I tried Joseph’s cell phone a few times but it took me directly to voicemail. Finally I settled for a text. Sorry, I tapped out. Then, I don’t know what’s going on but I’m going to fix this.
I marched through the arena, unholy hellfire in my steps. I blazed through backstage and onto the stage—no band. I wanted to scream. I kept my stride up as I burst through the back door. Outside, it had started to rain. Lightning streaked across the dark grey sky. Perfect, the weather matched my mood. Our bus lights were on. Ha, caught you motherfucker. I banged on the door. It opened. I stomped up the steps. My hair hung in wet tendrils, makeup likely running down my face.
The whole band was there, plus Trent. Billy sat on the couch, phone in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. He was playing that damn Candy Crush game. I could hear the tune, the sound of the pieces of candy exploding or whatever it was they did.
“Daisy?” Jett asked. Is it possible for steam to come out of someone’s ears? It sure felt like it was coming out of mine.
“Hey, flower.” Billy glanced up, eyeing my dripping hair. “You’re going to catch a cold if you wander about in the rain like that.” Oh, so he wanted to play it casual, like nothing was wrong, like he hadn’t fired Joseph.
“Hey, Billy.” I stepped closer. My sneakers left wet imprints on the hardwood floor.
“Daisy you all right?” Chord asked.
I kept my focus on Billy and answered Chord. “You know, you’re the second one who’s asked me that today.”
“I think she’s finally lost it,” Turner whispered loudly. Chord or Jett chuckled.
“You kind of look like that girl from ‘The Grudge’ right now,” Chord observed.
“I feel like it.” I stood in front of Billy.
The blond rocker’s eyes stayed firmly on his Candy Crush game. “How’s your day been Billy?” I kept my voice calm. Inside I trembled with rage.
Billy’s jaw flexed, thumb sliding little pieces of animated candy to and fro. “Actually, now that you mention it, it’s been kind of shitty. I woke up and you and my daughter were nowhere to be found.” Billy paused and took a long drink of his beer. “Then because you weren’t here I had to find someone to make me coffee.”
“You poor thing.” I sounded hoarse. Usually, I summoned Perry or one of Billy’s assistants to bring him his morning cup of joe. God forbid he call them himself.
Billy lifted a shoulder. “It’s not a big deal. Although Terry—”
“Perry,” I corrected.
“Right. Perry forgot to put milk in my coffee. Wrong way to start the day, I tell you.”
Behind me Jett said, “It’s a crying shame, mate.”
A half-empty bottle of tequila sat on the window ledge behind Billy. I reached past him, popped the top and took a swallow. Yikes, that burned. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Oh my god, she’s day drinking,” Turner said in mock horror.
“Billy?”
“Yeah, flower?” he asked, mildly curious.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here this morning. And I’m sorry I didn’t make you coffee.”
“It’s all right, yeah? You can make it up to me by making me something good tonight. How long does it take to make that meatloaf you’ve made before?”
I took a deep breath, bottle of tequila clutched tightly in my hand. “It takes about four hours. It’s too late for that now. I’m sorry about that too.” One day, when I was feeling particularly delightful, I’d made my mother’s meatloaf for Addy and the band. Billy had taken one bite and declared it the best meal he’d ever had, then he forbade any of the band from eating any more of it. “My meatloaf,” he’d said, hoarding it.
“You don’t need to apologize, flower. We’ll just send Terry out for something.” The time on his Candy Crush game expired. He lost the level. “Fuck,” he drawled out. “I can’t get past this level. I need someone to call the manufacturer and tell me how to beat it.”
I inhaled. “Billy, I’m sorry that your day’s been so shitty. Mines been bad, too. But I think you already know that.” Because he was the creator of this shit storm.
“Hope it gets better,” he mumbled. He’d restarted the level.
“Oh, I think it’s going to turn around any minute now. Unfortunately, I think yours is about to get worse.” In one quick movement I snatched the phone from his hand and threw it across the room. Chord and Turner ducked out of the way. The phone shattered on impact, the Candy Crush song dwindled to a sad tune then muted.
“What the fuck!” Billy glared at me. Oh, I had his attention now.
I wasn’t done. “That was for everything you said to me last night and how you’re treating me now.” All in all I thought he was getting off easy. Doormat Daisy was a thing of the past. “And this …” I raised the bottle of tequila up and over Billy’s head and began to pour … “is for firing Joseph.”
