“Hello…Grey.” I spit his name out as if it’s poison. I’m shaking in anger. At least, I think I am. I can’t tell. But what I can tell is that I’m seeing red. Not grey, not the middle ground—full-blown red. And I wish, in this moment, to be color-blind so I could see nothing and not feel this much rage gathering inside my bones.
Like thick molasses, silence fills the apartment with the exception of my raging heart and his eyes shooting daggers at it. My eyes burn through him, and his do the same to me, not one of us speaking up. If looks could kill, we would both be six feet under.
“I think I’m going to go,” the girl named Paige says, clearly uncomfortable.
I look at her and nod slowly. “I think you should do that…Paige.” I spit her name out with an equal amount of malice. Maybe even more…no, that honor goes to Grey. He is the asshole who brought this…woman here. I swear to God if he cheated on me…
I jump when the elevator door clicks shut. I close my eyes to keep from turning around and pushing her head into the metal door.
“Okay, out with it,” he says exasperatedly.
“Don’t speak to me like that!” I snap, outraged he can even act so lighthearted after whatever this is. “Who the hell was she, and what was she doing here?” I scream, my body shaking as I point a finger at his naked chest.
He laughs and winds his long fingers through his dark, wet hair. “She’s my friend, Paige.” I wait for him to finish, but he just bounces his right brow and puts his fists on his hips. He can’t be serious. There is a lot more he’s not saying—a lot he needs to be saying. Like, what the hell is she doing here in the first place and why I have never seen her before?
“And?” I inquire impatiently.
“And she was helping me with something,” he says tiredly. Oh, is my confusion as to why a woman I have never met before is here with him, while he’s naked, boring him?
“Bullshit. Who is she really? Did you—have you been seeing her behind my back? Is that why you’ve been such a dick to me lately?” It physically hurts to ask. I would think after all we’ve been through, we’d be close enough that he wouldn’t dare do that to me.
He looks at me wide eyed and laughs. “Are you shitting me?”
“No, I’m not. Answer the question, Grey.” Why won’t he just talk to me instead of making himself out to be more of an asshole? He’s only digging himself a deeper grave. If he gets any deeper, he might stumble upon hell. Oh, the wonderful “friends” he could meet down there.
“Grey!” I shout his name, and he shakes out his hair. I ignore the way his biceps tighten and his abs clench as he does so. Why does he have to look like that? It’s distracting me.
He nods, clinging onto that devilish smile I want to literally tear off his face. “I told you, she’s my friend.”
“Yeah, I can totally see you two watching a football game together.” I roll my eyes sardonically, and he laughs. “This isn’t funny, Grey.” He sighs, and I shake my head and walk up to him. “You tell me right now what happened before I got here, or I will leave and never talk to you again. And I don’t care how much I love you. I can get over you just as fast as you got on her.”
His childish façade drips like the water falling from his hair down to his lips. “I’m telling you the truth. She only came over to help me with something.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
“Because you don’t trust me.”
“Oh, I trust you…but how would you feel if you walked in on me coming out naked with a guy answering the door?” His fists clench, and I have my answer. “That’s what I thought.” I try to brush past him, but he grabs me and wheels me back into his chest. “No, don’t touch me until you tell me what she was really doing here.”
“She is my friend, Liv,” he says through gritted teeth. “I swear on my father’s grave.” He puts his hand on his chest.
I look deep into his eyes, as deep as I can get without drowning in those black pools of his. He wouldn’t lie about his father; I know that for a fact. From how he spoke of him, it sounded like he really loved him, and his death twisted him in the worst ways. But if he is lying…well, then he’s just not the man I thought he was, is he?
“She doesn’t look like your type of friend,” I spit out the word and lower my voice, so it is covered in icicles. “Just—let go of me. I can’t even look at you.” The hurt is heavily evident in my voice.
I tear my hands away from his and storm off. He screams and chases after me, but I quickly lock myself in David’s old room. It’s empty, just as I feel. I sit on the bed and try to think beyond his yelling and the pounding on the door. But I can’t. All I can do is cry, and it’s not because of my period or because I’m just naturally hormonal. It’s because he’s turning back into that cruel monster I despised.
