“Are you dead?” A few minutes had passed. I absently stroked Billy’s broad back. His breathing was deep and even, his muscles twitched under my ministrations. I thought he might’ve fallen asleep. I wiggled. “Billy?”
“Quiet, flower. I’m comfy.” He spoke into my neck. Our bodies were sticky.
“We need to talk.”
Billy groaned and rolled off, he deposited the condom in a wastebasket and pulled his boxer shorts up and on.
Feeling very underdressed, I scooped up a discarded tee from the floor. Not Billy’s tequila-soaked shirt. And not my rain-dampened shirt. Another one. Before slipping it on I looked down, at the embarrassing wet spot I’d created. “I need a towel.”
Billy’s green gaze drifted down. Heat flared in his eyes. Oh, he liked it.
“A gentleman would get me towel,” I grumped, slipping on the T-shirt and recognizing Billy’s scent on it, cedar and smoke.
Billy rummaged around in a nightstand, withdrawing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “I thought we established a long time ago that I’m no gentleman.” Oh yes, our rom com movie night, when I’d explained the ultimate romantic thing a guy could do, a la An Officer and a Gentleman. What had Billy called Richard Gere’s move at the end? Undignified. Billy put a cigarette in his mouth and flicked the lighter. I gave him a pointed look. If he lit up right now, I might tear his balls off. He rolled his eyes and let the lighter drop to the bed. He plucked the cigarette from his mouth and slid it behind his ear. “Whatcha want to talk about, flower? I’m all ears, though I’d be listening even better if you lost the shirt.”
I crawled over and knelt by one of his massive thighs. “I want you to give Joseph back his job.”
Billy snickered, but cut it short when he saw my serious expression. His brow furrowed. “Like fucking hell I’m giving him his job back.”
“He’s not a threat,” I explained.
“I know that.” His chin jutted up. “I’ll give him severance pay, but I can’t have him back. You betrayed me with him.”
I rolled my eyes.
“The wound is still too fresh.” He squeezed my thigh. “No matter how deep the hurt, I’ve decided to forgive you though.”
“How kind.”
“Feel free to express your thanks in any manner possible. I suggest something involving your mouth and my dick, but it’s up to you.”
I ignored his remark, even though his dirty words did all sorts of delicious things to my nether regions. I mentally catalogued to give him a fantastic blowjob another time. “I think we should chat more about how this is going to work.”
“I thought we already discussed that. You’re in my bed until whatever is between us burns out.”
I chewed my lip. Even though the sex had only happened a few minutes ago, my feelings for Billy had grown exponentially. It’s just a fantasy, Daisy. This isn’t real. “This could get complicated real fast. I’m your daughter’s nanny. I’m your assistant. Lines have been blurred.”
Billy frowned. He picked the lighter from the bedspread and flicked it. “Stop whipping shit up in your head, flower.”
“I think the more separate we keep things the better. Maybe you should have Perry take over my duties as your assistant.” Billy actually had three other assistants, but I was the head assistant, commander of the minions.
“Fuck that. You can’t quit helping me out, I forbid it. I need to be nurtured.” Billy pouted. “Besides, I thought you enjoyed doing all that shit for me.”
My legs had started to fall asleep. I shifted and sat against the headboard. I guess Billy didn’t like the twelve inches between us, because he scooted over, slung his arm around my shoulders and forced my head onto his chest. I slid my legs under the covers. “I don’t mind doing your stuff, when it’s reasonable.”
He sighed, long and overdrawn, clearly exasperated with the conversation. “I’m not sure I know what’s reasonable or unreasonable anymore.”
I tapped my fingers against his eight-pack abdomen. “Let me throw out a few scenarios. Asking politely for coffee. Reasonable. Spitting out the coffee and dumping it on the pavement because it’s not the right temperature. Unreasonable.” Billy’s chest rumbled with laughter. He did a bad job trying to hide his amusement. I carried on. “Wanting flu medication when you’re sick. Reasonable. Demanding someone oil you down while another person feeds you grapes. Unreasonable.”
Another deep rumble of laughter. “I was going for a Roman theme. It’s a shame you couldn’t find any palm fronds to fan me with. I wanted to feel like Julius fucking Caesar.” Quiet for a moment. I counted Billy’s heartbeats under my ear. “All that aside, I’m not really seeing a distinction here, love.”
It was my turn to sigh. “You’re hopeless.”
“But in a cute, lost-puppy way, don’t you think? I guess you’ll just have to stick by my side, be my reasonable barometer.”
I tried to lift my head but Billy palmed my skull, keeping me on his chest. I circled a flat nipple with my finger. “I think we should continue to use condoms.”
He made a sound of disagreement. “I haven’t gone bare with anyone since I found out about Addy.”
“Are you clean?” I asked.
Billy grunted. “Course I am, flower. I wouldn’t put you at risk. The label makes us get tested every couple of months for insurance purposes. I’m a pro at pissing into cups. Though I don’t care for the cotton swabs.” He mock shivered. “Ghastly things, invented by the devil, I tell you. Even if the label didn’t make us get tested I still would, though. Ever since Chord had that syphilis scare a few years back.”
I patted Billy’s chest. “That’s too much information, honey.”
Underneath my touch, Billy stilled. I darted up, alarm widening my eyes. “What? What did I do?”
His eyes softened and a grin lifted his mouth. “That’s the first time you’ve called me honey.”
“Oh.” I looked down at my lap. The term of endearment had just kind of slipped out.
“I rather like.” He nodded decisively. “I demand you address me as that from now on.”
I felt the blush travel up my neck and cheeks. I played with the sheet. “I think we should go over some rules.”