“Holy shit,” Chord murmured.
Billy sat stunned for one single, beautiful moment, then he shot to his feet, tequila pouring down his face. Whoops. Big whoops. It took two point three seconds for the magnitude of what I’d just done to hit home. This wasn’t just flipping Billy off, or dying his hair or even telling him to fuck off. This was full assault. I’d broken his phone. I’d dumped a bottle of tequila over his head. His green eyes burned with the same amount of rage I’d felt only moments ago. My courage packed its bags and ran away. I thought it best to follow it. I swiveled and raced to the door. Not fast enough. In three giant strides Billy caught me. His body careened into mine, pressing me into a wall. Not hurting, but definitely trapping me. I struggled a bit, but there was no getting around his massive frame. His front was to my back. I jabbed an elbow out, striking his side. Billy exhaled but didn’t move. “That’s a-fucking-nough,” he said, crowding me more. “What the fuck has gotten into you?”
I let out a whimper. Tears cascaded down my face. “You fired Joseph.”
“Yeah,” he ground out against my ear. I could feel the stares of the band and Trent on us. We were giving them quite the show.
“Billy, I think you should step back, give Daisy some space,” Trent spoke up.
“I think you should shut the fuck up, Trent,” Billy retorted, his breath hot against my cheek.
The big man gave me a “well I tried, what can you do?” look. My outrage flared, reignited. “You’re just going to let him manhandle me like this?” I asked Trent, the band.
“I’m not hurting you,” Billy spat out.
Somehow I managed to flip around. My hands went to Billy’s chest and pushed. “What is wrong with you?” I pushed again. Billy didn’t budge. If anything this made me angrier. Damn his superior strength and his fine chest and his beautiful eyes. “Why do you keep jerking me around?” Another push. I was so blind in my own rage I didn’t see Billy’s anger rising again. “I don’t get it.” More pushing. “Why did you fire Joseph?” I screeched out.
“Because he wanted my fucking nanny!” Billy yelled, stepping back. He slapped his wet chest. “And I’ll be damned if some sniveling tutor takes you from me.”
“I’m not yours!” I shouted, even though it sounded false, didn’t ring true.
He sneered. “You’ve been mine since the day you slapped that cigarette out of my hand and demanded I get my head out of my arse.”
My lips tightened, I spoke softly. “I remember that differently.”
He let out a noise, the sound a combination of a roar and groan. He dragged his hand through his hair, droplets of tequila sprayed everywhere. “You say I keep jerking you around, but you’re the one who’s pulling all the strings. I don’t fucking understand you. What more do you want from me? I cooked for you.” Ugh, was he talking about the crunchy soup? I’d hardly call that a four-course meal. “I go to the grocery store for you, risked contracting Ebola and god knows what else for you.” Huh? Oh, that’s right, Billy mentioned signing something for a snotty-nosed kid while at the market. “I tell you shit I’ve never told anyone. I let you in. Jesus, what fucking more do you want?”
There were some shuffling noises and I watched over Billy’s shoulder as the guys quietly left the bus. Jett shot me a pointed look and shook his head. So he was disappointed in me. He thought I was playing Billy. How the hell had this all turned on me? When had I become the bad guy? The bus door shut with an audible click. We were alone.
I swallowed back a thickness building in my throat. Billy’s chest heaved. My brow scrunched. I leaned heavily against the wall. All that was left inside of me was a pit of raging sadness and confusion. “This is exhausting, going toe to toe with you all the time.” I spoke my thoughts out loud. I didn’t know which way was up anymore, which way was down. I didn’t know right from wrong.
Billy snorted, in agreement or disagreement, I couldn’t tell.
“This isn’t me.” I’d never gotten so angry to the point of destruction. Billy’s shattered phone lay near my feet.
“What if it is you, and you just never knew it?” Billy said. Some of the anger had left his face. But I could still something burning just below the surface, the leftover adrenaline from our fight.
I put my hands behind my back. “It’s not me,” I insisted. “You bring out the worst in me.” I was still a little angry. It was a downright mean thing to say. Luckily, Billy’s ego wasn’t quite so fragile as to take offense.
He stepped closer to me. “I bring out the best in you.” He stuck his tongue in his cheek. “Or maybe it’s the opposite. You bring out the best in me. I haven’t yelled at a single assistant today and all because I kept thinking, Daisy wouldn’t like that. It’s given me a headache you know. This ‘having a conscience’ is a son of bitch. No wonder everyone else is always in such a sour mood. It sucks the fun out of everything.”
