Chapter 2
Roy Gardner pulled into the circular driveway of his home on Saturday afternoon, surprised to see his wife Melissa’s sedan already parked. He had spent the morning negotiating over a round of golf and drinks. He was happy to see her. Lately they had not been spending much time together, she was always so busy.
“You’re home! Do you want to go out for dinner?” Roy Gardner asked his wife as she sat on the couch flipping through a magazine.
“No. Let’s order takeout,” Melissa Gardner said, not even looking up at him.
“Okay,” Roy said quietly walking out of the living room.
Melissa looked up. She didn’t mean to be so dismissive. She felt like going after him but she had had a rough day. She had spent most of her Saturday organizing a sweet 16th birthday gala for one of her client’s daughters. Normally, she would’ve stayed and made sure the event went off without a hitch but she was exhausted. So she left it in the capable hands of her assistant Courtney.
To anyone looking in, Melissa Gardner lived the perfect life. A beautiful home, a successful company and the perfect devoted husband. They had met in college, fallen in love and had been happily married for seven years. Roy Gardner was not just any husband. No, Melissa had landed “The Roy Gardner”. They had met at Rice University where he was considered the most eligible bachelor. For one thing he was a star running back on the football team, in fact everyone was sure that he would go pro. He was smart, funny, popular, and he was handsome. He stood at nearly six two with dark black hair, thick eyebrows and icy blue eyes. His jawline was strong and he had one dimple in his right cheek that showed anytime he flashed his brilliant smile. What made him “the Roy Gardner” however was his legacy. Roy's father, Royston Gardner Senior was an oil tycoon. A business handed down from his great-grandfather. The company was worth billions. Roy’s actual net worth after graduation was somewhere in the high hundred millions. To most women that would be a dream come true but Melissa wasn’t impressed by the money. In fact, she was considered a catch too. Her mother was a former beauty queen, one of the first African American women in Texas to have that distinction and her father Morris Carter was a real estate tycoon. Nowhere near as wealthy as Roy Gardner but enough to not be impressed by is wealth.
When Roy first met Melissa he was instantly intrigued. He was so used to dating the typical cheerleader type that he was astounded by Melissa and her exotic beauty. She looked like an Egyptian queen, with her honey complexion and her long elegant neck. Melissa was slim, full breasts, and a small but firm rear. Her hair was ebony that fell in waves down her back. She had a perfect face with accentuated cheekbones and big hazel eyes with eyelashes too impossible to be real. She carried herself with a quiet elegance, too mature for someone her age and when she spoke, her voice was strong but soft so that you were drawn into her every word.
The only problem was Melissa wasn’t interested in football players. Especially rich legacy ones. So he chased her and chased her hard. When the usual tactics like twelve dozen roses, and expensive gifts didn’t work he turned to his best friend and roommate, Justin Richards for help. Justin and Melissa were friends, had a few classes together. Eventually Justin convinced Melissa to give Roy a chance. He explained that beneath all that bravado and dumb jock persona Roy was a really great guy. Melissa decided the she would let him take her out to a foreign film festival for their first date. Afterwards they went for coffee at a little spot near campus. When Melissa asked Roy what he thought about the film he told her that he thought it was really interesting with a moving message, trying to impress her. Melissa laughed.
“Really?” she asked. “I thought it was pretentious.”
Roy laughed in relief.
“I hated it,” he replied “I was beginning to think we had nothing in common.”
From that moment on Melissa and Roy became a couple, to the envy and heartbreak of their fellow classmates. A year after graduation Roy proposed and they had been together ever since. Justin was even his best man and still very good friends to them both.
But things were not as perfect as they seemed. On the surface things seemed fine. They enjoyed the time they spent together. They laughed at the same things. She really was the one for him. It seemed fine, but something in Melissa had changed. She seemed to be always just out of his reach, like she was somewhere else even when she was with him. They were happy for a long time but after seven years of marriage, things were becoming strained. The main problem between them started three years ago when Roy decided that he wanted to start a family. At first Melissa was excited, despite running a successful event planning company, she was looking forward to becoming a mother. They did everything they could to get pregnant but it just wasn't happening. They went to see fertility specialists who put her on fertility pills, they tried fertility shots and finally just a year ago they tried in vitro fertilization. Still they couldn’t get pregnant. A few weeks after the procedure failed, their doctor, Harry Blue sat them down. Melissa would never forget his face as he flipped through her medical file. “I don't know how to tell you this,” he said finally, “but your eggs are not viable.” Melissa was in shock and could only nod her head as Doctor Blue explained in depth, words she didn’t want to comprehend. They spent the ride home in silence, silent tears running down her face. Roy did not know what to say to comfort her so instead he held her hand and continued driving.
