“Psst.” A fine coat of spittle coated my cheek, waking me from a delicious dream about a blond-haired rock star. “Pssst.” I cracked an eye open. Addison Wanks’ face was two inches from mine.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” I asked, turning in my bunk. Outside, the muted sound of a concert could be heard. I’d been traveling with Wanks and Janks for nearly a month. I hardly ever saw Billy, unless he was picking up Addy and scurrying her off on some adventure. He didn’t like having a nanny—the proverbial third wheel—around while he spent time with his kid.
Addy and I had a rocky start. Billy had been right to ask about tetanus shots. The little demon had bitten me twice before I’d chased her down, tackled her and threatened to bite back. Trent, head of security and overall mean motherfucker, had been standing close by. I had been pretty sure an epic firing was in my future. But Trent had just nodded, bald head shining under a stage light. “Girl needs tough love,” he’d said. I’m guessing he didn’t tell Billy. If he had, I’m sure I would’ve been out on my ass. The rock star doted on his daughter, thought she could do no wrong.
After the stunt, I earned Addy’s grudging respect. Trent had been right. Once I knew the little demon would respond to tough love, managing her became easy, like taking candy from a baby.
I put Addy on a strict schedule that included three square meals a day, no sweets unless earned and a bedtime routine to rival all bedtime routines—books, bath or shower and snuggly pajamas. The kid had nothing on me. Her itinerant father on the other hand … whenever he spent a little time with Addy, he’d screw my schedule all to hell and I’d have to start all over again. Bastard.
Addy sniffled and pressed herself against my side. “Mr. Wiggles died.”
“Mr. Wiggles?”
“My pet. I found him in San Francisco in the bathroom.” Light from a streetlamp shone through the window. Addy brought her small, closed hand to my face. Her eyes filled with liquid as she opened it. There in the center of her palm, lying belly up, was a cockroach the size of a car. I stifled the urge to scream. Taking a deep breath, I peered at the creature. Okay, maybe not the size of a car, but huge. Definitely the Godzilla of cockroaches. A single tear coasted down Addy’s cheek. For all her tough exterior, the girl was a little tenderfoot. I didn’t know much about her past, but I did know Billy only recently learned of her existence and received custody of her a couple years ago. Before that, she’d been in foster care. A rocky start. Addy went on, “I made it a little home.” Near my feet a Tupperware container lay discarded; remnants of rotten food tumbled out onto my comforter. Note to self: have comforter dry cleaned. Or burned. Sympathy blossomed in my chest for Addy. Poor girl. Tupperware containers were airtight. She’d suffocated her pet. Not that I’d ever tell her.
I pushed her hand toward the Tupperware. “Let’s put Mr. Wiggles back in his home.” And far, far away from me.
Addy complied, looking mournfully into the stinky Tupperware container. “I was going to let him sleep with me tonight.”
“This is a great loss,” I said, all serious.
She nodded. “Yes.” She had this little lisp from losing her front teeth. They were just growing in.
“We should have a funeral.”
“Funeral?”
“Do you know what a funeral is?”
“No,” she sighed, finger stroking Mr. Wiggles’ abdomen.
I sat up, flicked on the overhead light. “We had one when my mom died. It’s how you say goodbye to someone or something you love.”
“What do you do?”
“Well, usually lots of people attend. And they share memories about the person or thing, tell their favorite stories.” Three hundred people had shown up to my mom’s funeral. I had been six, around Addy’s age, when we lost her to cancer. I was with her when she died. I’ll never forget the last flutter of her pale eyelids before she flat lined. It took a doctor plus the Colonel to pull me from her body. I blinked away tears.
“That sounds nice,” said Addy. “We didn’t have a funeral for my mom.”
That’s when it hit me. This girl and I had far more in common than I was comfortable with. She’d lost a parent at a young age and been thrust upon a father unprepared to raise a young girl. Since I’d been hired, I’d been secretly applying for teaching positions. The plan to split at the first opportunity suddenly became more complicated. I looked at Addy and saw a partial reflection of myself.
“Come on.” I rolled from the bed. “The first thing we need to do is design a special carrier for Mr. Wiggles. I think he deserves a Viking funeral.”
Addy followed me from the bunk, holding onto the Tupperware containing Mr. Wiggles. She scrunched up her nose. “What’s a Viking funeral?”
“You’ll see.”
