Days became a week.
Warren reacquainted himself with my body. No patch of skin had been left unexplored, unconquered or unkissed. Physical stuff was never a problem for us. It was the emotional shit that got in the way. Warren leaned into everything—arms open and ready to fall. I was a bit more hesitant. But the last few days I’d thrown caution to the wind. You’re hiding, a small, treacherous part of me whispered. I’m enjoying myself for the first time in three years, I retorted. Groaning, I gave up my internal conversation and turned my cell phone over in my hands.
Every few minutes the screen lit up with missed calls from Lily, Billy and Daisy. I chewed my cheek. Above the sun was bright, blazing and hot. Earlier Warren had kissed the daylights out of me before heading to the studio with Derren. He was meeting Lix and Ash there. Happy at the thought of catching some rays by War’s pool, I’d changed into a swimsuit and white, lacy cover-up. I was wearing Old Addy’s clothes again. I tried not to read too much into it. I’d also decided to return all the phone calls I’d been avoiding.
The surface of the aquamarine water broke every few seconds with Kelly’s breaststrokes. My murse had been in the mansion the whole time—Warren had given him lodging in a separate wing.
I scrolled through my contacts and thumbed the green call button. She answered on the first ring. “I’m not talking to you,” Lily said.
I half-smiled, tucking the phone under my chin. Sitting at the pool’s edge, I dragged my feet through the water. “If you’re not talking to me, how come you answered the phone?”
Lily huffed and said nothing.
I whistled low. “Wow. You’re really mad at me. May I ask why?”
Another gusty sigh from Lily. “You gave Ash my phone number,” she accused.
I sucked in a breath, deeply offended. I would never. “I did no such thing.”
“Then how’d he get it?”
I squinted against the sun. “I don’t know.” But then I thought about it. My lip curled up. Sneaky bastard. On the bus, after I’d gotten drunk as a skunk and spent the night in Warren’s bed, I’d left my purse on the counter. Ash had obviously scrolled through my contacts. Of all the devious, conniving… “I’ll kill him,” I whispered.
“He keeps calling me. The first time he called, I didn’t know the number and I picked up. I thought it was my parents.”
Poor Lily. My best friend’s parents were unique individuals—both held doctorates in anthropology, and they spent most of their time traveling the world. They flitted in and out of Lily’s life, giving more attention to the tribes they studied than their own child. Lily always took their phone calls, desperate for their approval and attention. I guessed that was what made our friendship so impenetrable. We both had mommy and daddy issues. “Shit, Lil. I’m sorry.”
Lily sniffled. “It’s fine. I’d change my number but it’s the only one my parents have. Now I have to deal with Asher calling and texting.”
I breathed out hard. “I left my phone out. He must’ve lifted your digits from there. I’ll take care of it, Lily. I promise.” The next time I saw Asher I was going to twist his nipples off. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask Lily what had happened between her and Ash, but I knew she wouldn’t tell. Lily would talk about it when she was ready. This might be never. That was fine. I’d stand by her. Always.
“How’s the tour?” she asked.
“It’s… interesting,” I said, noncommittally.
Pause. From the end of the line, I could feel Lily scrutinizing the evasive sound of my voice. It didn’t take long for her to draw a conclusion. “Oh, my God, you totally let Warren back in your pants, didn’t you?”
I choked on my own tongue. If I had a drink, I would’ve spit it out. “Why would you say that?”
Lily snorted. “A couple weeks back in his orbit and you succumb.”
Indignation snaked its way up my spine. “It’s not that way at all.” It was totally that way. Murse Kelly alighted from the pool, water dripping from his slicked-back hair and down his body. A faint trail of light yellow hair traveled from his belly button into his low-slung shorts. “I think I met someone you might like,” I said, throat dry.
Lily made a grumpy sound. “I’m not dating anymore. I’m becoming a nun. Tell Asher. I’ve taken a vow of chastity. Never mind, don’t tell him that. He’ll see it as a challenge. Tell him I’m sleeping my way through the United States.”
