Jessica

 

“Goddammit,” Jessica whined, dropping her fork in her sink with a deep sigh. Her kitchen sink was officially fucked up, and it was beyond her skill level to fix it. She’d have to call a plumber, which she couldn’t exactly afford even though she had been making decent money in tips at the Gorge over the past several weeks.

 

“Ugh!” she groaned to herself, smacking the side of the counter and accidentally hurting herself in the process. “Ow, ow, ow, fuck.” Jessica cradled her head in her hands, trying to gather her thoughts together so she could come up with a plan.

 

She couldn’t call a plumber. She just couldn’t. Goddamn, she hated thinking this way because it suggested she was weak and helpless and stupid, but it really would have been nice to have Gary’s network of handymen available right now. But no, she couldn’t do that. If she called Gary and asked for his help, she’d just be opening the door back up to reigniting their relationship, and that was unacceptable.

 

But who else could she call? It wasn’t like she had family members left in town who could help, and Macie probably didn’t know any more about plumbing than Jessica did. Arnold was a landlord, so maybe he knew something about it, but he was so closely affiliated with Gary that she didn’t trust him enough to call him.

 

Fuck it, she thought, reaching for her phone on the counter to send a text message. “Hey, Pax, it’s Jessica. Do you know anything about plumbing, by any chance?”

 

She’d gotten his number from a board at work. Tom told them all to write their names, numbers, and e-mail addresses in case they ever had to switch shifts at the last minute. There was really no point in copying Pax’s down. After all, it wasn’t like he could cover for her at the bar. She didn’t think he’d ever mixed a drink before in his life.

 

Jessica was just about to send a panicked apology text, swearing to never contact him again, when her phone notified her that she’d gotten a response. “A little bit,” Pax texted her back. Jessica wasn’t sure what to make of that. Was he annoyed? Pissed? Completely apathetic? He was so fucking hard to read, even now that she’d gotten into the habit of going out with him on every other smoke break he took when they were working together.

 

But then the next second he texted her again. “What do you need?”

 

Jessica breathed a sigh of relief, rapidly typing out her response and explaining the sink situation. “Be over in fifteen minutes,” Pax responded.

 

She didn’t know why, but she suddenly felt a wave of panic wash over her, completely different than the worry she’d felt about the sink. She just suddenly realized that she was dressed in the most drab, loose-fitting sweatpants she had in her entire wardrobe, her hair unwashed and pulled back into a messy, lopsided bun. In a word, she looked tragic. And she didn’t even have enough time to shower and get ready before Pax got there. She didn’t have time to question why she was at all concerned with Pax’s opinion about her looks; she was too busy rushing to her room to slip on a tighter shirt and jeans and pull her hair back into a more appealing ponytail.

 

Soon enough, Pax knocked on her front door, holding a bag of tools at his side. “Come in,” Jessica said, stepping aside to let him into her little apartment. “Um, so the kitchen is over here…” she said, leading him to the clogged-up sink.

 

Pax didn’t say anything, even as he bent his head over the sink to stare down the drain, poking at it a little bit with his fingers. “Does it look bad?” Jessica asked, feeling her worry heighten the longer Pax went without saying anything.

 

But a moment later he shook his head and pulled various long, skinny metal tools out of his bag, getting to work on the sink. Jessica leaned back against one of the kitchen counters, watching as Pax frowned in concentration, his arm muscles flexing visibly as he yanked a tool in and out of the drain.

 

After five or so minutes passed, he rinsed off the tool, wiping it with a towel before putting it back in his bag, running the garbage disposal to prove that the sink was back in functioning order. “There you go,” he said. “See you at work tomorrow.”

 

He immediately began walking toward the front door, but Jessica stepped in front of him, her body reacting instinctively. “Hey, wait, hold on a second,” she said. “Don’t you want a drink or a snack or something? You deserve something after fixing my sink so quickly.”

 

Pax opened his mouth to reply, but Jessica could tell by his expression that it was going to be a negative response, so she cut him off before he could get the words out. “Wait here, I’ve got some really cheap but good wine somewhere in my apartment. Let’s crack it open and congratulate you on a job well done!”

 

She moved around him, going behind him to check the cabinets for the wine bottle in question. It took her a few minutes, during which Pax just stood awkwardly in one place, his arms crossed as he watched her frantically search her various closets and drawers for the wine. “I know it’s in here somewhere,” she muttered. “Let me check my bedroom. I wouldn’t be surprised if I left it in there.”

