I awake with the sense that something’s off. I don’t know what, though. So I sit up and rub my heavy eyes before opening them. I look around in confusion. I’m in Grey’s room, not David’s—I mean the spare room now that he doesn’t live here anymore. But I could have sworn I fell asleep in the other room’s bed, not Grey’s…ugh! He must have moved me here. It explains why I’m not struggling to catch my breath right now. He suppressed my nightmares because he was near. If only I could get him in capsule form so I wouldn’t need him every night to sleep in peace.
When I glance at the window and find the slightly dark-tinted sky, I frown. How early is it? The clock on the wall next to me reads 3:47 a.m. What is Grey doing up at this time? I squint my eyes and ruffle through the sheets for my phone. More importantly, where the hell is my phone?
I slip out of the bed and run my fingers through my bed-head curls that stick out everywhere.
“Grey?” I softly call his name as I look for him.
He’s in the apartment. Call me crazy, but I swear I can sense his presence. That and the fact his boots are in the room. And I think those are his only pair. I’ve never seen him wear any other kind of shoes, but I don’t think I’d like to. It wouldn’t be the same. Imagining him in a pair of Converse makes me laugh out loud. That just wouldn’t work out, like, at all.
I walk into the open area of the kitchen and living room and find him staring out of the wide, tall windows that expand out of the upper half of the brick wall to the right of the space. He’s just standing there, arms crossed with his back facing me. I shamelessly admire his tight, broad back muscles, noting the way they flex when he raises his hand to rub his bottom lip, like he does when he’s contemplative. What the heck has him so upset?
I pad over to him and brush my shoulder against his as I sidle next to him. “What’s wrong?”
He doesn’t answer me, so I look at him and find him holding out my phone without any expression. I take it from him, and my accusatory words dissolve on my tongue. I know why he took it; it’s because my mother has been blowing up my phone. Countless numbers of missed calls and even more texts, all mentioning Christmas and what time I should be picked up.
I’m honestly surprised she even wants me to come given what happened at Thanksgiving. She was livid when I whisked off to the cabin without informing anyone, especially her. I bet she was so embarrassed when family members and friends arrived, only to have my spot empty without a justifiable reason. One that would satisfy her, of course. Though nothing I could have ever said would have made her understand.
“I don’t want to be the reason you’re detached from your family like this.” His voice is very low, and I almost don’t hear him.
“You aren’t,” I lie.
“You’re a terrible liar.” He scoffs and faces me, leaning on the cool window as he stares at me.
“Okay, there’s been a little…tension between us, but I don’t care,” I tell him. “I love you, Grey. And nothing my mother can dig up about you or say will make me leave you.”
“I appreciate that, but—”
“It’s just Christmas,” I cut him off. “The last time we even spent Christmas together, as a family, was eight years ago. She only wants to spend it with me now because I’m defying her and am spending it with you instead.”
His eyebrows shoot up, his eyes glistening with amusement. “Who said we’re spending it together?”
“Um, I just thought—” I mumble and look away in horror. I honestly assumed we would since we’re together and are kind of living together. Kind of. This is temporary until he’s sure he can stand on his own two feet without David, which may take a while. That’s understandable. But I still should have confirmed Christmas with him in the first place.
He bursts into laughter, and I freeze up, scared he’s making fun of me, until he brings me into his chest and kisses my forehead. “I was messing with you,” he says in a low voice. “You should have seen your face.” His eyes screw shut as he lets out an obnoxious laugh.
“You should see yours. You embody the word asshole,” I quip back with a smile of my own.
His smile drops, and he holds me tighter. I almost let out a moan as he presses me against the window and grips my chin, tilting my head back. “I’ll show you asshole.” He pins me to the window, his long fingers nearly digging into my skin. I open my mouth to protest, but he ducks his head down and swipes his tongue across my lips before biting my lower lip. My body flushes as a flash of heat spreads through me, gripping every nerve in my body.
“You acted like one to me today and yesterday, and so many other times,” I grit through my teeth, but he shushes me and migrates his tongue along my cheek before grazing it around and sucking my earlobe. I quiver and shake my head. “No, no, no. I won’t be that girl. I won’t just let you fuck me and forget about how you acted toward me. That is not how this is going to work.”
“Mm-hmmm,” he hums aimlessly, continuing to make marks on my skin. And no matter how good it feels, I need to know that he understands what I am saying.
“Grey.” I roughly push him back. “I love you so much it actually drives me insane, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let you walk all over me, bipolar disorder or not. Do you understand me?”
He breathes out, his jaw tight and his eyes the pinnacle of assertiveness. “Yes, I understand. I know how wrong and messed up I can be, and I am truly sorry. I don’t ever want to hurt you. It’s not my goal at all. I just…” He pauses and rubs the back of his neck. “I just want to show you how much I love you without fucking up in some way, like I always do.”
I can feel myself melting at his words. I look into his eyes and hang onto every word, trying to decipher if he’s telling the truth, or he just said what he thought would make me drop the subject and let him have his way with me. But try as I may, I can’t find anything but the truth. The utter, complete, and heart-warming truth.
“Okay…” I say, fighting back a smile.
“Okay, what?” He wiggles his brows.
