CHAPTER 5

 

As usual, waiting for the bags and getting through customs proved a test of patience and self-control. After wrestling their bags free from the throngs of people crowding much too close to the baggage claim carousel, as usual, they moved on to the customs area. The winding lines had Joel sighing. So many different people waiting impatiently, most he couldn’t even guess where they were from. Suddenly, he felt very much like a wide-eyed unsophisticated country bumpkin as he even managed to walk right into Lucas’ back staring at all the people around him. Focusing his eyes on either Lucas or the man at the counter at the front of the line, Joel tried his hardest to not gawk. He was so ready to be at their destination, and get some proper rest in a real bed. And a shower. What he wouldn’t give for a shower. First, they had to get into the country. Which meant he had to say the right thing. Despite being a cop, or ex-cop he reminded himself, he still felt oddly guilty when approaching the counter and the customs officer.

Lucas seemed equally done with travel and got very frustrated when he realized it would take forever for Joel to get through customs since he wasn’t a US citizen. He did his best to prepare Joel for the questions, but this only managed to make Joel more nervous. When they finally got up to the officer’s desk and Joel was asked the usual “business or pleasure” question, the word pleasure gave him an almost unstoppable urge to blurt out something inappropriate about just what sort of pleasure he was expecting to have. Stuttering and blushing like a teenager, he found it hard to speak and Lucas decided to step in.

“He’s Swedish.” Giving the officer his best smile, Lucas made sure he looked just as trustworthy as only a good lawyer could.

Joel was not entirely happy about being reduced like that and gave Lucas an irritated glance, but only got the same smile in return. The man behind the counter grunted and then gave him the required stamps in his passport. Somehow, the explanation seemed to have worked and they were through. Lucas picked up the pace, even more, almost running through the halls.

Coming out into the arrival hall, Lucas finally stopped and looked around. From somewhere, they could hear a faint high pitched voice calling out “Uncle Lucas!” and it guided them in the right direction. When Lucas took off towards his family, Joel focused on the bags and walked at a more moderate pace buying himself just a little more time before meeting them all. At least the coffee he had coming off the plane made him less tired, which improved his chances of keeping up with the fast-talking Berg family.

Seeing Lucas hugging two little girls, who he guessed were his nieces, made him go all warm and fuzzy inside. He had never considered children an option, but the happiness on Lucas’ face as he spun the giggling girls in his arms made a quick thought run through his mind. Maybe, that was what Lucas wanted. Or needed. Would he ever be enough?

Then, Lucas looked over at him and the brilliant smile aimed in his direction made any doubt dissolve. At least for now.

“Hey, don’t just stand there, beautiful. Come meet my nieces!” Lucas beamed at him, holding his hands gently on the backs of each girl as if presenting him with a great treasure. 

The two girls turned serious, watching him with the same dark eyes as their uncle. Dark, curly hair framed their faces, making them almost unbearably cute. Joel could see the hesitancy and reserve in their eyes. He was used to kids being fascinated and somewhat scared of him due to his size, so he squatted down to get to their eye level to give them a chance to approach on their own terms. These were Lucas’ nieces and he really wanted them to like him. Smiling tentatively, he did his best to look even more approachable.

Lucas gave the girls a little push, gently ushering them forward.

“Sweethearts, this is Joel. Joel, this is Lily and Zoe.” He indicated who was who by lifting his right shoulder, then his left. Joel didn’t know what to do, so he stayed still. The youngest of the two took another few steps forward, despite her big sister trying to dissuade her by reaching for her arm.

“Hello, Joel! I like your eyes. They look like the sky.” The girl placed her little and slightly clammy hands on his cheeks and gazed into his eyes, apparently oblivious to the concept of personal space.

“Thank you. I like your eyes too. They remind me of Lucas…” Just as he said the words, he realized the girls might not know who he was.

“Oh? Well, he’s got pretty eyes. Like me.” The little girl’s pleased smile made him less nervous. “So, you are uncle Lucas’ boyfriend?”

