Chapter 3

Ryan

 

 

Working outside in Phoenix, Arizona could definitely test your ability to push through the blazing heat indexes that we tended to see, but fortunately, it was mid-March, and the temps were in a perfect seventy-degree range. We had another emergency landscaping job, finishing up the yards for a few houses in a sub-community not far from my house. They were simple, but I made sure to be on site since these contracts were the bread and butter of my company, and I didn’t want to lose any of the contracts with these companies. My guys were trustworthy, but they weren’t professionals. They were the hands behind the visions, so I had to make sure I could answer all the questions they might have.

“Thanks, Jose,” I said, patting my worker on the back. “That looks great. Just get the trim in there, and we can finish up with the mulching.”

I walked away, making notes on my clipboard of what had been done. I looked up at several work trucks pulling up across the street and preparing for a new job. I instantly recognized the insignia on the truck as my best friend Juan Lopez’s company. I was definitely happy to see him. When my crew was done and starting to pack up, I walked across the street to see if he was there. As I stepped up onto the sidewalk and looked across the yard, I spotted him, talking to some of his guys. He glanced over and smiled, waving at me before finishing his conversation and heading over.

“My man,” he said, shaking my hand and bringing me in for a hug. “It’s been a while.”

“I know, man,” I said. “Too long actually.”

“I’m sorry about that,” he replied shaking his head. “Things have just been crazy with this spring season rush.”

“For you and me both, man,” I said. “But hey, that’s a good thing. It means our businesses are thriving, and post-season drop, when people stop with all the rush orders, won’t be so hard on us this year.”

“Absolutely,” he said. “I had to hire ten more guys this season to get through the contracts. How are you with it all?”

“Same,” I said. “And a lot of them are emergency orders, so I’m glad I decided to bring the extra crew on. It’s been stressful, to say the least, but rewarding at the same time. I got lucky and got some really great workers this year. I’m hoping I can keep them on through the slow season, so I don’t have to worry about rehiring next year.”

“That’s my thought, too,” he said. “We could always talk about swapping if we have bigger projects, keep our guys working hard for us.”

“That sounds perfect,” I said.

I felt bad about not reaching out to Juan lately. He had become as close to me as a brother over the last several months. He and I used to be rivals, bidding for the same jobs, hating each other every chance we got. We were actually in the middle of an argument over jobs when Christina had showed up at my work to tell me she was leaving me for Dale. Juan dropped his anger for me immediately and grabbed onto me, not letting me get out of control when the anger started to overwhelm me. From that moment on, he had come over almost every day, bringing his sister to make food for us and to keep Kayla moving until I could get back on my feet. Without them, I don’t know how I would have made it through.

Me and my dad, we loved each other, but we’d lived in two different worlds for a very long time. He was consumed with grief for years after my mother died, and it wasn’t until he met Lisa that he really started to bring himself out of it. She brought a light back to his life and that, in turn, started to help us grow stronger as father and son. He stepped in to help to relieve Juan and his sister after Christina left, but that first little bit of time, Juan really saved my ass.

“I’m really glad to see you are doing better,” he said. “I can see on your face that you are feeling better. We need to get together and have some drinks soon. Maybe have a normal conversation for once.”

“Yes,” I said, laughing. “That would be awesome. I definitely could use a night out with you. I’ll make sure to call you when this season settles down so we can do that. You know, though, you and your family are always welcome at our home. Kayla mentions Adelita from time to time, and I’m sure she would love to see her.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Juan said. “And we would love to do that. Adelita has been crazy lately with our abuela. She hasn’t been doing too well.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?”

“No,” he said with a sigh. “Unfortunately, it is what it is. She has struggled for years after her husband died, and when she got that cancer diagnosis, she kind of just stopped trying. I can understand, though. She lived for that man and hasn’t been right since. I know you know how the struggle with cancer can be.”

“I do,” I said sadly. “My mother was tough, and she tried really hard. When she died, my father just wasn’t the same anymore.”

“But he has his new wife now, and you, and Kayla, of course,” Juan pointed out happily. “That was probably enough to bring the man back to his senses.”

“It sure was,” I said.

