I wake up with a start. I grip the sheets and feel my heart tremor like an earthquake inside my chest. Last night’s nightmare spooked me, like usual, and I try to catch my breath and sanity. I lean against the wall and take deep breaths, using the breathing technique my last therapist taught me.
When I finally gather my bearings, I swipe the back of my hand across my sweaty forehead and feel something hard land on my leg. I let out a cry of pain and turn my head to find Jaimie fumbling back and smiling at me like she just killed someone and was trying to cover it up.
“Why are you acting so weird?” I move my eyes to her girlfriend, who raises her eyebrows and shrugs. I narrow my eyes at the two before looking down and spotting my phone. Did they just throw it at me? Wait. Why did they have it in the first place?
“Were you guys just going through my phone?” I ask incredulously. Why would they go through my phone? I grab my phone out of the sheets and glare at them, genuinely confused.
I rub my eyes before brushing my thick hair out of my eyes. I find Jaimie grinning at me suspiciously while Julia is “innocently” scrolling through her phone.
I swipe my finger across my screen and gasp. Grey texted me while I was sleeping thirty minutes ago, and they’ve been replying on my behalf! Apparently, he and I confirmed that we’re going out Friday night. I sheepishly look away and decide not to correct him on that. How bad can us going out be? But, back to the topic, how insane can these two be?
My jaw is on the floor by the time I’ve scrolled through every message, the last one taking the cake. Remind me to put a password on my phone. I just didn’t think something like this would happen.
“Before you say anything, you really should have a password on your phone,” Jaimie says, holding her hands up in defense. I glare at her, and she sheepishly twirls her hair. “Plus, we were bored. And it was dinging, so we thought—why not? You know?”
“No, I don’t know.” I let out a breath and chuck my phone to the side. I’ll tell him it was them who texted him later. Not me. Right now, I need to shower and clear my mind with a good ol’ cup of coffee. Nothing could jolt me more awake. Maybe a live wire, but coffee would most likely win that battle.
“So, you two are a thing again?” Julia inquires as I grab my towel hanging on the back of the door. I turn around and look between her and Jaimie, who is eyeing me with a scary, silent look. Let me tell you, a silent Jaimie is a terrifying sight—it means she’s planning something covert and underhanded, like what she pulled last night.
I still have to talk to her about that. She can’t just meddle with Grey and me. Whatever I do is up to me and me only.
“No, we’re not,” I assure her and pause. “We weren’t even a thing to begin with.”
“But you are going on a date, and after what he did to you—?”
“Weren’t you the one telling me to be with him?” I turn to a still silent Jaimie and point a finger at her. “And you too. You guys kept telling me I should ‘follow my heart’ and all that crap, and that’s exactly what I am doing.” I don’t understand why they changed their take on this all of a sudden.
“We just don’t want you to get hurt, Bam,” Jaimie speaks up with a soft frown that causes a stir of anger explode within me.
“I’ve already gotten hurt, but we just need another chance. He can be good. I’ve seen it—I swear I have. What he did was awful, but I do believe with another shot, we can be good together. He…he makes me happy.” I let out an ironic laugh and brush my curly hair behind my ears. “I have fallen in lo—liking with a crazy man.” What is wrong with me? I almost said that…word again. I really need a good night’s sleep. I’m losing my mind.
They raise their eyebrows but don’t say anything.
“Anyway, are you doing anything later today? I need to go shopping—” I begin.
Jaimie has me tackled with a bear hug, screaming at the top of her lungs like she just won the lottery before I can finish my sentence. “Yes, yes, yes—a million times yes! I have been waiting to make you over since I first saw you!” Ouch?
She shakes me back and forth to the point I can feel my brain bouncing around like a hockey puck on ice. “I will do this with great honor.” She pulls back and squeals while spinning in a circle, clapping her hands. “I’ll get rid of the old shit for space for the new, better shit.” She wipes away a tear and runs into the closet.
I am frozen, in shock. I glance at Julia, who just shrugs and says, “She’s been waiting a while for you to come to your senses. I knew this would happen the moment I saw that little spark bullshit between you and Grey. But don’t worry, you see how she dresses. I’ve got you. We’ll have you looking like me in no time.” She sends me a wink that is supposed to reassure me, but, in fact, it intensifies my worry until it’s through the roof and chilling with the stars.
This will not end well.
***
I plop in one of the plush chairs in the dress shop. She dragged us all here after classes ended. For the past three hours, we have been combing the mall for outfits that will, in Jaimie’s words, shock the pants off Grey before he pounds into me senselessly. I nearly threw up but blushed all at the same time when she said that. She’s absolutely insane. And she proved that today by dragging me from store to store, filling my arms with bags upon bags with things like dresses, skirts, jeans, blouses, and so much more.