I chuckled. “Will do.”
A pause. “You okay, Ads?”
I sobered. “I’m okay.”
“You’d tell me if you weren’t?”
“I’d tell you.”
“To Edward Cullen,” Lily said, quietly, reminding me of our inside joke, reminding me of how much we shared. This was her way of saying I love you, three words that didn’t come easily to her.
“May he stay young and forever beautiful,” I shot back.
The phone disconnected. Lily had trouble with goodbyes. I’d call her in a few days, after I handled Ash.
Speaking of the devil, the four members of Wild Minds walked through the double doors and onto the veranda. Yes, Warren’s house had a veranda, complete with parallel curving stone steps that led down to the pool.
“Addy!” Warren called, cupping his hands over his mouth, shouting over the balustrade. Clearly, he hadn’t seen me yet.
Kelly rolled his eyes, looping a towel around his neck.
“Addy? Where the fuck are you?” Warren bellowed.
I stood and waved my arms. “Here, War.”
Warren ran down the stairs, a slow, salacious smile on his lips. Closing in on me, he whispered in my ear. “I knew I’d find you here. I was thinking about you wet.”
I blushed, and convinced myself it was from the heat and not Warren’s words. Asher sauntered down the stairs, sunglasses on and hat pulled low. “I have a bone to pick with your brother,” I told Warren.
“I’d rather you pick your bone with me,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. “That was bad, even for you.” I pushed him away and stalked to Asher, poking him in the chest. “You stole Lily’s number from my phone.”
Asher grunted. He removed a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, tapped one out and lit it. “How else was I supposed to get it?” he asked, exhaling.
I waved the smoke from my face. “If she wanted you to have it, you would have it.”
“Duh, Addy,” Asher said.
I put up a fist.
Asher stepped back, hands up, cigarette smoke twirling. “All right. I got it. No more calls, not like she’ll talk to me anyway.”
I nodded, pleased.
A small tap on my shoulder had me turning. Derren stood behind me. The drummer scratched his short beard. “Can we talk?” he asked.
I eyed Derren up and down. “I guess,” I said, though I couldn’t imagine what he might want. Hadn’t he said enough the other day?
He led me to a corner of the patio, to a cabana. He motioned at the striped lounges. “Want to sit?” he asked.
Derren shuffled his Converse-clad feet. He was uncomfortable. Or nervous. Hopefully both. Based on the way he’d treated me the day before, he deserved it. “I think I’ll stand,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
Across the pool, Warren and Lix joked around with Ash. Kelly was back in the water, doing laps. Derren paced back and forth, kicking imaginary rocks. He drew a hand through his hair. “Fuck, this is hard. Look, I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry about all the shit I thought and said about you.”
I blinked, his super-yelly apology taking me by surprise.
Derren’s voice lowered to a soft plea. “I’m sorry.”
“You hurt me,” I said. If Derren was going to bare his soul, I’d return in kind. “I thought that out of all the band members, you’d have my back. But as soon as I left you started concocting all these stories. You didn’t even try to call me.”
“I know.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Warren was a wreck. I was a wreck. Jesus, Ads, you were my best friend and then you just up and took off.”
“And you never thought I might have had a good reason for bailing?”
“Honestly, I couldn’t see past my own anger. Then Warren got all grumpy and broody, saying shit like you left him because he wasn’t as successful as your father.”
My jaw dropped open. “I never cared about money.”
“I know that now. Are you going to accept my apology or not? This is killing me, Ads.”
I thought for a moment. I was ready to forgive and forget, to move on. But justice still needed to be served.
My chin rose. “I’m going to need something more than an apology.”
He gave me a wary look. “Like what?”
An idea formed. I smiled, wicked. “Something to remind you never to doubt me again.”