Melissa's body was tired, she was emotionally drained and ready to give up on becoming a mother. A few months after the failed in vitro they had discussed adoption. Melissa didn't want to adopt. She knew that sounded selfish but she wanted a baby that was her flesh and blood. She was ready to accept that they would never be parents but Roy refused to let it go. Roy felt guilty, thinking back to how he had constantly pressured her to start a family these past three years. He had thought Melissa wanted that too, but maybe it was too much for her. Maybe she was feeling lost about not getting pregnant, all the fertility treatments and disappointments. He didn’t know if he should bring it up. She seemed so fragile these days. Even when she smiled it seemed so forced. He missed her easy laughter.
Truth be told, Roy was not the only one confused by Melissa’s behavior. She felt as if she was watching her life from the outside. But the truth was Melissa was different. She thought she knew what it was that she wanted out of life. She had a clear plan since she was younger. Love, marriage, children. She just wasn’t sure if that was still her goals. And so Melissa threw herself into her work. Spending more and more time away from home. Lately they had been growing even more distant. Only communicating when necessary, if that's what you would call it. Mostly, Melissa was stuck in her own little world and changed the subject every time Roy brought up the baby topic. She felt bad though, about the dinner plans. He didn’t deserve that and so she followed him into the kitchen. Roy was already pulling open the drawer with all the takeout menus.
“Hey honey,” she said almost startling him. “How about that seafood restaurant you like?” she asked.
“They don’t deliver,” he said turning to her.
“Well give me about thirty minutes and we can just go there. Afterwards come home and crack open a bottle of wine,” Melissa suggested putting on her brightest smile.
She stood in front of him and ran her hand along his arm coyly.
“Okay,” Roy said beaming back at her. “Sounds like a plan.”
When they arrived at the restaurant, it was busy, a typical Saturday night but the owner made sure to accommodate Roy and Melissa. He quickly set up a quiet table on the veranda with a delightful view of the stars. People turned their heads watching them, wondering who they were to get such service. A bottle of wine was waiting at their table. The waiter poured two glasses before handing them their menus.
They shared an order of their favorite appetizer, steamed oysters, covered in delicious siracha sauce. Roy ordered the lobster mac and cheese with a sirloin and shrimp scampi. Melissa ordered the almond encrusted tuna. The food was superb, the conversation was strained.
“So how was work?” Roy asked.
“Fine. Work is work,” Melissa said toying with her food.
“I closed the deal with Harper today. Mark was really helpful. I’m feeling really good about him taking over the Southeast division next quarter.”
“Hmmm,” Melissa said taking a bite of her tuna.
“I saw Ben at the course today. He and Clarissa invited us to a get together on the twenty eighth. I think we should bring the rashi wine that everyone liked before.”
“Yes. I’ll pick some up,” Melissa said.
“A funny thing happened at our game. I was...” Roy began.
At that moment her phone buzzed. Melissa reached for it, essentially cutting Roy off.
“Melissa Gardner,” she said. “No Courtney, it’s fine. What happened? Okay. Yes. No, just show them the permits,” Melissa said obviously agitated.
She looked at Roy who was now eating, his smile wiped from his face.
Melissa feeling responsible tried to start up the conversation again.
“How’s that mac and cheese?” she asked.
“Really good. Want a bite?” He fed a forkful to Melissa.
“This is delicious.”
Roy just nodded.
“Would you like to try my tuna? It’s really good.”
“No. I’m fine.”
The waiter came over and refilled their drinks. Melissa smiled at him as he left and tried again.
“So did you win?’
“No. Good negotiating is knowing when to lose.”
“Work has been hectic. I have a new account, the client is driving me mad with all of her requests.”
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“I’m just venting.”
Roy nodded.
“This tuna really is superb. You sure you don’t want to taste it?”
“No. I’m not a big fan of tuna,” Roy replied.
After a while she too become unobtrusive. She knew he wasn’t upset at her for taking the call, there must be more on his mind. He wasn’t being crabby but his answers were short, obligatory. She retreated into her own thoughts. Melissa knew that Roy was only responding to her moods and so she didn’t blame him. Not in the slightest. She knew Roy, better than anyone and knew when he completely analyzed his thoughts, he would finally broach the subject. It was on the ride back home that Roy finally said what was on his mind.
“Melissa, is everything okay? With us I mean. You seem so distant lately…” he trailed off.
Melissa took a deep breath, but she was still so confused in her own mind and heart, how could she tell him any of this without hurting him? How could she answer him when she didn’t know the answer either? So she took the coward’s way out. Smiling she turned towards him, bringing her hand up to caress his cheek.
“Everything is fine, my love. I just have a lot on my plate at work. I hate not being at one of my events even if Courtney is there. I always worry something will go wrong. I just feel overwhelmed.”