We’ve been using the card my mother gifted to me. It has, well, had, five thousand dollars on it. Sounds like a lot, but to my parents that’s a penny. Anyway, I’m only supposed to use it in case of emergencies, or food, or to buy textbooks, not a shopping spree. She is so going to kill me when she gets the credit card bill.
I crank out the ache in my neck and relax into the fur-trimmed chair. I watch with droopy eyes as she picks up yet another purple dress and puts her head through the gap between the rack, pressing the sparkly and expensive dress down her middle section, popping her leg out with a bat of her eyelashes.
“Like it? I think it’d go with your eyes. Or my eyes. But this is great with eyes,” she rambles and twirls in it. Julia steps up behind her, slaps her butt, and falls on the bright orange chair beside me and lets out a loud whoop!
“Oh, just get it already,” I say and sigh, waving my hand absently.
“I won’t be long,” she promises, skipping over to the dressing room. “I still want us to go catch a movie.”
Somehow along the road, this became Jaimie’s spree and not mine. But I honestly don’t mind. I got everything I needed over an hour ago. She can knock herself out. It’s not exactly like my parents haven’t already generated the amount we’ve spent in the past ten minutes. Maybe my mother won’t notice the chunk missing from the card…but then again, she’s already given up all faith in me.
Speaking of which, I’ve tried calling her to apologize for the distance between us, wanting to patch things up, but she never answered. Not once, out of the thirty times I called. I just hope she’ll come around and remember I’m still the old me. And that I haven’t changed.
The only thing that has really changed is my sense of independence, but that only stems from my distance from her. My staying here at college sparked something in me. Life, really. And I don’t think I’d change a thing about it. Maybe her outlook on it, but other than that, I’m quite happy.
When she comes back out of the changing room, she has two different dresses in her hands, asking for our opinion.
Mason takes the lime green chair next to me, wearing a pair of blue heart-shaped glasses, a hot pink fedora, and slurping an icy. “Go for the red one, if you want to be daring. Now that would really bring out your eyes.”
Jaimie purrs and kicks up her feet, swirling a red boa from a nearby rack around her waist. “Now you’re talking. Be back, bitches.” She sends us a flirtatious wink that causes me to roll my eyes and watch as she sashays into the dressing room with the red dress flung across her arms.
I turn to Mason and laugh at his ridiculous outfit. “Have you lost your mind as well?” I reach forward and steal his fedora, settling it on my head, flashing him a seductress smile. “Don’t worry, I have too. I’m going out with Grey tonight.”
His smile drops. “You’re really doing that?” He yanks off the glasses he found, along with the boa and hat, in the accessory part of the store.
Here we go. I let out a sigh as I take off the fedora and play with the orange feather sticking out of it. “Yes, I am. I just—I won’t know if there is anything to salvage if we don’t give this a real shot. Can you just be happy for me?”
“I can be, but he really isn’t the type of person you should even be associating yourself with,” he says.
“Why not? I know he’s a little…eccentric and hurtful sometimes, but I see something with him, and I want that something. If it doesn’t work out, then I promise I’ll stop everything. But for now…you have to have some faith in me.”
He stares at me for a long while before letting out a winded breath. “Fine, I understand what you’re saying. I want you to be happy, and if he truly does that…then go for it. Just know that I’m here for you for anything and everything. Just—just remember to be careful with him. Okay?” He slips on an encouraging smile and takes my hands. I mirror his smile and lean over the chair to wrap my arms around him. He laughs, and I soak in the way it makes me shiver. I laugh along with him.
This is what I need—support, even if I am doing the wrong thing. I just need him to tell me he’ll be here for me and care about me. If this is the wrong thing, well, at least I tried, and I had his support backing me up.
I fall back in my chair and point a finger at him with a teasing smile. “You never told me how that date went with you and Sarah. What happened? Were there sparks? More hickies? Tell me everything.” I lean on my elbows and stare at him, wide-eyed.
He shakes his head with an amused chuckle. “There were no hickies or anything like that, but I did have a nice time.” I frown and reach over to poke his stomach with a groan.
“Tell me more, weirdo,” I command, but he pushes my hand away, shrugging.
“There were no sparks or anything. Kissing? Sure. But not a lot of electricity or anything. I guess she just wasn’t, you know, the one.” He sounds bummed but not totally heart-broken. Which only proves his point. I can’t help but frown and watch as he plays with the sunglasses in his hands. I really thought they hit it off. I hope he does find that one, and honestly, I hope the same thing for myself.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble with my chin still rested on my palm.