I grinned, enjoying myself immensely. Derren lay face down on a black table covered in thick plastic, pants pulled down to his knees, baring his ass. Nearby Lix, Ash and War snickered, watching the tattoo artist work on Derren’s left butt cheek.
Derren grunted in pain and eyed me. “This is demented,” he said.
I shrugged. “You wanted to make it right.”
He gritted his teeth. “I thought you’d want a public apology. Not permanent mutilation.”
“You’re proving your undying friendship to me.”
Derren shifted and let out a yowl of pain as the needle dug into his skin. The tattoo artist peered up. “Keep still, man. This tattoo is fucked up already, no need to fuck it up further with crooked lines.”
Derren muttered an apology, stilled and laid his head in the cradle of his arms.
Warren sidled up next to me. “It’s a little concerning how much pleasure you’re getting from this.”
I looked up, studying War’s profile. He hadn’t shaved in a day or two and his jaw was scruffy. Last night, I had woken with Warren between my legs. Now the insides of my thighs were deliciously pink, scratched with marks from his cheeks.
I sucked in a breath, staring at Derren’s red and irritated behind. “I’m surprised he went for the dinosaur.” I’d been generous giving Derren three options: a portrait of Chuck Norris, a fisherman with his line cast in an unmentionable region, or a Brontosaurus with the words “never forget” tattooed underneath. Derren had gone for the latter.
My vision snagged on Ash. He was tapping something furiously on his phone. I narrowed my eyes. He had better not be texting Lily.
Warren’s hand traveled down my arm to grasp my wrist. “They’re almost done. You want to get out of here? There’s a bar next door. We can go get a drink.”
“Sure,” I said. I hadn’t eaten yet. Maybe there’d be greasy bar food. Visions of mozzarella sticks danced before my eyes.
Warren tugged me out the door, shouting, “Addy and I are going next door to get a drink. None of you are invited. Especially you.” Warren eyed Kelly, who stood outside on the street.
My murse had followed us to the tattoo parlor. Kelly took his job super-seriously. Until Billy called him off watchdog duty, the blond giant was stuck to my side like glue. Case in point, Kelly had ignored Warren’s disinvitation and followed us to the bar, where he took up residence at a back corner table, crossing his beefy arms and doing a great imitation of a “don’t fuck with me” vibe.
The bar was dark, cozy and nearly empty, thank goodness. The band hadn’t been recognized yet. But as soon as they were, I’d be hightailing it back to Warren’s mansion. The days of us traveling incognito in Europe were long gone. The last thing I needed were tabloids plastered with pics of me with Wild Minds out on the town. Billy would blow a gasket. He thought I was holed up somewhere in L.A. licking my wounds, taking the time I needed to come to grips with his new family. Which I purposefully hadn’t thought about. Denial was so much easier.
Warren ordered us beers while I perused the menu. I nearly did a fist pump when I saw mozzarella sticks and Tater Tots. I ordered both. We took our drinks and settled into a red tufted booth. Warren leaned down. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” I said back.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.”
“We saw each other this morning, this afternoon and now. We’re practically living together.”
A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Yeah, but we’re not really living together. Are we? We’re just playing house.”
Once upon a time, his comment would’ve raised my hackles. I would’ve gone toe-to-toe with him, accusing him of wanting too much. Why wasn’t what I gave him enough? But today, I was tired of this battle between us. I touched his cheek, tried to soothe his temper. “I thought we said no fighting this week.”
He palmed his head, fingers spiking through his hair. “I fucking hate how temporary everything feels, like you could just get up and leave again.”
With a hand, I turned his face to me. “I’m here now.”
“But for how long?”
“Does there need to be a time limit on everything?”
“Yeah, there does. I need to know you’re with me here. That you’re all in like I am. I can’t lose you again, Addy. I don’t think my fucking heart can take it.”
I kissed him gently on the lips. “I just need more time, War. Things with Billy and me aren’t great right now.”
