Chapter Four
Olivia
After we watched the tape with Dax’s mom confronting his dad, we stopped going through any more. I could tell that Dax was really disturbed by it. It was one thing to believe your own father could set you up, but entirely another story to be hit in the face with proof that he didn’t care. He hadn’t flinched at the thought of his son being sent to prison. He had told his mother to stop coddling him.
Dax left the bar not long after that. I’m sure he went out and rode for hours. That was what he always did when he was upset. Riding always made him calm.
I stayed and finished the cleaning like I had promised Gail that I would. It was hard for me to be civil to Bull after what I had seen so I did my best to avoid him. I wanted to confront him myself. He had jacked up his son’s life and in the process he had completely screwed mine as well.
I kept looking at him, wondering where someone gets that kind of ego. What makes a man like Bull think that he has the right to play God with people’s lives?
I finally finished cleaning and got the hell out of there. Thankfully, Terrance wasn’t home when I got there and I was already asleep when he got home that night. He had been out late delivering parts. I was the most naïve person to ever walk the planet. I preferred naïve over just plain stupid.
I got up the next morning before Terrance did, hoping that I could slip out before I had to see him. I didn’t trust myself not to confront him. If he was a part of this and he let me believe all of this time that he was a good guy, then he was even worse than Bull because he was trying to make me believe that he loved me. You don’t manipulate the lives of the people you love to suit your own purposes. At least Gail knew what a slime Bull was. She chose to stay with him, but she had all the facts. I shuddered at the thought of twenty years with Bull.
What the hell was wrong with these people?
I sat down to eat my cereal and before I knew it, Terrance walked into the room. The sight of him made me angry all over again. I had wasted so much of my life. If I had believed Dax when he told me he was innocent, I would have at least been visiting him and writing to him and I would have known that he was okay. I would have been able to concentrate on school and sleep better at night.
My troubles were nothing compared to his though. Dax’s troubles with life had only just begun. He wasn’t going to be able to get a good job, ever. There were some people who hired ex-cons but it was usually for menial labor. He was so smart and he would have had such a bright future. It made me sick to think of all we lost and for what? For some stupid motorcycle club that served no positive purpose.
He leaned down to kiss me and I flinched. I lost control of my voice and I suddenly heard it saying, “Why would you be e-mailing Bull the day before Dax got busted saying, ‘It’s all ready,’ or something to that effect? What were you talking about?”
Terrance looked at me like I had grown another head and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. An e-mail, from over two years ago? How do you expect me to even begin to remember that?”
“How could you not? It was the day before your best friend, the guy that you’ve been hanging out with since you were in diapers was arrested.”
“What is it that you want me to say here, Olivia? Are you seriously trying to imply that I set Dax up? You don’t know me better than that by now?”
I wished I knew how well I really knew him. “I’m not implying anything, Terrance. I’m just stating the facts. The fact is that you were e-mailing Bull. That’s a fact. I never once heard you try and defend Dax. That’s another fact. You never went to visit him…those are all facts. I’m just afraid of what they mean when you add them up. I want you to tell me that I’m wrong if that’s the truth. If it’s not, then I want you to be a man and admit what you did to your best friend and why.”
“You didn’t fucking visit him either and the only reason you’re adding up facts now is because he’s back and you feel guilty.”
“I know. I didn’t visit him and I’m regretting it now because maybe he was set up and I do feel guilty. Maybe he was innocent and we all gave up on him.” Tears streamed down my cheeks. Thoughts of what Dax went through flooded back once again. I could tell that it was pissing Terrance off for me to cry over Dax.
With his fists clenched at his sides he said, “You’re not over him.”
“That’s not the point. It’s not what we’re talking about here.”
“But it’s the same as admitting it. You’re not over him and he comes back all buff and tough and all of a sudden you think he was set up. Jesus Christ, Olivia.”
“It has nothing to do with what he looks like, Terrance. Jeez, give me more credit than that please. This is the first chance he’s had to really talk to me since right after he was arrested because I refused to take his calls and I refused to go see him. What he is telling me makes sense. He saw the e-mail, Terrance. He can go back and print it out. That’s black and white. It’s not imaginary.”
