Jessica

 

Jessica threw another pair of jeans into her suitcase, pressing them down into the case to make space for more clothes. She’d need to take two bags onto the bus, minimum, but she figured she would need to leave a lot of her possessions behind in the interest of time. Now that Macie knew she was pregnant, she needed to get out of town as soon as possible. She was just about to zip up the first bag and start on the second when somebody pounded on her door, four or five times in a row.

 

“Jesus,” Jessica murmured to herself, wondering what could be so urgent. But then the next second fear struck her, sending a single bead of sweat down her back as she wondered who could be pounding on her door at this hour. Was it Gary? One of Gary’s cronies? Did Macie tell them that she was knocked up? Was that her executioner at the door?

 

Bang. Bang. Bang. Three more knocks at the door. Jessica swallowed thickly, willing herself to be strong as she slowly tiptoed into the kitchen area, grabbing the sharpest knife she could find before walking over to the front door. “Who is it?” she asked, trying to keep her voice as still and steady as possible. Don’t show them you’re afraid. Don’t fucking give them the satisfaction, she told herself.

 

There was only a muffled sound on the other side of the door, so Jessica walked up to the eyehole, peeking out to see a woman standing there waiting. It was blurry, but she was pretty confident it was Macie. Jessica breathed a sigh of relief before she had second thoughts; maybe it was a trap. Maybe Gary was just using Macie to lure her out of her apartment, and then a dozen Nightwalkers would leap out at her and smash her into the ground.

 

“Jessica?” Macie said, knocking lightly again. “Jessica, I really need to talk to you. Let me in.”

 

“You can talk to me from out there!” Jessica said, clutching harder onto her knife. “What do you want?”

 

Macie sighed loudly and leaned against the door, almost obstructing Jessica’s view through the eyehole. “I have to tell you something. It’s really important, okay, and I don’t want to say it loudly where other people might here. Just let me in, sweetheart.”

 

Jessica’s heart only beat faster, thumping up against her chest so hard that it hurt. “How do I know you didn’t bring Gary with you?”

 

Macie laughed, but it wasn’t a humorous sound. Jessica could detect how hurt she was even in the noise of her fake laughter. “Oh, believe me, you have no idea how funny that is,” Macie said, but her voice was sad and soft. For the first time in weeks, maybe even months, Jessica felt like she recognized the sound of her best friend, who only wanted the best for her.

 

“Macie,” she called out after a pause, reaching down to wrap her hand around the doorknob. “I’m serious about this. If this is just a trap, setting me up to get grabbed by Gary, we’re done. Forever. Think about if you can live with that before you do this, okay, please?”

 

“Jessica,” Macie said, leaning her head against the door. “Jessica, please, trust me. Please. I promise. I would never hurt you. I’m so sorry for letting you think otherwise. Please. I love you.”

 

Jessica inhaled deeply and stepped back from the door, quickly undoing the locks and swinging it open, just enough for Macie to step inside. As soon as her friend was in, she slammed it shut and locked it again, looking out the hole again to see if there was anyone waiting outside.

 

“Jesus, you’re really scared, aren’t you?” Macie said, biting her bottom lip as she stared at Jessica.

 

Jessica shrugged, but she knew there was no hiding from her best friend. “What are you doing here, CiCi?” The old nickname fell out of Jessica’s mouth before she could stop it, causing a slight smile to spread across Macie’s face.

 

“I have to tell you something, Jess,” Macie said, walking over to the couch. “Come on, sit down. You shouldn’t be on your feet.”

 

“I’m not that pregnant,” Jessica pointed out, but she did as Macie suggested, sitting down next to her on the couch but keeping a safe distance between their bodies.

 

Macie was silent for a long moment, staring down at her own lap before looking across at Jessica, her eyes wide and full of sorrow. “Jess, I’m so sorry that you think I abandoned you. Believe me, I would never do anything to let you get hurt. Ever.”

 

Macie looked so earnest, so sincerely upset that Jessica almost immediately forgave her on the spot. But her anger won out, and she shook her head, refusing to accept the apology that easily. “But you did abandon me, Macie. You left me here alone with Gary, and anything could have happened. How could you leave me like that?”