He waves me off, grinning. “It’s no big deal.”
I pick at my sweater’s sleeve. “Do you think there’ll be ‘spark’ on my date tonight with Grey?” I put up air quotes. I feel silly for asking. Whenever I am with or around him, all I ever feel is electricity passing through us, like we’re magnets with potential energy, just waiting to collide and explode in the most beautiful way.
He knits his eyebrows and stares into my eyes before saying, “From what I’ve seen…there’ll be a damn electric explosion,” he says with a growing smile that makes me look away in slight embarrassment. He chuckles and playfully nudges my shoulder with his hand. I return the favor and end up in laughter that I try to hold back when Jaimie comes out and twirls in the dress.
I have a good feeling about tonight…
***
Finally, after another hour of shoe shopping, we are finished. My ankles are killing me, my back is sore, and my patience has run very thin, but I did get my outfit for tonight, so it isn’t all that bad.
“Who’s ready for the movies?” Jaimie hollers on our way to her car.
We all groan in an exhausted reply, and she laughs while opening the trunk.
“I can’t go, I have the date. Remember?” I stuff about ten bags in the trunk. We’ll have to put most of these bags in the backseat. Maybe even some in the front. “I’ve already called Sam to pick me up right now,” I inform them, absentmindedly shoving a bag until the trunk can’t fit any more.
I turn on my heels and find Mason frozen in place.
“You don’t mean…Sam Wilson…do you?” he croaks and licks his lips. I let out a nervous laugh and nod.
“Yes,” I tell him and pause. “Why? What’s wrong? You look pale, sweetie.” I put a hand against his cheek in a joking matter, but his face doesn’t fall back into place. He looks behind my shoulders and nervously fidgets on his feet.
“Remember that he’s Grey’s friend, and he’s already vicious, with a past you don’t know half of. So be careful around him. Don’t get wrapped up with Sam or trust anything he says. I mean it, Liv.” He steps forward and takes my hand as I hear a car engine coming up behind us.
I turn to look over my shoulder, but he yanks me so I’m looking into his eyes. I shiver at the intensity and look of fear crossing his usually bright face. “Promise me you won’t trust him, Olivia.”
Whoa, Olivia? What is going on?
“What aren’t you telling me, Mason?” I nervously glance at the blue car beside us. Sam is in it, snapping on a piece of pink gum. He looks over a pair of dark sunglasses and winks at me.
“Baby-girl…” His eyes trail over to Mason and recognition lights his eyes. “Mason.” He says his name as if it’s an inside joke. A joke I don’t know nor appreciate.
Mason tugs at my hands and gulps before whispering, “Just—don’t listen to anything he tells you. Okay?” I don’t like the panic in his voice or the shadiness of this whole situation. I want him to just tell me why not to trust Sam or Grey. There’s something no one is telling me, and being on the outside of it all is both frustrating and humiliating.
“Mason—” I start, worried.
Sam honks his horn and flips me a charming smile with a laugh. “Better get going before traffic gets heavy.”
I half-smile at him and glance at Mason, but he’s already at the back door of Jaimie’s car, a worried expression sprawled over his face. He tips his head at me as if to say, “Remember my words.” I nod and watch as Jaimie pulls out of the parking lot and drives away, taking all of my confusion with the boy who stares at me through the back window.
***
We have been driving for ten minutes, and the entire time I’ve been chewing on my nail while in deep thought. Mason’s warnings made no sense and left me rattled. How does he expect me to act after looking so shaken? Does he think I can act normal—not scared—around Sam now? Because I can’t. All I can do is sneak glimpses at him and wonder if he’s going to pull over on the side of the road, kill me, then ditch my body in a ditch.
Mason could have at least given me a little reason to heed his words. He didn’t have to leave me with a million unanswered theories, all of which end in the same way: Me dead.
“Everything okay, love?” Sam asks me. I catch his glance and give him a partial smile. I am so cautious, so frightened, and it’s all because of damned Mason!
“Just peachy,” I answer him and look ahead at the gravel as he drives.
It’s silent for a beat as I dive into my thoughts again. But I don’t want to get too wrapped up in them. Not when we’re five minutes away from campus, and he can easily pull over and chop my limbs from my body.
“You wanna hear something crazy? Mason told me you were a…bad guy.” The words slip out of my mouth before I know it. But I can’t help it. I’m scared out of my mind right now.
“He did, huh?” He sounds like he knows exactly why, and I suddenly feel very uncomfortable. And a tad bit unsafe. I glance at the door and spare him a small smile. I nod, and he returns it with his own before looking back on the road.
I watch as he curls his long fingers around the steering wheel. The action makes an unsettling sound of rubber twisting, and I grind my teeth together out of nerves.