And I’m not so sure I can survive his torment this time.
***
The moment the car stops in front of the ice lodge, I get out. Hours have passed, and I haven’t spoken a word to Grey. Not when he so carelessly ripped my heart out. I don’t believe for a second that Paige is a friend of his. But I also can’t believe he would cheat on me. It doesn’t feel right. Because I know he’d never do that. At the same time, he lied and made me believe he did with Diana. Maybe he did the same thing with her…I don’t know.
The weirdest and most masochistic part of this is…I don’t think I even have the heart to leave if he did do something with her.
I sigh as I look up at the sign. Feeling a hand on my back, I look over my shoulder. Grey looks at me with an unidentifiable expression. He and I stare at each other until I finally find it in myself to walk inside. He doesn’t get to touch me. Not now and not ever until he tells me the truth. For now, I’ll put on a smile and act like we’re okay. Just for Jaimie. Because it’s her night.
I wholeheartedly grin when I take in the ongoing party. Some popular song is playing on blast. Girls in colorful sequined dresses and guys with button-up shirts flood the dance floor. My skin bubbles with goosebumps as the ice room settles around me.
I almost ask Grey for his jacket, since he’s like his own sun and doesn’t even need it, or even step into it with him and curl up against his chest, but then I remember he and I aren’t exactly on the best of terms, and I awkwardly sling my arms around my stomach and attempt to scope out Julia, which shouldn’t be that hard since she’ll most likely be the only one wearing black.
And then I hear it.
“Where is the cake? She’s going to be here any second. Did your mother drop you on your head when you popped out of her crusty little vagina?”
“Julia!” I call her name once I spot her running down a boy wearing a headset, which he is speaking rapidly into and stealing nervous glances over his shoulder. Ignoring the demanding presence just behind me despite the chilliness that surrounds each solid-ice block wall, I start after her. I wiggle through tight spaces of dancing bodies and put my hand on her shoulder, stopping her from ripping off the boy’s headset and, possibly, his ears too.
“Another guy I have to murder?” She wheels around, fist ready to meet my face. But then she recognizes it’s me. “Oh, it’s just you.”
“Um, ouch?”
She rolls her eyes and looks around, talking, but not to me. It’s then I realize she’s wearing a headset, like that boy she was just chasing. Then she swivels her eyes toward me and barks, “Is there something you want?”
“No, I—I just wanted to say hi.” Sounds lame, but it’s the best response I could come up with. Really, I just needed to get away from Grey. I need time away from him. And staying in a separate room or not speaking a word in a car isn’t enough. “Actually, is there anything I can—”
“Shut the fuck up. She’s here,” Julia exclaims, using the clipboard in her hands to push my head to the side. Staring past me to the front entrance, she squints her eyes.
“Everyone shut the fuck up and get ready to say the one thing I invited you God-awful people for.”
Everyone gets quiets, too afraid to say or do anything.
“Hit the lights, fucker!” she shouts and hikes past me, pushing and cursing people out of the way. The lights are instantly cut off. Leaving behind indignant expressions and harsh whispers, she gets to the frontline. I walk behind her and come up shoulder to shoulder with Grey. I can feel his eyes on me, his aura warming my cold skin. I hold my breath and focus my attention on the door.
“Why is it so dark in here? I’m so giving this place a bad yelp review…” Jaimie mutters as she opens the door. But once she steps inside, she is pounced with a very loud whopping greeting.
“Surprise!”
She jumps, truthfully surprised to be shouted at, and laughs joyfully as she looks around. She’s still in shock, her hands clasped together as people settle back into party mode, chatting, laughing, and dancing.
“How do you like it, babe?” Julia guides Jaimie past the foyer, cautiously eyeing her girlfriend’s paled expression. “Do you not like it?” She clears her throat, and I hold my breath. She sounds vulnerable and scared, but I can’t revel in her using her other emotions, because one of my best friends won’t snap out of it.
“There’s cronuts,” I offer and give a shrug.
Jaimie squeals like I just offered her a ten-foot diamond ring in the shape of the thing and claps her hands. “Yay!”
