Chapter 14

Grace

"I hate you so fucking much." I leaned toward the mirror and stared at myself. Why had I thought I had the power to bring a man like Erik to heel? He'd flipped the game on me and had me under his thumb. And the sickening part was that I loved it. I loved his attention, his affection, even if it was only when he wanted it. I jerked away from the mirror and paced the bathroom in the library, wondering if I should quit my job.

No. I'd been working at the library for years. It was what my degree was in, and scoring a job on NYU after graduating early was a dream come true. I was a brain. An intellect. I belonged in the library.

"But you don't." I walked toward the door, jerking it open and almost plowing down a group of college students. "Sorry!"

I moved into the hall as they laughed and walked into the bathroom. They had to be my age, but I felt twenty years older. Why? Glancing down at my clothes, I realized they were one of the reasons. Why was I still hiding myself behind frumpy clothes? The man of my dreams could see beyond what I was doing and wanted me anyway. At least physically.

Man of my dreams? I walked numbly toward the foyer in the library, ignoring someone calling my name from an open conference room. The gala was approaching fast, and I was in charge of a huge chunk of it, but nothing mattered.

"Grace Adams?" A handsome guy with a great smile stood at the front desk as I walked out. His button down white shirt and black slacks had me thinking cop for some reason.

"Yeah. That's me." I walked toward him and extended my hand.

The smile on his face widened as he took the liberty of checking me out. My Thanksgiving sweater had been the rage all day long. It looked like something someone's grandmother would wear to a family dinner. My bright green tights matched one of the leaves in the table decorations that ran across the front of the sweater. It was hideous and humorous. I didn't care. It kept me safe, or it used to.

"Do you have a few minutes? I'm detective Matthenson from NYPD. I just had a few questions about your brother's whereabouts a few days ago." He motioned toward the door. "Can you grab a cup of coffee perhaps?"

"Yeah. I can." I turned and walked back toward the office, clocking out and letting Nelly know exactly where I would be. Anyone could pretend to be a cop. This guy was no different.

"I appreciate your time." He held the door and smiled down at me as I walked past him.

He smelled like soap and cologne. Along with his deep blue eyes and smile lines along his mouth, he was almost dreamy. Why the hell couldn't I fall in love with a guy like him? One of the good guys.

"Cole?" Erik walked toward us up the stairs as we made our way down.

"Hey, man." He extended his hand. "Funny seeing you here." Cole glanced around as if trying to remember where he was.

"I was stopping by to look something up in the papers." Erik glanced over at me but didn't say a word. "This is your girlfriend?"

"No." Cole chuckled and placed his hand behind my back. "I'd ask if she were yours."

I stiffened. Had Cole been watching Erik and me?

Erik's stern look melted into a smile. "Watch yourself, cop." He moved past Cole and me and walked into the library. I glanced back to see if he might turn around and threaten Cole the way he'd done my ex earlier that week, but he walked into the library, not turning back once.

"Something I should know?" I glanced up at Cole as we walked down the remaining steps. The pain lacing my chest had to be ignored. It would be there until Erik removed himself from my life, which was hopefully sooner than later. I'd suffer and get over it, going back to my mundane life and chalking up our hot encounters as if they were a story from a good book. A book that was read and the story was over.

"No. I have run-ins with Erik all the time. He's from a rather dangerous family, but I assume you know that." He smiled down at me and offered me his arm as we stopped beside a street light.

I took it and shook my head. "I'm not talking about Erik, so if that's why you're here."

"It's not. I'm here about your brother." We jogged across the road and walked into the coffee shop, the smell of sugar and coffee rushing out to greet us.

I breathed in deeply and walked to the counter as my heart settled a little. I needed to put things into perspective and move on with the parts of my life that I could. Helping my older brother was front and center or needed to be.

After we had ordered, I found a small table near the door and sat down, watching Cole as he got our drinks and took the seat across from me.

"Have you talked to your brother lately?"

"Yes." I took the coffee and pulled the top off before blowing on it softly. "I talk to him all the time. Our parents are too involved in our lives, so the two of us stick together."

"I see." He took a sip of his coffee and glanced out the window toward the library. "And he's older than you, but still in school."

"I graduated in a little under three years." I leaned back and glanced down to pick a leaf off my sweater. "He's president of the Sigmas on campus. Everyone loves Thomas."

"And I guess you're aware that one of his friends was gunned down on Tuesday on the east side of town. You and Thomas being close and all." He locked eyes with me. "He's playing a very dangerous game, Grace."

My muscles locked in place. "Why are you telling me this instead of him?"

"Because I'm a good guy, and you're playing a dangerous game too." He glanced back toward the library. "Your brother stole some money from some really bad guy."

"And what? Now they're going to gun him down too?" My blood ran cold. Jenna. I needed to know who the fuck owned the shop Thomas stole from.

"No clue. I'm on the police force, I'm just investigating, and a few things aren't adding up."

I wanted to believe him, but there was a darkness in his stare that almost reminded me of Erik. "Like what?"

"Like why a sweet girl like you is getting tangled up with Erik Bertinelli."

"I'm not talking about Erik. You said this was about Thomas."

"It is." He glanced down at his coffee. "But it's about you too. Do you know who Erik is?"

I took a drink of my coffee and stood up. "My brother is a New York citizen, so he gets your protection."

"Your brother is a criminal." He stood up and lifted his eyebrow as if challenging me. "He should be put in jail."

"If you think he'd be safer there, then put him there."

"The guys he stole from have more help in prison than they do on the streets." He pressed his hand against the table between us and leaned toward me. "Listen. I have a brother who I love very much. There isn't much I wouldn't do for him."

