“Addison!”
I glanced up from my phone. It was crowded outside the airport, and I didn’t see him at first. Then I spotted him. A blur of blond hair and linebacker shoulders flew towards me. I had one second to inhale before he caught me around the waist, pulled me into his body and twirled me around.
“Easy, G,” I said, wrapping my arms around his thick neck. He gave me a final squeeze then let me go, setting me gently back on my feet. Gabe Daniels was the classic boy-next-door hottie. Blond hair. Blue eyes. Dimples.
“You look good, Addy.” He smiled down at me. Gabriel Daniels had inherited his dad’s height and build, and all of his mother’s sweetness—the best of both worlds.
“You too,” I said. He moved a wisp of hair from my eye. For a moment, we just stood there grinning at each other like two loons. To passers-by, we probably looked like a couple of lovesick college kids. There had been a time when being with Gabe had felt like being struck by lightning. He’d been so many of my firsts. My first friend. My first lover. Senior prom we’d awkwardly lost our virginities to each other in a mid-priced hotel room. We’d raided the liquor fridge and made out for hours before going all the way. I’d always cherish the memory, a sweet first time with someone I loved.
I was never lonely on the road with Billy. The roadies, other bands and Daisy kept me company. But all of them—the roadies, the bands, Daisy—they got paid to be there, to hang out with me. It was part of their job to keep the great and ever-temperamental Billy Wanks happy.
Gabe hung out with me for free. And he shared his friends with me. He introduced me to Lily. We’d broken off our relationship the day before graduation. We were headed in different directions. Gabe was off to Oregon on a full-ride football scholarship. I was off to New York. I’d wanted Gabe to have the total college experience. He’d made it clear he wanted the opposite. He was willing to do the long-distance thing, but I didn’t think that would be fair to him.
Then Warren had called.
And, like a little lamb to its slaughter, I’d gone to him. Lily and I had traveled all over Europe with Wild Minds. We’d partied hard, drunk too much and stayed up all night. One hundred and eighty-two days later Lily and I limped home to the States, each of us cradling a broken heart.
Now Gabe took my hand, linking my fingers with his. “So what’s on the agenda for this week?” he asked, steering me toward the place where he’d dropped his navy-blue duffel bag on the sidewalk.
I touched a finger to my lips, tapping them. “Let’s see. I’ve decided we should do all the touristy things I’ve been too embarrassed to do by myself.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
“Don’t speak so soon.”
“As long as it has nothing to do with heights, we’re good.”
I smiled wide, all teeth. I pulled the pre-purchased Empire State Building tickets from my back pocket and flashed them at Gabe. His beautiful, cherubic face turned green.
It was evil. Gabe had a terrible fear of heights. But I loved them. It was the thrill-seeker in me. I liked being high and peering down. Maybe that was why I’d fallen so hard for Warren. He’d taken me to the edge. Then he’d pushed me right off.
“Have you gained weight?” I asked Gabe with a giggle. The linebacker leaned heavily against me and sighed, the stench of alcohol on his breath.
We’d only stayed at the top of the Empire State Building for a few minutes, but that was enough to do Gabe in. He’d had an epic puking session on the eighty-sixth-floor observation deck. Once we were back on solid ground his color returned. We’d decided to do a pub crawl through Brooklyn on the way back to my place. Beers turned to shots and shots turned to more shots. I was three sheets to the wind. Gabe was six sheets to the wind.
“This is me,” I announced as we came to a stop in front of an army-green door. The dim light cast the hallway in a sickly yellow.
Gabe’s forehead furrowed. “I’m going to be honest, Addy. I hope the inside is better than the outside.”
Dislodging myself from under his arm to unlock the door, I said, “I think you’re really going to like it.” Opening the door, I stepped over the threshold, flicked on the light, and turned back to him. “What do you think?” My arms swept out in a grand gesture.
Gabe stared at me, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. He swayed but managed to stay upright. He whistled low and dropped his duffel back on the thin carpet, sending up a little cloud of dust. Oops, I guess I should’ve vacuumed. “This place is a shithole.”