 

Jessica returned to the kitchen a minute later. “It’s white wine. I hope that’s okay.”

 

“Booze is booze,” Pax said with a shrug, walking over to the counter to watch Jessica uncork the bottle and pour out two large glasses of wine for them both.

 

“Cheers,” she said, lightly tapping her cheap plastic glass against Pax’s before sipping the sweet liquid. “That hits the spot.”

 

Pax nodded but didn’t say anything, his eyes glued to his glass. If Jessica didn’t know any better, she’d say he was almost shy, keeping himself quieter than usual. It was almost like he was afraid to say anything, but at the same time Jessica struggled to imagine that Pax was capable of being afraid of anything. He was so stern, so silently strong. He didn’t have to brag or show off like Gary did. His obvious strength just spoke for itself, which basically meant that his job as the bouncer of the bar only required him to show up and stand in a corner to intimidate the rowdier drunks.

 

“Do you like wine?” Jessica asked, feeling a little awkward now that they were just standing in her kitchen without an immediate goal.

 

Pax nodded slowly, and Jessica felt even more uncomfortable until he finally spoke. “It’s good enough. I don’t really care what I drink as long as it’s free.”

 

Jessica laughed at that, probably a little too loudly and enthusiastically. Some part of her became aware that she was being a little too flirtatious with him. After all, it wasn’t like Jessica wanted anything romantic in her life at the moment. She was happy to be single, to live without a man. But Pax was so goddamn attractive that her body just acted on its own accord, leaning in closer to his body to feel the waves of heat radiating off of his muscles.

 

But the more coherent, rational side of her was a little bit repulsed by her own actions, forcing her to step back, giving Pax more space. Idiot, she thought to herself. He doesn’t want you. You don’t want him. Don’t ruin a friendship just because you’re horny.

 

They drank the rest of their wine in silence, the two of them avoiding eye contact as they finished their glasses. “Well, thank you for coming. I know you didn’t have to do it. It was really nice of you to come help me,” Jessica said, walking toward the door to usher Pax back out of her apartment.

 

“Yeah, no problem,” Pax said as he walked out of the door. “Anytime.”

 

She knew it was just a token statement, something he was saying to be nice, but it felt like more than that to her. For the first time in months, maybe even years, she allowed herself to feel… safe. Like if something went wrong she had someone to rely on.

 

It wasn’t like nobody had ever helped her before or protected her from creepy guys hanging around, but it was different now. With Gary, there was a sense that he was always trying to protect his territory, his property, his toy. She never felt safe when he stepped in to make sure that other guys didn’t hit on her, because it wasn’t about her, not really. It was about him and his ego.

 

But with Pax, things were different. He hadn’t even tried to sleep with her or anything, and yet he was quietly there for her, helping her out even when she didn’t ask for it. It was an amazing feeling, but it was also a little scary. Why was he so nice to her? What were his motives, really? And, more importantly, what was she going to do to inevitably fuck it up?

 

# # #

 

Jessica

 

A week or so later, Jessica was in the bar early, sitting in for another bartender who had to take some time off to take care of her sick kid. Pax was always there before her, helping do stockroom work before the crowd of customers came in at night. There were only a few people around, so Jessica didn’t mind working, especially if she got extra tips out of it.

 

An hour into her shift, she heard a loud crashing noise come from downstairs. Jessica didn’t think much of it at first. It must have been an accident in the basement or something, but then the next minute Pax came storming up the steps, tearing through the bar and heading for the front door. “Hey, where the hell do you think you’re going?” Tom shouted after him, running across the bar to dash in front of the front door before Pax could exit.

 

“Move,” Pax said between gritted teeth, his hands clenching up into fists.

 

“No. Look, I didn’t say it was your fault, Pax, but the inventory is short, and I have to look into everybody. So just answer me straight. Have you been taking bottles of liquor home?”

 

Pax scoffed and shrugged. “I’m not fucking answering that, Tom. Now let me go before I do something we’ll both regret.”

 

“What’s going on?” Jessica asked, jumping from behind the bar to approach the two visibly heated men.

 

“Somebody’s been lifting from the stockroom and I have to ask everybody the same question,” Tom said, tapping his foot impatiently against the hardwood floor.

