I decided to go to the football practice at the training center. Jacob had said I was welcome anytime. I hadn’t told Maya or Jacob I was coming; I wanted it to be a surprise to both of them.
For some reason— and I had no idea what it was— it was as if after my conversation with Maya, everything looked different. Maybe all I had needed was to talk to someone about it, to say what bothered me out loud. When I looked back, I knew that I’d felt horrible, but it didn’t make sense anymore. I couldn’t find it in myself to feel that way any longer.
Parking, I walked to the training grounds where the girls were already warming up. When Maya spotted me, her face split into a grin. Some of the others noticed me, too, and whispered. They asked Maya questions, and she was nodding and smiling. I liked that they knew I was with her and that they were talking about me. Such a good reaction from here would make any man proud.
She was elegant and graceful as she had always been. Maya moved as if she had music within her. She was strong, a lifetime of fitness had made her graceful and able, and she was a reliable, full-fledged member of the squad. She was one of the latest additions, but it wasn’t hard to see that the cheerleaders all respected her and saw her as one of their own. It was beautiful to see unity like that.
I knew what that felt like. When a team worked together well, the chemistry itself was intoxicating. I had experienced it a few times in my life, too.
When the cheerleaders were done, Jacob and his team emerged from the locker room. When he spotted me, a question flashed over his face. I grinned at him, and he grinned back. He understood.
“I’m glad you could make it, man,” he said, walking up to me.
“Glad I could be here.”
We shook hands, and in the connection our palms made was a world of unspoken words. We didn’t have to say anything to each other to know. We were best friends. We always had been, and we always would be. I had been a dick, but I was back with Jacob as the saint who forgave me.
When he walked out onto the field with his team, Maya came to stand next to me.
“It’s great to see that you’re friends again,” she said.
I nodded.
The Sharks were a fantastic team to watch. They were preparing for a game to kick off the new season, and watching the dynamic between them was something else. When they played in the leagues and I saw them on TV, it was a thing of poetry to watch, but no one saw the relationships between the players or the true dynamic of the teams. From where I stood on the side of the field, I saw for the first time how well they worked together, how close they were to each other and how perfectly Jacob fit in.
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t been happy for him. I had been so bitter that I hadn’t been chosen to play professional football that I had forgotten about the happiness of the people I loved.
Maya looked at me. “How are you doing?” she asked.
“Much better,” I said.
It was true: it was hard for me to watch them play, because I knew what it was like to be a part of a team. But I could see passed that now. I would get used to standing on the sidelines, because I had realized that it was better than not being a part of football at all.
Maya and I stayed to watch the full training session. When the guys finished, they trailed off to the locker room in twos and threes. Jacob stayed behind to chat with the coach first before he walked toward us.
“What did you think?” Jacob asked me.
“You looked great out there,” I said. “It’s a great team.”
Jacob nodded. “It is. It was a little sticky when I first joined them, but it’s different now. I finally feel like I’m one of the boys.”
“It shows,” I said. “You’re all set for the game.”
Jacob nodded, looking out over the fields.
“I have a box reserved at Hard Rock if you’re interested in watching the game,” Jacob said. He glanced at me, unsure.
I looked at Maya, who nodded encouragement.
“That would be great,” I said.
Jacob smiled, relieved as if he’d expected me to say no. Until now, it was all I’d done, but this was the first step to changing that.
“Kina will be there with a few of our friends, if you don’t mind,” Jacob added. Again he looked unsure. I had been a recluse lately.
“It’s not a problem,” I said.
Jacob grinned at me, ecstatic. This was the first step forward. No more being alone, no more being a dick about everything I couldn’t have, no more punishing Jacob for something that wasn’t his fault. It would take a while for everything to go back to normal, for me to fix the damage I had caused, but I could make it happen. Everyone was on my side, eager to help me out. It was all I needed. I was so grateful I had people in my life that wouldn’t give up on me, no matter how much of an asshole I had been.
