24
Adam
The sun came through Pacey’s bedroom window and woke me up.
Pacey’s naked body was curled up against mine with my morning wood pressed up against his ass. We had gathered all the blankets around his house and crawled underneath it to keep warm.
Judging by how cold the room still was, I figured that the power was still out.
My body was warm and sweaty under all the blankets, but Pacey didn’t seem to mind because he was right against me. I looked down to see that there was dried pre-come all over his back and ass, I must’ve been leaking it the whole night.
I remembered waking up once in the middle of the night because Pacey was moving against my cock so much. I thought I was having a wet dream.
It was weird waking up naked next to another man.
I remembered all the times I’d slept over with Pacey in high school after a late night making music. But this time was different.
I ran my hands down his ass and spread his cheeks to take a peek at his hole to make sure he was alright.
Having sex with him last night was fucking magical, and I was so worried when I made him bleed. He was so tight, and I was definitely way too big for him, but he took me like a champ. His moans and his cries while I penetrated him made it so much sexier.
I looked over his shoulder to see that he was still snoozing away. He looked different without glasses, I’d rarely seen him without them, even when we were teens.
I must’ve been moving around too much in the bed because he opened his eyes. His pupils dilated to the intense morning light.
“Morning, handsome,” I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
He stretched in the most adorable way and turned to me and looked me right in the eyes.
“Merry Christmas,” Pacey said.
I kissed his nose, then his forehead.
“What do you want to do today?” I asked him.
“How bad is it outside?” He asked.
He got up from under the covers and walked to the window. His thick and plump ass teased me with every step he took. His ass was smooth like the rest of his body, with a fine layer of blonde hair that felt like silk when I ran my hands on it.
“The roads aren’t cleared yet,” he said.
“I figured, did we get more snow last night?” I asked.
“Looks like we got a bit more, but it looks like it stopped for now.”
He glanced back at me, eclipsing the morning sun. He looked like a fucking angel and I couldn’t believe he’d been out of my life for this long.
What was I thinking?
I peeled back the covers and smirked, and Pacey came back to the bed where I could have him in the bed for just a bit longer. It was Christmas morning, and we were still trapped at his house.
There wasn’t any rush or commitments. I was the happiest I’d been in a long time, and despite not having any more cigarettes or alcohol, I couldn’t help but smile.
Pacey ran his hands along my back, massaging and loosening up my muscles. His touch was firm but tender. I could smell his sweet scent all over that reminded me of his bedroom at his parents’ place. Home.
My stomach growled, and Pacey laughed at how loud it was.
“Damn, forgot how hungry I was,” I said. “You have any food that doesn’t require cooking?”
“We can go and check,” he said.
He grabbed one of the blankets on the bed and wrapped it around him, and I followed him naked. It felt good being naked knowing there were no paparazzi taking my photo here. I felt so free here, everything about being at Pacey’s home felt like what Christmas should feel like.
We headed to the kitchen and he opened the pantry.
“I have canned spaghetti,” he said.
“Umm, do you have anything else,” I asked.
“What do you think this is? Gordon Ramsey’s kitchen?”
“No, but you know, something that’s a bit better than canned spaghetti,” I laughed.
He looked deeper into his pantry. There was pre-cooked vegan sausage, instant noodles, chips, cookies, and chocolate bars.
“Guess we’ll have to eat this for now,” I said.
“We can make a Christmas morning breakfast with what we have,” he said.
“That’s pretty optimistic,” I smiled, looking at all the processed foods.
He shrugged and put everything on the kitchen island. We emptied the cold canned food on plates. Pacey put some herbs and spices in the spaghetti and mixed it with some fresh herbs that were sitting in his fridge.
Pacey handed me a plate and a fork, and I filled it up buffet style. Putting one chocolate chip cookie on it, some spaghetti, and a handful of chips. I was going to save the piece of chocolate for dessert.
We headed to the living room and sat on the couch.
I ate the food reluctantly. It was bland and cold—nothing like the meals I was used to made by my personal chef. But it was humbling to spend a day without the fancy luxuries that I was used to. No electricity, no expensive food, no paparazzi, no commitments to anyone. Hell, I hadn’t even put on any clothes that morning.