“What can I do to help?” Roy asked, the hidden plea in the back of his voice. “You know you can take time off. Maybe we can do some traveling. I am positive my brother could handle everything while I’m away.”
“No. It’s busy season for both of us. Maybe when things calm down,” Melissa replied softly.
Roy loved Melissa. He absolutely adored her. When he thought about his future Melissa was always a part of it. The problem was that so were children. He couldn’t understand her attitude about adoption. They were so blessed. They had great lives. Took vacation twice a year. Summer home in Arizona, a cabin in the Blue Ridge mountains. They both loved going to theater and silly things like bowling and karaoke. They volunteered on the weekends and donated to charity. In truth, they led full and fulfilling lives. But the truth was there was something missing. They had just gone to visit Roy’s older sister Katherine in Maine for the holidays. He had an amazing time. Kate had three children, all of whom he loved dearly. He had felt complete helping them with the Christmas decorations, sharing hot chocolate and watching them open presents. Putting his infant niece down for her nap. It felt right. They had so much, how could they not share those blessings with a child? But Melissa had closed the topic. Said she didn’t want to talk about it and Roy had complied. He wanted her to be happy but he wanted his happiness too. As Roy drove home, he was deep in thought. There was something he wanted to talk to Melissa about but he didn’t know how to bring it up. He made up his mind that he would talk to her in the morning.
Melissa knew that Roy needed her more than ever. It was true she had been distant these past few months. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She just didn’t feel like she was enough for him with all this baby talk but she didn’t know how to explain that to him without him getting defensive. She knew they needed to reconnect and as they lay in bed Melissa laid her head on his chest trying to get as physically close to him as possible. When that wasn’t enough she let her fingers trail across the contours of his chest. She ran her fingertips along his belly and then let her hand explore further, finally finding his penis. She massaged him expertly until she felt him grow erect. Roy lay Melissa on her back slipped her nightie off of her, revealing two perfect dark nipples. He took one gently between his mouth. As he squeezed and sucked on her breasts Melissa felt herself getting aroused and let out a tiny moan. She raised her body to meet his and his fingers explored her wet folds. She was slick with want and Roy positioned himself directly above her, the head of his penis teasing her until she cried his name. Without warning, he plunged deep into her. Melissa responded by wrapping her legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into her. They rode the waves of pleasure until she felt Roy empty his seed inside of her. The act so natural, animalistic but it made Melissa stiffen. She knew he didn’t expect her to get pregnant but ever since their journey into infertility she wondered if it disappointed him every time he did. As Roy rolled onto his back breathing deeply Melissa kissed him lightly and made her way to their master bathroom. She pretended that everything was just fine but something inside of her was breaking. She realized her feelings for Roy were so confused at the moment. In the past she would have lain beside him basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking but now she couldn’t get away from him fast enough. The past year, the resentment she had for him was building over his refusal to give up the baby issue. Why couldn’t he understand that it was her body? That it was her who got emotional every time the test was negative after she was so convinced that she was pregnant. How all the tests had drained her? As much as she loved Roy, that resentment was starting to change the dynamic of their relationship. On one hand she wanted him. She loved their life. On the other hand she felt incredibly guilty for denying him the one thing he truly wanted. She started to convince herself that maybe she was no good for him. That maybe someone else who could give him all the things he wanted out of life would be better for him. She felt like an incomplete woman. She felt like a failure for the first time in her life. She was failing her husband and failing their marriage. Melissa turned on the hot water and sat in the corner of the tub. She cried to herself in the shower until the water turned cold. He was so amazing. He deserved so much more than her. She was ruining his life. When she dried off and made her way back to bed Roy was already sleeping, snoring lightly. Melissa watched him for a few moments before sliding in beside him. I love you so much, I’m sorry, she thought to herself. It wasn’t long before exhaustion caused her to fall into a restless slumber beside her husband.
The next morning, Melissa awoke to a breakfast of waffles, eggs, bacon and fruit . She was surprised because their housekeeper Ellen was usually off from Friday afternoon until Monday morning.
“Waffles,” Melissa declared. “My favorite,” she said pouring a generous portion of syrup onto her plate.
“I didn’t know Ellen was coming in today,” she said between bites.
“I made them,” Roy said.
Melissa stopped the fork halfway to her mouth.
“What?” she managed to finally splutter.
“Yeah, I wanted to have a relaxing weekend with you and talk about some things,” he replied.
Melissa took a deep breath.
“Such as,” she said softly.
“Melissa, I was thinking...” Roy began but then trailed off.
“Yes,” Melissa encouraged.
“Why don’t we pay a surrogate to carry our baby?” Roy said peering at her intensely, gauging her reaction.
Melissa chewed slowly, thinking about what Roy had said, her shock evident on her face.
