Chapter 8
“What’s going on?” Roy asked.
“Ettie can you excuse us?” Melissa asked.
“Of course,” Ettie said heading towards the guesthouse.
“Roy we need to talk,” Melissa said her eyes tearing up. “Let’s go the den.”
“No. Tell me what’s going on Mel,” he said indicating the bags.
“Can we please just…”
“No. Tell me,” he repeated.
“I just can’t do this Roy. I’m sorry. This isn’t the life that I want. I tried my hardest to be happy. About our life. About the baby. I just can’t do it anymore.”
“So what are you saying Melissa?” Roy asked on the verge of tears.
“I’m trying to tell you that... I’m moving out. I want a divorce,” Melissa said the tears rolling freely now.
“Just like that? What about the baby?” Roy asked quietly.
“Can you just talk to me without bringing up the baby?” she cried.
“Melissa where is this coming from? How can you do this to us?” Roy sobbed.
“Roy I tried. I’m so sorry.”
“You do this now? With our baby due in less than a month?”
“It’s not my baby. It has never been. I realize that now. Last night I touched Ettie’s belly and I felt...nothing. This is your baby. Yours and hers.”
“How can you say that?” he asked crushed.
“I’m sorry Roy.”
“We didn’t have to do this. I told you I could be happy without children. Melissa we can fix this,” Roy pleaded.
“How? You said yourself that the baby is coming less than a month away. It’s a little too late isn’t it?” she replied.
“No Mel. We can figure this out. The baby won’t change our lives. I promise. You can still work, do whatever you want. Please.”
“It’s not just about the baby Roy,” she cried.
“Then what is it? Tell me.”
“Roy I…”
“Tell me Melissa,” he screamed.
“I love you Roy. God knows I do. I’m just. I’m just not in love with you anymore.”
“Wow,” was all he could muster.
“Is there someone else Mel?” he whispered.
“No, of course not,” she said reaching for him but seeing him recoil she dropped her hand. “Roy for a long time we have been drifting away from one another. You know it’s true,” she said.
“Only because you wouldn’t let me in,” Roy said sitting on the stairs.
“That’s not true. I tried. I really did. I’m just the person I was in college. I have different dreams now.”
Roy’s head snapped up.
“I thought you and I shared dreams.”
“We did. But now I have to do what’s right for me. I can’t live this lie anymore. I’ve already spoken to Justin and I…”
“You spoke to Justin?” Roy asked angry now.
“He is our lawyer Roy,” she replied quietly.
“So you spoke to him before me. Nice. Just wonderful,” he said coldly.
“I needed advice.”
Roy made a derisive laugh.
“How long have you felt this way?” he asked.
“Since before…”
“Before what?”
“Before Ettie,” she said sadly.
“And you went through it anyway? Why would you do that Melissa? How could you drag Ettie into this?” he retorted.
“I thought it might fix us. I wanted it to fix us. Instead it just drove us further apart. I thought I wanted it. You wanted it so badly and I wanted it for you too. But it’s not what I really want. All those tests and the miscarriages, it wore me down Roy. And you didn’t see that. You didn’t see me changing right before your eyes. All you cared about was what you wanted,” she said her voice rising.
“Don’t you dare put this on me. I asked you. I said tell me what you want. As long as I had you I would have been happy. Please Mel, I love you,” he said.
“Do you really love me Roy? Really. For the past few years we have been living separate lives and you were fine with that. The only time we spent together was when we were talking about a family. We stopped being us. We stopped traveling. We stopped having fun. We just existed,” she said, crying again.
Roy didn’t know what to say to that. In a way she was right. He loved her but they were just existing.
“I have to go,” she whispered.
“And there’s no changing your mind?” he asked.
“No,” she shook her head sadly.
“I’m sorry Roy,” she said as she opened the door. “I’ll get my things soon.”
He could only nod.
Roy couldn’t believe this. Just last week they were agreeing on naming the baby Royston Henry and Melissa had seemed really happy. Now she was leaving him. Left him. And RJ. Left them both. His family was crumbling in front of him and there was nothing he could do about it. He retreated to the den where he poured himself a sizable glass of scotch.
Ettie didn’t know what to do. Lily was out with Andrea and Lou so she was stuck in the guesthouse wondering what the hell was going on. She had heard Melissa drive away. She wasn’t sure if she should go looking for Roy or not but after a few hours she decided that she should at least check on him.
She found him in the den, obviously inebriated and his eyes bloodshot, she wasn’t sure if it was from the drinking or from crying.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Ettie biting her lip
“No. Come in. You’re not interrupting.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked, already knowing that it wasn’t but didn’t know what else to say.
“Melissa asked for a divorce,” he said flatly.
“What? Is this because of me?” she asked suddenly worried that Melissa had guessed her feelings.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Roy said looking at her intently. “This was in motion long before you got involved Ettie. I was just blind to the signs,” he said sipping his drink.
Ettie wasn’t sure what to say or do to comfort him so she sat in silent contemplation. RJ kicked and suddenly a bigger concern hit her. How did she miss it?
