3
Adam
It felt like someone had knocked a brick over my head.
My ears buzzed and for a second I thought I was dead. The bright light was coming from the fluorescent lights above.
I tried to put the pieces together, I must be laying down in a hospital bed. My vision was blurry, and I blinked a few times to adjust to the bright light. It didn’t smell like a hospital.
Fuck, I was so confused.
The smell reminded me of my childhood, of my home city. After traveling all over the world, sometimes I would wake up in a hotel room and forget where I was.
A few more blinks, I realized that I wasn’t in a hospital. I was in a coffee shop, which explained the smell of coffee and doughnuts.
I clutched onto the back of my head, it felt cold, and I must have been laying against the icy window for a long time. But how did I get here?
I mustered some energy to sit up.
“Holy shit!” I said, not expecting someone to be there.
There was someone sitting across from me in the booth. But then there was more confusion when I realized who it was.
“Relax, man. It’s just me,” he said.
“I know, but what the fuck?” It was all so weird to me.
My mouth felt as dry as the Sahara desert. I eyed the bottle of water in front of me that he must have bought.
“Drink it, it’s for you,” he said, nudging the bottle towards me.
I opened it and chugged the cool refreshing water, feeling about one percent better than I did a minute ago.
I immediately reached into my pockets to check to see if my phone and my wallet were still there. They were. I was glad because it wouldn’t have been the first time that this happened—or more like the first time I did this to myself.
With a bit of courage, I looked him in the eyes.
He looked so different than he did six years ago. But, I knew he was him because he was still wearing those brown framed glasses. His hair was still blonde as ever.
But he looked wiser now like he knew more. Even in the way he dressed, he looked like a gentleman. Although, I had no idea why his clothes looked so dirty like he had been rolling around in a mosh pit.
“What happened?” I asked, after I finally processed where I was.
“You tell me,” he said softly, casting his eyes out the window. Pacey was never much of a conversationalist. “I found you just two blocks down, in an alleyway and carried you here.”
I looked out the window to see where we were. “Oh right, I was at a party. I must have passed out.”
It was weird seeing him there because it was like I was transported back in time before I left this city. But, so much had changed since then. And I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk to anyone I lost touch with in this city.
Especially Pacey.
“It must have been a fun party,” he said, his gaze was now lowered onto his cup of hot chocolate.
“They’re all the same, I’m bored of them now,” I said.
I could feel my pulse at the side of my head, pounding away like a kick to a bass drum. It was partially due to a mix of my emerging hangover and my confusion for how Pacey had found me.
“Thanks for bringing me inside—I appreciate it,” I said.
“Of course I wasn’t just going to leave you out there. Why weren’t you with anyone?” He asked.
“I was, but I decided to walk back to where I was staying because I was getting tired. A girl who was talking to me asked me if I wanted to go back to the hotel, but I declined. I must’ve needed to sit somewhere halfway, and passed out—,” I stopped talking because I felt like I was about to throw up. “Do you want a doughnut or something?”
Before he was able to answer. I got up and headed to the counter.
“It is you,” the girl working there said.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Can I get half a dozen doughnuts?”
She prepared a cardboard box for the doughnuts and looked at me again. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you’re here. Your friend said it wasn’t you.”
She was all starry-eyed. The last thing I needed was someone fan-girling over me right now while hungover and about to throw the fuck up.
“Can I get six honey cruller donuts?” I asked, trying to be as courteous as I could. It took everything in me to not sound too rude.
She put the donuts in the box and handed them to me. I reached into the breast pocket of my leather jacket to pay her. But she pushed my hand back then glanced over both her shoulders.
“Can I get a photo instead?” She whispered.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I said.
She pulled out her phone and snapped a selfie of the both of us. That was when I realized how dark the circles under my eyes were, and how disheveled my hair looked.
Fuck, I was a mess.
She thanked me. I put the cash on the counter.
“Take the money so you don’t get in trouble,” I said to her.
I headed back to where Pacey was sitting.
“What’d you get?” He asked.
“Your favorite, what else?” I said.
I opened the box of six donuts that looked like heaven. I stuffed one in my mouth and took a huge bite.
“You remember, eh?” He said, reaching into the box for a honey cruller, the glaze melted on his fingers as he took a bite.
“Five in the morning doughnut runs, of course, I remember. Those were the days,” I smiled, taking another huge bite of the doughnut.
I wasn’t sure if it was because of my raging headache, but the taste of those doughnuts wasn't as sweet as I remembered.
“Have you been doing alright?” He asked, adjusting his brown framed glasses.
“Depends on what you mean by alright,” I said. “The music thing has been going well.”
Suddenly, I felt the need to get the fuck out of there immediately.
“I’m glad,” he said, smiling then looking serious again. “I was wondering if...what I was hearing was true.”
“Hearing what? From who?” My chest tightened and I felt my muscles twitch throughout my whole body.
“Just from the news and stuff,” he said so quietly that it was barely audible.
