Chapter 16

 

The interior of Max's Saloon was dark, the long bar made of polished wood that could have stood there for ages. Caleb slid into one of the high-backed booths and waited, his strong jaw resting in his oversized palms. Like any other time he was forced to sit still, his thoughts turned to his professor.

She's not yours, his inner demon reminded him, but that didn't stop the barrage of questions. How was she? Was she conscious? Hurting?

Missing him?

He wanted to groan in frustration. Packing her things had been agony. Every item had smelled like her, and Caleb had almost broken down a hundred times. He'd remembered the feel of her body, the softness of her pale skin, the way she closed her eyes and bit her lips in passion.

It was impossible to keep his mind free of memories of her. Although he wasn't in her presence, she dominated his thoughts and fantasies. Brice had teased him about going in to see her and Caleb had wanted nothing more than to find her hospital room, pull her into his arms and never let her go.

Walking away from her was the hardest thing he'd ever done.

Seeing her lying there bleeding in the cave had crushed his heart under an avalanche of feeling. The paramedics had strapped her to a board, and he refused to leave her side as they carried her out to the police and rescue boats.

He'd insisted on being allowed to accompany her on the short trip downriver to where the authorities had parked their vehicles to move their assault to the water. It had been the easiest way to get to the cave's mouth without alerting their captors.

Still, when she'd tried to open her eyes in the boat, his chest had almost caved in at the pain on her face.

Caleb moved his hands so that his fingers covered his eyes. He wished he could block out the pain as easily as he could the light. She'd come after him, his brave little Dani, and the thought made Caleb's heart swell.

None of the people he'd known in his life loved him enough to risk their own necks for him. No one but Dani.

But his rescue had also been what led to her injury. It had almost led to her rape and murder as well.

His hands trembled at the thought. He might have been responsible for her death. Just like his father, he could have killed the only thing he'd ever really loved.

"Hey there, brother, a dollar for your thoughts." Brice's familiar voice broke through his own dark ruminations.

"A dollar?" Caleb asked, settling his hands on the table.

"Pennies are worthless nowadays." Brice gave him a shit-eating smile. "What's your poison?"

"Just give me a water. I've got a long drive."

"Oh yeah? Where you headed?"

"Back out to the park."

"I don't think so," Brice replied, signaling a waitress and ordering water and a local microbrew.

"What are you playing at, Brice? I showed up, didn't I?"

"Sure, sure. But I thought you wanted to talk about Dr. French's progress."

Caleb ground his teeth together in a fierce grin. "Yes."
"She's well, and she's being discharged as we speak. She's headed back home with strict instructions to rest for the next two weeks. My bet is she'll be back in her office by tomorrow. Women like her don't follow orders too well."

"Women like her?" Caleb asked, unsure whether to be offended or agree with him.

"You know, the aggressive types. Always working, never taking a break, constantly proving themselves. It's a lonely existence."

"Yeah." Caleb frowned, remembering how she'd told him of her loneliness that night in the hunting shack.

"It doesn't have to be," Brice said, eyeing his friend. "All it takes is the love of a good man, and these women usually fall in line. They stop obsessing about their work, although they'd never quit entirely. But once they fall in love, they get distracted and want to spend more time in bed than behind a desk. And they're fantastic in the sack."
"Hey!" Caleb admonished, then sat back with a rueful laugh. "Don't I know it."

Brice laughed. "I knew it! You slept with her. It was so obvious, but getting information out of you is like getting an allowance out of my father when I was a kid. 'Difficult' doesn't begin to describe it. So, you slept together. It was good, I take it."

"It was..." Caleb couldn't think of one word to describe it. "Incredible. Sublime. Amazing. Perfect."

"Wow," Masterson said, taking a long sip of his beer. "She's such a little thing, but she packs a mean punch."
Caleb grinned. "Literally and metaphorically. One of your uncle's gang is gonna need surgery to fix the damage her little fist did."

"Yeah," Brice said, staring him straight in the eye. "Well, I know a guy who's gonna need a long time to get over the damage she did to his heart."

