The next afternoon we—me, my ex-nanny and my murse—arrived in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. I was in good spirits, blindingly thankful Billy had hired me a nurse-slash-bodyguard. My gratitude was mostly centered on the former. Murse Kelly was pretty to look at, but above all, he was professional and an amazing caregiver. Whatever magic salve he’d rubbed into my neck and shoulders had soothed the ache away. I’d been able to sleep sans painkillers. He’d also made sure I had a hearty breakfast and after, he’d rubbed more of his special balm on my neck. It even looked like the bruises were fading faster. I was beginning to believe Murse Kelly had the luck of the Scottish. Or was it Irish? Either way, he was a magic man.
By the time we arrived at the arena and were hustled backstage, rehearsal was just beginning. Billy was onstage and Daisy excused herself to go to him. I wandered the hallways aimlessly, Kelly trailing close behind.
“What’s your job exactly?” I asked him.
“I’m to care for you.” If someone could package that accent and sell it, I would buy it by the truckload. I’m to care for you. It sounded so nice. Since school began, I’d been working full time at the diner to make ends meet. I realized my poverty was self-imposed, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that someday the bottom would fall out again. I’d be on my own, like I was in that apartment when my mother died. For four days, I’d survived on scraps of moldy food and little heat, waiting for her to come home. That shit set in deep. My lesson had been learned: you could only depend on yourself.
Once upon a time, I’d unburdened on Warren, leaned on him. That had turned to dust. I wouldn’t love so freely again.
“So you’re just going to follow me around and rub my bruised neck at night?”
“Aye,” Kelly said in a low voice. “That’s my only skillset, following wee lasses around and giving them massages.” Though joking, he had voiced my heart’s desire.
We turned a corner into a corridor lined with big black speakers. There were a few doors painted black like the hallway. Behind them, I heard people—private dressing rooms for the bands. Warren could be in one of those rooms. Best to hightail it someplace else. Maybe to the other side of the arena. Maybe to the other side of town. You couldn’t be too careful.
Just my luck, a door opened and out emerged Warren.
“Addy,” Warren said. He was in front of me in an instant, his big hands gently cupping my jaw. “How’s your neck?”
I swallowed. Warren wore a crisp white T-shirt along with well-worn jeans that I knew would be soft to the touch. From his belt, a wallet chain hung. A dated fashion statement, but on him it worked. Part of his “I’m bigger than you and don’t give a fuck” attitude. His hair was loose and as he looked down at me, a lock fell over his eye. Then my gaze focused on his lips. I wanted to kiss those lips. I wanted to confess I’d heard everything he’d said in Rome, that he’d married me for money and revenge against my father. Then I wanted to beg him to tell me that none of it was true, that it was all a horrible mistake.
“Careful, lad. She’s still sore.” Kelly was behind me. Not close enough to touch, but close enough I could feel the heat from his body. I was in a murse-rock star sandwich. Super awesome.
“Who the fuck are you?” Warren’s eyes flashed.
“I’m Kelly.” He circled around me, hand extended to Warren.
A muscle in Warren’s jaw worked repeatedly, as if he was gnashing his teeth. Kelly’s hand went unshaken.
“Billy hired him to take care of me. He’s my new security detail. And he’s a nurse,” I offered into the heated silence.
“Well, Nurse Kelly,” Warren ever so helpfully enunciated the words. “Do you mind if I have a word alone with my wife?”
My wife. The term registered immediately, dropping into the conversation like a two-ton weight. How could Warren be so careless? What was he thinking? My eyes darted around the hallway. Nobody else had heard, thank goodness. Still, I couldn’t believe Warren had said it. I needed to refute it, as quick as possible. I smiled at Kelly, who showed no outright reaction to the revelation. “He’s joking. Tell him you’re joking.”
“Yeah, I’m a real comedian,” Warren said, not smiling, not a hint of humor in his voice. “We’ll be right back.” Then Warren had a hold of my hand and was dragging me through one of the black doors.
“I’ll just hang out here in the hallway,” Kelly said. “Where hopefully the walls aren’t too thin. Just in case, I’ll put my fingers in my ears.”
The door slammed behind us. We were in a janitorial closet of some sort. It smelled like lemons and bleach. There weren’t any windows. My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the dark but I knew Warren was close. I could feel his breath fanning my face.
“Addy.” His hands were on my shoulders, then lightly skirting up my neck and to my cheeks. He held me so tenderly it made me want to weep. “You okay?”
Physically or emotionally? I wanted to ask. “I’m okay,” I said instead.
“When you didn’t come back from the hospital, I thought you pulled a runner again.”
