Chapter Twenty-Four
Ember
“Oh my God,” I said in disbelief as he walked through the door at the orthopedist’s office. Had it already been four weeks?
“Do you like it?” he asked, waving his arm in the middle of the waiting room.
“What is it?” I slipped my Kindle into my purse and stood.
“It’s an air cast. Sexy, right?”
I gingerly took hold of it, turning his arm over and inspecting the device. “And you’ll still heal?”
“Faster, at least that’s what they said. They were minor fractures, really, in good locations, or as good as you can get when you break your arm, right?”
“And you can take it off?” I fingered the Velcro.
“Yeah, but only to wash my arm.” He ran his tongue across his lower lip and gave me a look that screamed pure sex. “Or maybe other things…”
I fake-punched the good side of his chest. “Ha-ha. You have jokes. It comes off in the shower and that’s it, mister.”
“There are no rules against getting you in the shower,” he whispered in my ear, throwing his arm around my shoulders as we walked out of the orthopedist’s.
The image of him naked against me, water dripping over the lines of his muscles, hitched my breath. “After your arm is one hundred percent,” I promised, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. “As for now, we’re due at the airport in two hours.”
“I’m driving,” he said with a wicked grin, snatching the keys out of my hand.
“Josh, you have a cast on!”
“Ember, your car is an automatic!” he teasingly mocked me, even nailing my eyebrow arch. “I’m good, I swear. I asked.”
He opened my door and winked when I glowered at him and settled into my seat, then clicked the belt in place. “I don’t like this,” I said as he slid in behind the wheel.
He sported a sexy-as-hell grin as he waited for the power seat to scoot back. “It’ll be fine, relax.” His hand crept up my thigh, and I plopped it back on the gear shift.
“Nuh-uh. You need both hands, buddy.”
“Okay, but be patient with me. I might be a little rusty.”
I bit my tongue. He shouldn’t have been driving period. I ran through Mom’s advice from volunteering with PTSD soldiers in my head. Be patient. He might drive a little more slowly than normal. He might drive between lanes. He might be a lot more defensive.
He pulled out of the parking space without incident, and I breathed a sigh of relief, then another one once we’d made it off post.
Then he gunned it.
The force of his acceleration threw me back in my seat. My gaze snapped to his face, the small smile that grew as the speedometer climbed. I found the door handle in my hand before I even thought about gripping.
“You know we’re not late or anything, right?” I asked, hoping my voice stayed neutral.
He shot me an amused look. “God, I missed this.”
He darted between cars, switching lanes to weave in and out of the building traffic…and that was before we got on the highway.
Once we hit the on-ramp, I mentally steeled myself. Josh had always driven fast, that was never in question. So why was I so nervous now?
Because whatever that was in his eyes at this moment, that slight edge—it hadn’t been there before. My breath froze in my lungs when he passed the car in front of us, narrowly shooting the gap before darting back into the lane. I snuck a look at the speedometer. Ninety-five.
Don’t nag. Do. Not. Nag.
“Babe, if we get pulled over, I’m pretty sure we’ll actually be late for the flight.”
He looked at me, and I wanted to turn his face back to the damn road. “You’re scared,” he remarked.
“I’m nervous,” I answered, trying to keep the middle ground.
“Did you forget how I like to drive?” he joked.
“Did you forget that my VW doesn’t have rotors? This isn’t”—my sentence faltered as we threaded another needle to pass—“a helicopter.”
“Okay, okay,” he said, his shoulders sagging as he pulled into the right-hand lane.
As our speed dropped, so did the light in his eyes. Doubt gnawed its way into my head with each passing mile that Josh stayed within five mph of the speed limit. Should I have asked him to slow down? I mean, was there really a danger? Sure, he’d always driven like he was a lost member of the crew from The Fast and the Furious, but I’d never been worried enough to actually ask him to slow down.
Had I overreacted?
Wait, was I overthinking this now? I shook my head like the unwelcome line of thought would tumble loose. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take your fun away.” Okay, that was the lamest apology ever.
He took my hand in his and lifted it to his lips, kissing the back gently. The air cast did give his fingers way more mobility. I’d definitely wigged over nothing.
“Babe, if you’re ever scared, just tell me. I’d rather slow down than make you think I don’t care how you’re feeling. Besides, like you said, we have plenty of time to get to the airport.”
That was why I loved this man so deeply. No matter what he wanted, he always took my feelings into account first.
