Kyle
Weeks went by, and not much changed.
I did go back to the gym and got back into kickboxing, a sport I’d gotten to know and love when life took its meaning away. Kickboxing, and boxing, helped me get a hold of myself and deal with the anger inside. Levi joined me sometimes, but most times it was easy to lose myself in the sport. I loved what it did to my body. How powerful and active it felt. Waking up before the sunrise had become my daily routine—hangover or not. Using this method of escaping the angst inside of me became my therapy.
We managed to fit more people into the shop schedule than we thought possible. Seattle appeared to be undergoing a tattooing trend, and we weren’t complaining one bit. Plus, Levi and Nix were getting married any day now, once she was better, and the extra business helped distract him from his anxiety. With Nix’s recent drug relapse and her stay in rehab, Levi adopted the shop as his happy place, where he had the habit of listening to the same song, on repeat. Thankfully, Nix was getting great support, and getting stronger than ever.
“Maybe it’s time to think about hiring someone to help us around here?” Levi suggested.
“Yeah, maybe. But I’d rather be busy as hell than work with someone I don’t trust. Maybe an intern or apprentice would be a better place to start? That way we can kick them to the curb if the arrangement sucks.”
Levi nodded. “Yeah, that would be nice.”
Both of us were working on designs rather than tattooing when Tiff entered the shop with coffees in hand.
“Hey, guys,” she said, almost tripping on the small carpet at the entrance.
I jumped up to secure the coffees and welcomed her in with a cheesy, “Hey, girl.”
Her rosy cheeks matched her lips, which were covered in a reddish gloss. She looked great, but it surprised me to see her here by herself.
“Do you want to get a tattoo or something?” Her presence intrigued me. Normally she accompanied Nix, but she’d never come alone. A first.
She laughed as a pink shade covered her cheeks. “Nah, this is just a surprise pop in. Checking up on you guys.” She handed me the drinks. “I hope they’re how you like them.”
Levi stepped closer and took a coffee from me. “We aren’t difficult. Thank you.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
The shop grew quiet then, and it made me uncomfortable. As weird as it may seem, I’d spent many nights with Tiff but we didn’t exactly talk when we were together, so I didn’t know what to say to her now. I sipped my coffee while watching Levi, and then furrowed my eyebrows when I realized none of us were talking.
“So, what have you been up to lately?”
“Working and hanging out with the girls. Same as usual, nothing special really.”
I nodded.
“I bet Nix is keeping you busy with the wedding coming, though,” Levi added, and chuckling, she agreed.
“Are you sure you don’t want a tattoo? Since you’re here,” I offered along with my most beautiful smile, sure she wouldn’t be able to resist me. Tiffany started laughing at the top of her lungs, but didn’t say no.
“What’s it going to be? Something big or something small? Come on. It’s on me.”
Levi rolled his eyes and left me to take care of Tiff. Once he was back at his work station, and I stood alone with Tiff, the awkwardness lightened up by the second.
“What would you suggest?” she asked in the flirtiest way, unashamed. As she looked at me, her eyes shone with the desire we shared in our intimate moments but never in public.
My mind told me to back off, give her space, but another part of me said to dig and find out what she’d wanted bad enough to come here.
“It’s a tattoo, Tiff. That’s personal. I can’t decide for you. You can always think about it and come back. The deal will be the same.”
She flipped her long as hell hair to the other side of her head. “Yeah, I think you’re right there, K. I’ll come back after I’ve had a think about it.”
“You know how to reach me.” Which she did. We texted each other often because of our late night meetings.
“Actually, I was wondering if it’d be okay to join you for your morning workout.”
I stared at Tiff and waited for her to say she was kidding, but she didn’t. My morning workout involved a lot of running and weightlifting. Not trying to be sexist or judgmental, but I didn’t think she’d be able to keep up with my routine. “Are you sure? It’s intensive.”
Unexpectedly, she rushed up to me and gave me a quick hug before a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be able to keep up, don’t worry.” Pulling away with a wink, she walked toward the door. “Laters, guys.”