After training, I had to get back to work. I had taken a few hours off, but I had to make them up. I stayed later to make sure I caught everything up before I headed home. After that, the drive home didn’t take long since it was well after the rush hour traffic was gone, so the roads had quieted down. Where usually I was in a bad mood after a long day’s work, I was in a good mood now. Maya was at home, waiting for me. For the first time in years, I had something to look forward to.
I wasn’t going to go home and drink, either. I had better things to do with my life now.
When I arrived home, I noticed Jacob’s car in a parking space. It was unexpected, but I didn’t dread the idea that he was waiting for me. I walked to the front door and opened it.
Maya, Kina and Jacob were in the living room, drinking coffee, talking and laughing. When I stepped into the living room, the conversation died down. Maya stood up and walked to me, kissing me full on the mouth.
“I invited Jacob and Kina to stay for dinner,” she said. Her eyes asked me if I minded.
“That sounds great,” I said.
Maya smiled, relieved. She nodded and walked to the kitchen. With the open plan layout, she could prepare dinner and still be a part of the conversation.
“I’m glad you’re here actually,” I said to Jacob and Kina when I put down my briefcase. “I wanted to talk to you both anyway.”
Kina and Jacob glanced at each other, a look I knew all too well. What is he going to do this time?
“I want to apologize,” I said.
They both looked at me. Kina was surprised, and Jacob wasn’t far behind.
“I know this isn’t the first time,” I soldiered on. “It looks like I make mistakes a few times before I learn my lesson. But here I am, again, trying to tell you I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Kina said.
I shook my head. “No, I do. And I want to. I have been horrible lately. I tried before to be civilized about it and failed. But this time, everything is different.” I looked at Kina. “You didn’t give up on me. Since the moment everything crashed down around me, you were there for me, helping me out of a hole no matter how far I sank. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me and how happy I am to call you my sister.”
Kina smiled at me. She was getting emotional. “You know I’ll never give up on you,” she said.
“I know. I saw. And I’m sorry I gave up— on me and on you. That won’t happen again. You saved me from a very dark spot when I didn’t know how to get myself out of it.”
Kina stood and walked over to me, giving me a hug. I held onto my sister and realized how lucky I was. I glanced at Maya over Kina’s shoulder, and saw she was smiling at me.
“Jacob,” I said when Kina had let go and made her way back to her seat again.
“I’ve been a shitty friend. I’m sorry. I should have been happy for you when your dream came true. Instead, I was a complete dick about it. You have been the best friend a guy could ever ask for, and I appreciate that you never stopped trying, no matter how much of an ass I was.”
“Hey, we stick together, right?” Jacob said.
I nodded. “We do. From this moment on, I won’t let you down again.”
“I’m just glad to have you back,” Jacob said. Kina reached for Jacob, and he took her hand, squeezing it.
Maya was done in the kitchen, and she joined us in the living room again. I lifted my arm, and she took her place next to me, her body pushed tightly against mine. I dropped a kiss on her hair.
“And Maya,” I said. “Thank you for holding on even when there was no reason to. You’re my light. You have no idea how dark my world was before you stepped into it. Both times.”
She smiled, and I kissed her.
“Get a room,” Jacob called, and we laughed. It was great having my family with me again, to have them back. I hadn’t realized how lonely I had become, how isolated I had made myself. No one deserved to be as lonely as I was, and no one deserved to be treated the way I’d treated my friends and family. It would still take some time before I was back where I needed to be, but with people like Jacob, Kina and Maya in my life, I knew I would make it through. When they refused to give up on me, who was I to give up on myself?
Maya cooked for us, throwing together a great meal in no time at all. We sat in the living room with trays, because I didn’t have enough space at the counter for four people. That would have to change, I decided. I had to find a bigger place, a place that had space for everyone in my life to sit down and eat dinner together, because the isolation wasn’t going to happen again, and the point of life and relationships was making space for someone.
And I intended on doing just that.