Right. That’s why he won’t let you in about what happened to him over there.
I flicked the thought-devil off my shoulder and tried to enjoy the remainder of the drive to the airport.
We checked in at the skycap after parking the car and headed inside the terminal. The line for security wound down the small hallway, and we found ourselves packed in like little sardines.
“This is taking forever,” Josh muttered, shifting his weight from foot to foot, his eyes scanning the crowd around us.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Never better,” he said, still checking out the lines.
It clicked. “Is the crowd bothering you?” I asked gently.
He shook his head, then caught my eyes and slowly nodded. “A little.”
I took his hand, stroking my thumb into his palm and pressed lightly.
“Mmmmm.” He closed his eyes, and I began to massage the muscles. I kept it up until it was time to slip off our shoes and walk through the scanner. Josh rolled his eyes but sat through the advanced screening for his air cast, mumbling something about what he did for a living. Then we took up residence in an empty gate across from ours, which was packed, and waited it out.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and tugged me into his hard frame. “Thank you,” he whispered against my forehead and then placed a tender kiss there that melted my heart into a puddle of warm goo.
“There’s nothing to thank me for,” I responded truthfully.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with…all of this.”
I snuggled in further and turned to kiss his jaw. “All of this is all of you, and it’s nothing. You don’t like crowds right now? We’ll avoid them. You want to drive fast? I’ll find you a racetrack like one of those NASCAR things. We got this.”
“NASCAR, huh?”
“How did I know that’s what you’d pick up on out of all that?” I laughed. “Besides, maybe they’ll teach you how to use a brake.”
“Oh, you’ve got jokes?” He tickled me, and I lost it, flailing my arms.
“Ahh! Stop!” As soon as I asked him to, he did, but not before I sent my bag sprawling at our feet, dumping my Kindle, wallet, and papers from the biggest pocket to the floor.
“Here, babe,” he said, scooping up most of it. His hands paused on the paperwork, but he put it back into the manila envelope. “Is this…”
My cheeks heated, like I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t have. Like I’d been sneaking it. “Dig paperwork,” I answered.
“Oh,” he answered, his voice fading as he slid the envelope into the bag.
“I basically just need to look at it so I know where to send the papers to cancel,” I said in a rush. “I’m not going.”
His gaze swung to meet mine. “You’re what?”
“Not…going?” Why are you asking him? Isn’t that your choice?
“Yes, you are.”
They called our flight to board. “Looks like that’s us,” I said.
“You’re going. You’re not turning down this dig because I got hurt.” His lips flattened into that determined I’m-not-giving-up line, and I sighed.
“It’s not just you getting hurt. I’m not leaving you for a week, let alone two months. Not when I almost lost you.” My voice dropped to a whisper.
He cupped my face in his hands as they called our flight again. “You are going.”
“It’s too soon.”
“For who? I’m the one who crashed, and yet you’re the one afraid to spread your wings. December, I’ve been responsible for a lot lately, but I’m not going to stand by while you give up this dig, and your entrance into the doctorate program, because you’re scared to leave me. Nothing’s going to happen to me.”
“They’re calling our flight.”
“We’ll sit here until you agree to go.”
“You’d hold your mother hostage against my dig?” I arched an eyebrow.
“Fuck. You had to bring my mother into this?” His eyes closed, and he took a deep breath. “My one weak spot.”
I shrugged, unapologetic. “She hasn’t seen you in months, and she’s been so worried…”
His mouth dropped. “Cruel.”
“Effective.”
He stood, pulling me with him, and swung my bag over his shoulder. “This conversation is continuing on that plane.”
“I brought noise-canceling headphones.”
“The sass-mouth on you, I swear. No more talking to Sam on Skype. You’re cut off.”
I laughed as the attendant scanned our tickets, and we walked the Jetway. The line shuffled forward until we stood at the threshold of the plane.
Josh paused just behind me, and I looked over my shoulder to where he held up the rest of the line. “Babe?”
He swallowed, and it was as if he’d pulled the color out of his face in the same motion. “Yeah. I’m okay.”
What was going on? He’d never freaked out when we traveled before. I was usually the one who had to have my hand held while we were…oh, shit…flying.
“Babe, we don’t have to go. Or we can drive,” I said with a smile, ready to walk off that plane at his signal.
He shook his head and stepped forward. “Nope, I’m good. Let’s just get to our seats.”