“All right,” Billy said, surprisingly sober. He patted his thigh. “But you should come sit on my lap while we do. It will make me much more agreeable.” I frowned, noticing the growing tent in his shorts. Still, I shifted over and straddled the man. I lowered myself until my core settled firmly over his erection. Billy didn’t bother to hold back his smile. I didn’t bother to hold back my gasp. “Ah, darling, you’re ready for me again.”
“Rules, Billy,” I said, even as I rocked back and forth. Oh, that friction again, it was my new best friend.
“What are they?” Hands snaked under my big T-shirt and cupped my breasts.
“I don’t think we should touch or kiss or anything around the band or Addy.” Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, I repeated the mantra over and over in my head. Billy tweaked a nipple and the sensation zipped right through me and into my core. I bit my lip. What had we been talking about?
Billy nuzzled my neck. “My god, you smell like open windows and vanilla. I want to make you come again. Please, darling.” How could anyone deny such a request? I threw my head back and grinded myself against his length. “That’s it, take what you want. Ride me.” A hand stilled me, holding my hip while Billy’s other removed his cock. He slid the head against my labia, stroking it back and forth. His other hand stretched behind me, pressing on the small of my back. “Whenever you’re ready, flower.”
I opened my eyes, locked gazes with him. It felt as if a freight train was running through my blood. Despite that, I slowly sunk onto him until I was fully seated. Billy closed the distance between us, kissing me soft and slow, his touch so tender I nearly burst into tears. This meant something. It had too. “You feel so good flower. Divine like heaven or maybe hell, I don’t know.” He gripped my hips, guiding me up his hard length and easing me back down. It was the sweetest torture. A hand traveled over my hip, then a thumb rubbed against my clit. Tension mounted inside me. Exquisite torture. My hips bucked, my body chasing what Billy was offering. I came hard, the force threw me forward, my face went into Billy’s neck, his skin muffled my scream. He held me down while he came on a groan. We sat slumped together again. My thighs trembled. They’d never gotten such a workout.
“Shit,” Billy swore.
“Yeah.” I smiled and dismounted, fluid running down my legs. No condom. Where was my head at? It was in the clouds. “I’m on birth control,” I offered. “And I’m clean.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face. The cigarette behind his ear had fallen to the bedspread, tobacco spilling out onto the sheets. We’d broken it during our thrusts. “That’s good. I’m sorry, flower. I wasn’t thinking.” It was good to know I affected him as much as he affected me. “I sure as hell don’t want any more kids.”
Knife meet heart. Why did that hurt so much? I’d dreamt of a big family one day. Billy’s words were just another reminder that whatever was happening was temporary. My disappointment must have shown in my face, because Billy was quick to qualify. He tilted my chin up so I was looking directly at him. “Don’t get me wrong, flower. Addy’s the light of my life. But I’m a shit parent. You and I both know that.”
“You’re not,” I disagreed vehemently. Every parent had their flaws. Billy’s were larger than most, but he was affectionate and loving toward his daughter, and that said a lot.
“My own kid won’t even call me dad.” He’d brought that up before. It really bothered him. I understood. To Billy, Addy calling him “dad” meant some validation that he was doing something right. He wanted to earn the title, be worthy of it. He grabbed the back of his neck, sucking in a deep breath. “You don’t want me to be the father of your children, flower. I was meant to have just the one. I’m a terrible father and I’m an even worse boyfriend.”
There it was, he couldn’t have been any plainer. No kids. No relationships. If I wanted to be with Billy I’d have to take him as is, in his used, temperamental condition. “If we’re going to keep doing this I need a promise from you.”
His eyes flashed to me.
The sheet balled in my hands. I wished I had pants on, or at least underwear. “While we’re exploring whatever this is …” I gestured between us … “You can’t be with other girls. I won’t see anyone either.”
His mouth twitched. “Are you asking me to be your exclusive fuck buddy?”
I winced at the term. “Yes.” I hurried to fill in the rest, to list my rules. “And I don’t want Addy or the band to know about us.”
He snorted. “It’s a little late for that, or did you forget about Jett seeing us?”
I straightened up. “So maybe the band knows, but I want to try to limit our exposure. And I do not, under any circumstances, want Addy to know what’s going on.” If we fizzled, when we fizzled, I didn’t want Addy to be caught in the crosshairs. I’d hug all my hurt and keep it private, do my best to carry on.
Billy made a sound of much unhappiness. He didn’t like being told what to do; it went against his life motto of: I do what I want and everyone else be damned. A great and heavy silence passed. “What if I don’t agree?” he asked.
I shrugged, tried to act like it meant nothing. “Then we write this off as a mistake and move along as we were.”
His lip turned up in obvious distaste. “I don’t care for you calling what just happened mistake. And I care even less about hiding.” A great, tense silence passed. I stared at him. He stared straight back at me. A standoff. Finally, Billy relented. I kept from hollering at the win. My victories against him were so few. “Fine, if that’s the way you want it. I’ll be your dirty little secret.”
I licked my lips. “What about the exclusivity part?”
“I haven’t been with anyone in months.”
I arched a brow. “Really?”
“And I don’t see myself wanting anyone else for a while.”
“So you agree?”
“I won’t be pinned down. I’m not the sort of man who builds white picket fences and has a dog in the yard.”
His words struck a chord in me. To Billy, commitment was some type of cage. He was meant to wander, to be free. “I’d never dream of clipping your wings. I just want to be the only one you fly next to for a while.”
He nodded once. “Okay.”
I felt something lighten in my chest. “Okay.”
“Now come back here and sit on my lap. No more talk about rules, darling. I want you again.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. I launched myself at him, at the same time throwing caution to the wind. And hopefully Billy wouldn’t be able to tell I was all in—heart, body and soul.