"And?"

"Are you sleeping with Erik to try and help your brother out of the shit he's gotten himself into?"

"No, but if I was, when did fucking someone become a crime?" My voice rose as fear raced around in the pit of my stomach. What would sleeping with Erik have to do with Thomas? Cole wasn't making sense at all, and I was over the conversation. I'd have hell to pay anyway if Erik thought something was going on with the handsome detective and me.

He pursed his lips as he searched my face.

"That's what I thought." I took my coffee and walked toward the door. "Thanks for the break, officer. I hope you find what you're looking for." I dropped the drink in the trashcan outside the coffee shop and started across the street. A strong hand grabbed my arm and jerked me back, surprising me a little.

Cole pressed me with a hard stare. "Why do you wear clothes like that?"

"What?" I glanced down at my clothes. "What are you talking about? What does this have to-"

"Why do you dress the way you do, Grace? Answer the question. It's not a hard one."

"To keep people away." I jerked my arm from him. "Happy?"

"And why didn't it keep Erik away from you?" He tilted his head to the side.

"Who are you?" I took a step back and wrapped my arms around myself.

"A good guy playing a bad cop." I chuckled. "Or maybe a bad cop playing a good guy. I don't honestly know anymore, but I don't want to see you or your brother hurt, and you've both made it on my radar."

"Well, thanks. I'm fine." I turned and jogged across the street, running up the stairs and not stopping until I was inside the library with the doors closed behind me.

What the fuck? Had Thomas gone to the cops? No. Obviously not.

"New lover?" Erik's voice was low. Ominous.

I turned and glanced over at him before pulling off my sweater and walking to the second floor. My pink tank top was not ‘work appropriate,’ but I could care less. I wasn't having the conversation with him. Obviously, Cole had been assigned to the case on Billy, and he'd connected the dots. Maybe he was just one of those guys who tried to protect the world.

"Grace." Erik reached out and grabbed me, yanking me down a long bookshelf and pressing me against it. Being trapped against his body did nothing for my will to run.

"Stop it. Get off of me."

"Why did Cole want to talk with you?"

"My brother's gotten himself wrapped up in some shit with his fraternity, okay? It's nothing. I don't know the guy, and he was just questioning me." I pushed on his thick chest and tried not to look up into his eyes. He owned me in many more ways than I wanted to accept.

He gripped my chin and lifted it a little. "And that's it?"

"Yes." I pulled back, hitting my head on the shelf. "Ouch!"

"Stop pulling from me, and you wouldn't get hurt." He reached back and rubbed my head softly. "You've been avoiding me."

"Ditto, now, get the fuck off of me." I pushed at him again, gaining a little bit of space and taking advantage of it. I slipped around him and walked toward the foyer. "Leave me alone, Erik."

"Put your sweater back on," he barked from behind me.

I jerked around and threw the sweater at him. "Fuck you."

He smiled and licked at the side of his mouth. "If you think that prick of a cop is going to save you from me, you're wrong, kitten."

"I'm not scared of you."

He took three steps and trapped me against his chest, his arms strong, his hold almost painful. "You should be. I'm a monster of the worst kind. If you knew the things I'd done, you'd stop looking at me with that fucking loving look you keep using on me."

"I do love you. I have since the day you walked into this place." I pulled back, but he kept me trapped. Everything came flooding in at once. Jenna and Nate being happy and me not getting to see her much anymore. Thomas being scared for his life over something so insanely stupid. My mother hating me because I was strong, smart and successful so young in life, and now Erik. I was in love with an asshole that used me for sex and treated me like an annoying toy. Tears poured down my cheeks as I pushed and struggled against him. "Let me go."

"Hush." He turned us, pressing me back to the bookshelf as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I fought against him for a few seconds before pleasure raced through my system and I melted. Sliding my fingers into his hair, I lifted up on my toes and pressed deeper into the kiss, losing myself in the lie that he could possibly care about me too.

"Please leave me alone. You're killing me." I pulled back, but he held me tight.

"No. I just want you to fully understand that I'm not the man you need in your life."

"Then let me go." Another sob bubbled up in my chest.

"I wish I could." He leaned down and kissed me again, exploring my mouth as his breathing got off. There was so much more to the story than he was willing to tell me.

"You can." I pulled back again, breathless and aching for another long afternoon of him buried inside of me. It was the only expression of love I got from him. It wasn't nearly enough, but I was grasping for scraps.

"I'm a horrible man, and you're a good girl."

"I'm your good girl." I pulled back hard, and he released me. "And who's to say I couldn't be a monster too?"

"Would you do that?" He tilted his head to the side and studied me as he reached up and rubbed his lips. "For me?"

"Yes," I whispered. What the hell did I agree to?

"And you're not going to give up on this thing between us, are you?" He took my hand, lifting it to his lips and licked at my knuckles. "You want it too bad, don't you?"

"I'm not giving up, so why don't you just give in?" I was pushing too much, but I had to. If it didn't work out this time, I'd go to Cole and ask for protection from Erik and his family. If things fell apart between us, I'd probably need it.

"Grace," he moved closer, sliding his fingers into my hair and pulling a little, "Once you're in, you’re in forever. Do you understand? I show you my world and the only way out is through a body bag. You sure you're ready for that?"

"Does it mean having you?" I couldn't seem to find enough air to fill my lungs.

"Yes," he whispered roughly and leaned down, nipping at my lips. "If I'm what you want."

"Then I'm in. You're all I want." I lifted up and pressed my lips to his as he consumed me in a passion I didn't know existed.

What the fuck had I done?