We found our seats, and I took the window while Josh took the aisle. He put my bag under the seat ahead of me, knowing I tended to freak if I couldn’t reach my laptop, but pulled the folder out before sliding it home.
“I told you we weren’t done.” He waved the papers.
Shit. “Okay, give me one good reason I should go, and then I’ll tell you why I’m not. We’ll see who’s left standing at the end.” I arched an eyebrow. “Because I’m not going, and you can’t make me.”
His eyes skimmed my face, a slow, easy smile tilting his lips. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. Uncaring that we were on a plane in full view of anyone who wanted to see, Josh launched an assault on my senses. He tugged on my lower lip with his teeth, and I acquiesced, opening to him. He quickly pounced, devouring my mouth in a way that was highly inappropriate and sexy as hell.
My hands tangled in his hair, and I’d quit caring where we were by the time he lifted his head. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”
An unladylike snort erupted from me. “I’m not mad, I’m determined.”
He dragged his tongue across his lip, and the cabin was suddenly very hot. I reached up, quickly turning the dial for air, shifting my weight to ease the ache he’d woken with just a freaking kiss. Damn it, now I was turned on, too? This was going to be a long trip.
“This dig will make it so you can apply to start your PhD in the spring term.”
“So?” I asked, still fighting with the freaking air.
He reached up and turned it, and cool sanity hit my face. Now if only it would douse my thighs in ice. That’d be great.
“So, you couldn’t apply in time for normal term because we didn’t know where I’d be stationed until December.”
“Right.” Yeah, I’d been pissed. Of course my future would revolve around where Josh was stationed, but that was the life I’d chosen. So I’d bitten my tongue and waited for his assignment, knowing that it would cost me a year.
“So now you’ll get to go on an amazing dig and be on track with your peers for your PhD.”
The plane pulled away from the gate. Josh gripped the armrest but showed no other sign of nervousness.
“I’ll be gone for two months.”
He shrugged. “I was gone for three. It’s your turn.”
“And look what happened during those three!” I hissed and immediately regretted it.
“Okay, well, as long as you’re not flying helicopters in enemy territory, I think we can safely assume the same won’t happen to you.” He winked.
Winked. How could he look like everything was okay when I knew the truth?
I barely held myself back from sputtering. “Not funny. What if you need me?”
“I’ll adapt, just like we do during deployments.”
A shudder racked me. “Okay, don’t say that in plural. One is enough.”
“You need this,” he argued, brushing a strand of hair off my shoulder and lingering on my exposed bra strap.
I pulled up the boatneck of my T-shirt. “I need you,” I argued.
“No, you don’t. You stood on your own while I was gone, and I was proud of you, December. I’m not going anywhere, our relationship, our marriage…” He paused, as we both smiled like idiots for that second, but his faded. “It’s two months, and you’re going.”
We taxied out to the runway, both ignoring the monotone explanation of the jet’s safety features.
“I don’t think you understand, Josh. I don’t know if I can walk away and leave you here. You coming home alive is this giant gift, and I can’t just ignore that and go spend two months in Turkey. If Dad had come home, Mom wouldn’t have left his side.”
He swallowed. “You’re not your mother. I love her, Ember, I do, but you’ve never been the woman to let your dreams take a backseat to mine. It’s one of the reasons that I love you. You know who you are and what you want. I’m not going to be responsible for you losing that.”
“Me not going on one dig while you’re recovering is not going to alter the course of my life, our life,” I argued.
He rubbed his hands over his face. “Stop. Just stop. This fucking mess I’m in the middle of, I’m not dragging you into it. Captain Trivette is dead. Will is dead. Jagger’s legs are pulverized, and I’m…” He shook his head. “I’m responsible for enough tragedy without adding your future to it, so you’re going. End. Of. Story.”
“We,” I whispered as the jet whirred to life, sending us hurling down the runway.
“What?” he barked, his knuckles white against the armrest.
I covered his hand with mine. “We are in this mess, not just you. When are you going to see that?”
His eyes swirled with emotions I couldn’t name, they flickered by too fast, but the anger, the determination—that stayed front and center.
“You’re going to fucking Turkey,” he snapped as we went airborne.
He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes, effectively shutting me out. My hand fell away from his, and I looked out the window as the ground dropped away from us.
I’d felt closer to him when he was in Afghanistan than I did with him sitting right next to me.