I frowned, feeling defensive of my humble studio. “Yeah, but it’s my shithole. See this couch?” I pointed to the navy-blue speckled sofa I’d found at a flea market. “I bought it with the tips I made working at the diner. And this lamp?” My hand grazed a fringed lampshade with a leg base wearing a fishnet stocking. Yes, that’s right. A leg base. It had been a once-in-a-lifetime find—a complete replica of the lamp from the movie A Christmas Story. My mom had loved that movie. The lamp was a happy reminder of her. “I found it at a vintage shop on Bleaker Street. I bargained the lady down to forty bucks.” I grinned at him.
His brows descended, so did his mouth. “Does Billy know you’re living here?”
My smile dimmed. “No.”
“Is this place even safe?”
My chin went up. “Of course it is. The cops have regular patrols here.” I didn’t mention it was most likely because the dude below me was a meth dealer.
“That doesn’t inspire confidence.” Gabe straightened to his full height. He suddenly seemed very sober.
“You don’t like it?”
“Hell, no.”
I squared my shoulders, or tried to—the tequila in my veins made me sluggish. “Well then, I guess you’ll want to find yourself somewhere else to stay.” I marched over to him and put my hands on his massive chest, giving him a little push toward the open door. “I’m sure you won’t have a problem getting a cab. Just watch out for the guy in 3C. Last week, I saw him roll a whole cart of lotion into his apartment. I’m pretty sure he’s making a skin suit.” I did Gabe a favor and didn’t mention the dude living in 1A. He always wore the same burgundy suit, cape and top hat. Whenever I saw him I always had a laugh, thinking he looked like a new character in Candy Land who only stole Twizzlers. But then Twizzler-cape dude had hissed at me one day. Real creepy. I nudged into Gabe again, but it was like trying to move a brick wall.
Gabe’s hands came up and wrapped around mine, holding them to his chest, against his wildly beating heart.
A siren blared outside.
He squeezed my fingers.
I went completely still.
“I like your couch,” he said softly. His breath smelled like beer and the mints he’d eaten in the cab. Not a bad combination. Living in the Bronx, I’d smelled worse.
Under his words, I heard the apology. I could always tell when he was sorry. As quickly as my anger came, it deflated. I leaned forward until my nose grazed his flannel shirt. He reminded me of a lumberjack. He only needed the beard and an ax. “I had to spray it for bugs,” I confessed, laughing softly.
“You’re drunk.” His hands released mine and dipped down to my hips, steadying me.
“Yeah,” I said on a sigh.
“The lamp is awesome.”
“It’s kind of tacky.”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t.”
I nuzzled into his chest. He was so warm. It was the beginning of summer but still chilly at night. The radiator in my studio had one setting, blazing inferno hot, so I kept it off.
“You still want me to go?”
“No,” I said. I looked up and my heart stuttered. Gabe’s lips were a hair’s breadth from mine, full lips that held the sweetest kisses. His hand slid up to the nape of my neck. Goose bumps rose on my arms and around my temples. Since Warren, I hadn’t been touched. Three years is one hell of a dry spell. And, just like any girl, I missed the feel of a heated body against mine.
If I rose up on my tippy toes our lips would meet, brush up against one another’s as lightly as a feather. I was trying to decide if that was what I wanted when his mouth swooped down and caught mine.
Jesus, his kiss was exactly as I remembered. Firm. Confident. Tender. His tongue swiped against my lips and I opened, yielding to his hot mouth. My body buzzed.
His hand drifted from my neck to my ass, palming it. Oh, God, that felt good. Too good. I got lost in the feeling. I forgot where we were. I forgot the door was open. I forgot we stood in full view of anyone passing by in the hallway.
“Take her top off!” a familiar voice crowed from the corridor.
We broke apart, Gabe’s eyes still dilated and hungry. I gave a cry of joy and dashed past him. “Lily!” She stood in the hall, five feet five inches of dirty blonde hair and huge brown eyes. Much like Gabe at the airport did to me, I rammed into Lily, my arms going around her and squeezing tightly.
“You’re here,” I said, releasing her.
She smoothed a hand over my hair. “I’m here, chick.”
I beamed and turned to Gabe. “Look who’s here.”
“I see, Ads.” Gabe moved to the threshold of the door. “Awesome timing, Lil,” he said, affection in his voice.
“You know me.” Lily shrugged. “I like to make an entrance.” She dodged past Gabe and into my studio. I followed her. “Still living in a dump, I see,” she called out behind her.
