Chapter 15 - Solomon
Meeting Logan’s family had taken them to a new level of affection and trust. He felt like he knew her, really knew her, in a way he hadn’t before.
And her father. He was an amazing man. It killed Solomon that he never got to meet her father when he was well.
Chuck Lowery clearly loved Logan and his wife more than anything in the world. It made Solomon ache for his own father, a man he’d never even known.
What would Jack O’Connor be like? Solomon liked to think he might be a lot like Chuck Lowery.
* * *
He couldn’t take his mind off her. She was always in his thoughts. His uncle would comment on his trance-like states at training and Solomon would laugh it off.
They’d still run in the evenings and eat dinner in the dining hall or at Uptown Chili. Solomon felt himself laying down his guard when he was with her. If nothing else, she made him feel safe.
And one night, Solomon would be the one called to return the favor.
* * *
“Solomon!”
It was Logan. His cell had started buzzing on his nightstand in the middle of the night. It had taken him a moment to wake up and realize it was his phone and not some weird dream. First he glanced at his alarm clock (2:47 am. He would never forget) and once he saw Logan’s name on his caller ID, he was immediately wide awake. He sat up and pressed the button to answer, nervous already.
Good news never came at 2:47 am.
“Solomon, my dad died.”
Her wailing, her anguish, her pain, was so thick that Solomon almost broke down right then. He’d never heard a voice like Logan’s in that moment. It was pure despondency, the worst kind of heart ache.
And there was nothing he could do about it.
“Logan,” he said. “Where are you? Right now?”
“In my dorm room,” she sobbed. “My mom just called. He was fine earlier, I just talked to him about San Diego and National team tryouts…” Her voice cracked, her sob choking her for a long moment. “I’m all alone. And my dad is dead.”
Solomon was already pulling on a t-shirt as he spoke to her.
“I’m on my way over right now,” he said. “Give me five minutes.”
* * *
When she answered her door she immediately collapsed into his arms. He picked her up, clutching her to his chest, lifting her off the floor to hold her, to comfort her.
But this kind of agony wasn’t something he could heal with touch or words. This was something only to be survived.
But he’d survive it with her. Solomon wouldn’t leave her by herself.
“Do you need me to take you home?” he asked as she wept into his chest. “Logan, what can I do?”
“Erase me,” she cried. “I don’t want to exist without him.”
“I couldn’t bear that,” Solomon said, kissing her head. “I don’t know what to do or say. I’d do anything I could… I’m so sorry.”
She clutched his shirt in her hands, her cries echoing around them, breaking his heart.
“Drive me to my mom,” she finally said. “The only person in the world that is as sad as me… Is her.”
* * *
Solomon had never been to a funeral.
Chuck Lowery’s funeral was a packed house, as he himself would have said. And been proud of.
Solomon sat next to Logan who sat next to her mother, who was so distraught at the sudden loss of her husband that she’d been half sedated for most of the last 3 days.
Although Chuck had been dying, he’d been gone too soon. Tracy Lowery had expected more time. She needed more time. And no one could comfort her, not even her own daughter.
Being that Mrs. Lowery was out of sorts, it had been up to Logan to come up with a eulogy, something she’d worked on late the night before while Solomon had lied sleeping on the couch in the living room of her childhood home. He refused to leave her side.
“I’m so nervous,” she’d confessed to him that morning. “It’s so many people and I’m afraid I won’t have the right words.”
“Speak from your soul,” Solomon said. “You are his most prized accomplishment. You can do no wrong. I promise.”
She kissed him then, softly.
“I have no idea how someone like you actually exists,” she said, touching his face. “But thank you. For being here. You did not sign up for this mess. And I am a complete mess, Solomon.”
“Anyone would be,” Solomon said. “Now. Go. Make your father proud.”
Logan had stood confidently at the pulpit of the Catholic church she had grown up going to. The same church Chuck Lowery had grown up going to. Where they’d both been baptized as babies, taken first communion as children.
Logan never in a million years imagined she’d one day be eulogizing her father in this church that he’d raised her in.
She took a deep breath and looked out at the hundreds of people gathered in the church to pay respects to Chuck Lowery. Some were fellow coaches and teachers. A huge majority were former students and athletes, almost all of them crying as she stepped up to the stage.
It was time to say something.
She’d decided it was easiest to write a letter and speak to the crowd as if she was speaking to her father.
“Dad,” she started, her hands shaking. “This was unexpected. So I have struggled with what I should say. Because not that I could ever be ready for you to leave us, but I made the grave mistake of thinking I had more time with you. To say the things I wanted to say, to tell you everything you needed to know.”
She paused looking out at the audience. She sought out Solomon’s face. He nodded, letting her know she was fine. She sighed.
“But I should have known better. The theme of my entire, majestic, perfect childhood was ‘Seizing the day.’ You taught me every day to do my best, to wake up and throw myself at life. So I did. I threw myself at everything. Sometimes literally! But your lesson was always clear. Each day is a gift. Treat it like one. It’s not just a Hallmark card. It’s the truth.”
She choked up for a moment but was able to gain her composure.
“I have never known a man as good as you are. You are good right down to your bone marrow. Your words were always kind, even when you were scolding. You always strived to do right by those around you. You had your glory days before me, times I am sure you missed. But you always made me feel…” Logan was crying now. “You always made me feel like my life was your glory days. You looked at me like I was the most amazing thing you’d ever seen. People would say to me, ‘You’re Chuck Lowery’s daughter.’ But if you were standing there you’d say, ‘No. I’m Logan Lowery’s father.’ You made me believe I was important and that I was capable of doing great things.”
She paused again. She could hear people crying louder now, her words clearly meaning something to them.
“There is no light left in me right now. I am destroyed by your sudden absence. But you always told me life isn’t fair. You never minced words and you never made me think I was owed anything that I hadn’t earned myself. You taught me how to be strong, but most importantly, you taught me how to love. To love someone is to want something for them more than you want it for yourself.”
Logan was really crying now.
“Your dreams and mine have almost always coincided. I just always expected you’d be there to see them come true. This is life’s cruel joke on us all. We aren’t guaranteed shit.”
Logan looked at Solomon as she said that.
“I will do my best, just like you taught me to do. I will try out for the Olympics, I will give my best to my country if I am called to serve them. I will continue to give my best to my college and to my mother, the one woman you might have loved more than me.”
She looked at her mother then who was crying loudly now, her Xanax either wearing off or kicking in.
“Thank you for somehow being the father that I got to have. There won’t be an hour that goes by in my life where I won’t think of you. You always said you were grateful for me. But I wish more than anything I could tell you how grateful I was to be yours.”
She was finished. Her heart was broken.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.