One a.m. and it was way past Addy’s bedtime. And mine. I’d sat Addy at the Formica built-in table. Pressing a finger to my lips, I instructed her to be quiet. Her tutor, a young woman with a sour temperament, still slept in the bunk nearest us. “Don’t wake the dragon,” I whispered. Addy stifled a giggle. Others snoozed too—Billy’s personal chef, housekeeper and assistants. The man had an entourage to rival the Queen of England’s. Such a priss.
I’d searched the cabinets, withdrawing tubs of markers, bottles of glitter and glue. Then I fished an empty shoebox from the closet. Together we made a casket for Mr. Wiggles. By the time we were done, the shoe-box was bedazzled within an inch of its life. We slipped on our shoes and crept outside, walking a good distance from the tour buses.
A few feet away, a bodyguard stood. Billy stationed one permanently outside our bus after a groupie wandered in and scared Addy and me half to death. His solution had been an extra twenty-four-hour guard. Mine had been to limit the groupies. Guess whose we went with?
“What do we do now?” Addy asked.
I placed the shoebox on the ground and stepped back. “Now we say a few of our favorite things about—”
The back stage door sprung open, ricocheting off the concrete wall with a loud bang. Fans lining the chain-link fence began screaming and chanting for Wanks and Janks. Luckily, we were shielded from their view by a series of tents. Security filed out first, then the opening band, and finally Wanks and Janks.
“Billy!” Addy exclaimed, then she took off in a run.
Billy’s arms were wrapped around two groupies’ necks. A blond and a redhead, both wore short skirts and low-cut tops, extenuating perfectly toned thighs and high, round breasts. He hadn’t lied when he said he had a thing for redheads. Something I wished I didn’t know. He also liked to have threesomes—another thing I wished I didn’t know. I chased after Addy.
Billy spied Addy and whispered something into the blonde’s ear. The groupies smirked and left his side, climbing onto his bus with the rest of the band and some roadies. Addy’s father caught her, lifting her by the armpits, and swung her around. “Little bird! What are you doing up? I thought that stodgy nanny of yours said no gallivanting past seven-thirty? Have you flown the coop?”
I gnashed my teeth together. As attractive as I found Billy, I found him equal parts aggravating.
Billy put Addy down and rubbed her head. He faced me, a frown on his handsome face. His blond hair was slicked back and his T-shirt damp with sweat. “Ah, there you are, flower. Thought you might be neglecting your duties.”
Another teeth gnash. Oh, I got it now. I understood why all the other nannies hadn’t lasted. It wasn’t the little girl, who most days was sweet as pie. It was her father. Temperamental ass. Billy eyes drifted down. I hadn’t bothered to get dressed, throwing on a long cardigan over my white tank and sleep shorts and stuffing my bare feet into sneakers; I didn’t think we’d run into anyone. Green eyes settled on my heaving cleavage. Even though I didn’t have all the assets the groupies had, I did have one: my breasts were fantastic. Soft and natural. Colin, my Navy SEAL, loved them. Hastily, I buttoned up my cardigan. “No neglect happening here, Billy. Addy and I had something to do, then it’s right to bed for both of us.” God, could I sound any more prim and proper? How could I be, at just twenty-four, the most mature person around?
Addy tugged on the hem of her father’s shirt. “Mr. Wiggles died.”
A superior blond eyebrow arched. “Mr. Wiggles?”
“My pet. We’re having a Viking funeral.”
“Addy, I’m sure your father is busy,” I interjected.
“Come see, Billy.” Addy grabbed Billy’s wrist and dragged him forward until they stood in front of the box. Now that I looked at it, it seemed kind of sad and ridiculous. A funeral for a cockroach. Embarrassment snaked up my spine. I was thankful for the dark, thankful Billy couldn’t see the flush creeping up my neck and into my cheeks. Addy babbled on, explaining what a funeral is, repeating nearly verbatim what I’d told her. “Would you like to say something about Mr. Wiggles?” Addy asked.
Billy appeared dumbfounded. I smirked. “Yes, Billy. Why don’t you share a fond memory of Addy’s pet,” I said.
Billy rocked back on his feet then fished around his pocket. He withdrew a pack of cigarettes, tapped one out and lit it. He inhaled deeply as he considered what to say about his daughter’s dead roach. I plucked the cigarette from his fingers and stomped it out. His eyes drew wide and a scowl lit his face. “What the fuck?”
“Language,” I hissed. “Haven’t you heard secondhand smoke kills?”