 

“And you think it’s Pax?” Jessica said incredulously. There was no way Pax was lifting. If anything, it was Jessica’s fault for pouring him congratulatory shots at the end of the night whenever Pax successfully threw out an asshole customer.

 

“I don’t know who it is,” Tom said. “That’s what I’m trying to find out.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Pax said, turning on his heel to head out the door. “I quit, so your problem’s solved.”

 

“Not so fast,” Jessica said, clamping her hand down on Pax’s shoulder to trap him in place. If he really wanted to, he could have easily shrugged her off and kept moving, but he stayed still as if her hand was made out of iron. “Look, Tom, it wasn’t Pax. Just let it go, okay? He would never cheat anyone out of anything.”

 

“Of course that’s what I think, too,” Tom said, “But I have to ask everybody, Jessica.”

 

Jessica pursed her lips, thinking for a second to come up with an appropriate response. “You haven’t asked me,” she finally pointed out.

 

“Jessica, I know it wasn’t you,” Tom said, a patronizing tone seeping into his voice.

 

“You can’t disprove it,” Jessica said with a shrug. This was the solution. This was how she could make sure that Pax didn’t lose his job or walk out on this opportunity to turn his life around. “I did it, Tom. Now fire me or drop it.”

 

For a long moment, both Tom and Pax just stared at her, different shades of shock written over their faces. But finally, Tom nodded to himself, accepting defeat.

 

“I’m deducting the cost of the missing bottles out of your pay,” Tom said before pushing past her, heading back into his office at the back of the building.

 

Jessica smiled up at Pax, her hand still firmly wrapped around his shoulder, but then the next second he snarled and pushed her arm away, stomping back in the direction of the basement. She just stood there for a minute, staring back at the curious customers at the bar in the middle of their day-drinking session. Her stomach swam with anxiety as she replayed Pax’s angry expression over and over again in her mind. What had she done wrong? She’d only defended him and practically saved his job. Why did he seem so pissed off?

 

She heard something bang again in the basement. It had to be Pax. There were no other stockroom people during this shift, as far as she knew. Since the bar was so slow, Jessica headed over to the stairway, running down the steps to chase after Pax.

 

“What the hell? What’s the matter, man?” she said, closing the door behind them firmly. She didn’t want to entertain any of the customers any more than she already had today.

 

“Nothing,” Pax said gruffly, shoving a box on top of another box. It looked like busy work to Jessica, like he was doing it just to keep his hands busy. Hell, maybe he was even doing it to distract himself from the urge to beat somebody up, if the expression on his face was anything to go by.

 

“Okay, well, that’s bullshit,” Jessica said, putting her hands on her hips. “You’re clearly pissed off, so just spill. What’s going on? What did I do wrong?”

 

“Nothing! Just go away, do your fucking job,” Pax said, taking out some bottles from one of the boxes and slamming them down on one of the shelves against the wall. Maybe it was supposed to scare her, make her run away, cause her to shrink up in fear. But she’d been through enough behavior like this in her life to know that it was all show. Pax wasn’t going to hurt her, and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to intimidate her. She was done being scared of men.

 

“You know, I saved your ass back there,” Jessica pointed out. “The least you could do is be nice to me, even if you aren’t going to thank me for it.”

 

“You think I care about this stupid job?” Pax said, scoffing dismissively. But at least now he turned to face her rather than pretending to focus on anything else. “Believe me, there’s tons like it. I could get another one tomorrow.”

 

“Not in this town,” Jessica said. “The MC runs everything within thirty miles of here, except this place and a couple of the surrounding neighborhoods. You’d be fucked if you walked out right now, just admit it. And maybe while you’re at it, you could pull your head out of your ass and stop yelling at the boss.”

 

“Oh, whatever,” Pax said, rolling his eyes. “That little shrimp is scared of me, not the other way around.”

 

“Yeah, and he’s also the fucking authority around here!” Jessica said, her voice beginning to mount as her frustration grew. “Look, I know you’re new in town and you don’t know how things work around here, but you need to realize how lucky you are to be working in this bar. He’s the only guy in town to stand up to the MCs around here, to make this neutral territory where you don’t have to worry about a gunfight breaking out every night. But this is bigger than it looks. If this bar goes under, it’s just a sign to the whole community that things are never going to get better around here. Fucking Gary and his stupid cronies will always run things, and it’ll never fucking change until somebody stands up to them. That’s Tom. He’s the only one dumb enough to do it, so maybe respect that and stop acting like a whiny little bitch.”