Despite the horribleness of his statement, I laughed.
“Ah, there she is. Did you know I live to see that smile?” Billy cupped my cheek. He stunk of tequila. I didn’t care. “Don’t be cross with me, flower. I can’t stand it.” I swallowed hard. As easy as it was to be angry with him, it was even easier forgiving him. Call me a glutton for punishment. Billy had me in his web. Maybe I didn’t want to get free. He twirled a lock of my hair around his finger and regarded me with half-lidded eyes. “Did I ever tell you, how much I love the color of your hair?”
“I know you have a thing for redheads.” There wasn’t any bitterness in my voice. I was just stating a fact.
“I have a thing for this redhead.” He tugged on the strand and let it go. His hands settled on my waist. I felt the warmth of his palms burn through my damp T-shirt. Gooseflesh broke out on my back and arms, everywhere. “It’s time to tell the truth, flower. No more games. No more outs. I’m into you. And if you don’t push me away in two seconds, I’m going to kiss you.”
One second. Two seconds. I let the time tick by.
Billy smiled, wicked and wanting. His head bent and he captured my mouth in a kiss. How had I ever compared Joseph’s kiss to Billy’s? There was no comparison. Joseph was candlelight and Billy was a raging inferno. His tongue swept in, dominant and commanding. I’d thought I could settle for Joseph, for nice. But there would be no settling, not while Billy Wanks was in my life. His hand came up and palmed my breast. He broke the kiss, eyes on his hand working my breast as he ran a thumb over the nipple. I shuddered. “I’ve been thinking about these since Thanksgiving. How soft they felt in my hands. I didn’t get to see them then. You going to let me see them now?”
Thanksgiving reminded me of Addy. “What about Ad—”
He cut me off with a quick kiss. “Isn’t it time for Daisy to come first?” His hand drifted from my breast and back to my hip. Clever fingers crept under my top, grazed the band of my jeans.
“We need to talk about this.” What did this mean? What would happen to Addy if this went south? I hated myself for asking, for putting the brakes on our moment. Billy had just confessed he was into me. I was into him. Any other day I’d be all over him like honey on a hot biscuit. But there was a dark-haired little girl in the way. “When you interviewed me …” I was slightly out of breath. “You have rules, too.” No sleeping with the help.
He sighed and frowned. “Don’t you know by now, I make up the rules?” That was true. He changed his mind on a whim. One day he wanted to fly to Hawaii to swim in the ocean and the next he wanted to go to Alaska to see glaciers. Mercurial described the man best. “You want me. And I want you, yeah?”
I nodded.
“Then little bird doesn’t need to be an issue. You’re under my skin. We’re both adults. I say we scratch each other’s itches and whatever happens, we agree to be mature about it.” It was far from an undying declaration of love. But remember that needy part of me? It reared its ugly head. I kept myself from grabbing him, from clinging and begging he never let me go. Billy waited patiently while I considered his words. Well, semi-patiently—his hands skirted up my spine and fiddled with the clasp of my bra. Lots of dirty, nasty, self-destructive thoughts pushed their way in. You’re the nanny. He’s paying you. It was a hop, skip and a jump to prostitution. I packed up those thoughts, put them in a box and buried it deep in my mind. I’d think about all of that later. Or maybe never. An errant thought escaped the box. The rock star life, it’s a fantasy. Joseph’s words from the other day. I decided to keep that thought out. Use it to my advantage. Fantasies weren’t real after all. Ergo, I was safe.
“Okay,” I said, watching Billy’s arms as his hands worked under my shirt. His forearms were tanned, veiny, tattooed and smattered with blond hair.
He grinned. “Okay.” He dropped a kiss to my lips and at the same time his nimble fingers unclasped my bra. He groaned and his hips pressed against my belly; he was hard under his jeans. I nearly came from just the feel of him rocking against me. Blood coursed through my veins, heating my chilly skin. He nipped at my neck, teeth grazing the thin skin. My arms wound around his neck, urging him closer, to keep rocking against me. I craved the friction. His hands moved from around my back and cupped the heaviness of my breasts. “Jesus, you have the best fucking tits and I haven’t even seen them yet.” Calloused thumbs brushed over my nipples. We hadn’t even begun undressing, and I’d never felt more naked in my life.
He dragged his tongue along my collarbones.
