Creed
The moment I woke, I knew I’d fucked up.
You just had to bang her, then leave. How did you fuck this up? I asked myself, glancing across the tousled sheets and blankets at a still-slumbering Ivy. She looked beautiful in the morning light that filtered through her dirty window. It glittered like gold off of the soft curls of her hair and turned her skin into a warm, glowing thing. I stared at her, watching as her chest rose and fell.
She slept on her side like some sort of sleeping pill commercial, her hands under her pillow to cradle her face and smiling like she was dreaming about everything beautiful. I’d never seen anyone actually sleep so peacefully in my life, and I’d woken up next to dozens of women. I had to force myself not to reach out and brush the long, auburn curls from her perfect face.
Fuck.
I could feel my body harden in response to the sloping curves of her beautiful face and of her breasts under the sheets. I wanted her again. I wanted to replay that scene again where she screamed my name as she came over and over again. I wanted to hear her voice, darkened with lust, cry out and beg me for more.
Blood boiling, I clenched my fists hard together, fighting the urge to have her again. It is supposed to be easier to leave now that I’ve had her, not harder. But if I was being perfectly honest with myself, I wanted her more than ever. I hadn’t even known that was possible.
I stared down at the beautiful woman beside me, lust and rage and something deeper all growing inside of my chest until I could hardly breathe. This was Ivy’s fault; it had to be. She had done something to me last night as I fucked her. Just the memories of our night together were enough hot enough to singe the sheets. The memory of her voice, darkened with lust as she cried out my name…
A shiver slid down my spine between my shoulders. I should leave. I should get up right now and slip away, pretend from now on that I don’t know her. But even as I thought about it, about getting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed, nothing happened. I didn’t get up. I didn’t even move.
Instead, one of my hands slipped out from under the sheets to stroke an errant strand of her silky hair from her angelic face.
This was all wrong.
But I couldn’t seem to help myself. Once I’d touched her, it was as though I was lost. I caressed her face, marveling at the smooth feel of her skin underneath my fingers. Without my consent, my hands moved down her body, caressing, touching, massaging every inch of skin I could find. My blood throbbed in time with my thundering heartbeats, boiling inside of my skin at the sight of that perfect body, naked right in front of me.
Eyelashes fluttering like a princess waking from sleep in some fairytale, Ivy’s brown eyes opened hesitantly, as though she was trying to hold onto a dream. A wicked smile spread across her lips as she saw me, her eyes darkening with a kind of lust that made my cock spring to attention like a soldier..
A hand, so soft and delicate, more delicate than anything should be inside of my world, reached for me.
Without a thought, I batted her hand away. “Stop it, Ivy,” I sneered, my voice quieter than I had intended it. I threw myself out of her bed before I could see the hurt in her chocolate eyes.
“What is wrong?” she asked, a quiver in her voice that made me wince. But I wouldn’t look at her. This was as much for her own good as mine.
“You are,” I whispered, pulling my clothing up off of the floor. I gestured around the apartment, daring a quick look at her. Ivy was sitting up in bed, the sheets clutched protectively around her chest like a shield.
Tears threatened at the edges of her eyes, and I had to look away. “What?”
“You are pathetic, Ivy. Sitting around in this dump, miserable and waiting for someone to come and fix your problems for you.” I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat. But I still couldn’t look at her. “How did you get here?”
I could tell her lips were wobbling with emotion as I pulled my boots on. “I- Someone stole my life from me. She took everything I had and left me without a single penny. I had to sell everything just to start paying rent here.”
I scoffed even as my chest ached from her story. “See? Pathetic. If you won’t go out and fix it for yourself, no one will ever fix it for you, Ivy.” Pulling on the last of my clothing, I took a deep breath to steady myself, then turned to her. I hoped my eyes were hard, that she didn’t see the pain that shot through me at the vulnerable, lost look on her beautiful face. “I don’t need another mouth to feed, Ivy. I don’t need another child looking for protection. Stay away from me and stay away from my son.”
And with that, I left, slamming the door behind myself.
I felt hollow. But I forced myself to take a step away from her door, then another. One foot, then the next, over and over again until she was out of range. Until I was far enough away from her that she couldn’t reach me.
I got onto my bike and revved the engine, hoping to drown out the sound of her voice, so broken and weary. “She took everything I had.”
Better than nearly anyone, I knew what it was like to everything ripped away from you over and over again. I’d lost my mother, my father, then my life the moment Josh was dropped off on my doorstep. I’d lost myself to the Devil’s Edge. No matter how much I wanted out, that would never happen.
The world didn’t give two shits what I wanted. And it was time that Ivy learned that lesson herself.
But no matter how fast I drove or how far away I got from her, that hollow feeling in my chest didn’t seem to want to dissipate.