The sunlight peeks through the partially closed window blinds. My cheek flares under the beam of light, and I shift, turning my head to the side. I can’t go back to sleep, though. I’m up, so I might as well get up. I have to pee anyway.
I sit up and groan, rubbing my temples in frustration and to ease the headache that grinds in my skull. I only had one drink last night, but it was stronger than I thought. I rub my head as I stand, Grey’s black shirt falling around my thighs. I smile when I get a whiff of his scent. I almost don’t want to take this off.
I walk into the bathroom and use the toilet, then brush my teeth and wash my face. I look like…I just woke up from a wild night. My hair is like a bird’s nest, and my smudged eye makeup makes me look like I’m a raccoon. But knowing why I look like a complete mess makes it all worth it. I take an Advil for the headache, brush through my tangled hair, and take note that I have to wash my hair thoroughly. It’s long overdue.
I hear the door creak open before spotting Grey’s bed hair peeking from behind the door. “You’re up,” he notes with a jubilant smile. “And you look sexy as fuck wearing my clothes.” I smile, closing my eyes in bliss when he gently kisses behind my ear. His arms wrap securely around me, and I look into the mirror. The image that bounces back swells my heart. This looks so…right. We look happy, and I feel it too. I don’t want this to end.
I twirl on my feet, and he swiftly picks me up, placing me on the sink. I gasp and redden as he laughs, but I end up laughing too, because we were in this same position last night. Only with less clothes. I can still see the lust behind his hooded eyes. Taste the saltiness on his neck. Feel him swallowing me whole. I bite my lip and imagine he’s in me right now. The feeling was phenomenal.
“Thinking about last night?” he asks after a few moments of content silence.
I tip my head back, resting my chin on his chest. “Maybe…” He raises a brow. “Yes, okay, I am. Only because it was amazing. And, in case I didn’t tell you last night, I appreciate you coming back, you know, because you missed me. It was very sweet of you, but…isn’t that going to damage your chance of getting in that summer fight thing?”
“I’m in anyway. I just fought for the fun of it.” He shrugs.
“Is that why you fight altogether?” I ask, running a finger down the curve of his neck. He watches me with a hidden smile. “Because you just like to bash people’s faces in?”
“Yes…” He sounds hesitant.
I look him in the eyes and shrug. “There’s no shame in it. I have a boyfriend who likes to beat people up…so?” I lean back with a dim, taunting smile.
He curls his hands around me and pulls me into his bare chest. “I like fucking you better, if that’s any consolation. I’m quite skilled at it. Hell, I proved that last night…I can do it again. Right here. Right now.” I suck in a deep breath and flutter my eyes closed as he trails his hands up my stomach, lifting his shirt I am wearing. “I’ll take you like I did last night…”
“O—or we can shower,” I squeak out and attempt to shut my legs but end up clutching his waist. He chuckles and continues pulling the shirt off of my body. He tosses it to the ground, and I almost dash to place it in the hamper. He burns the urge away when he tips my head up and presses his lips to mine. I taste the lingering mint on his tongue, pulling him closer until I am against the mirror. Before it can get any further, I lean back and put a finger to his lips and push him back. “I wasn’t kidding about the shower.”
“Really?” he breathes incredulously, his smooth pink lips etched into a smile. “Haven’t had shower sex in a while…” I burn like an inferno under his eyes and revel in the mischief that glows in his face.
“Oh, shut up.” I swat at his chest, and he laughs. I hop down and unclip my bra. I feel him behind me, about to kiss my shoulder, when a ringtone pierces the air. I walk over to the shower and twist on the tap while looking back at him. I watch as his cheeky smile drops as he looks at his phone.
“Everything okay?” I ask, worried, as I step out of my underwear and turn around to find him stepping out.
“Yeah, okay,” he mumbles before shutting the door.
I stare at the door in confusion. What the heck was that?
***
I haven’t seen Grey since this morning. Imagine my confusion when I finished my shower alone and found he’d left the apartment altogether. At first, I was concerned and called him about a hundred times. All I got was zilch. Zero. Nothing. I wanted to stay to see if he’d come home, but I had to go to class. So I just left a voicemail telling him where I’d be and took the bus to campus. I attended my classes in last night’s party clothes, which have a hint of sex and liquor. I probably looked as bad as I felt.
But now I’m back in my dorm room, studying. After a while, I can’t even study anymore because my mind is too focused on Grey. He has me worried out of my mind. Why can’t he just answer one of my phone calls and tell me what’s wrong? We’ve been communicating well for a while, so why stop now? It makes it seem we’re taking ten steps back.
I groan in frustration and plunk the textbook in my lap to the side. The door opens, and Mason walks in with Chinese take-out in his hand.
“Wanna take a break?” he asks as he kicks the door closed with his foot and sits down next to me.
“Yes, please.” I greedily take the carton of noodles and plunge a fork full in my mouth.
He laughs and chomps on a chicken wing. “How’s studying going, anyway?”
I groan and shake my head as I slurp up some noodles. “Mind-blowing. Literally. But it’ll be worth it, as it always is.” I shift on the bed and tap his knee. “But enough about studying. How are you and Sarah?”