 

“I didn’t leave you,” Macie said quickly.

 

“Yes, you did,” Jessica said, her face screwing up in confusion as Macie shook her head several times in quick succession.

 

“No,” Macie said, reaching forward to grab Jessica’s hand, holding onto it hard even when Jessica tried to pull away. “I promise you, I didn’t. I stayed right outside the whole time, hiding in the bushes, making sure that he didn’t hurt you. I waited there the whole night, just to make sure he didn’t come back after he left.”

 

Jessica stared across at her friend, unable to comprehend her words for a long time. When they finally sunk in, she was still baffled, even if she couldn’t bring herself to tear her hand away from Macie’s warm grasp. “Why would you do that?” she finally asked as soon as the ability to speak returned to her.

 

Macie sighed and pushed some of the hair away from her face. “It’s complicated.”

 

Jessica shrugged. “I’ve got time. Well, no, actually, I don’t, now that I think about it, but I want to know. So tell me. Please. I deserve to know.”

 

Macie nodded slowly and blew out her breath to prepare herself for her answer. “So, I guess you’ve noticed that I’ve been pretty distant lately, huh?” Jessica nodded. “Well, there’s a reason for that. Arnold’s been getting closer to Gary, every day. Gary’s been losing his mind, going crazy without you. I just know that he’s not going to give up. He’ll do whatever he wants to do, no matter who it hurts. Even if it hurts the MC.” Macie paused, shaking her head. “I’ve been around the Nightwalkers my whole life, and I’ll be damned if I let some egotistical little shit ruin everything that my father and his father before him built. We’re taking the club back.”

 

“But what does that have to do with--?” Jessica asked, turning around in her seat to face Macie head-on, but Macie cut her off to answer.

 

“Arnold is Gary’s number one guy now,” Macie said. “I had to make sure I obeyed him so he wouldn’t get suspicious and distance himself from Arnold at all. I made it look like I left that night so he wouldn’t wonder about my loyalty, but I’ve always been loyal to you, Jess. I never would have let him hurt you.”

 

Jessica didn’t know what to say. For a long moment, she just stared at Macie, trying to read her face for any sign of dishonesty. But she couldn’t detect a single note of deception anywhere in her features or in the sound of her voice. Macie’s face looked physically strained with the overwhelming desire to convince Jessica that she was telling the truth. She’s my best friend, Jessica thought as she felt Macie’s hand tighten around hers.

 

“Please, Jessica,” Macie said, scooting closer on the couch so that barely any space separated them now. “Please, I’m so sorry. But I did it for you. For both of us. Please. Help me destroy Gary.”

 

Jessica still had a million and a half questions stewing around in her brain. Macie said they were going to take the club back. But how? Most of the members were still loyal to Gary, as far as Jessica could tell, and there was no way to determine who all would be willing to betray him.

 

But staring across at her best friend, seeing the unbridled belief shining in her eyes, Jessica knew that ultimately the logistics didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was being there for her best friend, the same way her friend was there for her. “Okay,” she whispered, squeezing at Macie’s fingers to demonstrate that she was committed. “Okay, I’ll help. I’ll do whatever it takes. I swear.”

 

Macie breathed a sigh of relief and smiled widely before reaching across the couch to press Jessica into a gentle hug. “I love you, you know,” Macie whispered into her hair.

 

“I love you, too,” Jessica said back, and for the first time in weeks she felt safe. Like nothing could hurt her, even with the new life brewing inside her body.

 

When they pulled apart, however, all of Jessica’s worries returned, all at once, making her feel like she was going to pass out as she thought of what lay ahead. “Jesus Christ. I can’t believe I’m knocked-up,” she muttered, more to herself than to Macie, shaking her head at herself.

 

“Have you told Pax?” Macie asked, staring up at Jessica with wide, concerned eyes.

 

Jessica scoffed and shook her head. “No, there’s no way I could tell him. He’s not interested in me like that. It’s not his fault I couldn’t afford to be on the pill.” Jessica could tell by the skeptical look on Macie’s face that she didn’t agree with that assessment, but she pressed onward. “Anyway, it’s just pointless. He’ll only just freak out and leave town the second he finds out, anyway.”