“It sucks that I know you’re still hung up on your ex, but it sucks even more that you’re accusing me of setting him up. If anyone set Dax up it was Bull.”
“Being compassionate toward someone and being hung up on someone are two different things. All I was trying to say was that I failed him back then when I should have stood by him. I don’t want to do the same now while I have a second chance. He’s still our friend, right?” Terrance just looked at me and he didn’t answer so I went on, “You adamantly said that he wasn’t set up and now you say maybe it was Bull. Do you think he was set up or not?”
“I don’t know, Olivia,” he said sharply. His tone told me that he did know, at least more than he was willing to say and he just wanted me to drop it.
“Terrance, this is Dax we’re talking about. I’ve seen the pictures of you guys. I’ve heard the stories. You two were closer than any brothers could ever hope to be. His mother practically raised you…and if you love him and her and if you care about me, you’ll tell me the truth. Was he set up?”
“Yeah, I think he was,” he said, defeated. Then he quickly added, “But I didn’t have anything to do with it.”
That didn’t make sense. It seemed that if he knew about the set up or suspected it he would have stuck up for him, but he never did.
“Then why did you turn your back on him? Why not support him in this? He didn’t have anyone on his side.”
Terrance grimaced. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t care what he wanted at that point. He owed me the truth and if he did do it then he owed his best friend a lot more than that.
“Olivia, you’ve been to the club. You’ve met these guys. They’re a scary bunch, my father and Dax’s father included. This isn’t a game to them, it’s their life. This is a well-organized club with a tiered structure and a written constitution. We are required to pay dues and attend meetings and go on so many runs a year. All of this is to demonstrate loyalty to the club leadership, in this case to Bull and my father. They have their own way of punishing infractions too, anything from covering your patch to taking it away all together. I’ve seen them burn off tattoos with a welding gun. I’ve never seen it personally, but I’ve heard of members even being sentenced to death. I took an oath when they let me take a seat at the table, Liv. If I had stood by Dax, I would have been in a jumpsuit right behind him or worse.”
It was all so surreal, like being caught in the middle of a bad movie. “They would really do all of that?”
He sighed. I think my naivety was frustrating him. I wasn’t disbelieving any of what he was telling me. I was just trying so hard to wrap my head around choosing to live that way.
“Yeah, Liv. They would do that. We’re talking about them setting Dax up, right? His daddy is the president. He let him do hard time at Pelican Bay in the SHU with murderers and rapists and the like. He took a big chance that his skinny kid was going to come out of there alive. Dax beat the odds and I’m sure that makes Bull proud as hell now, but if he had died in there I really don’t think that Bull would have cared. My father is the vice president, but you know him, he submits to Bull’s every whim. He never stands up to him. Bull put his own son in prison. If I crossed him what do you think they would do to me?”
“I don’t know, Terrance. It’s all so…frightening and ridiculous at the same time. Right now, I can’t do anything about Bull and Dax’s relationship with him. I have to worry about my relationship with you. You’re telling me the God’s honest truth here, Terrence? You had nothing to do with setting him up.”
“Nothing, Liv, I would never do that. You were right when you said that Dax and I were like brothers. I wouldn’t do something like that to him. You believe me, right?”
I didn’t know. “You better not be lying to me, Terrance. I may be a little naïve about people, but I’m not stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid, Liv and I am not lying to you.” He kissed me on the forehead and said, “I have to go, I have some parts to pick up in Barstow today. I won’t be home until later this afternoon.”
I just nodded. I wanted to believe him. I had spent a year of my life with the guy and I didn’t want to think it was all because he had planned it that way, that I was part of his prize for setting up his best friend. What kind of man would that make him? What kind of fool would that make me?
I just kept thinking about the e-mail though “It’s all ready to go” the day before Dax was busted. That was a lot of coincidence for me to take in. I needed to see Dax. I needed to talk to him about what Terrence said. He would either believe it or he would talk some sense into me. Either way, I owed him that much.