Caleb's smile faded. His eyes dropped to the table, to his hands now balled up into tight fists. "Shut up, Brice," he said finally. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

"Sure I do. I was in love once. And I wanted to rip my own heart out when it was over."
"She didn't break my heart," Caleb protested. "I probably broke hers. I'm not good enough for her." His scowl could have frightened the spots off a leopard. "I'll only bring her pain."

"How do you figure?" Brice's tone was disbelieving. "You're one of the nicest, most normal guys I've met. True, you have an unhealthy obsession with the outdoors, but that shouldn't matter. And I know you've bagged your share of babes, but this one is clearly different. So why can't you be together?"

"I'm no good for her. I can't control myself when we're together. If it weren't for me, she wouldn't be in the hospital right now. I almost got her killed!"

Caleb shook his head, his shoulders bent under the weight of his decision. "I'm dangerous, and I have to keep my distance."

"Nonsense!"

Masterson gave an unsophisticated snort of laughter, and for the first time in their friendship, Caleb wanted to pound his fist into the rich man's handsome face.

"It's not nonsense. You don't understand. She will get hurt, and it will be because of me. I can't let that happen, so I'm going to avoid her."
"Forever? Because she's gonna be back in the park next spring."
Caleb shook his head. "No, she can't come back to the park."

Masterson laughed. "You don't get to make those kinds of decisions, Ranger. She will be back."
"Then I won't be there!"

Caleb stood, his face flushed with anger. "This isn't a game, Brice! I won't play around with her life. If she's coming back to the park, then I'm leaving it."

"Calm down," Brice said, casually waving him back into his seat.

Caleb sat, his limbs shaking with the effort to hold back his fury.

The millionaire kept his calm. "There's no need to leave the park. If you just--"

"Look, Masterson," Caleb said, his voice a growl of cold fury. "You said you didn't think I'd be headed back to the park when we sat down. What were you trying to tell me?"

"Just that I've received word from your superiors in Portland. They've told me that they're considering replacing you on the park development project."

"What?" Caleb couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"After your encounter with the miners, they figured you needed a break. That and they'd like to review your plans for the park, perhaps make some changes."

"This is bullshit!"
"Is it?" Masterson's tone was chilly. "You put a guy in a coma."

"He's lucky he's still breathing."

"I get it. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. But your colleagues saw you when we got to that cave; they saw how long it took you to come back to reality. You need to take a break, man. Seriously."

Caleb sighed. He didn't appreciate being dictated to, not by the Forestry Service, and not by his friend, especially after what he'd suffered. What he'd watched Dani suffer. "It's still bullshit."

Brice grinned. "You're probably right. But hey, I've convinced them to give you a few months paid leave. That should give you time to calm down, relax, maybe makeup with a certain sexy professor--"

"Can it, Brice, or I'll knock your block off."
"What kind words to say to a friend!" Brice said with another laugh. "Especially one who was about to give you the keys to his beach house."

Caleb shook his head to refuse, but his friend wouldn't let him. "Take the keys. Stay at the beach house. No one else will be out there. It's in a private area with plenty of land on either side, so you don’t have to worry about nosy neighbors. And the ocean is beautiful this time of year. Winter is the best time to watch storms blow in off the Pacific. It should suit your mood perfectly."

Caleb sat there, staring down at his hands. He did need some time alone, and it seemed like he was no longer welcome in what he had come to think of as his park.

It was probably a good thing too. He'd be reminded of her constantly. In fact, the little time he'd spent at his cabin since he'd returned had been filled with memories of her sweet flesh opening to him -- on the table, on the floor.

He thought he could still smell her scent in his house that it still lingered around him. It did, in fact, as he had captured some of her scent in the form of a certain body pillow.

He'd told Brice that it had been lost, but really it lay on his bed. He was too ashamed to admit that he held it at night, snuggled it close to him, and wished like hell that it was her warm body.

"Fine," he said at last. "Thanks for letting me use your beach house."