He makes up his face. “Not really feeling it. Who knows, maybe there’ll be better opportunities over the summer. The best do come out to play on the beach.” I roll my eyes and lean back, pulling my fuzzy sock-covered feet higher. I swirl a nice chunk of noodles as he talks. “Speaking of which, what are your plans for summer?”
I shrug as I chew. “I might look for work to keep myself busy.”
He groans and lays against my feet. I giggle and wiggle my toes, and he flicks my knee. “That’s no fun. Maybe we can hit the town together. Find some cuties who don’t ignore our calls.”
I drop my smile and pick at the noodles.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” he starts, apologetic.
I wave a hand and slice through his words. “It’s fine, really. I just—I don’t understand what twisted his mood so quickly. I know he has…it just isn’t fair that he vanishes without a call. I care about him a lot, and to know he could be in trouble kills me.” I almost revealed his disorder, but I luckily caught myself. I will never reveal that to another person if he doesn’t want that.
He laughs. “Trust me, he knows how to take care of himself. He has the scars to prove it. Literally.”
“But still—” I begin.
“Look, you guys recently got together officially, right?” I nod slowly. “That means he has his own habits. He gets worked up a lot and maybe, sometimes, he just has to take it out. I don’t know how; storming the city, racking up body counts—the guy’s intense. But he loves you—I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. I don’t think he’d go off and cheat or anything. Don’t worry.”
“But he just got up and left,” I counter.
He opens his mouth, but no words come out. “Not gonna lie, that’s just weird.”
I scoff and widen my eyes for emphasis, stabbing at the noodles. “You’re telling me.” I sit up, remembering something. “Shoot! I have to go.” I scramble up and set the carton on my desk.
“Where are you going?” he asks as I shove my feet in a pair of comfy boots. I slip on a wool coat and grimace at the snow falling outside the window. The temperature drops every single day, leaving me freezing my butt off and dreaming of warm paradise.
“I have to stop by the pharmacy and pick up my iron pills. If I don’t, you could find me on the floor. Grey would freak. Lord knows I should never make him worry,” I half-joke and grab my notebook, figuring I can write while I’m on the bus, then shut the door after me.
***
“Thank you.” I smile at the pharmacist as I retrieve my bag of medication. He nods back with a small smile, and I turn on my heels and walk out of the pharmacy. The gush of ice cold wind tickles the back of my neck. I breathe out a cloud of coldness and rub my hands together after tucking the bag in one of my deep pockets. It’s times like this that I wish I had asked my father for a car. But, seeing at the time that I left the house unexpectedly and made love in the family cabin, I didn’t think it was the right time.
I walk to the bus stop and rock back and forth on the balls of my feet. I could call Jaimie to pick me up, but I don’t want to put her out of her way. David—he’s most likely at his gym. And Sam…I don’t think he’d be so gracious as to give me a ride. Meaning, I have to stand here in the blistering cold, waiting for a bus.
Fantastic.
A honk makes me jump. I look down and find Sam hanging his head out the window, a cheeky smile slashed across his face. His face is bruised and has assorted cuts, like on his lower lip and across his nose. I instantly feel horrible because of what Grey did. All because of jealousy. It’s not a good enough excuse for what he did, but I’ll talk to him about that another time.
“Need a lift?” he asks, tilting his head.
“No, that’s fine.” I politely smile and cross my arms.
“Oh, come on. I can’t just let you freeze your ass off.” He smiles.
I pause and think. It’s better than freezing to death…
“Okay.” I nod and round the car, slipping into the passenger side. He cranks up the heat, and I smile shyly, rubbing my arms for more friction. My skin is like ice and my lips are blue as I look into the rearview mirror. “Thanks for doing this.”
“I’d be an asshole to drive by you,” he says, and I smile bigger. He’s so nice; why is everyone so put off by him?
“Hey, I’m sorry about what Grey did last night…” I apologize, though Grey should be the one doing this.
“Your boyfriend’s a dick—but I’m used to him,” he tells me.
“Used to him how?” The question slips out of my mouth.
He pauses for the slightest second. “We were friends, once upon a time.”
“Why aren’t you friends now?” I ask him, and my pocket buzzes. I pull it out as he talks.
“Let’s just say we drifted apart…” he says dubiously.
I read the text and roll my eyes.
My pldace. Come ndws plzzz
“He’s drunk,” I mutter to myself. Of fucking course.
“What was that?” He looks at me, and I shake my head, putting my phone back into my pocket.
“Nothing. Can you take me somewhere other than the dorms?” I have got to hear his explanation for ditching me this morning.
When we arrive, Sam glances up at the apartment complex and whistles. “Who lives here?”
“Grey,” I tell him and open the car door. “Thank you for the ride, Sam. It was very generous of you.” I get out and, before I can walk off, I face him through the window and ask, “Why are you really still in town?”
“I sort of have a mini-tour before I hit the main place.” He turns to me with a suggestive smile. “Maybe I’ll see you there?”
“Doubtful.” I shake my head. I don’t even know what that means…
His smile grows more devious, if possible. “Sure…well, ciao, bella.” With a wink and a salute, he peels off down the street.
