7
Pacey
The three days leading up to the concert felt like the most stressful days of my life.
I tried to distract myself by practicing my harp and taking Cadence on many walks.
Cadence was my year old border collie with black spots all over him. There were even spots on his nose that made him look like he was up to no good all the time. For the past little while, he’d really helped me get through tough times and besides Amanda, he was my best friend.
The evening of Adam’s concert was the coldest it had been that year.
I stood in front of my mirror trying to decide on an outfit to wear. It wasn’t like I was trying to impress anyone, so I had no idea why I was so goddamn nervous.
Cadence sat on the bed on top of the pile of clothes that I had put on and taken off a dozen times.
“What do you think of this?” I asked my dog.
He wagged his tail and stuck his tongue out like he usually did.
I was wearing a black sweater with a pair of auburn pants that were cropped at the ankle. I accessorized it with a black beanie and leather black dress shoes. That’d do, I guess.
I looked at the time and realized that I should probably head out if I wanted to make it on time.
I gave Cadence a kiss on the nose and gave him the usual pep talk to not destroy the place.
I stepped out of my place and saw my Uber drive up.
Perfect timing.
The driver rolled down the passenger window. “Are you Pacey?”
I nodded. “Yep, that’s me.”
I hopped into the backseat, and he looked at me through the rearview mirror.
I smiled at him nervously. I was always uncomfortable with strangers, and being in a car made me claustrophobic.
“I know you from somewhere,” the man said, as he started driving.
I looked again in his rear-view mirror. His narrowed eyes met my gaze as if he was trying to pinpoint exactly who I was.
“Do you play for the Symphony Orchestra?”
I was stunned and confused. “Yeah, I do. Do you know a musician that plays as well?”
He shook his head. “No, but my daughter, who’s in music school right now is a huge fan. She always drags me to watch the shows with her. Or… I shouldn’t say drag, I enjoy them too. You guys are really talented.”
“Thanks,” I said, with a slight grin. “I’d never been recognized on the streets before. No one ever sees me in the back row with a harp covering my face.”
“Really? Maybe it’s because my daughter plays the harp as well, she idolizes you. We were at your last show earlier this week, actually.”
“That’s great to hear,” I began to loosen up a bit. “How long has your daughter played the harp for?”
“Over ten years now, since she was eight years old or so. It’s her passion. How about you?”
I thought for a moment. “This will be my sixth year.”
“Wow, that’s impressive.” He looked back at me again. “You don’t look that old.”
I smiled. “I’m twenty-four.”
“How did you get into the orchestra at such a young age?”
I didn’t really know how to answer because the harp was never an instrument that I planned on playing. I had always played the piano.
“It just sort of happened,” I shrugged.
“Some people are just born with that kind of talent, I guess,” he answered for me. “Would it be okay to get your email? I’m sure she has a lot of questions to ask you. I understand if you say no. But, she’d be so surprised to hear that I was driving you tonight.”
“Of course, I’d be happy to, really. I’ve never been recognized before, so this is pretty crazy for me.”
He reached back and handed me a pen and an old receipt paper. I used the window as a surface to write down my contact information, then handed it back to him.
“Thanks,” he said.
He drove south towards the waterfront, where Adam was playing that evening.
I was supposed to be meeting Amanda there. She was talking about how she had a date earlier and that she’d most likely be late.
We drove under a highway underpass, and I knew we were getting close.
My palms began to sweat like it did before my performances. I strummed my fingers on my phone to calm me down.
I was nervous to be going out to a show for the first time in a while. On top of that, I was nervous to see Adam perform live. I’m sure he was used to it by now, but there was this second-hand stage fright that I couldn’t shake off.
I was worried that I was going to make him screw up or something. It was irrational, but so were many of my OCD thoughts that were probably passed down to me by my neurotic parents.
I knew that Amanda would be able to calm me down. And after getting a couple of drinks in my system, I’m sure I’d be able to finally relax and have a good time.
I tried to distract myself by looking at the reflection of the moon against the ripples in the water. It was full tonight and very low in the sky, inches away from touching the water.
On the opposite side of the harbor were large warehouses. Cranes and tractors parked quietly in front of them for the night.
The driver turned the corner, and we arrived at the music venue that used to be a warehouse. We weren’t exactly in the safest part of the city. I always heard about gang-related shootings happening regularly at this particular venue.
The Uber driver thanked me for my email and I thanked him for the ride.
I got out of the car and scanned the crowd for Amanda.
A bunch of people were waiting in line to get in, and in the crowd were smokers and people who already looked wasted. Everyone was dressed in black, and I felt like I didn’t belong there with what I was wearing. I should have known not to be so dressed up going to a rock concert.
I reached into my phone and tried to call Amanda. I waited for it to ring many times, then it went straight to voicemail. I tried again, and the same thing happened. The third time, she finally picked up.
“Hello?” She asked, in a groggy voice.
“Hey! Where are you?” I asked.
“Ugh, I’m at home.”
“You’re at home? Why? Did you forget that the concert’s tonight?” I asked.
“No, I didn’t forget. You remember the date I had earlier?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, we went to this new Japanese restaurant and had a lot of raw fish, and I don’t think it was that fresh…I might have food poisoning now.”
“Oh my gosh, are you serious?”
“Yeah, I’m literally sitting on my bathroom floor puking my guts out.”
“That’s disgusting, thanks for the visual. So you’re not coming?”
“I can’t, I’m practically dead.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked.