To have a five-year-old ask him that question had Joel floundering. He looked up at Lucas and the rest of the family and they were only smiling at him, curiously waiting to see how he would handle the situation. Or so it seemed. Joel tried to think back to when he was young and decided honesty was the best. If their relationship was a big secret, Lucas would have told him. Or they wouldn’t be here at the airport greeting them.

“Yes.”

“So you’re in love?” The little girl looked very serious and Joel understood this was a big question for her.

Joel could only nod at this, as a sudden burst of emotions inside his chest put a stop to any attempt at speaking.

“Eww. Boys are icky. I will never have a boyfriend…” The precocious comment had the rest of the family laughing, but the little girl frowned at them indignantly. Joel managed to remain somewhat serious. “I’m Zoe. I’m five.” She held out her hand and Joel took it. They shook and then Zoe turned towards her sister. “Come on, Lily! Where are your manners?”

Everyone burst out laughing again at that, even Lily though she acted a bit uncertain as to why it was funny exactly. Her baby sister had apparently made a joke the grown-ups found funny and it was imperative she laughed. After all, she was no baby and should understand these things. After she stopped laughing abruptly, she came closer and scrutinized him more intently. Perhaps due to finding him acceptable, she finally held out her hand.

“Lily.” The stern expression on her face would have been funny if Joel hadn’t been so nervous. Now, he simply held out his hand and tried to keep it steady. He wasn’t too keen on a little girl seeing him reduced to a shivering bundle of nerves.

“Joel.”

“You’re very big.” The statement was made as stating a matter of fact.

“Yes, I am.” Again, Joel felt honesty was the way to go. Keeping it simple.

“Good. Uncle Lucas is big too. You match.”

As if that was reason enough for deeming him appropriate, she nodded and then turned towards her parents as if to ask “Now what?” Joel looked over her head at the two people standing there, smiling in the way only parents do when their kids have behaved and even demonstrated a modicum of independent thinking. After rising to his feet, Joel took a couple of slightly hesitant steps towards them and held out his hand again, starting with the mother as that seemed like the polite thing to do.

“Hello, I’m Joel.” It felt silly to repeat, but at that moment he couldn’t think of anything cleverer to say. 

“I think you passed the test with flying colors. I’m Sondra and those two terrors as you heard are Lily and Zoe.” Sondra gave him a brilliant smile; like the ones he had always imagined Americans having. She was a good-looking woman, just a shade or two lighter than her husband’s family. Her eyes were hazel and her hair an unruly mop of light brown tinged with just a hint of red. It was clear the girls got their curls from her.

The man standing next to her reached for Joel’s hand and shook it.

“And I’m Eric. Nice to finally meet you. Mom and dad have been talking about you a lot since their trip this summer and of course, this guy won’t shut up either. Good to have a face to the name of the man dating my little brother.” Eric made an attempt to stare Joel down, only to discover he had to, in fact, look up to meet his eyes. Sometimes being friggin’ huge definitely paid off. Eric started laughing and slapped Joel on his shoulder.

“Oh, man! I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as tall as you. I mean… Really! How tall are you?”

Joel couldn’t resist standing up even taller and squaring his shoulders, just to see the reaction from the man in front of him. Childish, yes, but at the same time fun and oddly satisfying to see how Lucas’ brother was apparently impressed.

“193.”

The blank expression on Eric’s face reminded Joel of the fact that the metric system wasn’t used all that much in the US, which had led to some rather irritated discussions during the renovation of Lucas’ cabin the past winter. He desperately searched his memory, trying to recall what Lucas had said about measurements in English. At the moment, he could only remember one other measurement and he was sure as hell not sharing that one with Eric, family or not.

“6 ft 4.” Lucas interrupted his attempts at doing math in his head. “And what’s with the big brother act? Afraid he’ll corrupt my innocence?” He smiled at his brother.

“Well, someone needs to look out for you, with your habit of acting first and thinking later…” Eric reached out and ruffled Lucas’ hair, making his younger brother take a playfully indignant step back.

