone and hopefully, see what I see…” She sniffled, now actively crying. “I’m just trying to help you.”
“I’m sorry…” I said again and kissed her lips gingerly. “I know you are only trying to help.” She nodded as I added, “I shouldn’t have said anything…Can we just forget about it.”
“Okay,” she said carefully, before she eased her head onto my shoulder and began to settle down.
As we went back to watching television though, I couldn’t help but think about what she had said and wonder about it in relation to my own life.
Was that all true? I thought, knowing next to nothing about her family. Is that what is happening with me?
I had thought that trying to talk this out with Dalilah would make me feel better, or perhaps give me some clarity; but in reality, it just made everything far more confusing.
I had no idea where to go from here and I found myself wishing, of all people, that I could talk to Valerie. However, I quickly put the thought out of my head and went on to think about other things.