Chapter Twenty
Blaire
I knew I had done the right thing when I offered to look after Trinity for the day. I could see the relief written all over Reed’s face. I didn’t have children, but I couldn’t imagine how hard it must be to look after a child when having such an important job. And the fact that he did it all alone must make it so much worse. He was a good father though, and Trinity clearly was a well-rounded child. I wonder if he knew what a good job he was doing or he was constantly beating himself up for not doing enough?
“Are you going to be nice to Blaire?” Ryan asked Trinity.
Yes,” she nodded. “I am going to be nice to her. We’re going to have so much fun!”
Ryan laughed. “I’m sure you are,” he said. Then he looked at me. “Thanks again, Blaire.”
“No problem. See you boys later.”
“Yeah, bye boys,” Trinity said.
I laughed. Trinity was hilarious. I made a mental note to tell Katie about her when I got back. She’d be happy to know I was a hit with the kids as I was sure I’d be asked to babysit once she eventually had a child. I turned to look at Trinity.
“Yay! The boys are gone!”
“Are you really an actress?” she said to me. I loved how conversations with children always took on a life of its own. They didn’t bother with moving a conversation toward the direction they wanted it to go. They just asked the question that was on their mind without worry. It was a refreshing change from the stuffy social conventions of adulthood.
“I really am.”
“You’re actually on the TV?” she asked.
“Yes. Do you have a computer here? I can show you if you like?”
“Yes! My daddy has one. But I can use it too. I can play games on it.”
She took me to the living room and handed the laptop to me. I opened it up and looked for a video clip of me. There were hundreds available, so they were easy to find. I remembered how disconcerting it was when I first looked up my name, but now it seemed so normal to me. I found one that I thought she might like it played it for her.
Trinity sat rapt by what she was seeing. Her jaw hung open, and she kept looking from the screen to me and back again. When the clip was done, she asked me to play one more. Then another. Six video clips later and I had to convince her that there were no more to see.
“Wow. That was you!” she said.
“Yeah. So, what do you want to be when you’re older? I know you told Ryan you wanted to be spaghetti, which is a very cool answer by the way. But is there anything else you want to be?”
She gave it some serious thought, as she did with many questions that were thrown her way. I wonder if she got that look from her father. Reed seemed to be a very serious man too.
“An actress!” she said suddenly.
I laughed. “Well, you can certainly be one if you want to be.”
“Yes. I want to be Dory.”
“The fish?”
She nodded and told me all about the movie, in great detail. She then promised me that we would watch it together soon.
“We must wait to watch it with my daddy. He’s already seen it with me, but he told me that it was his favorite movie. So I think we should wait and watch it with him.”
I chuckled. Poor Reed. “I think that’s a wonderful idea. So, what should we do next? Why don’t we do some drawings? Do you have any paper?”
“I have lots!” she said and took me to her room.
We took a ream of paper, and a whole box of colorful pens and took them back to the living room with us. I made us both chocolate milk to drink, and we sat on the floor to draw. I was surprised at how much fun it was.
“Wow, look at you. You are so good,” I said to her.
“Thank you. Maybe I will also be an artist,” she said.
“An actress, an artist, and spaghetti: that’s quite the list you’ve got there.”
“Did you see all the art on Uncle Ryan’s body? I asked my daddy if I could have one too, but he said I was too young. He said I could have one when I was eighteen if I still wanted.”
Had I seen the art on Ryan’s body? Oh, I’d seen it, all right. I’d seen it all. I smiled at the thought of him. “Yes, I think it looks good on him.”
“Do you also have art on your body? My daddy says they are called tadoos,” she said.
“Close. They’re tattoos. And I don’t even have one. Maybe I will go with you when you turn eighteen.”
“Really?” she said and looked up at me. Her little eyes were round in surprise.
“Yeah, why not? It’s a date!”
“Is Ryan your date?”
“Ryan? Uh, he’s my friend.”
“He’s my friend too. He’s my favorite uncle. I have a few, and I think Ryan is my favorite. But my daddy said I mustn’t say that to my other uncles as it might make them sad. But Ryan is so cool.”
I smiled. “He is very cool.”
“I wish he would live here. He’s so far away. Do you live by him?”
“I do.”
“You’re lucky. He’s lucky too. You’re also cool.”
There was nothing that compared to getting a compliment from a child. It felt a lot more real, more genuine than getting one from an adult. “Thank you. I think you’re cool too.”