“Roy,” she countered finally, “you know that Dr. Blue said my eggs were not viable…”
“I’m not talking about your eggs. I’m talking about a surrogate.”
“I don’t understand…” Melissa trailed off.
“Essentially it would be my child, our child, but with a donor egg.”
“I see,” Melissa said quietly. “And is this what you want?”
“I want a child. You were against adoption but this child would be part me.”
“But not part me?” Melissa asked softly.
“Don’t think of it like that Mel. It will still be our child. I’m just trying to figure this out. Look, I’ve been doing research and the birth mother would waive her rights to the child. It would be our baby, just with my genes. He or she would be a Gardner one hundred percent,” Roy responded passionately.
“Well it sounds like you’ve been thinking about this for a while,” Melissa said biting her lip in thought.
“I would’ve talked to you about it Melissa but you always get so upset when I mention having a baby,” Roy responded.
“And you thought this would be the way to tell me?” Melissa snapped.
“Mel, no. Don’t put this all on me. You wanted this too remember? Are we supposed to just give up on our family because...”
“Because I can’t have a baby? Because it’s my fault?” Melissa countered.
“No, that’s not what I meant at all. It’s not your fault honey,” Roy said grabbing her hand. “This is no one’s fault it’s just the way things turned out. But don’t you want to be parents? Don’t you think we can share all this.” Roy said stretching his hand out indicating their home.
“I’m so tired Roy,” Melissa whispered.
“You wouldn’t have to put your body through that Mel. Someone else would carry the baby for us,” he pleaded.
He had misunderstood her. She needed a moment to compose herself before he understood her true meaning. Melissa took another bite of her waffle, though it now tasted like glue to her. She could see the excitement on Roy’s face when he seemingly came up with the ‘solution’ to all of their problems. She wanted him to be happy but this was a lot of information to process. He never understood that it wasn’t that she was against adoption. Not at all. It was the sadness of not having a child of her own. Maybe that was selfish of her. Maybe that was why she understood his desire to have a child of his own. Would she be okay with raising Roy’s child? With another woman?
“This is so much to think about.”
“Mel, I know this is a lot to digest and I promise I wasn’t trying to blindside you with all of this. But I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I’ve always wanted a big family. This could finally be the way for us to have everything we always dreamed about. You were so happy when we first started trying.”
Melissa looked at her husband. His plea written all over his face. Was she wrong to give up, to give up hope without even discussing it with him?
“Can you let me think about it?” she asked finally.
“Of course Mel,” he said reaching for her. “This is a decision we both have to make. I only want this if you want it too.
From the look on his face, Melissa wasn’t sure if that was entirely true.
*****
Roy didn’t bring up the surrogate for the next few days but Melissa could tell he was anxious for her decision. She was preoccupied at work to the point that the following Wednesday, Courtney asked her if she was feeling well after she had to repeat herself several times. So Melissa left work early and took some time to think. She went to a park that she and Roy used to frequent in their early days of marriage, sat on one of the benches and really evaluated her decision. Roy wanted this. Wanted a child. And she wanted their marriage to work. At one time, she had wanted the same thing so would it really be that bad? And what about this other woman? Would she just be okay with having their baby? But Roy had assured her that people did this all the time. That the biological mother would not be around after the baby was born. Could it be that easy? That simple? She had thought she had given that dream up. That she was resigned to it just being her and Roy, but what if there was a way for them to have everything they wanted. She thought about Roy and how his face lit up any time he mentioned having a family. How that light had faded as time and time again they were disappointed. How the first time she had seen him with that expression in a long time was when he brought up the surrogacy. She realized Roy needed this. And so she made her decision.
Roy didn’t want to pressure Melissa but he had wanted a baby for a long time now. He had given her time to digest his suggestion but he was becoming more and more anxious. He knew how Melissa operated and knew that he just had to give her time to think. It wasn’t the fairest solution but Melissa was so against adoption, when he thought it would have been the perfect solution. They had the means to change a child’s life. He wanted someone to carry on his legacy. A friend had used a surrogate and it had worked so well for them. He just needed Melissa on board. He wondered how he would feel if she said no. He knew this might be their last option for having a family.
Roy got home after and headed for the shower. When he entered the master bedroom he was shocked to see Melissa already waiting for him. She smiled at him and for a moment he had a glimpse of the woman he fell in love with. He reached for her and kissed her passionately.
“You’re home early. Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Everything is fine. I needed to do some thinking, so I left early.”
Roy looked expectantly at Melissa.
“Thinking about what we talked about?” he asked quietly.
“Yes,” Melissa whispered. “Roy,” she said. “Let’s do it.”
The look of bliss on his face was worth it, Melissa thought to herself as she embraced her husband.