“You’re excited for that but not this party that took me all fucking week to plan?” Julia waves her arms around, angry.
Jaimie chuckles and shakes her head. “Of course I’m excited for this. I love you so much for this. It’s amazing!” She lunges into her girlfriend’s chest and throws her arms around her. She shakes her back and forth. “The cronuts are just a wittle cherry on top.”
“Good, you better like it,” Julia responds with a small hint of a smile and hugs tighter, dropping her eyes closed.
I turn away, feeling like an intruder. This is something special. I look out onto the party and let out a heaving sigh. With those two lip-locking and no one else to talk to, I stand at the foot of the party and look around like an outsider. An outsider with a boy I barely know next to me.
“Can we ta—”
I walk into the crowd before he can finish. Tears cover my eyes but don’t spill over as I wedge myself between people, trying to cry like that girl at parties. That girl that’s always crying and getting mixed up in drama. I want to be Olivia Westerfield, the girl who has enough common sense to know how much crap she should take from a guy and when it’s time to throw in the towel. But I’m not that girl anymore. I’m a person with no common sense and a heart too big for my body.
Once inside the bathroom, I wipe under my eyes with tissue paper. A pack of girls gives me skeptic looks but exits in silence, leaving me alone. But I don’t want to be alone, not with my thoughts. They’ll chew me up and spit me out. And I want to have fun. I came here tonight to celebrate Jaimie’s birthday, not cry like a little baby in the bathroom. But…I did need a moment to breathe. If I didn’t, I think I would have imploded.
When I get back out to the party, there is a concentrated crowd around a sparkling source. Because of, you know, the sparkler rising in the air on top of the huge purple-laced cake. I wiggle through people and link my arm through Jaimie’s as she stares at the four-layered cake with a sense of exhilaration, eyes glazed with tears and fists clenched together.
Happy Birthday fills the room and echoes off the ice. I lean into Jaimie and join in with a smile, bright as ever, on my face. She basks in the attention like the diva she is, and I laugh but keep singing when Julia cuts a glare at me. I shyly look at the cake but glimpse at the way she stares at Jaimie with utmost love…and then back to the cake. I look back too, but I also find a pair of eyes on me.
Black ones.
The light from the sparklers casts a shadow across the bottom half of his face. They enhance his sharp jaw and high cheekbones. His eyes on the other hand…I can barely see them, as they are up high under strands of his fallen hair that he pushes back. They narrow as if he’s trying to read my mind. But I tear my gaze away and sing with a sudden tightness in my voice. Suddenly, my eyes feel plugged with cotton balls, and all I hear are mumbled chants.
Jaimie makes a wish, blows out the candle, and cake slices are handed out. All the while, I slink back, and all the thoughts I tried numbing for tonight hit me ten-fold.
He brought a girl over to his house. How do I know they didn’t fool around? He was acting like an asshole and pushing me away. I left with him pretty peeved off, so maybe he thought banging some woman was his way of payback…no. That doesn’t even feel right. He loves me. I know I sound like some dumb girl who’s ready to always let her volatile boyfriend keep using and abusing her again and again and again. But I know he isn’t like that. Deep down inside, I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. But I also know he lied to me. He has done it before. I just don’t know exactly what the real lie is…
“Liv, can we talk?” My gaze lands on a pair of biker boots instead of the ground. I slowly tilt my head up until I am looking into his eyes. His brows knit together, and his voice is soft, but maybe because I am slowly re-adjusting into my body instead of phasing out.
“No, we can’t talk, Grey.” I don’t bother to hold back the tear slipping out of my eye. He opens his mouth and goes for my hand, but I turn around and rush out of the lounge. The brisk cold air slaps against my face, and I tighten my arms around my waist.
My heart is pounding so hard I’m afraid I’m going to faint. But I close my eyes and rub my hands over my splotched cheeks.
“Oooh, if it isn’t the upset virgin. Whoops! Or has he gotten between your skanky legs already?” a high-pitched, familiar voice barks through the ice.
I whirl around and come face to face with Diana. I stare at her, not knowing what to say. It feels like forever since she last tried to tear Grey and I apart. And apparently, she needs a backup of people to watch as she revs up her bitchy engine before running me over. However rugged or manly they are…
I rip my eyes from the odd crowd of guys behind her and shake my head.
