Fawn
“Jesus! Next time I decide to move in with a pregnant chick, remind me to get some paid help! This was a lot of shit to get take care of all on my own.”
“Next time, huh? You planning on moving in with a whole lot of different pregnant women? Because if so, you should probably let me know. You know, so I can chain you to a chair or something.”
“No, babe, not even close. One pregnant person is enough for me.”
“Good, glad to hear it. I don’t really want to have to start murdering people. Don’t really think it would suit me,”
“That’s something we can agree on. Now, tell me, lovely woman of mine, are you sure you’re up to this?”
Dax, who was all sweaty from moving the rest of his boxes inside and getting them all unpacked, threw himself down on the couch next to me and then kept on sliding. Pretty soon he was right on top of me, his strong arms on either side of my face and his hair hanging down so that it felt like there were only him and me in the world. Instantaneously I felt my insides turn to mush and my legs begin to part as if of their own accord. It was amazing how quickly he could turn me on, every time he got anywhere near me. There would never be a time when I would tell him no. I couldn't even imagine there coming a time when I told him I had a headache or was just plain too tired. God, I loved this man, loved him with every inch of who I was.
“Am I up for this?” I asked breathlessly, arching my back a little to come up to meet his chest, “Because if that’s what you’re asking the answer is always yes.”
"No, babe, unfortunately, that's not what I'm talking about. I was more referring to this baby shower thing. You sure you wanna do this?"
“Dax! Are you kidding me? Get off of me, come on, get off!”
“What?” He laughed, his fake innocent face something much less than convincing, “I’m not doing anything.”
"Oooh yes, you are, and don't try to pretend you aren't."
“Well if I am, you can’t exactly blame me, can you? Having you around is like a constant tease. You’re a distraction, so basically it’s your fault.”
“Ugh! No way, Dax. And if what you mean by ‘am I ready’ is am I ready for the baby shower then the answer is yes. You know how much work they all put into this! And besides, don’t you want to know the gender of the baby?”
“Of course I do, but what does that have to do with the baby shower?”
"I've only told you this like, a million times. It's not just a baby shower, babe. It's a gender reveal party, too. So when we cut into the cake, it'll either be blue on the inside, meaning we're having a boy or pink, meaning we're having a girl."
“Okay, so that part I’m looking forward to. But you’ve gotta admit, Fawn, it’s kind of funny that you’re so into this baby shower.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you remember in the car when we got into that massive fight? One of the things you told me was that you would never let anybody from the clubhouse do a baby shower for you and now here we are. I think this is all Micah and Pete have thought about for weeks and weeks.”
“Yeah, well, that wasn’t exactly my finest hour. I still feel really bad about that, you know. I would take all of that back if I could. Turns out that’s not really an option.”
“I don’t want you to feel bad. I don’t ever want you to feel bad again. I just think it’s funny how much things can change.”
"You're telling me," I laughed, my hands going to my belly without thinking about it at all, "I've seen plenty of changes myself. And speaking of changing, you should probably go do that. People are going to start getting here any minute now, and you can't be looking like that."
“Looking like what?” He asked, poking his lip out like I had actually hurt his feelings or something, “I think I look just fine.”
"No, sir. Covered in sweat and in a ratty old shirt? Not baby shower approved. Go get yourself cleaned up before people start getting here. Because once that doorbell starts ringing, you're not leaving me alone."
“Aw, come on, babe! These are just as much your people as they are mine. They all love you. You know that. Plus if they do anything they shouldn’t Dan’ll kill them, so you’ve got that going for you.”
“Still.”
He started to say something when the doorbell rang, which set him off laughing loudly. I rolled my eyes dramatically, but I couldn't help laughing, too. I had been doing a lot of laughing since everything had gotten smoothed out with Dax. It was, without a doubt, the best time in my entire life.
“What are you laughing at, mister?”
“Nothing, babe. Honest, not laughing at anything. Just, you know, saved by the bell and all that shit. You want me to get that or do you still want me to get in the shower and make myself presentable?”
“Nope, too late for that. You win this one. Just get the door and let’s get this party started.”
"Your wish is my command, babe. Forever and always."
