28
Soaking The Sorrow
When the phone rang a little before nine that night it reminded Carrie she’d forgotten to call Lucas as planned. She leapt up to answer it before it disturbed the kids and made a mental note to call her brother straight after.
The deep voice of her brother-in-law returned her hello.
“Jared, how are you?”
“Good, you?”
“Great. Is everything okay? Do you want Nathan?”
“No, everything is fine. I actually rang for you.”
“Oh, okay. What’s up?”
“I think you’d better come and get Lucas.”
“Is he okay?” Her heart leapt into her throat.
“Yeah.” A deep laugh followed. “But I don’t think he should drive home.”
Walking into an empty apartment held little appeal to Lucas so he drove in the direction of ‘In Blue’ and thought better of it. That was the last place he should go. Driving around for a while he contemplated what to do. Haunting thoughts and remorse had him seeking solace, something to drive away the demons. He remembered a bar that Jared once told him about and drove in that direction.
He found a reasonably quiet table in the corner and was grateful for table service. Lucas ordered several stiff drinks and told the waitress to keep them coming. He sat, drank and smoked while he watched the people come and go. It was a popular place and he was relieved he didn’t see any familiar faces. Tonight he wanted to be invisible. There would be no girl to pick up tonight, just him and his overwhelming guilt as company.
When Lucas heard a familiar voice, he’d lost count of drinks – the waitress kindly removed the glasses as she brought fresh ones – and the ashtray was overflowing.
“Cigarettes will kill you, buddy.”
Lucas looked up into the face of Jared Montgomery. Lucas didn’t know Jared well but he was Nathan’s brother so he gestured for him to sit.
“I know it’s a disgusting habit.” He lit another.
“Didn’t you give up?”
“Yeah but it’s been a shitty week.” Lucas hoped he wasn’t slurring.
“I can see that.” Jared smiled a quick serious smile.
“Who are you here with?”
“Rick, Sam and Emma. It’s Rick’s birthday so here we are. As you know I’m not big on the whole bar scene. I didn’t think I would ever see you looking for answers in the bottom of a glass.”
Lucas shrugged. He was far too drunk now to care. This wasn’t the answer to his problems but the thought of another journal entry and a night of solitude wasn’t something he wanted to endure. At least for tonight he could forget. He gestured for the waitress.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I don’t need your judgement, Montgomery.”
“Maybe I should take you home.”
“I’m fine.”
Jared shrugged. A pretty blond called out to him and gestured. Emma.
“I’ve got to go. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Lucas said nothing. What could he say? No, he wasn’t okay. He was very far from okay and hadn’t been for twelve years.
“Take care, Lucas,” Jared said with a brief scrutinizing stare before leaving the table and returning to his party.
Several more drinks and too many cigarettes later Lucas began to feel drunker than he’d ever remembered being and didn’t care. The waitress told him she couldn’t serve him anymore. The numbness had done little to ease his guilt and emptiness. The bar seemed to be thinning out and Lucas considered going home but the thought depressed him far too much. A familiar red head bobbed through the crowd but his bleary eyes couldn’t confirm if it was his sister’s until she sat across from him.
“Hey, Sis. Whater ya doin here? He slurred.
“Picking up your sorry arse.”
“I’m fine. I don’t need any help.”
“What are you doing to yourself, Lucas?”
“What does it matter?”
“It matters to me!”
“She’s dead.”
“Who?”
“Sasha.”
“Who’s Sasha? Lucas, you’re not making any sense.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
With a sigh, he laid his head on his crossed arms on the table but quickly realised his mistake when the world began to swirl. Lifting his head to Carrie, he saw her concern and fear in eyes so much like his, so much like their mother’s.
“You look like mum.”
“I know, Lucas. Come on, let me take you home.”
Together they staggered through the thinning crowd towards her car. Somewhere between awake and asleep Lucas allowed the blackness to surge through his veins and consume him. Nothing held any appeal anymore. Casual sex didn’t seem to be filling the void that lived inside. What was he supposed to do now? He missed Maggie. Although he was happy she would be happy and getting what she wanted, the loneliness left behind by her absence caused his heart to ache. Was it her he missed or the warmth of someone special?
The sun streaming through the window burnt through his eyelids and straight into his head. The thudding intensified as he attempted to open his eyes. Still fully clothed, he lay stretched out on his sister’s couch with his feet hanging over the end. His mouth felt like the Sahara and the after taste of whiskey and cigarettes almost made him gag. That was one thing he would be eager to abandon in the cold light of day, smoking.
In the kitchen he heard the sizzling of bacon and eggs and although his stomach lurched at the thought of the food, his mouth filled with much needed saliva. The aroma was intoxicating. With slow, unsteady movements he ambled towards the kitchen. The only sound he could hear was his sister cooking at the stove.
“Where’s Nathan and the kids?”
“Oh, Lucas,” she said jumping. “You startled me. He took them to the park. I didn’t really want them seeing you this way.”
“Sorry.” Remorse squeezed his chest.
“What’s going on?” She asked placing a coffee, breakfast and then a tall glass of water in front on him.
The previous night flashed before his eyes and he remembered his sister coaxing him to drink several glasses of water before he went to sleep, well passed out more like. Suddenly he felt enormous gratitude towards his sister. For twelve years she held him up, forgave his indiscretions and moods, all the while dealing with everything in her own way. She didn’t deserve to be burdened with his problems.
“Thank you, Carrie.”
“You don’t have to thank me or apologise, Lucas. You’re my brother and I want to help you. I worry about you so much.”
“I know. I’m just so tired, Carrie.”
“I know, honey.”
Her arms wrapped around his neck from behind and she squeezed him tight. The comfort of the gesture brought up grit determination. It was time to stop hurting others and get on with his life. Could he stick to the right path this time?