It was just Pacey, his cute-as-fuck dog, and a roof over our heads. And oddly I felt more content than I’d been in a long time.
I looked over at Pacey, and from his smile, I could tell that he was pretty happy too. It was either that or he was smiling at the ridiculous meal we were having. I finished everything on my plate and put some more firewood in the fireplace, and got it started again.
“This vegan sausage is actually pretty tasty,” he commented.
“Are you talking about the one on your plate or the one between my legs?” I asked.
“That’s a tough one, judging by how much pre-come that comes out of you, I’d have to go with yours, it has a much better flavor.”
We both looked down at my cock, which was hardening up as I imagined Pacey’s lips around it. Blood rushed to my cheeks, and I leaned over and kissed him on his lips to try and hide my erection.
I still felt like there was something missing, and I couldn’t really put my finger on what it was. When I glanced over at the sad looking tree we picked out the day before, I realized that we were missing presents.
It was Christmas, after all.
I hadn’t thought about getting Pacey anything because I didn’t expect to spend these days with him at all. But I wanted to give him something to show him how much I appreciated him. I remembered the watch I had in my jacket.
We finally decided to put clothes on after seeing kids across the field playing in the snow.
When Pacey was putting the dishes in the sink, I grabbed the watch in my jacket. It was the gold Rolex with the green dial that my mom had given me. I put it in my back pocket, then went up behind him while he was soaking the dishes.
“I have a little surprise for you,” I said.
“What is it?” He asked, turning around.
I revealed the watch to him.
“You’re giving this to me?” He asked.
I nodded. “I know it’s kind of tacky...how it’s not wrapped or anything, and it was a gift from my mom to me. But the green dial matches your eyes, and it’ll look great on you. Plus, gold is not really my color, I look better in silver.
“But…I didn’t get you anything,” Pacey said.
“That’s okay, neither of us expected to be with each other. And I hope you’re not offended that this gift wasn’t planned. I promise I’ll get you a real gift when we can finally get out of this snowstorm.”
I put the watch on his wrist and it was a bit too big, but once he got the band sized to fit him, it would be perfect.
“I’ve never owned something this expensive before…thank you, Adam.” He said, twisting his wrist as the watch glistened in the light.
“It looks great on you,” I said.
Pacey wrapped his arms around me and kissed me hard. But then, he pulled back and I could see he was thinking about something.
“What’s wrong, Pace?” I asked.
He looked down at the watch then back at me. “Does this gift mean I won’t be seeing you for a long time?”
“No, not at all. Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Well...when you moved to Los Angeles after getting discovered, you gave me your acoustic guitar. The one you were playing last night. After you gave me the guitar, that was the last time I’d heard from you. It has been six long years, Adam.”
Pacey took the watch off his wrist and forced it back into my hand.
“Pacey, that was different. I was young and I didn’t know how to handle anything. I was overwhelmed to have to leave for Los Angeles so suddenly. Even though it was so much better for me and my mom at the time, I was only eighteen. I was so fucking terrified of what was going to happen.”
“So that’s the reason why you stopped talking to me? Because you were scared? I could have been there for you. I could have helped you get through it. Instead, you acted like our friendship meant nothing to you.”
“Fuck—Pacey you got it all wrong. The reason why I stopped talking to you was because I was so fucking devastated that I was leaving. You were my best fucking friend. You think I wasn’t hurt? Cutting off contact with you was the only way I could focus on anything at the time. I wouldn’t have made it this far otherwise.”
“You chose fame over our friendship. That’s the bottom line. We were supposed to go to the same college. Did you forget about that? We both got accepted to the same music program, and we were supposed to go together. We even signed up to be roommates in the same dorm.”
“I do remember, and I hadn’t slept for days before I declined the offer. I was only thinking of one thing at the time. It was to get me and my mom out of the shitty situation we were in, so that I’d stop having to rely on you and your family.”
“What do you mean rely on us? We loved having you around. My parents treated you like a son, and it hurt us all when you just disappeared. The only time we ever saw or heard you was on TV or over the radio. Adam, we lost out on having six fucking years together. Six fucking years.”