 

Macie clicked her tongue from behind her teeth and shook her head slowly. “You know, I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I think you’re not giving him enough credit.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jessica asked.

 

“Arnold and I went to him first. We had to, if we were going to figure out if we had a shot at actually making this shit work. And Pax’s in.”

 

“In on what?” Jessica asked, still feeling completely confused.

 

“Taking Gary out,” Macie explained. “He’s going to help us. Why do you think he’d do that, just out of the goodness of his heart?” Macie chuckled and shook her head again, her smile beaming so bright that it practically lit up Jessica’s entire apartment. “Jessica, come on. Think about it. Why does Pax give a fuck about the Gorge or the Nightwalkers or any of it?”

 

“I don’t know,” Jessica said honestly.

 

Macie rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. It’s for you! It’s all about you, Jess. He only cares because he cares about you.”

 

Jessica shook her head and laughed bitterly. “No, come on, there’s no way,” she said, pulling her hand out of Macie’s in protest. “He’s not like that. He probably just hates Gary because Gary is a piece of shit.”

 

“Yeah, right, I’m sure that’s it,” Macie said sarcastically, shaking her head furiously. “Get real here, Jessica. What we’re going to do is fucking dangerous. He wouldn’t risk his life just for kicks. He’s doing it for you. Because he l—”

 

Jessica cut Macie off by getting to her feet, immediately pacing around her small living room area as if she could push Macie’s argument away just by physically removing herself from it. “He doesn’t,” she murmured to herself as she moved around in big circles. “He can’t. There’s no way.”

 

“Why do you refuse to believe it?” Macie asked, getting to her own two feet and following Jessica’s path around the room. “Is it because of Gary? After all those years with him, you just can’t believe it when somebody actually gives a fuck about you?”

 

“I don’t know!” Jessica yelled, turning around to face Macie. “I don’t know, Macie. But you’re wrong. You have to be. He doesn’t care about me. He can’t.”

 

“He can and does,” Macie said, putting her hands on Jessica’s shoulders to keep her in place. “Look, you probably won’t believe it if you only hear it from me. You need to hear it from him.”

 

“But how do I—”

 

Macie cut Jessica off. “By telling him! Come on, what do you have to lose? What’s the worst that can happen, you raise the baby by yourself? You were already planning on doing that anyway, right? So just tell him. Be brave, and call him.”

 

Jessica bit her lip, unsure of what to do. “I’m scared,” she admitted, dropping one of her hands to rub up against her belly, wishing she was stronger for the life that was growing inside of her. “I’m not tough like you. I can’t do it.”

 

“You’re the toughest woman I know,” Macie said, smiling at her best friend. “I’ll be with you the whole time. Call him.”

 

Jessica exhaled shakily, letting the breath leave her body little by little until she was totally empty. “Okay,” she whispered, reaching down with trembling fingers to pull her phone out, rushing to pull up Pax’s contact information. She knew that if she didn’t do this within the next five seconds, she’d never do it. She couldn’t live her life in regret, always looking back and wondering “What if?” She had to try, even if it almost destroyed her to do so.

 

She held the phone up to her ear, listening to the shrill ringing, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited. “Come on, pick up, pick up, pick up,” she murmured before she heard the click that told her that Pax had answered her call. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest, fast and hard.

 

“Hello?” Pax asked on the other end of the phone, making Jessica’s mouth go dry in about two seconds flat.

 

“Hey,” Jessica said softly as soon as she conjured up the ability to form coherent words. “Sorry for bothering you. I know you must be busy.”

 

“You’re not bothering me,” Pax said quickly, faster than he’d ever said anything to her during the whole length of their relationship. “What’s up?”

 

Jessica could only breathe for the seconds that followed, sucking in air like she was dying. She had to do this, though. She couldn’t back down. She couldn’t be weak.

 

“Hello? You still there?” Pax said.