"No problem," Brice said, sliding the keys across the table towards him. "The address is on the key ring. It's a few miles north of Yachats. It's a big house, by the way, plenty of bedrooms, so if you want to bring company, there's room. There are plenty of books, too, a whole library in fact. Enough to attract an intelligent woman--"

"Not gonna happen," Caleb said, his voice hard as granite.

"Suit yourself." Masterson shrugged. "But let me say this. I told you I've been in love before, and it hurt like hell when it ended. But what I didn't tell you is how fucking hard I tried to get it back. I spent a fortune on her, endless bouquets of flowers, jewelry, even a fucking car. I begged and pleaded, I even threatened to hurt myself. But she was a heartless bitch, and she delighted in torturing me."

Brice stared him straight in his eyes as he continued. "Dr. French is nothing like the gold digger that broke my heart. I could tell when I talked to her that she felt something for you. I bet she's been waiting for you to come see her for days."

Brice's gaze held his. "Despite what you think of yourself, I know you'd never hurt anyone you loved. Hell, you almost killed a man to protect her. I also know that you shouldn't throw away the love of a good woman. I wasted my chance at love on a bad one, and now I may never feel that way again. You've at least still got your chance. You should take it."

Caleb shook his head. "I can't risk it," he said softly, then stood. "Thanks for the keys."

He walked away, out of the bar and into the cold drizzle of November. It was nearly Thanksgiving, and the weather had turned dreary. Caleb couldn't think of anything to be thankful for.

He got into his truck and started it, then backed out of the angled space and into the road. He watched the people wander by, some with heads tucked into jackets, the grim expression of people who'd made their peace with getting wet plastered to their faces. Others huddled under umbrellas, getting just as wet when the wind decided to blow the rain sideways.

Caleb's mood matched the weather. Gray, heavy, dim. He turned his friend's words over in his mind. Dani was a good woman; he knew that. She made him feel whole, made him feel content. She was a home he'd never had, a place to hide himself, to find himself. Caleb had never felt more alive than when he was with her.

But that feeling could turn dark. Jealousy, for example, could easily spring from such deep affection. He'd felt it already when she talked to Dean Fischer. Even thinking the man's name made Caleb's heartbeat faster, made his hands involuntarily tighten into fists.

His love for Dani made him want to possess her, hide her away and keep her for himself. And that wasn't what she needed. She needed to be free to chase frogs, to do her research, to teach and make discoveries. She couldn't do that if he were constantly by her side.

And he didn't want her to feel trapped by him. He didn't think he'd ruin her career, but he wouldn't put it past himself. When it came to the little professor, he was not always in control of his actions.

And what about the violence lurking just below his calm surface? He'd felt it when they'd made love in his cabin, the powerful force that boiled up inside of him. He'd wanted to own her, to make her submit to his love.

And she wouldn't submit, she had fought him, slapped his face. That had just made it so much hotter.

He could feel himself getting hard as he drove. But what if that passion turned sour? What if that violence crept out of the bedroom and into the living room? What if they found themselves on the couch, and she turned to him, telling him how he could never satisfy her, admitting that another man had fucked her on the bar and that she'd liked it better than anything she'd ever done with him?

Caleb shook himself, trying desperately to clear his mind of such thoughts. His head throbbed painfully, not only with agonizing worries but also with a raw ache from his wound. He drove on, the drizzle never letting up.

His car sped around the curvy mountain roads, and Caleb knew he should slow down. He knew that the road's surface was wet and that it was dangerous to drive so recklessly, here of all places. But he didn't care. As he sped towards his cabin, his thoughts paced him, keeping up with him, hounding him with their never-ending taunting.

At last, he pulled up to the cabin that was no longer his and trudged inside. He spent the night packing his things. They were surprisingly few. Apparently, a lone wolf didn't have much need for earthly possessions.