When I looked back on my very first baby shower, later on, I would be sure that it was the best couple of hours I'd ever spent. I was sure that was how everybody felt about their showers, but I didn't care about that one bit. All I knew was the my life felt like it was right. Not perfect, not complete even, just right. Nothing about my shower was conventional, and as far as I was concerned, that was exactly as it should have been. I had spent a large part of my life trying to make my life into something different, to wipe away my roots and make it out so that I had come from a life that resembled normal, but looking at the people who came to my shower made it crystal clear to me that it had been going about things all wrong. You're past wasn't something you could just get away from. It wasn't something you could run from and the more you tried, the worse off you would be. These people were my family, just like they were for Dax, too. They flooded our little home bringing gifts and food and one of the best times I'd ever had. By the time everyone was gone, we were left exhausted, and in a sea of wrapping paper with so many baby gifts filling our condo I didn't have a clue where we were going to put them all.
“So!” Dax exclaimed, hands on his hips as he surveyed the damage, “this was intense.”
“Ha! Intense is a good word for it.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Um, yes? As long as it’s not a bad one. This would be a really, really bad time for that.”
“It’s not a bad one. I was just curious, do you happen to know what this stuff is? I mean I know what the diapers and shit are, the toys and that kind of thing, but the rest of it? Not a fucking clue.”
"That's okay; you don't have to. We'll figure it out as we go along. Just like we're going to have to do with the rest of it. I think that's what you do when you have a baby."
"Speaking of baby, how do you feel about it?" Dax, who had been half-heartedly picking up the empty cups and scraps of paper left behind, stood and looked at me. There was an expression on his face I couldn't read, and I patted the cushion beside me, motioning for him to come and sit close. He grinned at me and flopped down by my side, slinging one arm around my shoulders and bringing me in close. I nuzzled my face into his side, breathing in deeply, relishing the way his smell filled my senses. It was a familiar scent of sweat and pine, a scent he'd had since we were sixteen years old at least. It was a scent my body just responded to, always had, always would. It was only one of the millions of little things I loved about him.
“I think the question is probably more how do you feel about it? This isn’t exactly what you were hoping for, is it? Do you think you’re going to be okay?”
“Are you kidding me? I’m more than okay. I’m pretty fucking excited about it, actually.”
“Are you sure?”
“Are you? You aren’t disappointed or anything, are you? Did I do something to sour you on it because if so, I’m a fucking asshole and you shouldn’t listen to me.”
“No, silly, nothing like that. I’m good. I’m thrilled, actually.”
“We’re going to have a baby girl, Fawn. Can you believe that? I’m going to have a daughter.”
"Yes, yes you are. Between you and my dad, I can't even begin to imagine how spoiled this little girl is going to be. Not to mention the rest of the Devils. She's never going to be able to date! There'll be shotguns everywhere the first time she decides to bring a boy around."
“You bet your ass there will be! Not that it will really be a problem, seeing as she’s not going to start dating until she’s thirty-five.”
“Thirty-five, huh?”
“Thirty-five at least. I’m going to keep her safe, Fawn. I’m going to keep you both safe. I swear to you that I will.”
“I know, Dax,” I answered softly, touched by the thick emotion and level of sincerity in his voice, “don’t worry.”
“I know you do, but I want to make sure you really know. All of those times I fucked up? That kind of thing isn’t going to happen again. Not ever. I’m a different kind of man now than I used to be. I’m a different kind of man because of you. You changed me, babe. You changed me into a man I never thought I could be. And I love you. Do you hear me? I love you, so damned much.”
He grabbed my chin gently and pulled my face up towards his, kissing me on the forehead, the tip of my nose. He kissed me on each of my closed eyelids, then down the length of my face until he found my lips. By the time he landed there my whole body was trembling, already aching for his touch. He kissed my lips gently, almost as if he were nervous to do so as if we hadn't already done it thousands of times before. I heard a low moan coming from the back of my throat, something that hardly even sounded like me. My hands found his hair and filled themselves with it, tugging it gently in just the way I knew he liked.
