Coming to Colorado from Albuquerque on vacation with the family for whom I had nannying, so that they could visit their old SEAL friend Darren, along with Harlow’s brothers and extended family, had been quite an experience so far. Since I was among a close-knit family and not related to them, I felt rather like an intruder or outsider. They didn’t do anything to make me feel that way; it was just my own insecurities.
I had that feeling that I often had had when I was young, and the teacher would have my classmates and I play musical chairs. I was never quite fast enough, and the other kids would always find chairs before I did. So, most of the time, I was the odd girl out, left standing there awkwardly with no room or place in the game.
There was one time that we played the game and it left me hurt, both physically and emotionally. I thought that I was finally about to win. The music had stopped, and I saw the chair within my reach. I lunged toward it to sit down, only to find that it was being pulled out from underneath me.
Sharon, a girl who had bullied me from the beginning of elementary school until we graduated high school, had moved the chair, causing me to fall. I came crashing down to the hard floor, landing on my elbow. Pain shot up my arm.
Sharon started laughing loudly, and so did everyone else. I sat on the floor crying for a long time. I cried because I was in pain and also because my feelings were hurt.
Being out in the woods with Harlow and his brothers and friend made those feelings come rushing back to me. It was great witnessing them all come together and enjoy the company of friends and family, but it made me feel like I was intruding on them as an unwelcome stranger.
They did their best to make me feel welcome, of course, but it was hard since I did not know them, and I was also the only one who was there without a mate. I kept thinking that this was all some cruel joke and that soon the chair would be pulled out from underneath me.
When I first agreed to be Harlow and Whitney Bradford’s nanny and visited their home, I was impressed by how big it was. Whitney made me feel welcome right away. Talking to her felt less like an interview and more like I was catching up with an old friend.
We laughed and talked for what seemed like hours. I had to remind myself to put my best foot forward and try to maintain some semblance of professionalism so that I could get the job.
She had young children and was pregnant with another one. She definitely needed some help— nearly as badly as I needed a job. So it seemed to be a match that worked out well for both of us and I hoped I would get the position.
I had just stopped working for another family, one that I had been with for years until the kids had gotten old enough for school and no longer needed me. When I saw the position was available with the Bradfords, I held out hopes that I would get it. It was very close to home and paid more than my previous job.
Things got a little uncomfortable when Whitney asked about my marital status. I’d blinked at first, without saying anything.
“The only reason I’m asking is because I just want to know what kind of commitments you have to your own family that might get in the way of the work that needs to be done here,” she had explained.
“No need to worry about that,” I’d assured her. “I’m single and will probably be single for a very long time.”
I’d tried to laugh, making light of the fact that my dating prospects were pretty much non-existent. But not only had Whitney not laughed along with me, she’d actually grimaced.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she’d said.
Now I’d wished that I hadn’t said that. My laughter had faded away into uncomfortable silence.
She’d quickly changed the subject and started telling me a story about something funny one of the kids had done. I’d laughed in all the right places and the interview seemed to go over without a hitch.
The next day, she’d called me to let me know I was hired. It was a good, steady job. The fact that they seemed like a wonderful family to work for was just icing on the cake.
When Whitney first mentioned their plans to go visit some old friends who had a cabin in the woods and said that she wanted me to join them, I felt nervous but didn’t want to tell her that I was quite uncomfortable with the idea. I hadn’t been working for them for very long and was still trying to find my rhythm with the family routine and such.
She wanted to whisk me away to some far-off cabin in the woods where we would be staying with complete strangers. I didn’t know how much this trip would disrupt the kids’ new schedule or how easy it would be to get them back on track.
The kids were not necessarily difficult children; they just had a more strenuous schedule than any children I had ever known. They were in all types of activities and their routine was very strict. When I started working for them, Whitney and Harlow wanted me to add to the kids’ already impossible schedule with more activities.
I felt like it was a lot to expect the kids to adjust to— having a new nanny on top of adding more responsibilities to their schedule, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. I had been hired to do a job and I was going to do my best to make it all work.
The first week was somewhat of a disaster. We showed up late to every activity. The youngest even had a minor meltdown and refused to cooperate with anything or anyone. I had to sit with her in her room for several hours just to get her to put her shoes on. And that delay had a domino effect on the rest of the plans that we had made for the day.
It was normal, in my experience, for children to resist change. But Harlow Bradford, being the military man that he was, seemed irritated at the fact that the kids and I didn’t jump right into the routine immediately.
I could tell he was annoyed by the way that he walked around the house complaining about everything little thing and the way that Whitney’s face seemed fixed in a permanent frown. She was constantly wringing her hands and asking me if everything was okay. I would assure here that everything was fine. But I could tell that she wasn’t.
At the end of the week, Whitney asked me to sit down and talk. It was a very different conversation than the friendly one that we had had when I was hired by her. In fact, I was convinced that this would be my last day because of the serious tone in which she spoke. It was the first time that I had heard her speak that way.
I had to hide my own irritation when she asked me how I felt things were going and if I thought that things would get better. I knew that it generally took about a month to get things on track with a routine, so I felt that it was unrealistic and unfair to both the children and myself for Harlow and Whitney to expect that within a week’s time, everything would be perfect.
I gently explained to her that this kind of adjustment process was normal and that I thought things were going as smoothly as could be expected. She looked relieved but also dubious. The Bradfords had never had a nanny before and were clearly questioning the arrangement, which made me nervous about my future employment status.
But, I persisted, and almost as if some sort of miracle had been worked, the situation began to improve the following week. Things became more relaxed, and even began to get back to the natural way of interaction that Whitney and I had had when he had first met.
The arrangement wasn’t exactly perfect, but the poop incident— one in which their daughter rummaged through her full diaper and smeared its contents all over the wall— that I thought would enrage Harlow was quickly laughed away.
Thankfully, there were no other incidents of that magnitude. Just a forgotten shoe here or there and a couple times of being a few minutes late to piano practice. But overall, I was delighted at how things were working out and I think that the Bradfords were, too.
Considering how far we had come, I had really hoped that everything would turn out great with this trip. So far it had been turning out great. But, of course, there was no way to be sure that things would continue in that fashion.
I really enjoyed being with the Bradford family. They had a close bond that I wished that I had with my own family. I was the only child to my parents. They were very loving, but they were not especially affectionate.
Plus, they had me when they were much older, so there was a lot that they simply could not relate to. They did the best that they could, though, raising me. It was only later that things started falling apart in their marriage, and then my mom was in a fatal car accident that turned my father’s and my life into hell.
Being around the Bradfords made me grateful that I could experience the intimate bond that they shared. They were close to each other and quickly grew close to me. Every day that I left them, the kids would cry and beg me not to go. While I didn’t like seeing them so upset, it felt really good to know that they liked me as much as I liked them.
When Whitney first asked me to go on the trip with them, I told her that I would need some time to think about it and then I would give her my answer. But then later that night when I got home, I walked into my small one-bedroom apartment and was greeted by a strong God-awful smell.
My father was laying on my couch, his face and shirt covered in puke and he was drenched in urine. That incident is what sent me on this fated journey into the woods with the Bradford family and their friend Darren.