“Hate to tell you, but it’s kind of late for that now..." Lucas let his right arm encircle Joel’s waist. Leaning in, he rested his head against Joel’s chest and smiled at his brother with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Much, much too late…”

“Lucas!” The voice of his mom interrupted the brothers and their little verbal sparring session. “Not in front of the girls.” The last bit was added in a hushed voice.

“Grandma, we already know they’re boyfriends and do what boyfriends do.” Lily sounded almost bored, but the look of keen interest in her eyes betrayed she wasn’t at all as blasé as she wanted to let on.

“And what’s that?” Lucas teasingly asked her, not letting go of Joel.

“Kiss. And hug. So there.” Lily stuck out her tongue, pleased to show her uncle how informed she was on such matters.

“Ok, enough of this. Come here and give me a hug, so we can get this show on the road.” Lucas’ mother gathered up her son and then Joel in consecutive hugs. “So good to see you. It will be so nice to have you here finally.”

“Nice to see you too, Janet. And we’ll be here for a while at least.” As nice as the friendly welcome had been, Joel felt he needed to add that bit of information. He thought Lucas’ mother and father exchanged a look, but it was only for a second. His train of thought was interrupted by Lucas’ father shaking his hand as the last in line.

“I think we’re good to go. You two ride with us and Eric and Sondra will follow. We have dinner waiting, so we can talk more then.” He started ushering Joel and Lucas in front of him to get everyone moving. Since all he really wanted was a shower and bed, Joel leaned in and whispered to Lucas.

“I thought we were heading for your place.” He couldn’t stop the pleading in his voice. He was just too tired.

“So did I. Please, Joel. It’s just dinner. Mom’s been looking forward to seeing us for so long. We’ll just eat and then leave. Ok?” Faced with Lucas’ most imploring puppy eyes, Joel could do little but surrender. After all, it was only dinner.

In the backseat of the car, they snuggled up against each other, as much as possible since wearing seatbelts. Janet was telling Lucas stories of friends and neighbors and the endless flow of words combined with the droning of the car engine made Joel very sleepy and he drifted off.

Waking up with a start as the car came to a stop; he found he had missed the drive into New York. It made him slightly irritated, but he realized there would be plenty of time for sightseeing.  Lucas reached over and wiped some drool from the side of his mouth.

“Oh, sorry…” The thought of drooling on his boyfriend in the presence of his parents had Joel blushing.

“You’re so cute when you sleep on me, I can take a little drool.” Lucas kissed him quickly before turning to get out of the car. When Joel exited the car, he found himself standing in what felt like a movie set. Or a scene from the series Sex and the city, though he would never use that particular reference when speaking to Lucas. He still hadn’t told Lucas about his weakness for romantic comedy. There were the red brick and brownstone houses with iron wrought fences and banisters, stairs leading up to the front entrance of each house and lush trees providing shade from the still warm September sun. All around there were people walking, most looking busy and full of purpose. Still, he had expected even more people, but this being a residential area most people would be at work this time of day. The difference in tempo compared to Kiruna was striking. Joel realized he was staring again with his mouth slightly open and made an effort to snap out of it. He glanced around and saw Lucas looking at him with a hint of a smile playing on his lips. His parents were nowhere in sight and he guessed they had already gone inside. Embarrassed, he focused on their luggage just to have something to do.

“It’s ok.” He felt Lucas hug his waist with his arms from behind. “It’s different from your hometown. You’ll get used to it.”

“I’m not sure I want to. It’s so unreal to be here and it’s a pretty amazing feeling.”

Lucas laughed.

“This too becomes mundane and ordinary after a while. It’s just a city.” He grabbed a few suitcases and started up the stairs. “Come on! The sooner we eat, the sooner we can go home.” With a wink, he let Joel know just what he was hoping for later. Truth be told, Joel didn’t know if he would be able to stay awake long enough, but it still gave him shivers to know just how much Lucas wanted him.