“I got a set of iron lungs and so does my kid.” To prove his point, he took another cigarette out and lit it. But this time, he exhaled opposite Addy’s direction.
Smoking was a trigger for me. My mother died of cancer. Not lung. Breast cancer, but still, I couldn’t abide it. I reached for the cigarette again. Billy stepped away. “Don’t you fucking dare, flower. I’ll put you over my knee.” Sexy thoughts eclipsed my anger, stalled my steps. Warmth gathered in my nether regions. “You’re acting nuts,” Billy ground out, exhaling smoke from his nostrils.
“I’m doing my job and looking out for your child’s welfare.” At that, Billy’s face morphed from mildly angry to furious. He advanced on me. I should’ve run, but my feet wouldn’t cooperate. We faced each other. My toes curled in my sneakers.
Veins in his neck and hands stood out. “I don’t like your tone, flower.”
“And I don’t like you smoking around Addy.”
“I think you should keep your pretty little nose out of my business,” he said in a low voice.
He’d called me pretty. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t be aroused. “I’d be glad to. As long as it doesn’t interfere with Addy’s wellbeing.” Smoke curled between us; I made a big to-do about waving it away and coughing.
He pointed at me, at the space between my eyebrows, cigarette clutched between two fingers. “You’re on thin ice, nanny. And you’re being overdramatic.”
I’d never wanted to punch someone more. Though my father was in the military, I was a pacifist. When I found a spider inside, I gently ushered it into a container and set it free outdoors. But Billy inspired violence in me. Violence and lust. I didn’t recognize myself around him.
“I’m cold,” Addy said through chattering teeth. Saved by the eight-year-old.
I glanced down at the top of her dark head. “Sorry, sweetheart. Let’s say a few quick words about Mr. Wiggles and go to bed. In the morning we can have hot chocolate.”
Addy’s mouth turned up, a full grin. “With marshmallows?”
“Of course,” I promised.
“Can Billy come?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. Billy usually woke up around noon. “It might be too early for your fath—”
“I’d love to come, little bird.” Billy interjected. “Thanks for inviting me.”
Addy shivered in her thin unicorn pajamas. I should’ve made her put on a coat, but I didn’t think we’d be out here this long. The fans along the chain-link fence had calmed; a couple still yelled for Billy. I rolled my eyes heavenward, making a decision at my own expense. The child always came first. I shrugged out of my cardigan and wrapped it around Addy’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s say goodbye to Mr. Wiggles.”
Addy gave a very long-winded eulogy, which included mention of all of the things she and Mr. Wiggles had done together: watch cartoons, sleep, brush their teeth. She clearly loved the pet. Maybe I’d ask Billy about getting her a hamster or something small, like a hedgehog. Then we could name her Hattie. Hattie the hedgehog. So cute. Billy stayed back, smoking his cigarette and watching the whole thing with a gleam in his eyes. What could he be thinking?
Addy finished up and said, “Your turn Daisy.”
“Goodbye, Mr. Wiggles,” I said. Crap, I should’ve spent the time Addy had been speaking thinking of something to say instead of staring at her sexy father through my eyelashes. “You were a wonderful friend to Addy, and I’ll always love you for that.”
Addy smiled, pleased with my sentiment. “Now you, Billy,” she instructed.
Billy blew smoke rings. “Mr. Wiggles you were a good chap. Thanks for being a good friend to my little bird.” He echoed my words, gazing at me, that strange gleam still in his eye. I straightened under his scrutiny, then crossed my arms, the chilly night hardening my nipples.
“What do we do now?” asked Addy.
“Ah, it’s time for the Viking part. A long time ago, in a land many oceans away…” My voice dropped to a low pitch, to the lull of a storyteller. “Heroes and heroines, brave men and women, were cremated on pyres.”
“Pyres?” Addison whispered, eyes big.
“Yes, a structure, like the one we built for Mr. Wiggles, is lit on fire.” I kept my focus on Addy although I could feel Billy nearby, the heat of his stare on my back. “People believed that when the smoke rose from the fire, it carried the spirit of the dead and delivered them to Valhalla, a mythical kingdom in the clouds, full of long tables always set with food, mostly desserts, golden chairs and trees that bloomed gem stones.”
“Awesome,” Addy said.
“I know.” I smiled. “Now all we need to do is light it.” I patted my sleep shorts. Shoot. I’d forgotten a lighter. But I knew who had one. Slowly, I turned.