“I hate how people think they know me just because they hear something about me. People have no fucking clue,” I blurted.
I knew I was being a defensive fuck, but I was sick of hearing people slander my name and profit off lies about me.
Pacey closed the doughnut box, with four and a half donuts left inside. The half doughnut was the one he stopped eating.
“I get it, man. Don’t get so uptight about it. I’m happy for you—and surprised to see you,” he said. “What are you even doing here?”
“I have a show this Friday with the band. It’s the last one before the end of the tour. Sold out the entire venue,” I said, holding my head up high.
“I heard you guys are doing well,” he uttered.
It sounded insincere but I entertained it anyways.
“Thanks, we are. It’s pretty crazy how much we’ve blown up in the past few years. It’s a lot to take in, and sometimes too much. But I shouldn’t be complaining about it,” I said. “How have you been?”
“Great, same old stuff. I got a dog a couple years back.”
It was such a Pacey thing to tell me the most boring thing he could. I almost wanted to punch him in the shoulder so that he’d loosen up. After not seeing him for six years, all he had to say was he got a dog?
I bit my tongue. “A dog, eh? What’s his name?”
“Cadence,” he said, smiling proudly.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been that quick to judge. I fucking loved dogs.
“Cadence, that’s a beautiful name. You have a photo?” I asked.
“I’d show you, but my phone’s dead,” he said, taking a sip of his drink.
I reached into my distressed black denim jeans that had rips along my knee and pulled out my phone.
Random phone numbers popped up from girls who I must have given it to this evening. One girl called me many times which was followed up by a message asking if I was dead.
I blocked her number.
I doubted that she actually cared. Like all people I’ve met recently, they all had ulterior motives and they all wanted something from me.
It was annoying as fuck.
“Did you ever end up going?” I asked, looking up at him.
“You mean to university?” He asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, that.”
“I did, finished a couple years back and did a bit of songwriting.”
“That’s pretty bomb, dude. I’m happy you went.”
There was always a bit of resentment that I never had that normal college experience. Whenever someone told me about their college days, I felt bitter about not knowing what it was like.
It was especially maddening to hear that Pacey got to go to college. As much as I was happy for him, a part of me still felt like I missed out on something.
“You still on the piano?” I asked, taking a sip of water to wash down the aftertaste of the honey cruller.
He shook his head, and I nearly spat the water out. “What do you mean?”
“I learned how to play the harp in college, and I fell in love with it. Now, I play it for the Symphony Orchestra.”
“The harp?” I was shocked. “That’s not at all what I expected. But at the same time, it makes so much sense.”
I looked down at Pacey’s hands. His long fingers could reach past an octave on the piano, and I imaged him stringing a harp with them.
“You still know how to play the piano though...right?” I asked.
He nodded and for some reason, that gave me some relief knowing that he still had that in him.
I noticed that the sky was starting to change colors and when I looked at the time, it was already five in the morning.
I remembered that I had to go to an interview at noon that same day. Fuck, it wasn’t something I could cancel and let my bandmates down...once again. Plus, the last thing I needed was for more rumors to spread about me.
There was still so much that I wanted to find out about Pacey. But I knew I had to head back to my hotel and get my shit together for the interview.
I wanted to ask him if he wanted to meet up again another time, but I didn’t know if he was interested after what I had done. I didn’t want things to be more awkward than they already were.
“Pace, I have to head out,” I said, spinning my phone in my hands. “But I want to say thanks for helping me tonight.”
It wasn’t the first time that Pacey had saved me, and I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be the last.
“Go, don’t worry. I understand. And you don’t need to thank me,” he said.
His bright green eyes reflected off the now orange sky as the sun broke through the frosted glass. The brightness made my head hurt that much more, and I was eager to get the fuck out of there.
I stood up and reached my hand out. Pacey stood up as well, ready to shake my hand.
But before he was able to reach for it, I opted to go in for a hug instead, which felt awkward as fuck but wasn’t as cold. He did pick me up off the streets after all and I wasn’t going to treat him like he was some stranger.
I doubted that I was ever going to see him again, knowing that I’d only be here for six weeks before I flew back to Los Angeles.
As I pulled away from the hug, I felt a bit of resistance from him, but he finally let go. I grabbed the water on the table that he bought and turned to walk away, leaving the doughnuts for him.
“Your donuts,” he said.
I looked at the box sitting on the table. “Give them to Cadence or something.”
I continued out the door.
It was nice to take a breath of air in the city I grew up in, and the fresh air somehow made my head hurt less.
I needed to get back to my hotel as fast as I could before the streets became busy and people recognized me. I didn’t want them to see how much of a mess I was.
I couldn’t believe it happened again.
If it wasn’t for Pacey, I was sure that day would have had a much shittier outcome. As I passed the window that looked into the coffee shop, I saw him stare off into space, deep in thought.
He was the same old Pacey, and nothing had really changed.