Walking into the apartment was like another scene from a movie, but more Woody Allen this time. The walls were different muted but deep colors, very different from the Swedish style of keeping everything white, white, white. Here, there were green, yellow, beige and brown in various shades and patterns.

They hung up their coats and left the luggage in the foyer. The wooden floors were partially covered by plush carpets, making him want to take his shoes and socks off just to feel them under his bare feet. Considering he hadn’t seen a shower in a very long time, he didn’t dare to try to remove his shoes, even if Lucas’ parents knew all about the Swedes strange habit of always, always taking off their shoes when going inside. Walking through the hallway, Joel got glimpses of other rooms, with overstuffed couches full of inviting cushions. Next to them were elegant tables and bookcases in dark wood, solid but not overwhelming. Heavy drapes arranged in various stylish ways hung by the windows. It all looked very expensive and clearly, these items weren’t purchased at an IKEA. He began to realize just how well off the Bergs actually were. Sure, Lucas had said both his parents worked in law, but he hadn’t done the math so to speak. The lawyers he met in his work back home weren’t exactly weighted down by money. The difference between here and home appeared to be huge.

From somewhere further down in the apartment he could hear the voices of Janet and Stephen, talking about food. They came into a very large kitchen, done in white and green, with cabinets in a slightly old-fashioned country-like style and complete with a stove situated in the middle of the room with various utensils, pots, and pans hanging from a rack above. The room was filled with amazing smells. Whoever had prepared the food was obviously talented. Janet was stirring something, while Stephen chopped vegetables for what looked like a salad.

“Oh, good. If you’ve freshened up, perhaps you boys could set the table?”

Hearing Janet call him boy, almost made Joel tear up. He thought about his own mother, suddenly saddened that she wasn’t here to meet Lucas and his family. Lucas took his hand and guided him through yet another door. They ended up in what was obviously the dining room. From an imposing cabinet, Lucas brought plates, silverware, and glasses. He handed the items to Joel who in turn placed them on the table. Together, they set everything and even added cloth napkins. In the middle of the table, a bouquet of fresh flowers in pink, lilac, and white added a touch of nature.

“So what do you think?” Lucas glanced at him from the corner of his eyes while making sure all of the forks and knives were in the right place.

“It’s… It’s amazing. I’ve never seen a place like this before.” Joel didn’t care if he sounded completely in awe. The apartment was worth it, even if it made his little cabin back home look like an outhouse. Their little cabin, he corrected himself.

“It actually was my mom’s childhood home. Grandpa and Grandma lived here before and my parents bought a two-bedroom place not far from here when they got out of college and married. When mom got pregnant with Eric, they switched apartments with my grandparents, who didn’t feel they needed something this big.” Lucas gestured around. Then his face got more serious. “Then they both sadly passed away within a year of each other. At the time, I was still in college. Eric moved into their apartment. Then when I graduated, he was just about to marry Sondra and they moved out to a bigger place more fit for the family they wanted. So long story short, I now live in mom and dad’s old place. It’s just around the corner from here. Pretty sweet, actually! When I don’t feel like cooking, I can just come by here. Mom loves to cook and dad bakes all the time. Always something tasty around!” He licked his lips as a joke and smiled. Joel watched the tip of his tongue as it slid across his lips and wanted to kiss him, but felt uncomfortable doing it when Janet and Stephen were so close. As if sensing his thoughts, Lucas came up to him and took him in his arms.

“I can’t wait to go home…” He gently pulled Joel’s face down to him and kissed him. Joel’s hesitation melted away as their tongues made contact. Pressing up even closer to Lucas, he opened his mouth more to deepen the kiss. A small voice behind them made them both jump.

“See, I knew that’s what they did!” Lily’s triumph was evident. “Now, I’m starving! When are we eating?” She looked expectantly over her shoulder at her mother as they both entered the dining room.

“Manners, Lily!” Sondra smiled apologetically at Janet, who came through from the kitchen carrying a large bowl brimming with a mixed green salad.

“It’s ok. She’s a growing child. She’s supposed to be hungry.” Janet held out a piece of cucumber at Lily who snatched it with lightning speed. When Zoe protested at the severe injustice, she too received a piece and peace was restored.