Billy’s lip turned up. “Need something, flower?”
“May I borrow your lighter?”
“Of course.” He dug into his pocket and produced a silver zippo. By this time his cigarette had dwindled and lay on the ground, cherry still smoldering. “Here you go.” He held it out to me, waiting for me to reach for it. To get the zippo, I’d need to uncross my arms, let my chest hang out. Billy’s lip turned up another half an inch. Smug bastard. He was trying to cop a peek. Addy yawned. I needed to get her in bed ASAP. I was going to have one cranky girl on my hands tomorrow morning. I frowned at him, quickly uncrossed my arms and snatched the lighter. His eyes settled on my breasts as they bounced with the movement. “You’re a perv,” I whisper-hissed.
Billy’s laugh boomed. “I’ve been accused of worse.”
“Ever been accused of sexual harassment?” I asked.
Billy sobered, a little. Then he grinned. “No that’d be a first, and an honor if it were coming from you.”
I said nothing. Tiredness shrouded me. I wasn’t up to exchanging more barbs with Billy. Fast as I could, I lit the corners of the box. The damn thing lit up, contracting and then crumpling. Addy oohed and ahhed the exact same way she did over the Fourth of July fireworks. I led us back toward our bus. I made a point of ignoring Billy, but I could still feel him back there, his stare like a heat-seeking missile directed at the center of my back.
Addy peered up at me. “Can I sleep with you?”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
As I predicted, Addy woke bright, early and fresh-faced at seven-thirty. And she remembered my promise of hot chocolate. I put the kettle on the stove and dug out the box of premium Belgian hot chocolate. She and Billy had brought it back after a trip to Germany. I didn’t get to go on the trip. But I also didn’t get the time off either. Addy needed new clothes, school supplies, etc. So, I’d spent the time shopping for her. I hummed, waiting for the kettle to boil. Addy’s tutor was in the shower. The chef had gone off to grocery shop before the band woke and the assistants had been up before us, doing whatever assistants do.
I hadn’t broken the news to my small charge yet that her day would be spent in school. Exhausted, I wasn’t up for the battle. Addy would cry, then I might cry too, because I’d witnessed the dragon lady’s mean streak, one that included writing Addy’s name on a chalkboard if she misbehaved, then putting checks next to it with each infraction. The checks deducted minutes from Addy’s free time. I’d never been a fan of public shaming.
The door to the bus squeaked open and Billy, in all his disheveled goodness, boarded. He wore sunglasses. The day was overcast. I’d bet he was nursing a hell of a hangover. “My god,” he said. “I always thought it was a myth. People really do wake up this early in the morning.”
“Look what I drew!” Addy held up her paper.
Billy scratched his head, moved closer. “Is that a…?”
“Giraffe. It’s a wonderful giraffe,” I blurted. Addy had been into drawing animals lately. Unfortunately, she’d only drawn the neck so far, and the head, which looked like a giant yellow penis with brown spots.
“Phew. I thought you were up to your dirty tricks again, flower.” He sauntered closer, until he brushed against my body. The faintest scent of whiskey emanated from his skin but his breath smelled fresh, like mint. “Back to dressing like an elderly gentlemen, I see.” My mouth dropped open. I’d worn a comfy pair of jeans and a mustard-colored sweater. Okay, I guess the waist of my jeans did ride a little high. And I’d seen my grandfather wear a sweater eerily similar to the one I wore. He spoke low and in my ear, lips nearly touching my skin. “Are you wearing one of those tank tops under that hideous thing? If you are, I demand you stop suffocating it.”
A flush of heat ran through me. “You know, you’re much more tolerable when your mouth is closed.”
Billy stepped away, laughing, husky and low. I’m glad I amused him. The tea-kettle whistled. I made myself busy pouring the milk into mugs and stirring them with chocolate, giving myself an extra scoop. I deserved it. I sat a steaming cup in front of Addy, then one in front of Billy, who’d slung himself across from her. His arms ran the length of the booth, and his fingers tapped restlessly against the leather. “So what does one do this early in the morning?”
“Daisy and me are going to the zoo!” Addy said.
Oh, she wished. “No, Mrs. Dodd will be out in a minute and you’ve got a full day of school ahead of you,” I corrected her.
Addy stuck out her lower lip. I knew that look. Billy was a sucker for it. Right on cue, Billy whipped of his sunglasses. Dark circles hung under his green eyes. “What’s the matter?” Concern was etched all over his face. How could he be such an ass, yet be so sweet with his daughter? Actually scratch that, not sweet—a complete pushover.