“How is little Kayla doing?”

That was a tough question, but Juan understood a little more than most because he was there when I told her that her mom wasn’t coming back. He saw how badly that broke her and how much she didn’t understand. Hell, I didn’t even really understand, so all we could do was be there for her, comfort her when she cried, and try to make her think about other things. I was in bad shape, too, and that was where Juan’s sister came into play, keeping everything together until I was done grieving.

No, my ex-wife didn’t die, but it almost felt like she had, with the stages of grief flowing through me. When my father stepped into the picture, things started to turn around for Kayla, and my father’s new wife was a big part of that. They almost didn’t want to leave to go on their trip because of her, but I assured them she had to move on at some point, and I would be there for her.

“She’s doing okay, all things considered,” I said with a sigh. “It’s tough for her, you know? She is only seven, so she doesn’t understand the adult part of it. All she sees is her mom isn’t there anymore, and I am. She kind of wavers between blaming me and being angry at her mother. I am there for her as much as I possibly can be, though work right now is demanding. She also has my father, his wife, and their family which has been a Godsend as well. She’s actually been with my stepsister these last few days since I’ve had these emergency jobs pop up.”

“That’s good,” he said. “You know how important family is. I know that you know this, and I know that you’ve had a hard time since Christina left, but you need your family now, more than ever. Family and the sense of family didn’t leave with her. It’s still there. It’s just a new dynamic. You have to stop and remind Kayla how important that is so she knows how supportive everyone is being. I don’t mean to tell you how to parent. I’m sorry.”

“No,” I said, chuckling. “Believe me, at this point, I can use all the advice that I can get. But you’re right. The more supported Kayla feels, the more she will start to come out of this funk. All I get from her now is attitude. But there are moments, especially when she is playing with dolls or talking to her grandfather, that she really shows how young she is. I feel like part of her innocence was ripped away. It’s tough.”

“I can’t even imagine, dude,” he said.

“Hey, Juan,” one of his workers yelled across the lawn.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in two seconds,” he said, yelling back and then turning to me. “Well, not to cut this short, bro, but duty calls.”

“Aww man, no worries,” I said, leaning in and hugging him. “We will catch up soon. Tell your family hello for me.”

“I will, and you do the same,” he said, waving as he jogged across the lawn.

I smiled and turned back around, heading back to my side of the street. My guys were almost done with everything, and those that had finished their tasks were cleaning off the equipment and loading it back onto the truck. I started to think about everything that Juan had said, wondering if I was missing something in my life. My relationship was better with my father, but he had been distant for years after my mother died. Between that and Christina leaving like she did, I could feel that I had some major trust issues with people, even Juan. I was gun shy when it came to getting close to anyone in any capacity.

My last best friend ended up stealing my wife, but like he said, I guess you can’t have something stolen that you never owned in the first place. Sometimes, I got to a point where I wondered what I could have done differently in order to avoid this. I wondered if I had paid more attention to Christina, worked less even, if she would have run off. In the end, though, we acted like we had the perfect life, and she never gave me cause to think otherwise until it was over. I could feel that familiar lump in my chest.

I walked over and began to collect and clean equipment, needing to change how I was looking at the world. I had Kayla, and she really needed me to be strong right now, especially with her being so young. I didn’t miss Christina anymore. I knew that, but I think I missed the normalcy of it all, and I missed not seeing pain in my daughter’s eyes every time I looked at her. She needed normalcy, maybe not from her mother, but definitely in her life. I sighed, realizing that things would never feel the same for her again, not even for a second.

Maybe they wouldn’t be the same for her, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t be good. She and I just needed to get to a better place today so that we could look forward to tomorrow. I knew that another woman would someday come into my life, but right now, I wasn’t sure that was what I needed. Still, just having that thought pop into my mind made me think of Alissa, which I immediately felt guilty for. She was so beautiful and bright, but she was my stepsister, making her not a very good candidate for a woman to date. I shook my head again. Why was I even thinking about that? I glanced down at my watch and realized I needed to get finished so I could get home and let Alissa go home. It had been a really long, hot day, and my mind just wouldn’t shut down.