“You know, your boyfriend isn’t all that saint-like, either. Actually, I think—no—I know he’s much worse than me.” His laugh sends a chill down my spine and makes my fingertips itch.
“I didn’t know you were bad to begin with…” I narrow my eyes in suspicion, and he cocks a smirk before glancing at me.
“We’re all a little bad on the inside, baby girl.”
I merely hum.
He looks back on the road. “Do you trust Grey?” What kind of question is that? It’s so random. I scrunch up my face and avoid his glance from the road. I don’t exactly have the answer. I actually do, but I don’t want to see him gloat.
“Yes, I do.”
He glances at me. “Then he obviously hasn’t told you everything…I wonder if you’ll stick around after he does. You know, they call him the ‘skull crusher’ for a reason. And that Maci—sorry.” He laughs. “Mason fella isn’t all that sweet, either.” His gaze on me makes my blood pressure drop to negative five. “You sure do know how to attract the wicked, don’t you?”
“What are you talking about?”
He taps my thigh and whistles a bone-chilling tune before facing ahead and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
He doesn’t say anything more.
***
“Hot dang it, motherfu—” I set down the mascara wand before I can officially poke my eye out. “I am a child of God, I am a child of God…” I chant to myself to prevent myself from cursing any more than I already have while applying this God-forsaken mascara. I am finally able to finish the simple yet delicate look I’m going for. I let out a deep breath of relief and walk in front of the full-length mirror on Julia’s side of the room. “Not too bad.” I stare at the floral print dress and white heels on my feet. I have my wild curls up in a high ponytail and am wearing minimal makeup.
I didn’t know if I should go all out because Grey didn’t tell me where we were going, so I went for this look. It’s simple yet date-worthy…I think. I don’t know, I’ve never been on a date before. Ever.
A blush creeps past my cheeks, enhancing the small cosmetic blush on my cheeks. I can’t believe I’m going on my first ever date. And I can’t believe it’s with Grey Wyler. I thought I would witness hell freeze over before he asked me out. What if he wears a tux? Ha!
“As if,” I mutter to myself, snorting.
A knock at the door grabs my attention. That must be him. Suddenly it’s hard to breathe.
You can do this, Liv. You have this. I prep myself while walking over to the door. Taking in a deep breath to solidify the drumming in my stomach, I swing the door open and feel my breath whoosh out, like I’ve been kicked in the stomach.
Grey is leaning on the door. He is all in black, like usual, from his loafers, to his slacks, all the way to the thin dress jacket that covers his pressed button-down shirt. What the hell happened to him, and where is my Grey? He looks like he got kidnapped and held hostage in Nordstrom.
He looks me up and down. His tongue sensually slides between his lips. He rubs his palms together as his eyes rise up and up, slowly, as if to drink in my outfit. When his eyes finally reach mine, he is smirking from ear to ear, a glint in his dark eyes and creases in his cheeks.
“Goddamn, Princess. You look…stunning.” His voice is low and raspy. He regards me with a cocky smile and raises his eyebrows as he shoves his hands in his pants pockets. I stop shifting my weight from foot to foot and clear my throat, hoping it’ll help me formulate words.
“You look stunning too,” I say, fumbling to correct myself but end up sounding even more stupid. “I—uh—I mean, you totally look fine. I mean, good. You look…good too. Grey.” I suck in a deep breath and sheepishly run my hand across my shoulder and shrug. “Can we go before I pass out from nerves?”
He chuckles and reaches forward. “Come on, babe.” Babe? The word releases the butterflies in my stomach. “I knew I would be too fine for you to function,” he says in dismay and shakes his head as he closes the door after I quickly grab my white shoulder bag. I turn around and swat at his shoulder. He laughs and puts his hand on my lower back, leading us to the elevators.
“You’re way too cocky is more like it. Remind me to steer you away from dress shirts,” I joke and hip bump him, which he returns. He barks a laugh at my screaming his name and wraps an arm around my waist before planting a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“Remind me to steer you into dresses, because—” He blows a wolfish whistle and bites his lip. “Damn, do you have the legs for it.” Boy, am I glad I shaved today. “Though I do love what you look like out of them…”
“Grey Wyler!” I gasp in theatrics, and he throws his head back in laughter. I like this look on him. He looks clean cut, handsome as ever, and…happier, for some reason. And I like to think I’m the reason for it.
We step onto the elevator, and he sneaks a kiss. I whine about taking it slow, but I secretly love it.
Everything from what Mason and Sam told me earlier vanishes into thin air. Tonight is about me and Grey. No one else. I promised us a clean slate, and that means nothing about the past, only the future.