“It’s just that I was looking forward to going to the zoo. Today is our last day in San Diego. I don’t know when we’ll be back. I wanted to give one of the zookeepers my giraffe picture.” She was good. I’d give her that.
In an instant, Billy was dialing his phone. I’d seen this before, too. He would call one of his assistants, or Trent or his manager, Steve, aka Rat Face, and demand they figure out a VIP trip for Addison to the San Diego Zoo. Not on my watch.
I smiled at Addy. “Sweetheart, why don’t you go get dressed?”
Addy was quick to comply, no doubt eager to be on her way to the zoo.
“Hey, Terry,” Billy spoke into the phone.
The voice on the other end was loud, and I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. “It’s Perry, sir.”
“Whatever. Listen, I need you to set up a trip to the San Diego Zoo for Addison.”
“Today?”
“Yes, pull out all the stops. I want to hear all about her feeding giraffes and wrestling lions by the end of the day.”
“Sir, I don’t know—”
“Do it, Terry. Or you’re fired.” Billy hung up.
I clicked my tongue and shook my head. I dumped my hot chocolate in the sink and sighed. A minute ticked by and I sighed twice more.
“Oh for fuck’s sake. What’s the problem now, flower?” Billy all but shouted.
I turned to face Billy and leaned against the kitchen counter. “Nothing.”
“It’s too early in the morning for this. I’ve got a massive hangover and want to go back to bed. You know some of us have to work late in order to pay your exorbitant salary.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Billy, how thoughtless of me.” I made my voice sound syrupy sweet. “Addison,” I called down the hall.
Addy peeked out from the bedroom. “Yes?” She was wearing a polyester, rainbow shirt and black leggings with gold glitter. She looked like Elton John’s bedroom had thrown up all over her.
“Good news! Billy is going to join us today.” I heard Billy make a sort of choking noise. Take that, jerk face. I wasn’t done. “He’s going to go with us. But first he wants to take us out for breakfast, all the pancakes you can eat. Then he wants to listen to Free to Be You and Me the whole ride.” I couldn’t wait to see Billy’s face turn green while we ate. Most mornings, Billy had a Bloody Mary and four aspirin for breakfast. And he hated, hated, Free to be You and Me. He loathed it so much. There was no way he’d risk disappointing his “little bird.” Billy had an Achilles heel, and its name started with an A and ended with a y.
Addy let out a delighted squeal and darted back into the bedroom, probably to add another layer to her outfit. To Addy, the more bright colors and sparkles, the better.
Billy’s crankiness increased tenfold. “Why the hell did you do that?”
I pursed my lips. “Addy was supposed to go to school today.” And I was planning on having a few hours to myself. Do my nails. Call the Colonel. Maybe take a shower and shave my legs. More emphasis on the shower and less on the shaving. As far as I was concerned, my body had been permanently winterized.
Billy’s gaze bored into me. “I should fire you for insubordination.”
I tipped my chin up in a “go ahead, I don’t care” kind of way. Inside though, I was reeling. Please don’t fire me. Don’t fire me. Why did I always let my temper get the best of me around him?
Billy made a growly sound between frustration and displeasure. He ground out, “I’ll be ready in ten minutes.” He pushed himself from the booth. “I’m going to have a smoke. Make sure Addy stays inside.”
“Oh.” I frowned, unsettled. Had something I said last night gotten through to Billy? He wasn’t going to smoke around Addy anymore? “Billy,” I called out. He paused on the stairs, muscled jaw working under blond scruff. “I’m glad you decided to curb the cigarettes around Addy.”
He jerked his chin. “I’m still going to smoke, flower. Don’t think you can go around telling me what to do.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Inside I smiled, smug and self-assured.
“And don’t think I’m not going to remember the little stunt you just pulled. Payback’s a bitch.” That said, he exited the bus.
A little thrill raced down my spine at his promise of retribution. Last night, he’d threatened to spank me. I poured milk back into the kettle and clicked on the stovetop, intent on making myself a second cup of hot chocolate. Billy had gotten me so flustered I didn’t have a chance to enjoy my first cup.
As I puttered around the kitchen, a thought occurred and with it I smiled, smug again. It seemed like Billy Wanks needed some tough love, too. In no time I’d be managing the hell out of my employer. I so had this.