“Roy, what about the baby?” she asked.
“Melissa never wanted the baby. She just thought it could fix our marriage,” he said shaking his head.
“What?” Ettie said angrily.
Roy looked at her for the first time then.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“What’s wrong?” she fumed. “Roy I am due in two weeks and you tell me this now? That Melissa never was in this a hundred percent? How could you do this to me? How could you do this to your son?”
“I only found out tonight Ettie. I thought she wanted this but apparently my wife hasn’t been completely honest with me.”
“How can you sit there so calmly?” Ettie said in panic. “I agreed to do this because I thought this baby would have a great life. That he would have two loving parents, something Lily never had. Now he’s going to be born into a broken home too.”
“Ettie, he is going to have a great life. I can give him anything he needs…”
“A baby isn’t something you can pacify with expensive cribs and clothes. You have to be there. How are you going to do that when you’re busy running your father’s company?” she asked in tears now.
“Ettie haven’t I handed over the reigns to Mark during your pregnancy? Wasn’t I there for every appointment? What makes me think I won’t be there for my son?” Roy said getting angry.
“That was for the last four months. Are you going to let Mark run your company for the rest of RJ’s life?”
“You work Ettie. It’s the same thing.”
“It’s not the same thing! I work nine to five. I’m not flying all over the country. I’m there for Lily. I always put her first,” she said shaking.
“Calm down Ettie. We will figure this out,” Roy said.
“Don’t tell me to calm down. I don’t want my son raised by nannies. He needs a mother.”
“Well that’s not really up to you is it? You signed a contract. This isn’t your baby. It’s mine.” Roy said.
Ettie slapped him and stormed out. Roy rubbed his jaw. He shouldn’t have said that. He wanted to go after her but he wasn’t sure she would talk to him. The whole bomb Melissa had dropped had shaken him. But he didn’t mean to take it out on Ettie.
When she ran to her room she found a laughing Lily, Andrea and Lou in the living room.
“Ettie what’s wrong?” Andrea asked seeing her tear streaked face.
“Mom pack your things. We’re leaving?’ she cried.
“What?” Andrea asked.
Ettie briefly explained the situation. Andrea said goodnight to Lou and promised to call him the next day. Then she went in search of Ettie. She was in the bedroom arguing with Lily.
“But I don’t want to go. Roy said he would take me to the zoo next weekend,” Lily protested.
“Lily that man is not taking you to the zoo,” she said as she threw clothes in the open suitcase.
“Lily go watch TV in grandma’s room. I need to talk to your mother,” Andrea said.
“Mom why aren’t you packing?” Ettie demanded.
“Because Henrietta, you need to take a deep breath and think about things. What are you planning to do? Run off with this man’s child?”
“I’ll fight him in court if I have to,” Ettie spat.
“Are you insane? For one you signed a contract. Secondly he can afford better lawyers than we can. You really think a man like Roy Gardner is going to let you walk away with his son?”
“I don’t know mom but what choice do I have? I can’t let RJ grow up just like Lily. I can’t. I won’t do it to him,” she said sitting on the bed dissolving into tears.
“I didn’t think Lily had such a bad life,” Andrea said sitting next to Ettie. “She had a devoted mother who would do anything for her. She’s happy, she’s healthy. She is one of the smartest little girls I know. She’s kind, she’s loving. So she doesn’t have George. You love her enough for two parents,” Andrea stated.
“And what about RJ?” Ettie demanded.
“Roy is a good man Ettie and he loves his son already. What makes you think he would be a bad father?”
“He’ll be a great father. I know that. But this baby needs a mother too.”
Andrea hugged her daughter.
“Just sleep on it Ettie. You can talk to Roy in the morning, Figure some things out. He’s hurting right now too. Remember that. Lily can sleep with me tonight.”
Ettie nodded.
The next morning Ettie went in search of Roy. She had hardly slept at all and she was embarrassed for slapping him. She found him in the den. He had obviously showered and sobered up but his eyes were still red. From the looks of it he hadn’t gotten much sleep either.
“Ettie,” he said when he saw her. “Can you ever forgive me?” he pleaded.
“Forgive you? Roy I’m so sorry. How I acted last night... I shouldn’t have slapped you. Can you forgive me?” she asked.
“Of course. Listen, I get it. I understand why you’re upset. I wish I never dragged you into this mess but I don’t regret knowing you and I definitely don’t regret RJ. I know it will be hard but I love my son. And I promise I will do my best by him.”
“I know you will. I see how you are with Lily. You’ll be a great father. I’m sorry if it sounded like I doubted that. It’s just watching you with Lily these past few months I see how much she needs that. She’s blossomed in your presence. I cheated her out of having a father. I thought I could do it all alone. And I was so scared of getting hurt again I pushed away any man who was interested. I failed her,” she said tears building up in her eyes.
Roy walked over to her and held her face in his hands, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb.
“Listen to me Ettie. You didn’t fail her. Not one little bit. You are the most amazing mother I have ever seen. What you did for me that was for her. How could you consider yourself a failure?”
