****
I made it back to the hospital an hour later, weary as fuck. Aiden had called a few times on my drive over, but I ignored his messages. I needed a quiet place to call him back, and he wasn't my priority, neither was my shit with Ansley or the recovering congressman.
It was my father.
I walked into his room and stopped at the door. "Dad?"
He turned his head and smiled. "Parks. Come over here, son."
"You scared me pretty bad last night." I dropped my backpack on the couch and walked over to sit down beside his bed. I reached for his hand and squeezed it as a million emotions raced through me. I couldn't help but wonder how much shit one person could take before they broke. I felt like I was on a dicked up quest to answer that question.
"I'm sorry about that." He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. "I'm a weak man. Your mother leaving me all those years ago-" He got choked up, and fuck if I didn't too.
"Dad. You don't have to talk about this right now." I reached over with my free hand and rubbed his chest softly. "Seriously."
"I need to." He opened his eyes and wiped at his tears. "I wish I hadn't let her have such a large part of my heart, but I did. I'm a musician, a romantic, a lover. She was so bright and strong, Jacob. Sorry, Parks."
"Call me by my name, Dad. It's alright." I rubbed his chest in slow circles. "I shouldn't have denied you that. I just hear her voice every time someone says my first name."
"I understand." He pinched his nose as a soft sob left him. "She was my everything, son. She was my muse, my lover, my best friend. But I wasn't enough."
"Yes, you were. She was fucked up, Dad. She didn't just leave you." I patted his chest and waited until he opened his eyes. "She left me too."
"I'm so sorry I didn't help you through that. She found someone else, son. I couldn’t talk her out of going with him. She walked away and never looked back. Can you ever forgive me for letting her ruin us?"
He had a few weeks at most left on his life and he wanted to know if I would forgive him?
"I already did. Years ago." I reached up and brushed my hand down the side of his face. "So the girl I was starting to fall for decided I wasn't the guy for her." I snorted, unable to hold back my disgust. "I'm not sure why I even tried to be honest with you."
"What happened?" He gripped my wrist and held my close.
"I don't know. I took her to dinner, bought her flowers, made love to her, and the next day it was as if I didn't exist at all." I shrugged and forced a smirk. "Guess I'm made for the bachelor life, hm?"
"No, I don't believe that for a minute." He released me, and I moved back. "Maybe she was trying to protect herself from falling in love with you."
"Or maybe she's just a bitch." I stood up and walked to the window, hating the way he looked as he lay there dying in front of me. If anyone deserved a second chance, it was him.
"You really believe that?" His voice was gaining strength, which I was glad to hear. I'd talk about my fucked up love life all night long if it keep him moving back toward gaining his strength.
"I don't know." I glanced over my shoulder and memorized the loving look on his face. "No. I guess I don't."
"Then go after her, son. If you think she's the one."
"I'm not sure what I think anymore." I turned back to the window to let my eyes run along the late afternoon dreariness. "I don't want to fall in love. Seeing what happened to you when mom left, I'm not sure I could handle loving and losing Ansley."
"Let me tell you this. Come over here." He extended his hand to me as I turned.
I took it and sat back down beside him, wanting to hear anything he had to say. "Tell me."
"I would suffer this pain all over again if it meant I got to have the good times with your mother. Those memories are the delight of my life beside the ones I have of raising you. No matter how much love hurts, it's so worth the effort."
"But it didn't work, dad, and you were the one left holding the bag. That's some shit." I reached up and brushed his hair off his forehead.
"But it might have." He smiled weakly. "There was always a chance that our story would go down as one of the greatest love stories of all times. You can't see the end from the beginning. Only God can do that, Parks."
"I'm not sure I'd want to see what happens anyway." I squeezed his hand. "It would take all the fun out of it."
He chuckled and reached up to cup his stomach. "I'm tired. Let me rest and you go home. I'll be okay here."
I stood and leaned over, kissing his head. "I'm not going anywhere just yet."
A soft knock at the door had me standing back up fully. The older doctor from the ER walked in and spoke with my dad for a few minutes before turning to me.
"Can we talk in the hallway? Your father needs some rest." He opened the door and moved back.
I glanced back at my dad. "Get some sleep. I'm going to be right there on that couch, okay?"
"Alright, boy." He closed his eyes, and I walked out of the room and turned toward the doctor. "Shoot straight with me."
"Of course." He pulled up the chart and shook his head. "I told you two weeks, but I'm honestly not sure we even have that. We have a tube going into his side to drain the bile and help filter the toxins as best we can, but that's not going to last long. He's taxed his liver and other organs so much with his years of heavy drinking."
"Can we move him to New York? To St. Marks? I want him under my care there."
"We can move him safely, but the hospital there will not put him under your care, Doctor Parks. You're a direct family member. It's not going to happen."
I started to tear into the guy, but he was right. There was no need to argue something I knew to be true. "You're right. Let's get him transported tomorrow morning. I'll head home then too. Put him under Doctor Kym Yani's care, okay?"
"Of course. I know Kym personally. She will take great care of him." He reached out and gripped my shoulder. "I'm so sorry we didn't catch this in time."
"I'm sorry I didn't." I nodded and turned to walk down the hall. I needed some air before my heart exploded in my chest. I was a fucking doctor, the world’s up and coming neurologist and my father was wasting away from a disease that could have been stopped in its tracks, but I didn't visit. I couldn't stand the emotional whiplash from seeing him too often.
And for my fuck up, I'd lose the last person I had left in the world.
I dropped down on a bench outside the hospital and leaned back, closing my eyes and diving into the first memory that came to mind.
Me and Ansley, fucking on her desk in her office. It should have turned me on, but it didn't. It left me cold knowing that I'd never get to see what we could have been. Not now.
Fear fucked me over, and pride left me walking away from whatever could have happened.
The only hope I had left inside of me where she was concerned was a baby. If she got pregnant from one of our love making sessions, then I could tether myself to her and try again.
I lifted my chin to the heavens and prayed, something I hadn't done in a long time. I might have to go through losing my father, but giving Ansley what she wanted most in life would soften that blow.
At least I hoped it would.