Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ashley
I awoke with a start. At first, I didn’t know where I was. I glanced around the room, trying to figure out what was going on and why I was in this room instead of my own. And then, I heard a snore.
Fearfully, I leapt out of bed and while caught in mid-air, I remembered everything.
By the time my feet hit the floor, they were already making a mad dash for the door. However, when I reached the door, I stopped short. I heard voices. I froze.
At least, the outside of me was frozen. The inside of me was running a mile a minute. I couldn’t figure out where I wanted to go or what I was hoping to accomplish. My heart raced and although I couldn’t tell by looking at my hands, my whole body felt as though it was vibrating.
It took a moment for me to stop every part of my body enough so that my ears could pick up on exactly where the noise was coming from.
There were a million different problems running through my mind, but at the moment, none of them were important. All I wanted to know now was how to make it back to a safe place before I was discovered.
Once my thoughts slowed down enough and I was able to gather a breath with a long stride without it being audible, I was able to relax for a moment and think about everything that was going on around me.
The voices that I heard were not close. In fact, they were probably downstairs. There was discussion, which was muffled. The secrecy of it all made my heart ache.
Surely if we were discovered, they wouldn’t have waited until we woke up, I thought before I released my most recent deep breath and grasped the door handle.
As I did so, I heard a shrill laugh come from the conversation. It startled me, but once I realized what it was, I calmed a little. However, by now, my hands were shaking.
The laugh was the ultimate catalyst to my emotions that caused me to feel a sinking, shaking feeling that was visible.
Still, once I had recovered from the noise, I felt better.
If they did know what we did last night, I don’t even think my father and lovesick stepmother could be laughing, I thought, before I carefully considered a plan. Once I had devised one, I smiled and finally struck my hand down on the handle so that the door opened.
With one more deep breath, I made my way out of the room. I moved into the bathroom, as was my plan. I made sure to spend a decent amount of time in there, before flushing the toilet and making my way back to my own room.
Once I was in my own space, down the hall, I collapsed on my bed, with my mind still racing. I knew that I should probably get ready to make my way downstairs. After all, everyone knew that I was a fairly early riser and even though I suddenly felt very tired, I knew that I shouldn’t continue to try to sleep. At the moment, I certainly didn’t want to draw any attention to myself.
My God. I can’t believe I did that. However, what bothered me slightly more was the fact that I wasn’t more freaked out about the situation that I had put myself in.
Of course, I was nervous about being caught, but part of that nervousness stemmed from the fact that I knew if we were caught, we would have far less of a chance to engage in what we had done last night again.
As I walked downstairs, I held my breath and hoped that I didn’t come across like I was hiding something.
It’s not like my father knows that much about me anyway, I thought as I tried not to roll my eyes, right before I made it into the kitchen where my stepmother and father were enjoying breakfast.
“Good morning!” Theresa said to me, smiling brightly.
“Good morning,” I returned, trying my best to smile back in an unassuming manner. “How are you?”
Silence is not your friend, I reminded myself as I spoke. I figured if I could keep everyone talking, I could gauge what they knew and how they reacted to me, so that eventually, I would be able to relax.
“I am well,” she answered, before she moved her arm across the slight distance between herself and my father, in order to grasp his hand. “How did you sleep?”
I nodded and shrugged, making sure that I remembered not to be overly friendly, which was slightly difficult when I also wanted them to talk to me. “Pretty good.”
“Where is Tyler this morning?” my father asked me.
I panicked. Even though as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted them, but by the time I said it, I knew that it was already far too late; “Why would I know where he was?”
My father shot me a strange look before he shook his head slightly and shrugged. “I just thought you two were together last night, is all.”
“Oh!” I smiled and looked between the two of them innocently. Once again, my heart was racing, but this time, the only person I had to blame was myself. I shrugged and laughed, trying to ease the sense of tension that I felt before I answered, “No. Not last night. He went off and did his own thing. I stayed home. It was a fairly uninteresting night…for me anyway.” I shrugged again, trying desperately to sell my sinking ship. “In fact, I don’t even know if he made it home last night.” Then, my eyes flickered up as I realized how terrible that sounded. “I mean…Sorry, I’m sure everything is fine. I just haven’t seen him…at all.”
My father stared at me for a long moment before he answered, “Ashley, are you all right? You seem like something is wrong.”
His hard stare burned into me so deeply that I felt as though he was making me bear my soul to him. I had no idea what I should do. I was nervous and besides all of my internal struggles, outwardly, all I felt was eyes bearing down upon me. It was seriously nerve-wracking and I wished that I could just disappear, so that the sensation of having all of my secrets revealed would go away.
However, through the sensation of fear and worry I found the strength to answer in a calm and collected voice. “No, Dad. I’m fine. Everything is all right. I just…haven’t woken up fully yet. I’m still a little groggy.” I once again tried an innocent expression.
My father stared at me.
“Yeah, sure. Thanks for the visit, I guess.”
Mayday! Mayday! I thought, hoping that the cold sweat that I felt developing on my brow, along with my racing heart and pulsing blood was not as noticeable to them as it was to me. I swallowed hard and to cover that up I spoke. “I’m sorry…I’m perfectly fine. It’s just…I’m not very hungry and to be honest, the smell of the food is making me a little bit sick.”
Oh God, I thought as my mind moved itself right to the major, immediate concern that I had about having sex and hoped that my father and stepmother’s mind did not go there quite as easily as mine did.
I thought about what my best response would be, but since every time I opened my mouth I seemed to sink myself deeper into trouble, I didn’t say anything more.
I knew it wasn’t the food, or pregnancy that was making me sick, it was just the pressure of their eyes and the weight of my secret, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t cause me to wonder uneasily.
“Are you sure? I could make you something light on your stomach,” Theresa offered in a fashion that made me feel more like a guest than a family member.
I shook my head and stood up. Even though I had intended to eat with them, I knew now that wasn’t going to work. I just continued my new goal of getting away from them. “No thank you. I think I just need some air.”
Without waiting for a response, I made my way out of the kitchen and out to the back of the house.
I knew that I needed to be alone for a little while to figure things out. All I needed to do was calm down and figure out the extent of the damage done.
By the time I hit the beach and smelt that salty air, I knew I had to take stock of what had happened, accept it and figure out exactly what my next move should be.
That shouldn’t be so hard, I thought, but felt that I might be underestimating the extent of my own paranoia.