 

The words rushed out of her mouth all at once, without any interference from her brain getting in the way. She knew she was saying too much, getting too angry too quickly, but goddammit, she really didn’t want Pax to walk out on this place. For one thing, he might never get a job in this town again, which meant he’d have to move away, which meant Jessica would probably never see him again. For some reason that proposition felt awful to her, making her feel sick to her stomach in ways that she didn’t understand. And for another thing, without Pax’s intimidation factor, a lot of the Eagles on the edge of town might get some ideas in their heads about taking over the Gorge for their own, which meant that Jessica would lose the only place she’d found where she could be free. That wasn’t going to happen, not as long as she could help prevent it.

 

But Pax didn’t seem to appreciate her lecture, narrowing his eyes and stepping closer to her, the anger coming off of his body in thick waves. “You think I give a fuck about this ‘community’? About this stupid little town? Believe me, lady, I’ve been around dozens of stupid shitty little towns like this over the past two years, and they’re all the same. None of them are worth the dirt they’re piled on top of.”

 

“But they could be,” Jessica argued, stepping closer to Pax just to show that she wasn’t afraid of him. “This could be a great place to live if we made it that way.”

 

Pax shrugged, but his expression looked tighter and harder on his face, his obvious anger and indignation only becoming more and more intense as the seconds passed by. “You’re still missing the point. I don’t fucking care. I don’t care about this stupid town, or this stupid job, or this fucking bar, or the goddamned idiot boss, or…” He trailed off, shaking his head as he looked away from Jessica.

 

But Jessica didn’t let him get away with it that easily. “Or what? Me? You don’t care about me?” She didn’t know why that idea hurt her as much as it did, the idea that Pax didn’t give a fuck about her, but it hit her right in the chest like the sharp end of a dart. “Well, too bad,” she said, pretending like she didn’t care even though she didn’t even give Pax a chance to answer. “Because guess what? I care about you, at least enough to make sure you don’t throw this job away just because your temper got the better of you.”

 

Pax growled under his breath and stepped closer to her, crowding into her space. “Who asked you to? Who asked you to give a single fuck about me? Because I certainly didn’t, that much is for goddamned sure.”

 

Jessica’s breath started coming out faster and harder, but weirdly she didn’t feel afraid. She knew that Pax wasn’t going to hurt her, no matter how angry he got. She didn’t know why she felt so certain of that fact, but it was clear to her as crystal. This was a man who’d be willing to fight another man in a heartbeat, who’d toss men out of the bar without a second’s hesitation, but she just knew, instinctively, deep down in her heart, that there was no way he was ever going to lay a hand on her. It was almost exhilarating, knowing that she had the ability to say or do anything to him without having to worry about physical repercussions.

 

“I don’t care if you don’t care about me,” she said as clearly as she could, staring up into Pax’s eyes unblinkingly. “I don’t give a single fuck. I’m not letting you quit this job. You don’t get to get away from it that easily.”

 

Pax stared at her for a long moment, his eyes flicking back and forth between hers, looking so deeply into her it was like he was trying to read her. “You can’t stop me,” he finally whispered, his voice coming out hoarse and rough.

 

Jessica feigned indifference, shrugging as if she was unbothered, when really her heart picked up in her chest, pounding so hard against her ribcage she was a little worried that Pax might even be able to hear it even though they weren’t touching. “Prove it,” she said back, her voice as low and soft as his was.

 

The next second, she was slammed roughly into the shelf of drinks behind her back, but before she could protest, her mouth was captured by Pax’s, his hands coming up to grab the sides of her face. She was still for a second, frozen in shock as Pax’s lips massaged hers, but then she was rocked back into her body, her hands instinctively coming up to grab at Pax’s neck, tugging him closer.

 

“Stupid… You’re so fucking stupid,” Pax muttered in between hard, wet kisses, his teeth coming out to skim along the sensitive skin of her chin and jawline.

 

Jessica moaned breathlessly, digging her fingers into his hair, tugging on the root until he hissed and threw his head back, exposing his neck to her teeth and lips and tongue. But after a second, he pushed her away, shoving her against the wall next to the shelf and pinning her hands down next to her hips. “What are you going to do to me?” Jessica asked, feeling the slightest pinpricks of fear attack her heart.

 

Pax answered her by flipping her around, pushing her to the nearest box and bending her over. “What do you think?”