Kyle
A couple years later…
Another day, another night. They were all the same now, all blending together. Every day the same pain, the same struggle.
What day is it? What time? I had no idea, but the vodka was pretty fucking tasty tonight.
Levi had a girl to pursue, and so did Tyler. Watching them drool over girls was making me bitter, though; I didn’t want to hang out with them. After all the years I’d known them, I’d expected someday they’d get serious and settle down, but I never thought they would want it at the same damn time, with two best friends.
I hated my life.
I had never gotten over Cassidy and still missed her something terrible. I always would.
There was a girl watching me from the other end of the bar. I didn’t know if she was playing games, but her flirting was obvious from miles away. Not that my taste could be trusted, but she was hot. Her dark hair and dark skin had something exotic. Of course, after this much vodka, almost any girl in the place could’ve led me on.
I nodded, hoping she didn’t want to talk—because I wasn’t having any of that—and she smiled. These days it all came down to sex. Why talk when I had no intention of seeing them again? No feelings whatsoever, no strings attached… just raw sex. Plain and simple.
“’Ello,” she said.
“Hey,” I answered before drinking my vodka like water.
“Wanna get out of here?” Her thick accent had me smiling.
“Of course.”
As quick as that we were outside. I followed her to her place, which was a studio of some sort. It was small, very small. She closed and locked the door behind me, and then started throwing her clothes on the floor.
Wow! Hell, she isn’t wasting time.
Her long dark hair hid her breasts as her eyes dared me to come forward. To claim her. There was something about the colors of her eyes which took me by complete surprise, though. One seemed brownish-green, while the other was just green. What the hell?
“Come on, hot stuff. Are we going to get started, or what?”
“Alright, alright.”
Once I’d taken my clothes off, she pushed me down on the mattress. “Look. I had a shite flight, and I’m exhausted. Let’s get rolling.”
This was the first time I’d been with a girl who came off colder than me. It felt different, and somehow made me unsure. She was sure of what she wanted, though.
My back pressed into her cold, black sheets while she crawled on top of me, taking charge as if I were a toy. She was chewing me up, not leaving me time to process anything or enjoy this. Karma, I guess, for all the times I’d played this same old game with women—flirt with them, fuck them, and then leave them without a goodbye. This time, though, the girl had a plan of her own, and not having anything better to do, I gave myself to her.
Several drinks past tipsy and more than turned on, I decided enough, that it was time to take back the power in her bed. After all, I’d had a rough day, too. Hell, I’d had rough days ever since… yeah, ever since I lost my soul.
Fueled by my pain, yet again, I gave her everything in me. All the roughness and lust. Turned out we had some kind of chemistry. Her dark tresses were all over the damn bed. She was a black fucking panther, a wild animal.
Why am I analyzing her so damn much anyway? I never care about who… I promised I would never care again.
Writhing and moving together, the sexual tension between us kept rising. My toes curled while my fingers gripped her hair and I worked to keep this going until I couldn’t anymore. Her once perfect bed had turned into a mess of sweat, tangled sheets, and exhausted bodies.
Who am I kidding?
This woman was something else.
Using my arm and legs, I held her in place against my chest after we’d both climaxed, until she got out of bed without saying anything.
“Who are you?” I asked, my voice laced with sarcasm. The girls I’d met were never so emotionally detached.
“Tiff. You?”
“I’m K.”
“Well, K. I’m going for a shower. It’s been real, thanks.”
Is she really kicking me out?
“Can you lock the door on your way out?”
Shit, she is.
In the middle of the night the city is dark as hell, and here I was walking home in a flabbergasted state. Over and over again, I replayed the last hour in my mind to see if I’d missed anything. She didn’t act like a regular girl.
My guess? Tiff was as fucked up as me.
The hook up confused me so much, I no longer felt the alcohol—and I’d consumed enough that it should’ve lasted me until morning. That was my usual trick. Waking up the morning after a night out forgetting reality always started well if I couldn’t remember the fucking dreams haunting my head.
My wandering landed me at Ink Me Tattoo Shop at four in the morning, where I crashed on the couch. Levi would have to be my alarm clock, because going to my apartment now would end in a disaster. I knew I should be getting over Cassidy and the baby after all this time, but my heart lost so much that day. Coping often became impossible inside the apartment.
It was time for me to move out and find someone else to rent the space. It was time for me to move on. My chest tightening, I tried holding back the tears until I became too tired.
“Fuck.”
It was the last thing I said before passing out.
When Levi came in several hours later, I rolled onto my side, pretending I hadn’t heard him. It was a shame Levi had found me asleep on his couch like this more often than I liked to admit. He never judged me or said anything about it, though. He’d remain quiet until I decided to come back from the dead zone, at which point he tended to go get breakfast and coffee. His comforting tap on my shoulder always did the trick. It let me know he was there for me.
Some people say it helps to talk, but there was nothing else to be said. They all knew Cassidy had died from an errant gunshot, but none of them knew about the baby we lost that day. None of my friends or family anyway. The police officers and the pathologist knew. And unless someone asked me for the autopsy, the secret would remain mine. Her family had suffered enough, so had our friends and my mom. Everything would be worse if they knew about the baby. Not a day had passed where I regretted my decision to keep that secret.
Once I’d pretended to sleep long enough, I pulled myself together and went upstairs for a shower and a change of clothes. Not that I really cared, but my face looked like I’d aged twenty years when I caught my reflection in the mirror.
“Looking better, Kyle,” Levi welcomed me back down in the shop with his arms wide open. His man hug said he knew I’d had a bad night.
“Thanks. I think I have to get out of here, Levi. I mean the apartment. I can’t live there anymore.”
He nodded, agreeing with me. “Yeah, and some fresh air might be good for you, too.”