It was the first time I’d ever heard Pacey swear, and I could feel the anger in his voice that I didn’t know was in him.
I reached for his hand, which felt cold, before he withdrew them away from me.
“I need to know,” he said. “I need to know what’s going to happen. I can’t stand not knowing. I’m not like you, Adam. I can’t just live day by day like you, I need certainty.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked, trying to meet his eyes but he had turned his face to the side.
“Where we stand,” he said.
I took a deep breath. “I can’t give you what you want. I’ll never be able to. My life is in Los Angeles now, and yours is here. You have your family, your dog, your home, your job. I have mine. If I could, I’d stay here with you and be in this city. But I only had six weeks here. You knew that. I’m fucking sorry that things had to be this way. I never intended for things between us to go this far.”
“So just like that, eh? You come back into my life just to break me again. It took me years to get over losing you, and you just come into my life and do it again.”
“I wish I could give you what you want. More than anything I would rather be here with you. But I can’t, Pace. I’m sorry.”
“Then, I think you should go. I think it’s best for both of us that you do.”
Pacey retreated upstairs, and I heard his bedroom door close quietly. I was left in the kitchen with Cadence who had been staring up at us wondering what we were talking about.
I put the watch on the kitchen counter, and I felt so defeated. I heard beeping coming from his appliances, and the display on his oven was flashing. The power had come on again.
I went upstairs and tried to open the door to Pacey’s room, but he’d locked it.
I knocked on his door but he was silent.
I wanted to fucking kick his door down and hold him in my arms. I wanted to feel his body on mine. I wanted him to know how much I cared about him.
But in reality, we could never be together.
It’d kill the rock star persona that I’ve had to maintain all these years. That was all it was, a persona that people went crazy over because they thought I was perfect. And I was far from perfect.
But no one would like me if they found out who I really was. The fucked up and angry addict, who was confused about my own sexuality.
Pacey was the only one who knew the real me, and he never cared how many albums I sold, or that I wasn’t perfect. He just wanted to spend time and make music together. Music I actually enjoyed making.
I knocked louder. “Open up, Pace. Don’t do this, not on Christmas Day. Please, just open up.”
Once again, there was no answer. I stopped myself from punching his wall.
Fuck!
I went back downstairs and buried my face in my hands.
There were snow removal trucks outside that were plowing the streets, and not long after I saw a few cars pass by.
The storm had passed, but the one between Pacey and me remained.
I’d never been so worked up over another person, I’d never gotten close to anyone for it to happen.
I knew the walls I’d built up were for a reason. Shit like this hurt more than the pounding headache from my alcohol withdrawal.
I needed to get a drink and a smoke fast or else I’d have a mental breakdown.
I went upstairs one more time and knocked gently. “I’m leaving, Pacey…I’m sorry.”
Then, I headed back downstairs.
I put on my jacket, and gave Cadence a kiss on the nose, and left his house.
The sidewalks weren’t shoveled yet, so I had to walk on the streets. I saw a convenience store and I was surprised to see that it was open. After buying a pack of cigarettes, I went to the liquor store but it was closed until tomorrow.
I chainsmoked cigarettes as I waited for a taxi to pass by.
Thirty minutes passed and my hands and feet were starting to ache from the cold. I saw a taxi stopped at the intersection, and I waved my arms frantically to get the driver’s attention.
The taxi picked me up and drove me back to the hotel where I knew there was booze in my suite. I rested my head on the window the whole way back, letting the cold glass numb my head.
When we arrived, I paid and thanked him. I noticed that the paparazzi had taken the day off and I could freely walk in without dealing with anyone.
I went up to my room and immediately went into the mini-fridge and grabbed the bottle of gin. I chugged straight from the bottle, letting the gin drain straight down my throat.
I was in a no-smoking room, but I decided to open the window in the kitchen and light one up. I didn’t fucking care about anything after what happened earlier.
I was leaving to go back to Los Angeles at the end of the week to prepare for a New Year’s Eve concert there. I coulfsexdn’t afford to be sad about leaving Pacey again. With my busy schedule, Pacey deserved someone who could give him their full attention.