“Umm, you should go, obviously. Aren’t you already there? I hear people.”
“Yeah, but I’m not going to go alone.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s weird. Who goes to a concert alone?” I asked, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.
“Umm, probably a lot of people. Make a friend or something. Wait, you know Adam.”
“He’s performing, he’s not going to be there to keep me company.”
“You’re a grown ass man, Pace. You’ll be fine.”
“Ugh,” I sighed, the turning in my stomach made it feel like it was me who had food poisoning. “Why do things never go the way they’re supposed to?”
“That’s life. I should ask the parasite that’s probably swimming in my stomach right now the same thing.”
“Well, I hope you feel better soon. I hope the date went well at least.”
“It was great. I’m afraid to message him and tell him that I’m puking my guts out. Otherwise, he was quite a gentleman. He even paid for the meal. It made me sick, but still, no guy has paid for a date in so long.”
“Yeah, he probably has food poisoning too. Maybe your second date will be in a hospital with him,” I said, laughing to myself.
“Shush, I’ll be fine in the morning…I hope. But I need to go, I feel like I’m going to throw up again.”
Before I could say bye, Amanda had already hung up and I was snapped back to the reality of the situation.
I stood in front of the venue and I was nervous as hell.
The Uber driver was still parked at the curb. He was probably trying to find another passenger to take back into the city. And I was tempted to go back and tell him to take me home.
It was already too much for me for one night. Plus, I’d be so uncomfortable in there alone that I wouldn’t have a good time.
But then I thought about the tickets that Adam had given to me, and then I thought about Adam. He’d be disappointed if I took the tickets and didn’t go.
I should just suck it up and go since I was already there.
I walked towards the crowd, the smell of cigarette smoke intensified the closer I got. People eyed me up and down, judging my outfit, while I waited in line.
I looked down onto my phone pretending like I was answering an important text message. The line moved slowly, and my hands were starting to burn from the cold temperature.
I finally made it to the front where a security guard was standing with a metal detector in her hand.
“You have any weapons or needles on you?” She asked, stoically.
I shook my head, she scanned me, then patted me down, running her hands all over me, and twice around my inner thighs. She gestured for me to walk through.
There were a set of turnstiles when I got into the venue. I walked up to one of the people checking tickets.
“Hi, I have a ticket reserved under my name,” I said.
“What’s your name?” The man wearing all black asked.
I told him and he typed it into his phone.
“Is it just you tonight?” He asked. “There are two tickets under this name.”
“Yeah, it’s just me,” I said.
He put a pink wristband around my wrist, and let me through.
I checked the time, and I guess it was still a bit early because the band wasn’t on yet. Instead, a DJ wearing big headphones was on the stage.
People were scattered around the dark warehouse drinking and mingling.
I went to the nearest bar and tried to squeeze to the front to order something. But I couldn’t seem to get the attention of the bartender.
I pulled out some money and finally someone came up to help me. I ordered a double whiskey sour, which would keep me occupied for a while.
I leaned up against a steel column and looked around, observing the crowd. I could feel that people were uneasy around me, probably because I looked and felt tense.
There was something about going to places like this that made me more awkward that I usually was.
I had a hard time relating to strangers. It was difficult for me to just strike up a conversation like Amanda could.
That was probably the reason why we were such close friends, because she balanced me out well. Without her here with me, I felt so out of place.
I wondered if she set me up. Maybe she never intended on going to the show. Or maybe her date went so well that she’d rather spend the evening with him, but she didn’t want me to miss out on going. She was one of the few people who knew the history between Adam and me.
This show, in particular, was a twenty-one and older so it was a more mature crowd.
People were dressed primarily in black with crazy haircuts and dark lipstick. The thing about Kingdom 4 was that their fans couldn’t be grouped into one demographic. They ranged from teenagers to moms to gays. Everyone was attracted to Adam’s good looks, his smoldering blue eyes, and his voice.
Adam’s voice was beautiful.
As it got closer to their set time, people gathered closer to the stage, and the lights started to dim. The conversations got quieter until the DJ stepped off stage, and it was complete silence.
I was standing near the center, about halfway between the stage and the back. I was nearly finished with my drink and was starting to feel a light buzz.
My heart pounded at the thought of watching Adam perform.
I’d never seen them live, mostly because I had been bitter about him leaving for so long. But I was lucky that Adam personally asked me to go.
More time passed in darkness, as the crowd anxiously waited for something to happen.
But still, nothing.
There started to be whispers in the crowd.
“You think they’re even here?” I overheard a blonde woman asking her dark-haired friend.
“Dunno. Knowing what’s been happening with Adam recently, I wouldn’t be surprised if they cancel it. They did that a couple weeks ago in a different city,” her friend replied.
“I hope not, I’ve been waiting all year for this. He better not fucking let me down,” the blonde said.
“We should get up close, maybe Adam would notice us and take us backstage and we can meet him.”
“Good idea!”
The two ladies pushed past me and maneuvered their way in the crowd until they disappeared out of my view. Why did I feel so weird after hearing that conversation?
The thought of Adam noticing them and bringing them backstage made me…all jealous inside. I tried to shrug it off, and I got a message from Amanda.
Have fun ;) Feeling much better after emptying my guts out. Going to bed.
When I looked up again, a floodlight turned on and shined onto the stage. Three of the members of Kingdom 4 walked on. The crowd erupted in screams and excitement.
Adam was still nowhere to be seen.