“I’m trying hard not to push you, babe. But you gotta give me something here.”
He was right. I was being unfair. But I couldn’t bring myself to make a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep. I nudged Warren. “Let me out,” I demanded.
Warren’s face scrunched up. “What—”
“Let me out,” I said again, shoving him.
With great annoyance, Warren exited the booth, allowing me to pass. At the back of the bar, near where Kelly had parked himself, was a sticky dance floor and an old jukebox. I fished a couple quarters from my purse and thumbed through the options. Slim pickings. Finally, I found something that would do. I pressed play and whirled back around. I approached Warren and grabbed his hand. “C’mon, they’re playing our song.”
“We don’t have a song.”
“We do now.”
I got him on the floor and reached up, my hands linking behind his neck. His hands went to my hips, drawing me closer. The song had already started to play. The heavy thud of a piano echoed through the near-empty bar. Stay by Rihanna.
“Addy,” Warren whispered, body swaying. His cheek brushed mine.
“War,” I whispered back.
“I love you so much, baby,” he said, lips against the shell of my ear.
I rubbed my nose into his shirt, inhaling his scent. I didn’t want to look up at him. Didn’t want him to see my face, the fear etched there. I’d been fooling myself, thinking I could keep Warren at arm’s length, thinking I could let him go. Warren was in me, deep, like blood and bone, had been ever since he stole my first kiss at age seventeen. A part of me still didn’t trust him. But a bigger part of me was self-destructive, and it overrode my niggling sense of self-preservation.
“If time is what you need, it’s what you’ll get. I’ll be patient,” he said. I knew it was killing him to say those words, to promise something he was so unwilling to give.
Something in me ignited. I gripped him tighter and drew my head up to meet his shadowed eyes. “Need you, War.”
“You have me, baby,” he said, echoing his words from the other night, when I had been drunk and sad, devastated over Billy and Daisy’s pregnancy. “You always have me.” He kissed me, soft and sweet. Then his mouth moved, traveling over my neck, my jaw, my ear. Warren groaned. “Let’s go home.”
“No,” I said. “I can’t wait. Here. Now.”
“Fuuuck.” Warren drew the word out on one long breath. Then I was being pulled off the dance floor. Warren barked for Kelly to, “Stay.” My murse must have figured our intent, because he didn’t budge. Warren burst through a back door and we were in a dark alley, save for a single street light.
My clingy hands grabbed for Warren, drawing his shirt up so I could feel his burning flesh beneath my fingertips. Warren advanced until I was flat against the brick wall. His knee moved, jutting between my legs. He palmed a breast. I threw a leg up and around his hips, grinding into him. My jean skirt bunched around my hips. His big, hot body pressed into me. I could feel his cock, pushing against his zipper. Our lips mashed together, tongues tangled, teeth knocking against each other’s. His hand moved from my hip and over my panties, rubbing against me. I rocked, seeking the friction, the relief his touch provided. He shifted on his feet. His other hand went to his fly, unzipping it. His cock sprang free. He stroked it once. The tip nudged against the fabric of my panties.
“Oh, God,” I whimpered.
“Not God, baby. Warren.” He pushed my panties aside. Why did his arrogance turn me on? Then he was sinking inside me, moving in and out at a slow pace. Not satisfied, I tugged at his hair, demanding a rougher touch. Warren groaned and picked up the pace, pounding into me.
We were fucking. But it was something else, too. Making love. The rhythm of two bodies meant to be together. My other leg left the ground, both legs now wrapped around his hips. He held me easily, big hands on my ass. His mouth sought out mine. It felt like the beginning and end of all things—the start of a new relationship and the halt of a long-fought war. A truce. I held on tight as Warren rode me. My back scraped against the brick wall. My legs felt like Jell-O. I moaned. I whimpered. I gasped. Everything inside of me tensed. His cock drove deep, grinding against my clit. I ignited. My fingernails dug into his back as the orgasm wrenched through me. Warren came with a shudder. He stilled against me, our deep breaths in sync. I could feel the thud of his heart against my palm. My legs unhooked from around his waist. I stood back on my own two feet, lethargic and dreamy. Warren buried his face in my hair.