He loaded the truck in silence, filling the back with his clothing, a few books, and his odds and ends. The body pillow had its place as well. Finally, he covered it all with a tarp and made sure it was tightly secured. With one last glance at the cabin and the dark woods surrounding it, Caleb jumped back into his truck and sped away through the night, towards the coast and lonely oblivion.

 

* * * * *

 

The walls in Dani's apartment were closing in around her. It had only been two days since she'd gotten out of the hospital, but already she couldn't stand lying around and doing nothing. Right now she sat at her small dining room table, her laptop open before her, several pages of notes strewn about.

But no matter how many times she tabbed through her data, no matter how many times she scrolled through her tables, she couldn't focus. With a frustrated moan, she pushed her chair back and stood up, putting her hands on her generous hips and wondering what to do now.

Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket, and she jumped, then made a frantic grab for it. Not for the first time she prayed it was his voice on the other end.

"Hello?" she said breathlessly, not having bothered to check the number before answering.

"Hello, this is an automated reminder of your doctor's appointment on Wednesday at noon," the robotic voice said, and Dani groaned. "Please press one to confirm your appointment." Dani stabbed the "one" button and disconnected the call.

Yet again, the one voice she wanted to hear more in the world was not the one calling. Shit.

Dani shuffled over to her couch and threw herself on it, grabbing the remote and turning on the television. It only took a couple of minutes for her to turn it off again. It seemed that daytime television consisted of nothing more than a series of advertisements for incontinence devices, help qualifying for social security, and motorized scooters.

She was too young to be watching television before 5 pm, apparently. She stared at the blank screen, willing herself to find something else to do before the grief overwhelmed her again.

Too late.

Tears filled her eyes as she thought about the last few days. Each morning she'd woken up with hope renewed, knowing that today would be the day that he came. And each night she nearly collapsed in her bed, defeated after he hadn't shown.

Not for the first time she wished she could just forget him entirely. Forget his deep voice, his tanned skin that always smelled vaguely of sunshine, his soft smile and eyes full of passion. Forget the way she felt in his arms. But as the teardrops slid down her pale cheeks she knew she would never forget him.

Caleb was not what she'd thought she'd wanted in a man. Hell, she'd never really considered what she had wanted in a man. Someone smart, she figured, successful. Someone who knew which wine was appropriate to drink with which cut of meat.

She had wanted someone as passionate about education as she was. Not someone who hid out in the forest. Not someone who chopped wood and tracked animals by their spoor. And yet it was just that kind of someone who had captured her heart.

And it was that kind of someone who was now breaking it.

Dani picked up her phone and stared at it. She considered for the millionth time whether to call him herself. She had his number; he'd programmed it into her phone himself.

If you call, I'll come, he'd said.

But she just couldn't bring herself to call him now. Dani wanted him to come to her. She was an independent woman, sure, but she didn't want to track him down.

No woman wanted to feel like she'd hounded a man into a relationship. Especially one who'd started their lovemaking with a warning that he wasn't the relationship type.

Besides, what if he was cruel to her? Or worse, what if he was kind? What if he tried to let her down gently by explaining his words in the cave were just a tactic to facilitate their escape? She didn't think her heart could take it.

As she stared at her phone, it rang, and Dani nearly jumped out of her skin in surprise. She fumbled the phone but quickly recovered it, then answered. The familiar voice of her friend almost pushed away the disappointment at the realization that once again, it wasn't Caleb. Almost.

"Hey, you!" Janna's chipper voice almost assaulted her ears. Dani was suddenly thankful for her relationship with the bubbly redhead, was glad for the connection with another human being. It helped push the loneliness into the background, even if it didn't disappear entirely. "You got cabin fever yet?"
"God yes!" Dani replied with a laugh.

"That's what I thought. How about you meet me at that noodle place for lunch? My treat?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Dani hung up, trying on a smile but deciding it didn't fit. She grabbed her coat, climbed into her car, and soon pulled up in front of Janna's favorite noodle house.

"I can't believe how good these taste," Janna crooned as she slid the teriyaki-covered noodles into her mouth. "You'd think they're just plain old noodles, but they must put something addictive in their sauce. Sometimes I wake up at night in a cold sweat, dreaming about this damn sauce. They ought to bottle it; they'd make a mint."