Roy looked at her and leaned in, his mouth on hers, kissing her tenderly. She had wanted this, dreamed about this but the time wasn’t right. She pulled away from him.
“I’m sorry. That was terrible. I’m so sorry.”
Ettie just nodded.
“I need to get Lily breakfast,” she said leaving him alone.
What was wrong with him? Why had he kissed her? He saw the confusion in her face when she pulled away and he was confused too. Melissa had just left him. Asked for a divorce. He shouldn’t be thinking about Ettie this way. He was just emotional and hurt. That was all. Still a small voice in the back of his head said it was more than that. When he saw her hurt he wanted nothing more than to take that hurt away. The truth was that without realizing it Roy had started falling in love with Ettie. That realization hit him like a ton of bricks. And of course she didn’t have any feelings for him.
Ettie’s lips were burning from Roy’s kiss. Why had he kissed her? She was sure that he was feeling vulnerable about Melissa. It made her sad that he thought she could be a replacement. Of course he didn’t have any real feelings for her and she was a fool if she thought otherwise.
The next few days Roy and Ettie were very careful with each other, avoiding one another as much as possible, both lost in their own emotions. Then suddenly one evening Ettie’s water broke. A whole week early. Roy was ready and excited. Andrea wanted to be there and so Ellen came to stay with Lily who was upset about staying behind.
The delivery went smoothly and four hours later Royston Henry made his appearance. She had allowed Roy in the room though he didn’t witness the actual birth. Dr. Blue handed the baby to Roy who immediately started to cry.
“Oh Ettie thank you,” he said. “He’s perfect.”
Roy held RJ out for Ettie who took him into her arms and she suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of emotion. She wasn’t sure she could handle this. When they got back to Roy’s she would be leaving and leaving him behind. Roy took endless pictures of RJ who promptly fell asleep, exhausted from the delivery. Ettie wanted to be alone and asked for privacy. She even asked Andrea to leave. When everyone had vacated the room she burst into tears, finally giving into her grief. Why did she ever agree to this? She knew what it felt like to have him grow inside of her and now her belly felt cold and empty. She would be leaving behind the man she loved and the son she had fallen in love with as soon as she laid eyes on him. Roy had named him Henry, in honor of her sacrifice and somehow that made it worse. She thought about her father and about Andrea. They had finally gotten their Henry Jr. and they wouldn’t even see him grow up. And dear sweet Lily who kissed her belly every day. She would never see her brother grow up. And he looked so much like her. The same little nose as theirs. Ettie’s heart was breaking. She wondered if she would be this distraught if Melissa was there. if Melissa would have held RJ and loved him just as Ettie would have.
She felt terrible and she had to put on an act for the world. An act that she was this brave and strong woman who had done something great for someone else. Except she didn’t feel brave or strong at the moment. She thought about how Roy would have had another child with another woman other than Melissa and she wouldn’t feel this pain. She was so angry at her for putting them all through this. Especially RJ. How could she not want him when at this moment all Ettie wished for was for him to belong to her. For her to be able to watch him grow, to be his mother in every sense of the word. She cried until she fell asleep.
Two days later, on the morning of her discharge Ettie woke up and saw Roy sitting on the little couch in her recovery room feeding RJ. Andrea, he explained, had gone back home to give them a chance to talk, Lou had come to pick her up.
He flashed his winning smile at her and her heart broke all over again. She smiled back at him.
“Ettie, Can I talk to you?” he asked.
“Of course,” she replied.
“Ettie, can I ask you to make the biggest sacrifice yet?” he said.
“What?” she said confused.
“Ettie. RJ needs you. I’ve come to...to care for all of you dearly. Andrea, Lily and you. I was wondering how you would feel about staying with me. We can raise him together. He would have a loving mother and father. Lily would be close to her school and you wouldn’t have to ever worry about her future ever again.”
He said this all in a rush like he had practiced beforehand. Ettie didn’t know what to say. What would this mean? They would all be a family? How would that even work. But she had to admit that it sounded tempting.
“Roy I don’t know,” she heard herself say.
“Please Ettie. Can we at least try?” he asked.
“Roy I can’t,” she said tearing up. “You don’t know what you’re asking me.”
“Ettie if this is about the kiss I promise you I will never kiss you again. If you’ll just stay with me. Please.”
“Don’t promise that,” she said.
“What are you saying Ettie?” he asked. “Do you...do you love me?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Henrietta. I love you too.”
“You can’t. Melissa…”she trailed off.
“Ettie don’t you see? Melissa and I we were over long before I met you. I just didn’t want to admit that. And these past few months, as I got to know you. Ettie they’ve been the happiest months of my life. I don’t know what the future holds. I can’t promise you a marriage. I still have to get divorced from Melissa. All I know is I sat here thinking about what it would feel like if I were to go home and you and Lily weren't there. And that hurt. Ettie, all I’m asking for is just a chance.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment, but then Ettie nodded and Roy broke out in a smile again.
“We can try,” she promised.
RJ sighed contentedly.
“I think he approves,” Roy said.
They drove home, Ettie, Roy and their baby.
The end.
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