 

“Yes, yes,” Jessica said. “I’m here.” But then she fell silent again, staring down at her own stomach as she struggled to come up with the right words to say. “Something’s happened,” she finally said.

 

“What? What is it? Are you okay?” Pax asked, panic seeping into his voice. Jessica heard some weird shuffling sounds, like he was getting to his feet out of worry.

 

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” Jessica said, even though it felt like a lie to say those words. “But I have to tell you something, okay? It’s a really big deal. So, you might want to sit down and make sure you’re okay before you hear this.”

 

“Okay,” Pax said evenly, but Jessica could tell by the sudden shallowness of his breathing that he was struggling to stay calm.

 

“I’m pregnant,” Jessica said, forcing out the words as quickly as she could, then letting her eyes fall shut in an attempt to hide away from the reality of it. “It’s yours,” she added in a hoarse whisper, possibly too softly for Pax to hear.

 

“What did you just say?” Pax said, sounding shell-shocked, his voice coming off distant and vague-sounding, like his mouth and his brain had totally disconnected from each other.

 

“I’m pregnant,” Jessica repeated herself. “Not very far along, but it’s real. I’m going to have a baby.”

 

“Fuck me,” Pax whispered on the other end, making Jessica feel like her heart was free-falling within her body, screaming as it kept hurtling through the air with nothing to catch it. So this is how it happens, Jessica thought, swallowing thickly as she listened to the sound of Pax’s ever-quickening breathing on the other end of the phone line. This was how her relationship with Pax had to end. Just like this.

 

But then another sound came out through the phone, muffled at first, and then louder and louder. Laughter. Not mocking laughter, but a deep, throaty sound that just got more and more intense as the seconds passed by. Pax sounded… happy. He actually sounded like he’d just received the best news in his life.

 

“Are you serious? Is this real?” Pax asked in between bouts of deep laughter, sounding like he still wasn’t sure if he believed it.

 

“I’m being 100% serious right now,” Jessica said, her heart beginning to restore itself to its proper place in her chest, beating hard but not as fast as before. She felt her hands tremble still, but for some reason she no longer felt as afraid as before. She felt stronger, like Pax’s disbelief had given her the motivation she needed to pull herself together. “I’m going to have a baby. Your baby.”

 

Jessica had almost forgotten that Macie was even in her apartment at all, but now she noticed her best friend pump her fists into the air victoriously and hop around like a kid in a candy store.

 

When Pax finally stopped laughing breathlessly, he cleared his throat and spoke again. “Wow. Jesus. Fuck.”

 

“Yeah, I second all of that,” Jessica said, chuckling herself, feeling freer and lighter than she had in weeks. “So, um, I’m going to have the baby. And I’m going to keep it. Do you want to...?” Jessica trailed off, uncertain how to ask if Pax was willing to be a part of the child’s life.

 

But Pax seemed to understand what she meant. “Yes,” he said firmly, not a single trace of doubt audible in his voice. “Yes, I want to. Please. I’d be honored.”

 

“Fuck,” Jessica murmured into the phone, pushing her hair back from her forehead. “I was so scared of what you were going to say. I almost didn’t tell you.”

 

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Pax said softly. “But you know what this means now, don’t you?”

 

“No, what does it mean?” Jessica asked, feeling sparks of fear shoot up her spine in response to his words.

 

“We have to fight now. There’s no other choice,” Pax said. “You can’t run away, Jess.”

 

Jessica didn’t know how he knew that was her plan, but she didn’t question it. “Macie told me you guys have a plan,” she said. “But I don’t know… The Nightwalkers are too big. How are we supposed to fight, Pax?”

 

“Just trust me,” Pax said. “Can you do that? Just this once? Trust me. Please. I’ll get us through this.”

 

Jessica didn’t know if she believed him, but she knew that she had no other choice. They were about to go to war, for real this time. Chances were, Gary and the rest of the MC would smack them down like flies for even trying to interfere with his authority. But they had to try. Otherwise Jessica would be scared of Gary for the rest of her life, and that was no way to raise a baby.

 

If the worst happened, if Gary won, Jessica and Pax would go down hand-in-hand. And that would have to be enough.