"Uh huh," Dani said, poking at her plate.

Last night she'd woken in a cold sweat, but she hadn't been dreaming about noodles. She'd been dreaming about being devoured, about Caleb's hot mouth moving all over her body.

I'm going to lick every inch of you, Dream Caleb had said with a sultry smile. Hold still, or I'll have to start all over again.

She blushed furiously at the memory and kept her eyes down on her plate, her untouched food blurring before her eyes.

"Okay, what gives?" Janna asked. "I know my conversation isn't exactly riveting, but you've been sulking since we got here. What's going on?"
"Just tired, I guess." Dani didn't feel like getting into the gory details with her friend. As usual, she was afraid of opening up, of spilling her guts to someone. She was too used to going it alone.

"Yeah right," Janna replied, refusing to be put off. "I know you had some kind of an encounter out there in the woods with some pretty nasty guys. Is that it? Did they do something to you, besides give you a concussion?"

The concern in her voice was palpable, and Dani felt the tears fill her eyes again. She couldn't hold them back anymore and surprisingly at that moment she was happy to have someone to rest her burden on and at last opened up.

"No...yes, oh, that's not it, well, it's part of it, but not all of it."

Janna shook her head in confusion. "You're not exactly making sense here, Professor."

"It's a long story," Dani began with a sigh. "The ranger, Caleb, we sort of...became involved, and--"

Janna's gasp was so loud, the couple in the booth beside them craned their necks around in alarm. "Oh my God! You slept with him!"
"Shh! The whole town doesn't need to know it!" Dani shot her friend a furious glance, and Janna immediately apologized.

Dani composed herself before beginning her recitation of events. "Yes, we were...intimate. At first, I thought it was just a one-night thing, but it...well...happened again. He opened up to me, told me about his fucked-up past. And I thought everything was going well until he started freaking out. We didn't get a chance to talk about it, though, before we were held captive by some rogue miners. Things got pretty intense in that cave. Our captors intended to kill us, but Caleb fought his way free. I was knocked unconscious, and apparently, he put four men in the hospital, including one in a coma."

"Wow," Janna said with a breathy sigh. "Just like one of those action movies. You mess with his woman, he messes you up."

"It's scary, to think of him losing control like that. And then I woke up in the hospital, and he was nowhere to be found. He hasn't come to visit me; he hasn't called or texted. He's completely avoiding me." Dani felt the tears slip down her cheeks. "And it hurts like hell."

"Aww....I'm sorry!" Her friend reached across the booth to put her gentle hand on Dani's own. "What an asshole! What do you think happened?"

"I don't know," Dani replied with a sigh. "He kept saying he wasn't any good for me, that he was dangerous."
"Well, that's obvious. Four dudes in the hospital!"

"But he'd never hurt me!" Dani protested, and her heart agreed. "He did all of that to protect me, to keep me safe."

She couldn't bring herself to tell Janna that he'd said he loved her. That secret she would hold close to her breast like a baby bird, nurturing it, feeding it on hope. But right now it was looking pretty sickly and undernourished.

"Sounds like he has a screw loose somewhere. Just look at you! You're beautiful, smart, and successful. Any guy would be lucky to have you! Shit, Dean Fischer would give his left testicle for one night with you, and he's already been going around saying that he did have you."

"What?" Dani was livid.

"Yeah, he says you guys 'spent some time together' a few weeks back. Don't worry, nobody believes him."

"That son of a bitch! Just wait until I tell you what really happened!" Dani spent the next several minutes telling Janna about their little excursion to Newport and his love trap. By the end of the tale, Janna was just as indignant as Dani herself.

"What a little bastard! You should report him!"

"I know," Dani said but shook her head instead. "It just isn't worth it."

"Better yet, you should lose your forest ranger on him. That would be appropriate."

Dani laughed at her friend's words. Too bad the ranger was no longer hers.