12
Pacey
It was a weird feeling to have Adam hold me like that.
His thick muscular arms wrapped around my shoulders. His chest pressed up against my arm.
It was like the warmest parka I’d ever worn. His body gave off more heat than the fireplace I had at home.
He held me casually, oblivious to the feelings I had always felt for him that rushed back to me with his touch.
He did it because he cared about people, not just me, but everyone. Underneath his tattoos, he had the heart of a giant teddy bear.
I didn’t recall his body being this rugged. Even when he was a teenager, when he got in all those fist fights. He’d win them not because of his size, but because people underestimated his stamina and power.
It must have been all the performances that made his muscles so cut and defined. Soon, I felt his heat pulse through all areas of my own body. My pants started to feel tight because of my hardening cock.
Adam was straight, everyone knew that. But I never remembered him having a girlfriend. And I never let go of the hope that one day we could be more than friends.
He finished his cigarette and ashed it on the brick wall.
“Wanna head back inside?” He asked.
“Yeah...let’s do it,” I said.
I hesitated because I wanted him to hold me forever. But eventually he lifted his arm from my shoulders and we headed back inside.
It was well past three in the morning.
There were more people in the party backstage than when I first arrived. Adam’s bandmates scattered around the room. They were chatting with the girls who had their full attention on them.
Adam walked up to the table of booze. It was like a limitless fountain of alcohol. Empty bottles, bottles that were half full, ones that hadn’t even been opened yet were sitting on the table.
“Do you want another drink?” He asked.
“No, I’m good for the night,” I said. “How many have you had?”
He laughed. “Good question, am I supposed to keep track?”
“People usually do, I mean how do you know when to stop?”
“I stop when I’m tired and need to go home I guess.”
I figured that his flawed philosophy was the reason why I found him on the streets the other night.
Seeing the drummer, Gray, snort the cocaine so casually worried me as well. I was certain that Adam’s drinking was just as harmful.
“Maybe we should slow down for a bit,” I suggested.
Adam held up two bottles up to his face and swirled them to see how much alcohol was left inside. “Still full, baby. Who’s going to drink them if I don’t?”
“Just because there’s something left in the bottle doesn’t mean it needs to be consumed,” I said.
I hated that I sounded like my own parents, but I was concerned for his well-being.
I could tell that my words went completely over his head, though. Adam mixed himself a drink, pouring two different kinds of alcohol into a glass.
Who was I kidding to try and tell Adam what to do?
He was as stubborn as when I first met him, and there was no changing that anytime soon.
Adam stumbled back into the crowd, letting out a howl while raising his cup high above his head. Everyone in the room echoed back at him like he was some God, which in that room, he very well could have been.
Ladies grabbed his arms as he walked past, and guys squeezed his shoulders. His drink spilled over people but they didn’t seem to care.
Adam had always been a popular guy in high school.
But seeing him tonight at the show, then at the party, I realized that his popularity was on a different level. People worshipped him, and the more attention he got, the more he drank.
He looked back at me and shot me a wink, then danced in the crowd.
He flicked his fingers, gesturing to come dance with him, but I shook my head. I didn’t want to be even more awkward than I already was.
A girl came up to me, her smile was hypnotizing, and her makeup was perfection.
“Are you Adam’s brother?” She asked.
I laughed. “No, not at all.”
“I see,” she said, raising her brows. “Are you sure? I thought you were his brother.”
“Really? Why would you think that?” I asked, scratching the back of my head.
“I mean, you guys have been together the whole night. So I thought you guys must have been blood-related.”
I shook my head. “Not at all, we haven’t seen each other in a long time, so I guess we were catching up.”
Adam and I had been so close in high school that people always asked us if we were related.
It hadn’t occurred to me that Adam had been with me the whole evening.
It was a new experience to be watched by so many people. For the most part of my life, I’d always faded into the background.
“My friends back there were wondering so I thought I’d ask to confirm,” she said.
She pointed to her group of friends who quickly looked away when I glanced over.
“Well, you can tell them that I am not Adam’s bro, we look nothing alike,” I said.
“I mean, let’s be real, everyone in this room is thinking the same thing. Two hot brothers, Adam’s a tatted up superstar, you’re the working professional that I’d take home to meet my parents.”
“Wait a second…are you hitting on me?” I asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Now that I think about it, it’s pretty obvious,” I said, feeling blood rush to my cheeks.
I don’t remember the last time I got attention from anyone, especially from a girl.
God, I hated when I got all flustered like that. “Well...I-I don’t really swing like that.”
“Swing like what?” She asked, then quickly followed with a look of surprise. “Ohh, I get it. Well, that’s awkward.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“It’s not your fault, you’re born this way, baby,” she said. “I’m going to get another drink, nice to meet you—what’s your name again?”
“Pacey.”
She smiled and shook my hand, then walked away.
It wasn’t the first time that someone thought Adam and I had a connection that was more than friends.