“Fawn” he whispered thickly, taking my bottom lip between his teeth and tugging. His hands began to roam all over me, running up my legs, up the sides of my ribcage. They found the front of my dress and began to undo the buttons one by one, clumsy in their need to do the job quickly. My body arched towards him, automatically picking up where we’d left off before all of the Carolina Devils had come pouring into our condo for our celebration. I shrugged the dress off of my shoulders as he finally got every one of the buttons undone, turning it from an article of clothing to a useless piece of fabric. He grabbed my legs and pulled them into his lap, leaning forward so that h could kiss along the length of my shin and all of the way up to the base of my thighs.
“Jesus,” he groaned, “I want you so badly. How is it possible for me to want you this bad after all of this time?”
“I want you, too, Dax” I gasped, writhing under the weight of his touch and his stare, “God, I want you so badly. Please, Dax. I want you so badly.”
He continued to kiss my thighs, spreading my legs open so that he could kiss along the edge of the lacy black panties I'd put on for the occasion, and I let out a desperate cry. He pulled them aside roughly, his mouth finding the mound of flesh that ached for him the most. My hips bucked, moving up closer to him, wanting all of him right then and there. His tongue was merciless and knew all of the right moves to make to set me off. My hands flew up over my head, holding onto the arm of the couch for dear life. His tongue swirled and darted, sucking on my most tender flesh until I was actually screaming. It was the kind of pleasure that skirted the line of pain, and when I started to come, it seemed to go on forever.
“Oh God, Dax! God, I want you right now! I want to feel you inside of me, Dax. I want to feel you!”
He reared up, looking at me like a great, predatory animal might consider his much weaker prey. When he stood to slip out of his jeans and shirt, it felt like the distance this movement created would kill me. I didn't just want him; I needed him. I needed all of him, and I needed it right now.
“Is this what you want, baby?” He asked softly, sliding up the length of my body until he hovered right above me, shutting out everything in the universe that wasn’t him, “Is this what you want? Are you sure?”
“Please,” I moaned, twisting and moaning beneath him, “yes. Yes, you’re what I want.”
“You’re what I want, too. For the rest of my life, Fawn. Do you hear me? For the rest of my life, it’s only you.”
He reached down and took his shaft in his hand, guiding himself inside of me slowly, so slowly it was like torture. His eyes never left my face as he did so. They lingered still when his hips began to move slowly, and my legs came up and wrapped themselves around his waist. He was right, I thought wildly, my body so taken up by my overloaded senses that it was difficult to follow a thought all the way to its end. He was right; it was him and me. Just me and him for the rest of our lives, just the way it should have been from the very beginning.
“Oh! Oh God, right there!”
Dax grinned at me, moving faster now, moving so that I could tell that it wasn't going to be much longer now. My legs tightened, my hips rising up to meet his with each and every thrust. My eyes slid shut as the warm, delicious heat began to take over me, starting in my toes and the tips of my fingers and running through the length of my body until they reached the place where Dax and I were linked. I shrieked, turning my head and biting down on one of the pillows of the couch to try and keep from alerting the attention of the neighbors. Above me Dax began to shake wildly, his thrusts becoming less precise as he stiffened inside of me. He let out a yell and then collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily, his heart beating in time with my own. When he rolled over, he pulled me in close to him, wrapping a protective arm around me.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“Hurt me? Since when did you worry about hurting me?”
“I don’t know. With the baby. I haven’t ever gotten a girl pregnant before.”
“Not that you know of,” I smirked, laughing out loud when I heard the swift hiss of breath at the offhanded comment.”
“Come on, Fawn, that’s not funny. I’m serious. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make sure you never get hurt again.”
“No,” I answered, softening immediately at the earnest concern in his voice, “you didn’t hurt me.”
“Good. Because I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. I love you more than I love myself.”
It was exactly the kind of thing every woman wanted to hear, and I was hearing it. Not only that, but I was hearing it from a man I would have sworn up and down six months earlier would never settle down. He was the ultimate bad boy, the ungettable man, and he loved me. It felt like a dream, the kind of dream I didn't ever want to wake up from. Almost as if he could hear my thoughts, his arms tightened around me so that his beating heart was the soundtrack of the scene for me. It was all I wanted in the world, and if I hadn't slipped off into sleep, I would have told him that I felt the exact same way.