“Yeah. I will.” I wanted to shake away the memories in my mind, didn’t want to remember what I was trying to escape from.
“Any area you are interested in?” Levi asked taking a bite of his chocolate croissant.
“Not too far from here. I heard there are nice lofts in the area. Could be worth it to visit some of them.”
“Definitely. I regret selling my condo, but at the time it had seemed like a smart idea.” He laughed.
Moving to New York City hadn’t exactly ended up like he’d planned, but at least we tried. Opening a shop on the other side of the country would have made our life a lot busier and hectic. At least Levi came back, though, and we got back to our daily routine. I’d hated running the place alone. I’d done it before, but Levi’s help had spoiled me.
“I’ll take a look later. See about an appointment with an agent.” Since I’d quit trying to become a real estate agent, it left me with a bittersweet feeling whenever I had business with one. In another life, that would have been me. In this life, I tattooed. And I drank.
We finished eating in silence while Levi worked on his computer. Sitting at my station, I tried getting my head together about the girl I’d met last night.
“Come here. Look at this.” Levi motioned me with his hand to come closer. “I think you should hurry if you want to get one. It’s a new complex, two blocks away from here.”
My heart started racing. Can I really leave everything behind and start fresh? Seeing something with the potential of being my new home made it too real all of a sudden, and gave me anxiety. “It… it looks great,” I stammered, trying to act like it excited me more than scared me, but I knew Levi wouldn’t buy my poor acting skills.
“What’s wrong?” he asked while scrolling through the realtor pictures. “It’s a big step, Kyle, yes. But we aren’t getting any younger. It’s time you think about you a little more.”
“Shut up, you sound like my father.”
We both laughed.
“I’m serious, though. You should do something. I can go with you if you want. I’ve gone through this once.”
“Yeah, and I almost had my real estate license once… a long time ago.” Damn, I hate that bittersweet taste in my mouth. “Are you busy this afternoon?”
“Do you want to go check it out?”
I nodded.
Putting myself through this was going to suck, but I knew in the long run, it was for the best. I had mourned, hurt plenty, and hated life more than a prisoner with a life sentence. In other words, I’d had enough.
I dove back into the real estate world, which resulted in days spent under a pile of paper. The lost promises of a good life, Cassidy’s excitement at each step I had crossed, and how close I had been to getting my license drove me forward. Our plans were gone, and there was a baby I would never see or touch, but as the years had gone by, nothing about us was forgotten.
I needed a night out, and meeting Levi and Tyler at the club seemed like a good idea. So many things had changed in the past couple of days, and we had a lot to catch up on. I’d tattooed Tyler’s crush and her friend when they’d shown up at the shop. Levi had taken up with some girl named Nix, even moving into her tiny apartment with her. Sometimes, I didn’t get that guy. He had more than enough money to buy a mansion but he opted for a small place decorated like a doll house. And now, I had my moving date. One month from today. My heart tightened every time I reminded myself.
“Hey, K,” Levi yelled my name from the other side of the club when I arrived. The lights were dimmed and the music was on the verge of deafening every single person inside.
On my way to Levi, I saw Nix and Bekka working on the other side of the counter, making shots like the girls from Coyote Ugly. They waved at me and next thing I knew, Nix was handing me a cold beer.
“Thank you.”
Tyler appeared to be talking with a customer, so I gave him space. Meanwhile, Levi kept his eyes on his girl. What the hell happened to my friend?
“Have you met Tyler’s friend? She just moved here, and is going to fill in until Ty finds another waitress,” Nix said.
“I haven’t… no.” I didn’t care either. Tyler hired lots of girls, and he fired just as many, too, so I never kept up with his staff.
Drinking my cold and very welcome beer, I tried to chill and forget all the shit that had been rushing through my head all week. The amount of crap piled up in my mind plus the fucking emotions which always got in the way was ridiculous. It would take a couple of beers, at least, to relax tonight.
Since that last night, with the girl who’d messed with my head, I hadn’t been out again. She’d played with my mind and still had me thinking days later. What the hell?
“Kyle, you came.” Tyler rapped my shoulder then gave me a quick man hug. “My friend from London just moved here. You have to meet her. She’ll be hanging out with us and working here.”
What is the big deal about her, anyway?
“Hey, Tiff, come here,” Tyler called over my shoulder, and I stiffened.
London? Tiff? No. no. no, I thought as the woman from the other night turned around, her hair up in a high ponytail, and her skin as dark and lush as I remembered. Her smile faltered when she saw me, but quickly recovered, and then she sauntered over.
“Hey, K. Nice to see you again.” My gaze drifted down to where her tongue skimmed her bottom lip.
Ty looked surprised. “You guys know each other?” Shit.
“Yeah,” we said in unison, and thankfully, no one asked for an explanation.
“Are you busy later?” Tiff asked me, not caring about the people around us.
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
“Brilliant,” she said with a happy smile on her face.
Happy. Not to mention, beautiful… I couldn’t think of Tiff as beautiful, though. It scared me; Cassidy belonged on my mind. She was beautiful.
Tiff went back to work serving customers while I found myself being examined by two pairs of curious eyes.
“What the fuck was that?” Tyler laughed. “She just got here like a week ago.”
“Well, I met her when she got here.” I refused to give him more information than that; he knew enough.
“Do we want to ask how?” Of course, Levi was dying to find out more.
“Nah. Don’t.” I shied away and finished my beer in one clean shot while my mind raced. What the hell was I thinking agreeing to meet her again tonight?
Simple. I had to know if what I’d felt or how’d she acted was a onetime deal. I had to know, because it had been haunting me ever since she’d kicked me out.
“Whatever, Kyle. Just be careful. She’s been through a lot of shit lately.”
That made two of us.