A long moment of silence followed her departure. In my head, I kept repeating, What the fuck was that? I had no idea. Tiff and I kept our distance most of the time; I had no reason to try and connect with her. She was a nice girl and all, but cold and distant. What she’d just done was a first. Tiffany had crossed the barrier we kept between us, and to be honest, I didn’t like it. Our current arrangement suited me. No strings attached, absolutely nothing else—but what if she wants to be friends? Could I do that?
“Are you sure there is nothing between you and her?” Levi shattered the silence, and I refused to answer. He knew me better than that.
After texting her at midnight to let her know I would be leaving my loft at 5:30 a.m., I was sure she would quit already. Who likes to wake up that early? Nobody. But her reply was swift.
Brilliant. I’ll be there.
Damn, I thought.
It was still dark outside when I stepped outside the front door of my building. I saw her right away, because it was impossible to miss her fluorescent pink leggings. They were paired with a black hoodie with pink lettering on the sleeves and back. Something to do with an athletic team back in the UK. We nodded at each other.
“Ready?”
“Yep,” she chirped.
We started running. I didn’t slow down my pace for her and she didn’t ask me to. My kickboxing ensured I had good cardio habits. She followed me all the way through the Market and then, to the gym. More or less nine miles.
“Are you okay?” I asked while we approached the doors. She nodded and followed me inside the gym, where she paid for her visit after I flashed my member card.
While I drank some water from the water fountain to ease the burning sensation in my lungs, she did some stretching. Her legs first and then her arms. Damn. She looked great, like she was in her element. Of course, I’d noticed her body before, naked and writhing below me, but it surprised me at this moment.
“You’re in pretty good shape, Tiff. I didn’t think you were going to be able to keep up.”
She pushed me away from the fountain and got some water. “Surprise!” she said with sarcasm. “I’m good with sports, always have been.”
“I can see that.” I went to touch her bicep as a joke, but it was hard as hell and my mouth fell open in surprise. “If I ever get in trouble, I’ll make sure you’re on my side.”
We started laughing and then our eyes connected for a second or two. It got awkward, so I turned away and moved to the weightlifting area. Working on my arms and shoulders until I couldn’t lift anymore, my plan was simple: ignore Tiff. She had to understand that, to me, gym time wasn’t for fun or to hang out. It was my therapy. I needed this.
After twelve reps of each exercise for the fourth time, I’d had enough and Tiff was nowhere to be seen. Part of me felt hurt she’d left, the other part didn’t care. Heeding the call of the punching bag, I wrapped my hands and put on the gloves then started hitting the bag with simple tricks. A few minutes later, after I’d warmed up, I added sidekicks and got into the groove. Before long, my t-shirt was drenched, and I decided to take it off. Kicking the bag as soon as the t-shirt reached the floor, I kept a quick tempo feeling the burning sensation in my muscles. The burn didn’t stop me, it’s what I was here for. I enjoyed it.
“I never took you for the ballerina type of guy,” Tiff said behind me, and my body stiffened. Why was she choosing now to comment on my back piece? It wasn’t the first time she’d seen it.
Irritated, I turned around to face her and found her attempting to complete a pirouette and arabesque. “Don’t do that.” The words came rushing out of my mouth as images of Cassidy flashed in my mind. A glimpse of her red hair. A fleeting smile. “Stop!” I yelled at Tiffany. “Just stop already.”
Tiff’s body froze while she watched me with fear in her eyes. Perfect. I’d rather have her scared of me than liking me too much.
I grabbed my t-shirt while my fingers and arms trembled. “What the hell, Kyle?” I muttered to myself. For two seconds, as I’d watched Tiff dance, it had seemed like Cassidy was back. Minus the red shade of Cassidy’s hair, everything else looked like her.
Outside the gym, I broke into a run straight back to my place. I never bothered to check if Tiff followed me. It didn’t matter.
I missed Cassidy.
So much.
My heart sank a little more as I realized that, even after all this time, I was still so far away from being healed. My soul continued its perpetual open heart surgery.