I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck. “Okay…show me how much you love me.”
He reaches down and lifts me up; my legs automatically wrap around his tight waist. “Just to make it clear…” He brushes my hair back, and his eyes settle on my lips. “I don’t love you for this alone. You have no idea what you do to me.” He presses into me, and I close my eyes and laugh breathlessly, gulping.
In one swift motion, my panties are ripped off and so is his shirt I was wearing. I bite my lip as he pulls off his boxers, leaving him naked and tatted for me to admire. I am so glad my period stopped a few hours ago.
“Oh, I have an idea,” I say cheekily, referring to his member that’s pressed into me.
“Did you just mock me?” His voice is low, rough.
“Maybe—” I stop teasing him further when he dips his hand and swirls a finger around my clit.
“Mm-hmmm.” He chuckles and presses his hard length against me. “That’s what I thought.” He nips at my bottom lip and tugs until he lets go and it bounces back. Fuck, do I love it when he does that.
I nod, desperate for him, all of him. Until I realize something—we’re against the window. Literally, anyone and everyone can see us.
“Not here, though,” I say and begin to unwrap my legs, but he grabs them and presses into me again. I swear the window will give out from under me if he keeps pressing into me like this. I instinctively wrap my legs around his naked waist to satisfy my fearful thought. I moan when I feel his tip brush against my wetness. “Grey, we can’t do it here.”
His eyebrows concave. “Why not?” The fact he sounds genuinely concerned makes me ten times hotter, because it means he doesn’t give a fuck and expresses how dirty he can truly be. That he wants to fuck me anywhere he wants. That he is so consumed by me, he would put on a show for the whole world to see. It’s taboo at its best, but it still makes me nervous.
“B-because it’s—we’ll be visible,” I whisper, and he laughs, curving his hands around the round shape of my face. “And—and I’m not entirely comf—Jesus, Grey!” My anxiety is drowned out by my own scream when he enters me. I instantly secure my arms around him and feel every tightness surrounding our location melt like my heart has the moment I first saw him.
“It’s three in the—fuck—morning. No one is—holy shit, do you feel gooood,” he drawls and sucks on my bottom lip before clasping his fist around my throat and pumping in and out of me. “Around. So shut up and let me fuck you.”
“M-kay,” is my lame response, and he booms in laughter. I smile as my body shakes under his as he laughs. I bite my lip before tipping his chin back and smashing my lips against his. I slip my tongue into his mouth, and his caresses mine gently. But then I weave my fingers through his hair and tug hard, yanking his head back. Suddenly it’s civil war. The kiss grows passionate, and his thrusts get harder and deeper. So much deeper. I can feel him soaking me in, every stroke hitting me in just the right place.
“I am so glad you got on that fucking pill,” he groans and leans back, watching himself as he thrusts in and out of me, his lengthy member disappearing and showing every time he comes in and out. In and out. And faster. And faster, faster, faster. “I can feel every single inch of you. Do you feel me, baby? Hmmmm?” I close my eyes as he grips my butt and gives it a smack before pressing me into the window. My skin fizzles and cracks against the cold surface, my body sizzling with fire.
I moan and nod and try my best to match his thrusts. I think I’m doing good, because he hisses through his teeth and goes faster. “Yes, it feels amazing. So—s-so good, Grey,” I stutter and screw my eyes close as he screws me. I am actually very glad I got on the pill, because before I felt the condoms kept me from feeling him take me. Skin to skin. And this way, I can savor the feeling of his length in me, taking me over and over and over again until I feel like I’m going to explode.
After a few more thrusts, he rests a hand beside my head and pushes me up and down by my hip. I jump when he smacks the glass and presses into his nose into my neck, sucking and marking my skin. Marring me, claiming me. And I want the same done to him. So I push him and attack his neck with my sloppy kisses and teeth gliding down his neck, his vein beating against my love bites.
“I’m—” he begins to say through his teeth.
“Me too,” I murmur, leaning back against the window. I moan his name over and over and listen to his ragged breath as he holds me closer to his sweat-layered chest. I massage his scalp with my fingertips and feel my stomach tighten. I gulp wearily and curl my toes.
“I’m coming. Now. Grey!” I scream his name as he bounces me up and down, my breasts jump up and down as my body vibrates, shaking and jolting repeatedly.
“I’m coming, bebé,” he announces. “I’m coming. Fuck, fuck—fuck!” His nails inch into my skin, and I scream out in pain and pleasure and swallow his cries with my mouth covering his. I explore his mouth even though I’m an expert and know every nook and dip inside. But each trip is more pleasant than the last.
“Grey! Mm-hmmm, I can feel you. Oh, yes. Yes!” I pull back for a quick breath, pants escaping my swollen lips. I literally feel him release in me. It feels weird and indescribable, but on a strange level, I feel proud. Like him releasing in me makes me feel special, somehow. Like he’d never trust a girl or be so stupid to do so to anyone else. And it feels even better knowing he never will. Because I’m not letting go of this wonderful, damaged man in front of me.
He pulls out of me, and I wince at the emptiness, but he comforts me by kissing my lips. A smile hugs his lips before he does it again. I smile against his lips smooth as silk and pull his chin down.
“Still nervous about being fucked against a window?” he teases.