“Are you going to marry my Uncle Ryan? Because if you do, then you can in the family.”
I wasn’t sure how to answer the question. At that moment Ryan and I were just telling people that we were friends, and we hadn’t even broached the subject ourselves. I didn’t know if he was my boyfriend, so I certainly didn’t know if I was going to marry him.
“Marry? Uh, I’m not sure who I’m going to marry.”
“You should marry him. He’s the best. And then you can visit all the time! We can draw and watch Dory together.”
I smiled. “You make a valid point.”
We continued to draw for another hour, and Trinity did not stop talking for one minute. By the end of our drawing session, I knew all about her school and all about her best friends. The only thing she hadn’t spoken about was what had happened with her mother, but I didn’t dare ask her. She seemed like the type of kid that would bring it up if she wanted to talk about it.
I had no idea what time Reed and Ryan were due to come back, so I was surprised when I heard the car pull into the driveway.
“That’s Daddy’s car,” Trinity told me. “I always know when it’s him. His car sounds different from all the others.” She tried to imitate the screeching sound it had made when he parked, and I laughed. I had noticed the sound too.
But when they walked through the door, I knew that something wasn’t right. Ryan was pale and looked like he was about to faint at any moment. Reed didn’t look much better himself.
“Ryan. What’s wrong?” I said and walked toward him.
“Uh . . . I just need to take a shower. I’ll be back. Nothing’s wrong.”
I watched in confusion as he walked off and I looked toward Reed. Reed looked at his daughter and smiled. The smile was obviously fake and only meant for Trinity’s sake.
“I think Uncle Ryan just had something funny to eat. Remember like that time you ate that sandwich, and you got sick? You also had to rush off like that.”
She pulled a face. “Oh no. He’s going to throw up then!”
Reed waited until Trinity was busy with something else and then walked up to me. “I think you should go and see him.”
“What’s wrong?” I whispered back.
He shook his head and pointed at Trinity. He clearly didn’t want to say anything in front of her. And after hearing how much Trinity loved her uncle, I didn’t want her to hear anything either.
“I’ll be back soon, Trinity. I’m just going to make sure Ryan is okay. I think he needs company right now.”
“Okay, tell him to drink water. That’s what my daddy told me.”
“I’ll tell him.”
I shot Reed a worried glance and hurried out to see Ryan. A million thoughts were running through my head.
When I got inside the back house, I found him sitting on the bed, just staring at his hands. His shirt was off, and his towel was next to him, but he hadn’t yet gone for a shower. He didn’t even hear me come in. He just sat there, staring.
“Ryan, what’s wrong?” I said, and I went to sit next to him. “Are you okay? Don’t worry; we told Trinity that you just had something bad to eat. So nobody is coming. It’s just me. You can talk to me. Are you okay?”
He shook his head but didn’t say anything. I took his hand, and for a while, the two of us just sat there holding hands while I waited for him to feel ready to talk.
“Ryan, are you ready to talk?” I said to him after a while, even though a part of me didn’t really want him to tell me at all. I wished that I made Reed tell me so that I could be more prepared for what was coming.
He turned to face me and sighed. “I went for a checkup with Reed. I . . . I wasn’t being completely honest with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“My headaches. They’ve been worrying me. I wasn’t going to see Reed just for a routine checkup. I just said that because I didn’t want you to worry, and frankly I didn’t want to really admit the whole thing to myself either. I decided to go and see if there was perhaps something more going on. Obviously, I hoped there wasn’t. But . . .”
I felt like I was going to faint now and I was sure that the color had also drained from my face. I squeezed his hand and looked at him.
“What’s wrong?” I finally asked him.
“We did a CAT scan. It’s not just a headache. I mean, I probably should’ve known. I’ve been taking more Advil than normal lately, and the headaches have only been getting worse. Turns out I have head trauma, and it’s very serious.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means . . .” he started and then choked on the words. He looked like he was about to cry, so I squeezed his hand again.
“You can tell me,” I said.
“It means I can’t fight again. If I do . . . well . . . let’s just say the outcome won’t be good.”
Not fight again? I knew how much fighting meant to Ryan. It was his life. “Oh, Ryan, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m just glad you’re here with me. That’s the only thing I’m grateful for right now. I’m not sure I could’ve taken this news without you being here.”
We sat together for a while without saying anything. There simply wasn’t anything that I could say to make him feel better. Eventually, I got up and took his hand.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s take a shower.” It wasn’t a solution to his problem. But it was something to do. And a way to just be together.