“How’s she doing today?” I shuffled past Sara and walked down the hall toward Mama’s room before waiting for a response.
“I don’t think she’s feeling well. Her face was a little flushed, and she was running a low fever. Nothing bad, but I convinced her to take some Tylenol a little while ago.”
“She took it?” I looked over my shoulder, stopping in my tracks.
“It wasn’t fucking easy—I had to convince her for at least half an hour that it was just something to get her fever down so she would feel better.” Sara shook her head with her hand on her hip.
Mama hated taking any medication. I remembered when we were younger that she would take sleeping pills frequently, and I didn’t know if maybe that had something to do with her reasoning. Maybe she was scared she wouldn’t wake up. I didn’t have a clue, even though Sara and I had gone over this a million times, trying to crack her reason for the resistance. I had so many questions for her, and I wished she would speak. But I wasn’t going to dwell on something I couldn’t change, no matter how much I hoped and prayed for it.
I opened Mama’s door and saw that she was sleeping peacefully, the sound of her tabletop waterfall trickling throughout her room. I didn’t want to disturb her, and I was in no hurry to get back home, so I decided to wait for her to wake on her own, and I would visit with her then.
“You got coffee made?” I already knew the answer from my caffeine-addicted sister but decided to ask anyway.
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” She pulled two mugs from her cabinet before turning in my direction.
“I suppose it does.” I took a seat at her modern, glass kitchen table, surrounded by her custom cabinets. I was so excited for her to have such a beautiful home; she deserved it.
“So what the fuck’s been up?” She slid a cup in my direction, already made to my liking.
“Just working, the usual.” I inhaled the heavenly scent that escaped from the Harry Potter mug in front of me.
“That’s crazy about that murder at the university.” She sipped her black coffee while taking a seat across from me.
“It is. It’s so shocking. And sad. Did you look up the photo?” The face of the young man flashed before my eyes. I had sent Sara a text after we had left the stadium, and she promised to look it up as soon as she finished Skyping with her husband.
“I did. The resemblance is fucking crazy, dude. He looked just like Jackson when he was younger. Before he started looking old as fuck from all that whiskey.” My sister had zero filter and always said exactly what she thought.
I never faulted her for it; I actually admired her for being so brutally honest. And it was sad but true—Jackson was so different from who he used to be, down to the way he looked. Her words of truth stung a little, simply because she was right. Jackson wasn’t even thirty yet, but you wouldn’t know it. Not anymore.
My silence to her comment must have stunned her because she placed her hand on mine before speaking again. “Sorry, that was kind of shitty to say. But he’s just different now, ya know? I don’t even recognize him anymore.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s fine. I get it.” I took another sip of my coffee to distract myself.
“Not just the way he looks, but everything about him. He never comes around anymore. And when I go to your house, he doesn’t even acknowledge me. It’s just weird. He hasn’t seen Mom in months, and he used to check on her all the time.”
“I know,” I repeated, knowing she was right.
“Have you talked to him any more about the drinking?”
“Not in a while; it doesn’t do any good. It’s a habit he has no intention of breaking. I mean, it could be worse. It’s not like he’s abusive or anything.”
“Fuck that, Rach.” She rolled her eyes at me before continuing. “Don’t fucking settle for a shitty marriage just because he doesn’t beat you. That’s crazy.” She stared directly into my eyes, causing me to dart mine away from her.
“I didn’t say it was shitty,” I defended myself, my life.
“It’s not the way it used to be though, right? You’ve said yourself, you guys are more like roommates now. I mean, I understand he’s the only man you’ve ever known, but that’s no reason to just settle. We’ve been through too much shit in our lives not to make it the best we can now. That’s all I’m saying.” Her tone grew softer, and I didn’t want her to try to coddle me. I didn’t need that.
“I see what you’re saying.” I was over this conversation.
“Have you guys still not done anything?” she whispered, as if we were still teenagers with the need to hide our secrets from the world.
“It’s been four months.” I wasn’t going to lie. The fact that I hadn’t had sex with my husband in that long was devastating and weird, to say the least. We used to be like rabbits, getting it on everywhere, all the time. But then it just…slowed down until it came to a stop. And I didn’t understand it.
“That’s fucking crazy.” Her eyes were wide, and shock covered her face.
“Yeah, I know. And it’s taking its toll,” I admitted as the face of the man from work yesterday ran through my mind.
“What? I see it on your face. Spill!” Her eyes sparkled with excitement, and I couldn’t help but giggle. She knew me better than anyone.
“It’s stupid,” I insisted, pulling the mug to my lips once more.
“Fuck that. Spill, sister.” Sara grabbed the coffee from my hand, leaving me no choice but to talk.
“I just saw the hottest guy at work yesterday. He was a patient’s dad, but I couldn’t help it.” His lean body was burned into my memory, and the guilt started to sink in once more.
“You totally wanted to jump his bones.” She giggled over her cup.
“Shut up! I did not.” I brushed her comment away, but she wouldn’t let it go.
“Did you talk to him? Flirt with him a little?” She wiggled her perfectly sculpted eyebrows at me.
“No! God, Sara! I was at work. Plus, I’m married.” I kicked myself for not using my marriage as my reasoning first.
“It’s his own fault. If he’s not getting you off, someone else would be more than willing.” She shrugged nonchalantly.
“Stop! God, you’re horrible.” I giggled.
“Nope, just honest. And you know it. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with admiring a sexy man. Now tell me all about him before Mama wakes from her nap.” She folded her arms on the table and leaned in, waiting for details.