“What are you doing here?” I know for a fact she wasn’t invited. No one in their right mind would actually invite this drama-on-legs.
“Ask your boyfriend,” she says the moment a smirk slithers across her face. “You know, you really have a talent for being a dumbass. It’s both concerning and hilarious—more hilarious, though.”
What the hell is she talking about?
I can faintly hear boots smacking against the ground. “Liv, can you please let me explain?” I hear him before I see him. Grey turns me around, and I jump back on instinct. “Liv—”
A man slides his fist across his jaw before he can make it to me. I gasp, and all resolve I had built up fades away onto the snow-covered ground. But it’s drowned out by the rowdy crowd Diana seemed to scrounge up, just to watch this…whatever the hell it is.
“Who the hell is he? What did you do?” I scream at Diana, but she merely giggles and watches as the man punches Grey over and over. I rush over to the men and try to push the guy off.
“Get off of him! Get off!” I shout, but he ignores me and continues to beat Grey’s face in. That is until I reach for his arm, only to be punched in the cheek. I fly back and hit my head on the concrete. I see stars, and not the ones in the sky. The ones beneath my eyelids.
That’s when things turn for the very worst.
I pull myself up, hearing the crowd scream louder and louder. New voices, people from the party. Blood is literally slathered on the ground. I open my eyes, beyond dizzy, and find Grey’s back to me. With the help of someone who actually has a heart and not as excited as I am about this, I stand up.
I wobble over to Grey and widen my eyes, feeling my heart drop. His bandages are on the ground, his knuckles are gone to bits as he punches and punches and punches and punches and grunts and punches some more. I think he is a punch away from killing the man.
“You. Do. Not. Touch. Her!” he screams at the top of his lungs as he punches. But I launch forward and grab his bloody hand. He whirls his head around, breathing heavily. I back away without even meaning to. Blood is splattered across his face, his own busted open and bruised.
He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. No words need to be spoken. The beast I once knew him as has been awoken.
“Surprised? You shouldn’t be.” Diana’s voice slithers in my ear. “He is a monster, after all. And he’s never going to be the good boy you really need. Just a delinquent who’ll never really love you.”
“Shut up,” I say calmly, balling my hands in fists, my eyes never once swaying from Grey’s.
“What? Don’t like to hear the truth?” She’s trying to pick a fight with me. And she might get one if she keeps talking.
“Shut your mouth, Diana,” Jaimie snaps before leaning down and whispering, trying to coax Grey to stand up. But he just looks back at me as the crowd cheers to re-ignite the fight. I blur it all out and focus on his brilliant black eyes and Diana’s icy words.
“Why? We all know it’s true. She was just a little plaything that turned into a full-time thing. But the end result is the same; she is nothing and he means less than that. But he is a good fuck. Right? Isn’t he, Ol—”
I whirl around and drill my fist into her nose. She stumbles back, trips on a patch of ice, and falls onto the road. The crowd collectively screams. But I can’t hear anything specifically, just my heart thundering inside my chest. The air rumbles, or it’s my stomach, because I feel like I’m going to throw up. I have never hit someone before…it feels weird. I feel weird, and I honestly blame Grey. This is all his goddamn fault.
“Living up to the name yet again, huh, Wyler?” the man beneath him croaks, and Grey turns to hit him again, but I grab his hand in time and gently shake my head no.
“I suggest you guys get out of here, or you’ll spend the night in jail.” I am nudged, and I look to my right and find Julia giving me a “what are you waiting for” expression, eyebrows raised. “Get out of here, idiot! And take your party-ruining boyfriend with you. Go!” She nudges me again when I don’t say or do anything.
But once I hear cop car sirens and curses fill the air by the rugged men, I’m snapped into reality, and every sound and sight before me focuses instead of the hazy fog.
I nod and numbly pull Grey up by his shoulder. He stares down at me, mouth ajar, blood creasing in the corners. I look away and shake my head.
“No, just…no.” I walk in the direction of his car, letting the snow drip on me, ignoring everything around me.