My hands covered his. “You shouldn’t have told Kelly I’m your wife.”
“You are my wife.”
“I don’t want to be your wife anymore.” Gah, it hurt to say it aloud.
“You don’t mean that.” His thumbs caressed my jaw. “I don’t like your nurse.”
“He makes my neck feel better.”
“I’ll make you feel better.” He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. A slow burn started in my belly. Why did he have to smell so good? Like leather and sweat and sweet cologne. I put my hands flat on his chest. He cradled the back of my head. “Does your neck hurt now?”
Honestly I could say, it didn’t. “No.”
“See? I made you feel better. Get rid of your nurse. All you need is me.”
He sounded like a jerk. Adrenaline pumped through me. “Were you born this arrogant or did it develop over time?’
I felt one of his shoulders rise and fall. “You bring it out in me.”
I pushed at him. His hand tangled in my hair and pulled me into him, bringing my lips to his. I wished I wore a suit of armor. Maybe then his body wouldn’t have felt so hot against me. His tongue licked the seam of my mouth. And just like before on the bus, I melted into him as easy as snow into a rain puddle. I was helpless. His kiss was gentle and probing. Not tentative. But tender, like he could feel my bruises inside and out.
Warren momentarily drew away. “You’re so sweet. As sweet as I remember you,” he said against my lips. “I want you to come stay on the bus with me. We can work out whatever bullshit is between us.”
I could just make out his fierce features in the dark. Yes, I wanted to say yes. Yes, please, Warren, make it all better. Care for me like Nurse Kelly. I want it to be you. I always wanted it to be you.
“Where the fuck is War?” Ash barked from the other side of the wall.
“Shit.” Warren leaned his forehead against mine. “I’ve got to go.”
I needed to set Warren straight. The kissing had been fun, but it was only a distraction. I steeled my spine, reinforced the walls around my heart. “Warren, you can’t do this. We can’t do this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I need you to sign the divorce papers.”
He stiffened. “Fucking hell, Addy, if I hear you say one more thing about fucking divorce papers—”
“Warren?” Ash hollered again, and by the sound of it, from the hallway.
“Sign the papers, Warren.” I was standing my ground. His words in Rome replayed in my head. Her old man is loaded. Someday he’ll die and all that money will be ours. Motherfucker had us booted from his tour. It took us years to come back. It’s going to be sweet when he finds out I’ve defiled his little girl. I can’t wait to watch his head explode when she calls me her husband. “The terms are really generous.” I felt like a little girl again, locked in that dirty apartment waiting for my junkie mother. Hurt, lost and abandoned, willing to do anything to be free. “You get half of my trust and upon my father’s death you’ll get half of whatever I inherit.” I’d given Warren exactly what he wanted except for one thing. “The only caveat is, you have to sign a non-disclosure agreement that bars you from discussing our marriage or anything having to do with me.”
“What the fuck? Is that what you think? That you can just throw some money at me and make everything you want to forget go away?”
I couldn’t answer him, too afraid he’d hear the tears in my voice. And I knew he was just pissed. The money wasn’t enough. He wanted his big fuck you to Billy. I was his pawn. I wouldn’t let him use me to hurt my father.
Warren stepped away from me and it was like the Grand Canyon had opened up between us. “Derren was right, you are a cold-hearted bitch.”
With that, he slammed from the room. My only consolation was Warren had gotten it wrong. Derren had said I had a black heart. I chuckled to myself but it was dry, devoid of warmth. Then I collapsed into tears.
When I left the closet twenty minutes later, Kelly was waiting for me.
“Is the coast clear?” I asked, poking my head out.
“Nobody but me, lass.”
I stepped out, squinting against the fluorescent lights in the hall.
“About what just happened…” I gestured vaguely down the hall toward where Wild Minds was warming up. “I’m hoping we can keep it between us.”
Murse Kelly looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. “You don’t want your da to know?”
“I’m taking care of it.”
“Ach, yeah, it looks like you’ve got a handle on everything.”
Sarcasm on Murse Kelly was not attractive. I gave him an exasperated look. “You going to tell or not?”
“No, lass. I’m not going to tell. Your secret is safe with me.”
“I can trust you?”
“I spent ten years in the British equivalent of the Secret Service as a medic and another two serving as private security for European royalty. Now those are some fucked-up families. You can trust me.”
Nodding, I said, “Thank you.”
“It’s just a shame, lass,” he said, coming to stand right in front of me. His thumb touched underneath my eye, where I was sure mascara had run. “That in all my years and all my experience and all my medical training, I never learned the cure for a broken heart.”
Cue the waterworks again.