Crickets chirped in the alley. Moths buzzed in the lamplight. All very romantic, except for the smell. There must have been a dumpster nearby. “You okay?” Warren asked, voice gruff.
I nodded. “I’m good. That was…”
“Yeah, I know.” He smiled.
The door banged open. Warren moved to cover me. “You guys decent?” Ash called out, hand covering his eyes. Derren and Kelly stepped into the alley, gazes downcast. Lix held up his phone, flashlight on and directed at us.
“Turn that off, asshole,” Warren commanded.
Over Warren’s shoulder, Lix pouted. “I was hoping to see some T and A, man.”
I wiggled my skirt down. Warren zipped up his fly. “How’s your ass, D?” he asked.
Derren grimaced. “It hurts. The guy gave me a donut to sit on for the next couple days.”
I covered my mouth to keep a laugh from spilling forth. But my joy was cut short. My panties were still wet. Too wet. Warren hadn’t used a condom.
Warren slept but I stayed awake, watching him like some kind of creeper. My eyes had adjusted to the dark and I could just make out Warren’s face. He looked so serious while he slept, a cross between cranky and annoyed. I wondered what he dreamt about.
I sat up, clutching the sheet to my chest, and leaned against the headboard. Thoughts and questions plagued me. I couldn’t stop my brain from racing. Was I really starting to trust Warren again? How was I going to tell Billy about us? How did I feel about Daisy’s pregnancy now? My closet of secrets was in need of a good airing out. I needed to come clean about everything, including what had really happened after I left Europe. How my case of the stomach flu had turned into something more serious. A baby. Warren’s baby. I rubbed my forehead. We’d been careless tonight. I’d been careless back then too.
I’d slept most of the ten-hour flight home. Lily was at my side, plying me with water and food and over-the-counter drugs. “You’ve got a fever, Addy,” I remembered her saying through my sleepy haze. “You need liquids.”
I curled in my seat, stomach cramping. Sweat dotted my brow. My heart was broken and now it seemed my body was following suit.
The minute we landed, I couldn’t deboard the plane fast enough. “I think I need to go the hospital,” I told Lily.
“C’mon,” Lily said, checking her phone. “Gabe’s waiting for us. He’ll know what to do.”
I followed Lily to baggage claim where Gabe waited, a sign in his hands, his heart on his sleeve. When he saw me his smile faded. “Addy?” He dropped the sign and ran toward me just as I collapsed.
I woke up in the hospital, Gabe at my side, Lily staring vacantly out the window. “Hey,” Gabe said, easing up and taking my hand.
I licked my dry lips. “What’s going on? What happened?”
Gabe hung his head. “You fainted at the airport. An ambulance came and everything happened so fast.” He shook his head like he couldn’t go on, like it physically pained him to say anything else.
Lily stepped forward. “You were pregnant, Addy. That’s why you’ve been so sick.”
The words registered slowly. “Were pregnant?” Involuntarily, my hand caressed my flat stomach, the absence of life there.
My best friend nodded. She was pale. Dark half-moon shadows hung under her eyes. “The pregnancy was ectopic. The baby was growing in your left Fallopian tube. They had to do emergency surgery to remove it.” Lily smiled encouragingly. “They only had to remove the tube, you didn’t have to have a full hysterectomy.”
My mouth opened and then closed. How could I feel such a sudden sense of loss for something I hadn’t even known I had?
“We should call Billy,” Gabe said. That was when I noticed the cell phone clutched in his hand.
“He’s wanted to call your dad since the airport. I convinced him to wait and see what you wanted,” Lily said, hand curling around Gabe’s forearm.
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want Billy to know.”