We were always mistaken for brothers in high school. It was because of our love for music, and the fact that we were practically together all the time.
I glanced over at Adam, making sure he was alright.
There was just something so seductive about him that drew me in.
His smile radiated as he grooved to the music. Everyone surrounded him, feeling his energy.
I could understand why he loved to party so much.
He was the party.
I tried not to look at Adam. But just like everyone else there, my eyes were drawn back to him.
I noticed how he ran his hands through his hair to get it out of his eyes.
The sweat that glistened on his neck, making me wonder how good it would taste.
Then there was the time when he looked back at me with his flirty grin.
A wink.
It made my knees buckle under the weight of my tipsy body.
People handed him drinks, and he drank them with no questions asked. I wanted to be next to him and tell him to stop, but I knew he wouldn’t listen.
It dawned on me that the people there didn’t have his best interested in mind. A true friend wouldn’t let him destroy himself with a substance.
I knew that if Adam continued, he’d end up in another alleyway. I was afraid that it’d be too late if I let it continue. That’s when I decided to head back into the crowd to pull him out of there.
I squeezed my way through, the closer I got to Adam, the more difficult it was. His eyes were closed, swaying to the music, taking sips from his drink like it was water.
I managed to get a hold of his arms, and he opened his eyes.
“Should I take you back to your hotel?” I asked.
He was so drunk that he could barely look at me straight. “No, why?” He slurred, “I don’t want to leave yet.”
“You should, it’s getting late and I don’t think it’s a good idea to drink more.”
“You’re lame, come dance,” he said, trying to pull me towards him.
I was frustrated that he wasn’t listening, and I didn’t know why I didn’t just leave.
But I still cared too much about him to just him there, knowing that his bandmates didn’t have his back. The people who were enabling him certainly didn’t either.
I wracked my brain for ideas of what I could say to possibly get him out of there.
“Why don’t we go head back to my place? We can play some video games and eat some pizza.”
I knew pizza was Adam’s favorite thing in the world, he could devour a box to himself. But it was late and I knew what he really needed was sleep.
“Pizza?” His eyes lit up. “What kind?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Let’s go,” he said, excited like he was a teenager all over again.
I tried to pull him away from the people, who blocked me from doing so, but I persisted and got him out of there. Eyes followed us, as we left the room.
I called an Uber, and we waited outside.
I was afraid that if he lingered any longer, other people would tempt him to stay. We sat on the curb waiting for our ride. Adam smoked a cigarette as I tried to find a place that was still open where we could pick up a pizza.
Everything was closed.
“I live pretty far away, if you want, I can get the Uber to drop you off at your hotel.”
“No, you promised pizza and video games,” he said.
“Okay, if that’s what you want.”
The idea of having Adam in my own home again was not something I’d intended to happen when I went to see his show that night.
I wondered how things would play out if Amanda hadn’t gotten food poisoning and she had come with me.
Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to spend this much time talking to Adam. All that time catching up as if our friendship wasn’t torn apart six years ago.
I thought he was doing well, a rock star adored by millions of fans around the world.
But what I saw was a completely different side of the lifestyle he had now.
It was seductive and sinful. It was dirty and gritty.
The billboards around the city with Adam’s smiling face and hot, toned body was just an image. It only scratched the surface of his real life.
The tabloids were rumors that hinted at how crazy his world really was.
Our Uber arrived, and we both hopped into the backseat. Adam closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window. I gave my address to the driver and then tried to put Adam’s seatbelt on for him.
I looked out the window as we drove off.
We headed below the underpass that brought us into the city. The streetlights made the the buildings and the roads glow yellow.
My ears were still ringing from the show and the loud music that was playing at the after party.
I glanced over at Adam many times, making sure he was okay, while also reminding myself that this was real. That I wasn’t in some kind of twisted dream where he didn’t actually pop back into my life all of a sudden.
But it was real and I wished it wasn’t because my gut was telling me that this wasn’t a good idea. In the morning, I’d realize that it was a mistake to bring him back to my place.
My thoughts distracted me and before I knew it, we were back at my home. I thanked the driver and shook Adam’s arm and he woke up.
“We’re here,” I said.
He looked around, dazed and confused, and he stepped out of the car. I dug for my keys in my coat pocket and finally fished them out. Cadence rushed out of the front door sniffing Adam and then ran to the nearest bush to do his business.
“Cadence,” Adam smiled, as he stumbled into my home.
I was surprised that he remembered my dog’s name.
By the time Cadence finished doing his business outside. Adam was already passed out on the couch with his boots still on, and his face buried in the seat cushion. Cadence went up to him and sniffed him all over.
I pulled off his boots, then grabbed the blanket draped over the couch and covered his muscular body. Cadence jumped onto the couch next to him. Adam, still semi-conscious, let Cadence burrow himself into his arms.
I wished it was me who Adam was holding so tightly in his arms that evening.