I shimmied a leg up and around his waist.
The bus door hissed as it opened. I gasped, pushing Billy away. But his arms held me tight, squeezing me to him. Jett stood, frozen on the steps, mouth open. Billy growled, grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at the entry, all while keeping a hold of me with one hand. “Get the fuck out,” he said. Jett put up his hands, winked at me and de-boarded.
Before the door shut, I heard him yell. “Chord, you owe me five-hundred bucks, they’re totally about to fuck!”
I clasped Billy closer and buried my nose into his neck. “Oh my god, he saw us.”
Billy chuckled. “Nothing he hasn’t seen before, flower. In fact he caught me bare assed with twins a couple years ago.”
The mention of Billy with women made my insides curdle. “That is not comforting.”
“Don’t worry, darling, it didn’t embarrass me. My fragile masculinity stayed intact.” Hands stroked my back.
I groaned. “Can we not talk about you with other women please?”
Billy shifted, forcing my head out of his neck. “That was a long time ago. Don’t you know? You’re all I see.” My eyes fluttered shut. I wanted to believe him. My insecurities bubbled to the surface. All the groupies, all the models, I could never compete. He grabbed the back of my neck and held me firmly, waiting until I opened my eyes. His gaze latched onto mine. “I mean it, flower. Have I ever lied to you?”
I thought about it. Despite Billy’s flaws, and there were many, he’d always been honest to a fault, sometimes irritatingly so. “No.” I shook my head. I put my hand over his chest, over his beating heart, feeling the heavy thuds.
“Good.” Billy inhaled. “Now, I’m awful concerned about these wet clothes. I think we should get them off.” Slowly he peeled the damp shirt from my body, my bra slipped off soon after. I was topless. The windows of the bus had steamed up. I wasn’t worried anyone could see us. From the outside, all you could was your reflection, the windows were made up of that one-way mirror material. Daylight filtered in. I brought my arms up to cover myself. A natural instinct. When I’d been with Colin, we’d always done it in the dark. “Don’t do that, darling. Never hide from me.” Billy grasped my wrists and moved my arms to my sides. He took his time examining me, watching my chest rise and fall. My breasts felt heavy, my nipples puckered under his stare. He palmed them, lightly massaging, thumbs running over my nipples. I tilted my head back and moaned. “It should be a criminal offense to cover these up.” His head dipped and he took one puckered nipple into his mouth. I jerked at the sensation of my cool flesh meeting his hot mouth. His mouth left my breast. I mourned the loss. “Put your arms and legs around me, darling. I’m going to make you mine now.” I immediately complied. I was ever so obedient. Billy’s hands cupped my rear. He backed up and walked us to his room.
He dropped me on the bed, my body bouncing. And his eyes were back on my breasts. He seemed to really like them. I pouted. “I’m topless and you’re not.”
Before I could finish the sentence Billy was whipping off his shirt. His shoes and pants went next. Just like that, Billy Wanks, rock star, stood in front of me in nothing but a snug pair of black boxer briefs, with a hard-on that would make angels weep. I’d seen his underwear before, since I was the one sent to purchase it most often. But I’d never seen the briefs on him. And it was quite the sight. He towered over me, all tattoos and rippling muscles and messy, tequila-soaked hair. Leather bands wrapped around his wrists. I licked my lips. “Fair is fair, flower. Your turn, nothing but your underwear. God, I hope you’re wearing lace. You know, fuck it, I’ll like anything you’ve got under those jeans, even if they’re granny panties.”
I hummed my amusement. I wasn’t wearing granny panties, but I was wearing a distant cousin: older auntie panties. I shimmied my jeans off. Again, Billy stayed focused on my breasts. My god, if I could get the man to pay such time and attention to anything else, I’d win an award. My jeans lay pooled on the floor and I laid back, letting Billy have his fill. I put one arm behind my head. With the other, I trailed my fingers over my tummy, making a big show out of the bravado I did not feel.
“I knew it.” Billy swallowed and I watched his Adam’s apple work under the smattering of sparrow tattoos. “Fucking granny panties and I just got a little bit harder. I must be a real sick bastard.” He palmed his erection, adjusting it.
My brow puckered. “Hey, these are Victoria’s Secret.” Okay, they were full briefs from their cotton collection, but they were comfortable. So comfortable. And they were cute. There was a smattering of pink cherry blossoms on them. He put a knee on the bed then climbed over me, arms and legs caging me in. I felt small underneath him. I raked my nails down his chest then I threaded my fingers through his hair. It was surprisingly soft, given the alcohol. “I’m sorry I dumped tequila on you.”