“Addy—”
I curled up in the bed, facing away from Gabe and Lily, their silent support. “Don’t call Billy.”
Lily spoke up. “What about War—”
Tears leaked from my eyes. “No Warren. Don’t mention either to me again.”
Gabe sighed. Lily sat on the bed. Then after a time she lay down, her arm going around me. I clutched her hand. I cried. And she cried with me.
I stayed in the hospital a few more days. Gabe was there when I checked out. Neither of them mentioned Warren or my father again. Both called multiple times. I changed my number and called Billy back, feeding him some bullshit about losing my phone. I got an apartment in New York and started school—what I was supposed to have been doing while on tour with Warren. The pain of losing Warren and the baby lessened. It wasn’t true what people say—that time heals all wounds. Some wounds don’t heal, but they do scar over, hurt a little less.
“Addy, it’s four o’clock in the fucking morning.” Warren’s sleep-filled voice jolted me from my thoughts.
“You’re awake?” I asked, peering down at him.
Warren stretched, putting his hands under his head. “Your staring woke me up.”
I licked my lips, feeling the sudden need to purge myself of all my secrets, all my sins. “I hate this house.” I slapped a hand over my mouth. Apparently, I wasn’t quite as ready as I thought to tell Warren about the baby. Everything seemed so good between us now. We’d made love again on coming home. I wanted to hold onto this feeling for a little longer, this fragile peace.
Warren’s brows drew in. “Fuck, Addy. Tell me how you really feel.”
I lowered myself back down and turned so I faced Warren’s profile. I touched his nose. He jerked away from me. So I stuck my finger in his ear. “Addy, what the fuck?” He slapped my hand away.
I retreated my ear assault and said, “This house doesn’t seem like you.”
“Of course it doesn’t. I bought it for you.”
My hand went to my chest. “Me?”
“Yeah, you. Remember when we were in Rome? You loved the architecture.”
I searched my memory. I’d dragged Warren all over touring ruins. Lily loved art history, and I’d been caught up in her zeal. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, and…” Warren paused.
“And what?” I prodded.
Warren ran a hand down his face. “And I thought if I had a huge house and you saw how well I was doing, you’d come back to me.”
My fist slammed into the mattress. “Oh, my God, if you or Derren mention one more time how you thought I was some money-grubbing whore, I swear I am going to superglue your testicles to your thighs.”
Warren’s hand drifted protectively over his junk. “Jesus, that’s oddly specific.”
“I mean it, War.”
Warren rose up to rest above me on his forearms. He moved a wisp of hair from my cheek and tucked it behind my ear. “Don’t glue my testicles to my thighs. I kind of like them right where they are.” I snorted. “And I think you kind of like them right where they are, too.”
“Sometimes,” I said, still in a semi-snit.
“I kind of hate this house, too.”
“You do?”
“It’s too big, too much gold and marble. Derren gave me hell when I bought it but he didn’t hesitate to move in.” I smiled. Derren didn’t like to be alone. Warren kissed my cheeks, my nose and then my eyelids. “First thing tomorrow, this house is going on the market. You can pick out our next place. Wherever you want to go, I’ll follow.”
I wrapped my arms around Warren’s neck, urging him closer. Then I wrapped my legs around his waist, too—encapsulating him in a tight hug. As creepy as it sounded, I kind of wanted to crawl into his skin, burrow underneath it and absorb some of his ever-present confidence. “I’m going to tell Billy about us,” I promised into his neck.
Warren kissed my collarbones. A hand cupped my jaw. “It’ll be all right.”
I nodded, agreeing but not believing. I kept Warren locked in my embrace for a few more minutes, wanting to fuse myself to him so none of the bad stuff could sneak in, so it wouldn’t matter if Billy disapproved and never talked to me again. I’d lost one parent, what was losing one more? I could withstand it. And I’d tell Warren about the baby, too. Soon. Coming clean never felt so good, or so scary.