“Stephen is bringing the roast, so make room for him.”

Out from the kitchen, Stephen appeared carrying a big tray heaped with meat. Joel’s stomach made a loud sound of appreciation, much to the enjoyment of the others. Sondra and Janet made several runs between the rooms and finally, the table was set with meat, potatoes, sauce, vegetables, and drinks. Most of the grown-ups opted for wine, but Eric and the kids had a soft drink each.

“Designated driver…” Eric held up his glass at Joel, smiling. “Better stick to this.”

“You have no idea how much he wants to kiss you right now!” Lucas started laughing when he saw the mortified expression on Joel’s face. “Oh, come on! I meant only meant you take your cop thing seriously! Not a drop for the driver…”

“I wouldn’t mind…” Eric winked at Joel, who turned an even deeper shade of red at the thought of kissing his brother-in-law.

“Oh, he…” A sharp look from Janet made Lucas swallow his swear. “Ehum, you wouldn’t dare!” He reached over and grabbed Joel’s hand. “No one kisses this guy but me!”

“So you have strict rules on drunk driving in Sweden?” Sondra did her best to save Joel, who nodded vigorously in response, grateful for the change of subject. “Well, I think that’s good. I would never let Eric drive the girls if he had been drinking.” She shook her head. “Too many horrible accidents. So how do you deal with that in Sweden?”

With all eyes on him, Joel’s tongue suddenly wouldn’t cooperate. Discussing criminal law in English with a room full of lawyers wasn’t on top of his list of fun things to do. Then he felt Lucas squeeze his hand lightly and he relaxed. These people were family. No need to get so nervous.

Eventually, the conversation flowed easily between them, even if Joel at times had to think hard to understand what they were actually saying. Combined with the long flight and a few glasses of wine, he was pretty quickly getting to the point where he could fall asleep at the table. His eyes wanted to close and the lull of voices and warmth from all the people in the room made matters worse.

“I guess I should get you to bed before you fall asleep here at the table…” Lucas whispered in his ear, his breath ghosting pleasantly over his skin. “I’ll never be able to carry you home…”

Standing up, Lucas stretched and announced their departure to everyone. The girls protested but settled down when he promised to come out to visit as soon as they’d had an opportunity to rest up and deal with jet lag. After hugs and kisses, they took their luggage and got outside.

“It’s not far. I could really use a walk after all that food. How about you? You up for some exercise?”

Joel nodded. A walk would be good and it would give him a chance to see the neighborhood. They walked and talked for about ten minutes, with Lucas telling him all about the neighborhood and stories from his childhood. Joel took in all the houses, cars and trees, surprised at the cozy feel of the area. Then Lucas stopped and pointed at a red brick building just up to their left.

“That’s where I live. Where we live.” He turned to Joel and added as an afterthought. ”While we’re here, I mean.”

They climbed the stairs up to the third floor and finally got inside. The apartment was like a smaller version of the place they just left. The same muted colors, wooden floors, and dark wood furniture.

“So what do you think?” Lucas made a gesture with his arms as if taking in the entire place. “I know it doesn’t exactly look like a home for young people, but I just haven’t had the time or interest to do anything about it. Maybe now, with you here…”

“You want me to redecorate your place?” Joel couldn’t help but tease Lucas just a little.

“Our place, Joel. I want you to see this as our place. And yes, if you have any ideas on what to do I will listen. You did such an amazing job of the cabin. What do you say?” Lucas tilted his head to the side as if pleading with him to take on the apartment.

“I think I need to sleep before I make any kind of commitment.” Joel yawned. ”And shower.”

They looked at each other. The crooked smile on Lucas’ face told Joel ha had plans. Right now though, he just wanted to sleep. But they did need to shower…

Lucas grabbed his hand and lead him towards the bathroom. The thought of being naked, wet and slippery with Lucas made the immense desire to sleep fade and another type of desire spring up inside him. The bed could wait.