“Yeah?” He bent and kissed the space between my breasts. His cock prodded my stomach. He licked at one breast and then the other.
“I’m sorry I broke your phone, too,” I said between gasps.
“You’ve apologized a lot today, flower.” He sucked my neck, his hand snaked down between my legs and under my panties.
“Are you sorry for anything?” I asked.
“I don’t do things I have to apologize for.” A finger parted my lips, stroked once before sliding ever so slowly inside me. I nearly came off the bed. I grasped his wrist, urging him to keep thrusting his digit in and out. “You’re so hot and wet, darling. Do I do that to you?” He thumbed my clit. My thoughts blurred; all I could do was feel. He pumped in and out, thumb swirling over my button. Pleasure built, my orgasm bubbled to the surface. Slowly he withdrew his hand from my panties.
“No,” I moaned, unfulfilled and achy.
“Easy, flower. Let me take care of you.” He looked at me with such hunger, such longing. I rose up and we kissed, open mouthed, tongues slashing, teeth clashing. He lay between my legs, giving me more of that rocking motion from earlier. With just thin strips of fabric separating us, the friction felt ten times, no, one hundred times better. My legs rubbed against his, urging him to come closer, to dive deeper—though neither were possible, the barest amount of light couldn’t penetrate our bodies. He broke the kiss. “I got to admit something, darling. I like things a little rough. If you don’t …” I sucked his neck, his skin tasted like tequila. He groaned and closed his eyes. “If you don’t I can try, I won’t …”
“Rough like how?”
“Biting,” he ground out as I continued my neck assault. If it was possible the one word had me growing wetter. “I want to leave marks all over your pretty tits and neck.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Okay?”
My hand traveled south. I cupped his erection, caressing it with my palm. “Sounds like fun.”
“My god, you’re going to kill me, flower.” He nipped my lips, then my breasts. His teeth grazed the underside of my breast then closed over the flesh, pinching. I jerked. He licked the wound, lapping the sore spot. It gave me a taste of something I knew I’d always been missing, pain and pleasure. He did the same to my other breast. He continued to do this until I was twisting underneath him. After, he drew back and admired his work. “Now everyone will know you’re mine.” I gazed down at my flushed body, tiny red marks dotted the surface. He kissed the red marks, making his way down my tummy. He hovered over my panties and with one swift movement ripped them off. His head moved between my legs, and he blew at my little patch of red curls. “Open up for me, darling. I won’t bite.” He winked at me. “Unless you want me to.” My ability to form words had been lost long ago. My legs fell open. Billy kissed the inside of my thigh. “Fuuuck, look at you. So pretty and pink and glistening.” He licked my center again and again. I squirmed. He held me down, forcing me to be still. Everything inside me tightened. I was this close to coming.
“Billy, please?”
“What, darling? Tell me what you need,” he said, the hum of his words vibrating against my clit. My fingers raked through his hair.
“I need to come, please. I’m so close.”
“Of course. But you’ll come with me inside you.” In an instant his boxers were down around his knees. He bent down, finding his discarded pants, and pulled a foil packet from them. Using his teeth, he ripped into the condom then rolled it onto his cock. Hand wrapped around his length, Billy guided it toward my entrance.
His eyes were fierce, intense, burning emeralds. The intensity should’ve scared me. But I was far past caring, far past self-preservation. I shimmied down, impaling myself. “Fuck,” he swore, fully inside me. He stilled for a moment. “Christ, you feel good. I knew it would be this way. I fucking knew it.” Hands grasped my face and we joined in a soul-searing kiss. He gripped my thighs, forcing me to take what he was giving. He dove deep, thrusting hard. The bed squeaked. The windows fogged even more. Sweat slicked our skin. The angle he held me made it so his pelvis hit my clit. His fingers traveled around my body, to my ass, he squeezed and kept riding me. He pounded into me. He must have felt I was close again because he slowed, letting the orgasm rip through me. I clutched his shoulders, my fingernails digging in, nearly drawing blood. I moaned and said his name and other intelligible things. So good. So good. Please don’t stop. Fuck me. Fuck me. Harder. Harder. He sped up as my orgasm dwindled away. Two, maybe three strokes, and Billy made this guttural sound. Then he collapsed on top of me.