Gabe laughed, shutting the door. I sent him a withering look. “It has character,” I said. Lily had been to my place before. She went to college in Washington D.C., which was close enough for us to see each other during long weekends and school breaks. She’d never been impressed with my living arrangements.
“Yeah.” She eyed a crack in the ceiling. Last time she was here, it had been a few inches. Since then, it had grown to a few feet. Sometimes I had nightmares of the ceiling caving in on me. “It’s charming.”
She grinned at me.
I returned her devilish smile.
The “gruesome twosome” was back together again. In high school we’d reveled in our nickname, did our best to make it ring true.
“Look what I brought.” She dropped her overstuffed backpack and pulled out a DVD, showing me the cover.
“Twilight?” I squealed in delight.
“Annnd…” She withdrew a bottle of yellow liquid from the bag.
“Tequila.” I clapped and jumped up and down.
It was our favorite drinking game. We’d take a shot every time Robert Pattinson showed up onscreen. We had our routine down. I would say, “To Edward Cullen.” Then Lily would say, “May he stay young and forever beautiful.” It was silly and stupid and immature. But it was our thing.
Gabe groaned. “I’m taking a shower.” He grabbed his duffel and sequestered himself in the bathroom.
Lily helped me make up the couch for Gabe. After we changed into our PJs, we snuggled into my queen bed with two shot glasses and the bottle of tequila. It didn’t get any better than this.
“At least your bed is nice,” Lily sighed. It was the one thing I’d splurged on, allowing myself to use Billy’s credit card. I just couldn’t bring myself to buy a used mattress or bedding.
“Yeah.” My hand skirted over the down comforter encased in a thousand-count duvet.
“So you wanna talk about that heavy kiss I just witnessed?”
I sighed. “No.” I knew if I said the word, Gabe would be mine again. It would be so easy. I loved Gabe, truly I did. But I wasn’t in love with him. If I were in love with Gabe, I wouldn’t have fallen so easily for Warren. I didn’t want to be with Warren—we’d had our time. Billy had warned me about rock stars. I realized now that his warning was light, too soft. Rock stars were the worst sorts of people. They were narcissistic assholes with tendencies toward arrogance, control and psychopathy, and Warren Price was their king.
As if reading my mind, Lily asked, “Do you wanna talk about the other thing?” “The other thing” was Wild Minds. She couldn’t even bring herself to say the band’s name. After my phone call with Billy, I’d called Lily, frantic. I had no doubt that was why she was here now, to support me.
“It’s not going to be a problem,” I said, but my voice was small, unsure.
“Ads.” Lily put her hand over mine. I had the sheet in such a death grip my knuckles had turned white. “I’d go with you. But I just can’t.”
“I know.” Lily had her own reason for avoiding Wild Minds and his name was Ash, the lead guitarist. If Warren was the king of assholes, Ash was their prince.
“Did you tell Gabe?” she asked.
I shook my head. “He’ll worry too much.” Gabe knew everything that had happened. We never talked about it, but he had been our rock. When things had turned to shit, he’d dropped everything to meet us at the airport. Once we were stateside, he’d accompanied me to the hospital and helped me undo all the damage the past year had done. Back then he’d threatened to tell Billy about the whole debacle. I begged him not to. He begrudgingly agreed. But ever since, he’d get this expression on his face as if I was breaking his heart with my dishonesty. It felt like I would never shrug off his disappointment. He wanted me, sure, but my past transgressions would always hang between us. That was the real reason I kept my distance from Gabe.
I was a liar.
I was bad.
I had a wildness inside of me. I’d let it run free once, and it had burned everything in its path, me most severely.
The bathroom door opened. Gabe stepped out in a billow of steam. Sleep pants hung low on his hips. His white tee was slightly damp—obviously he hadn’t completely dried before slipping it on. “You haven’t even started the movie yet? I hoped if I was in there long enough you’d be at least a third of the way through.”
Lily rolled her eyes and took a long drink straight from the tequila bottle. Shot glasses be damned.
“C’mon, G. Let’s make it a threesome.” I wiggled my eyebrows at Gabe and patted the space between Lily and me. Gabe heaved a frustrated breath and jumped onto the bed. He threw out his arms and Lily and I snuggled into his shoulders. I grabbed the remote and pressed play.