That was strange…
He is strange.
Shaking my head, I turn and glare up at the building. He better have the best goddamn explanation. I enter the building, shake off the snow, use the backup code Grey told me, and ride the elevator up to his and David’s apartment. When the elevator stops, I step off and call out his name.
“Grey? Where are you?” I slip my coat off and hang it up in the closet by the front door. I do a quick once over of the apartment.
There are liquor bottles scattered across the kitchen’s granite tops. A shrilling ringtone causes me to turn and face the hallway leading to the bedrooms. I furrow my brows, confused as ever. Why would he invite me over and just fall asleep? I nearly topple over his boots as I make my way to his room.
“What the hell?” I take my time in walking, unsure of where he is or what happened. The closer I get to his room, the clearer I can hear the noise. “Grey…?”
Slowly and carefully, I push his door open. He is sprawled out on the bed, making the loudest snoring sounds. I cringe and walk over to the bed. I use my knee and nudge one of his legs that are hanging off the large bed. He doesn’t even budge. Sighing, I look to the bedside table and walk over to his vibrating phone. I reluctantly pick it up and look at the screen.
“D?” I tilt my head as I glance at Grey, who is now scratching his stubble. Then back to the screen. Maybe it’s David? Or Diana…my stomach twists and turns, and my mouth turns dry. He promised me he wouldn’t go back to that bitch. And I believe him. He loves me. I know for a fact he does. He wouldn’t ruin us by going to some random girl when he has me. Right?
Thinking—and praying—it really could be David, I slide my thumb across the screen and press the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I answer hesitantly.
“Thought about my offer yet, Wyler?” a husky voice that is two tones way too deep to be David’s answers the phone. I can practically see the condescending smirk through the phone. I pause to think about how to respond. I have no idea who this is, but I get the serious shiver just knowing he’s on the other line, whoever he is. “You fell on your head or something? Talk, boy.”
The phone is snatched out of my hand before I can say anything. I whirl around, shocked, and find Grey glaring at me so intensely I cower back, not knowing what to say. Again.
“Don’t call again,” he snaps, then hangs up.
“Wh-who was that?” I ask him, playing with his charm on my wrist.
He rolls his eyes and squares his shoulders. “None of your business.”
He brushes past me, and I laugh. He stops, and I turn around to face him.
“What? Why are you laughing?” He pinches his nose bridge.
“Because I knew this would happen,” I say, distraught. “How foolish of me to think we could last without you suddenly lashing out. You always find a way to mess us up. Why? I don’t know. But you do. And it’s frustrating because I love you so much, and…and…” I plop down on the bed, tired, and let out a heavy breath. “And it’s killing me.”
I hear him sigh before he sits down next to me. “I don’t…I’m sorry, okay? I have a tendency to fuck things up. I don’t mean to hurt…I fucking hate that I keep saying that and keep doing it anyway.” He turns to me and takes my hands and looks me straight in the eyes, heavy with emotion. “I love you, Liv. I really do. But I—sometimes I just have to blow off some steam.”
“What steam?”
“I don’t take my pills, and everything just piles up in me,” he explains. “I have to take it out sometimes. I get moody, I get that, but if I don’t, I’ll—”
“Explode,” I finish for him. “I get that. But that wasn’t your disorder that made you storm off this morning. Someone called you, and I think it was the person you just hung up on now.”
“Congratulations, Nancy Drew,” he snaps sarcastically.
“Grey,” I say sternly.
“Fine. He was an old friend of mine. But we aren’t friends now. Nor will we ever be again.” He sounds agitated—hostile—and I feel his knuckles tighten beneath my hands. I watch him curiously and shift closer to him.
“He’s a bad guy, okay? I have a lot of…acquaintances that aren’t anyone you’d ever want to interact with. Hell, I’m someone you shouldn’t be with…but I’m selfish, and I love you too much to let you go.” He reaches up and runs his thumb across my cheek. I smile and look at him through my eyelashes.
“And I love you too. But I don’t want anything to come between us. I need you to have faith in us. I won’t let you go either…but maybe you just need something to remind you how much I actually care for you.”
I touch my wrist and look down at the silver charms. He needs something to keep him grounded. Without hesitation, I pluck off one of the charms and gently place it in the palm of his hand.
“Here. This has kept me sane for eight years.”
He holds the charm up and gulps when he stares at the engraved J. “I can’t take this.” He tries to put it back on my wrist, but I laugh softly and push it into his chest.
“I want you to have it. It helped me,” I tell him earnestly.
“But—”
“Just shut up and take it,” I tell him. He still seems hesitant, so I lean up and peck his lips. My hands find their home in his velvet hair. “I love you, Grey.” He wraps his arms around me and lays back. I smile as I take in his bloodshot eyes and crooked smile.
“I don’t deserve you,” he croaks.
I shake my head and kiss his nose; he scrunches it up, and I laugh. “Go to sleep. You’ll feel like hell tomorrow.” I exhale a lengthy breath and play with the soft fabric of his shirt. I bunch my hands up when he leans down.
“That’s not possible, not when I have my heaven in my arms,” he whispers.